The Wednesday Group (34 page)
Read The Wednesday Group Online
Authors: Sylvia True
“Not enough for her to call when she was in trouble.” Bridget runs a hand over her belly.
“I know we're not supposed to blame ourselves,” Hannah says. “But remember what I said to Gail a couple weeks ago? About how getting letters from her husband's girlfriend didn't exactly promote confidence?” Acid rises in her throat. She feels as if she's going to be sick. “What if she took that to heart, went home, and started questioning Jonah? What if⦔ She's warm again, but taking her blazer off would mean she'd have to shift, and right now even small movements would upset her stomach more.
“Doesn't matter,” Bridget tells her. “If she went home and found out he was a liar, that's not your fault.”
“She's right,” Kathryn adds.
“I shouldn't have said that though.” Hannah stares at the window behind Kathryn as a focal point to settle her nausea. The glass looks as if it's rippling.
“You can't go down that path. None of us can. I know I started all the âIt's my fault' shit. But it's not.” Bridget looks at Kathryn. “And it's not yours either. You've been good at this. At dealing with all of us. I know I just yelled at you, but that wasn't really about you. You've done everything you could for us.”
“Thank you,” Kathryn replies.
Hannah fiddles with the button on her blazer. Right now she would like nothing more than to be out of this room. To never talk about sex addiction, or hope or support or guilt or blame. To never think about what Gail did. But she also knows she can't keep pushing things away.
“When I was driving here today, I thought about facades.” Hannah's face feels hotter. “I thought about how Gail seemed more together than the rest of us. God, I hate to say this, but I think I haven't been far from teetering on the edge of a breakdown of my own, and if I don't start getting it out there⦔ She stops. The second hand on Kathryn's clock ticks.
Bridget places a hand on the arm of Hannah's chair. “Keep going,” she whispers.
Hannah takes a deep breath and focuses on the window. “I⦔ she hesitates.
Taut silence follows.
“I hate Adam sometimes. I love him too. I don't know if it would bother me more or less if his addiction was with women, but I do know that what hurts is that his attention wasn't on me or the kids. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night, and I spend hours imagining all the things he's done, all the lies he's told me. I think about stupid things, like the fact that he probably spent ten minutes picking out a birthday present for me, and three hours planning a hookup. Then I tell myself to stop being petty, to get over it and move on. I should be grateful for the things I have. And I am. It's just that I still get so angry, and I'm afraid I'm going to get old and bitter.”
“Does the anger frighten you?” Kathryn asks.
Hannah takes a moment to think about the question. “I guess. Yes. But it's more than that. It's the hurt. Mostly the fear. That just when I get complacent again and think everything is fine, I'll discover that Adam's still being unfaithful. That my whole life is a lie. So I keep myself guarded, like I'm afraid to really live, and what kind of life is that?”
“Talking about all these things might help,” Kathryn says.
Hannah chuckles. “Funny, I hear myself tell that to other people all the time. Might be good if I listened to my own advice sometimes.”
“It can be hard to take care of ourselves.” Some color has returned to Kathryn's cheeks.
Hannah nods. She agrees, but what she's feeling at the moment is relief that Kathryn looks healthier, sturdier.
“We have to look out for each other, too,” Bridget says. “I mean, if we don't, then who's going to be around to help us? If Gail doesn't get better⦔ She lowers her head.
“Why don't we go to the hospital and see,” Hannah suggests.
Bridget grabs her bag and looks at Kathryn. “You coming?” she asks.
“I think it's best if I don't. But please call me and let me know how she is.”
The tree outside of the window is now sharply in focus. A bud looks ready to burst open. Hannah stands and walks to her therapist. It might be against the rules, but she doesn't care. She hugs Kathryn, who returns a warm embrace. And for the first time Hannah feels completely sure that she will be returning to this room.
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I have been a teacher for so long, I had almost forgotten what it was like to be a new student. The process of getting a novel published, with its excitement and challenges, put me right at the beginning of the learning curve. Without the help and support of some wonderful people, I could not have managed this journey.
My agent, Joy Harris, has been a truly phenomenal teacher. Her patience, her intuitive understanding of me and my work, her cheerleading, and her warp-speed replies to my endless questions have reminded me that really good teachers are great coaches.
A huge thanks to Jennifer Weis and her team at St. Martin's Press for helping to shape and edit the novel. Jennifer's clarity about how and what to change was remarkable.
To Caroline Upcher, for reading through rambling drafts and always pointing me in the right direction. Also thanks to Bonnie Hearn-Hill, an extraordinary instructor, for teaching me the foundations and the essence of a scene.
I am truly blessed to have supportive friends, who were willing to read and reread, and give honest feedback in a way that didn't make me feel as if I should use the pages as kindling. Thank you, Randy, for the hours and hours of phone calls. Thank you, Caryn, Anne, Barbara, and Amanda, for always being there. To my sister, Anne Lutz, a psychiatrist, thank you for answering many of the specific and technical questions. And to all the people who generously shared their stories of struggles with addiction, you are courageous.
To my husband, whose critical eye helped keep this real.
And lastly, to my adventurous and eccentric daughters, who jump into life with both feet, you motivate me.
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SYLVIA TRUE
was born in Manchester, England, and now lives in Massachusetts with her husband and dogs.
The Wednesday Group
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Contents
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This is a work of fiction. All of the characters, organizations and events portrayed in this novel are either products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously.
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THE WEDNESDAY GROUP.
Copyright © 2015 by Sylvia Ture. All rights reserved. For information, address St. Martin's Press, 175 Fifth Avenue, New York, N.Y. 10010.
Cover design by Michael Storrings
Cover photograph @ Lisa Adams photography
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eBooks may be purchased for business or promotional use. For information on bulk purchases, please contact Macmillan Corporate and Premium Sales Department by writing to [email protected].
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The Library of Congress has cataloged the print edition as follows:
True, Sylvia.
    The Wednesday group / Sylvia True. â First edition.
        pages cm
    ISBN 978-1-250-04892-9 (hardcover)
    ISBN 978-1-250-05188-2 (trade pbk.)
    ISBN 978-1-4668-5004-0 (e-book)
  1.  Married women âFiction.  2.  Group counselingâFiction.  I.  Title.
    PS3620.R75W44 2015
    813'.6âdc23
2014033797
e-ISBN 9781466850040
First Edition: March 2015
