The Weight of Destiny (2 page)

No.
They fixed that. She’s better. She has to be.

“It’s fine. I can go.” I step forward, willing to do anything to get out of here. To get
her
out of here before more people show up. Oh God, what will they think? Quickly, I scan the crowd to see if my best friends Jamie and Hailey are around.

“Lulu, you can’t go. You’re not allowed to check out unless your dad approves it,” Mr. Toms says.

Obviously, there’s a reason for that.

“But I’m her
mom
.” She flits around, unable to stay still. I exhale a deep breath. She said she’s my mom. That means she’s still her.

It shocks me that she didn’t freak when he called me Lulu. She sometimes does when she’s like this, even though she’s the only one who doesn’t call me by my middle name.

“I’m her
MOM
!” she says again, each word getting louder.

Mom pushes her light brown hair out of her face. It’s the same color as mine. We look almost exactly alike. More like sisters, most people say. Her mom looked like us too, and for the millionth time, I wonder if Grandma had different people living inside her. Maybe Sylvia, Ernest, or Virginia Woolf did as well.

“Ms. Nichols, it’s the rules. I’m sorry—”

“Mom,” I cut the principal off. She turns to me, more people filling in around us. Of course she had to come between classes. Jamie’s here now, which means Hailey must be close. My feet itch to carry me away so badly; I want to run so I don’t have to deal with this. She hasn’t had an outburst in so long. Why is she having one now?

“Virginia, I’m so excited. I got this great idea. I was thinking we could go on a road trip. I want to paint the ocean. I want to write a story about the ocean, and you know how important it is for me to experience what I’m working on. Not around here, though. I’m thinking Oregon. We can stop by your house and grab a bag. It’ll be a blast, don’t you think?”

She sounds younger than me, giddy excitement bouncing around inside her. It’s like she can’t control her body. Everything’s magnified. A million-watt smile, a loud, excited voice, her body a jittery mess.

It reminds me of how she used to be at times. It wasn’t until later that I found out why.

Oh God, don’t let this ever be me. I don’t want this to be me.

“Lulu?” Hailey’s voice sounds from beside me, confused.

I shake my head at her, pleading with my eyes for her to step back. For her and everyone else, to somehow unsee what’s going on.

“I have a huge test tomorrow, Mom. I…I can’t. What about this weekend? Then Dad can arrange it so I don’t have to come to school next week. We’ll have more time that way.”

The whispers get louder. Mom moves around like a druggie too high to keep still.

“Charity, she can’t go today. Why don’t you come with me and we’ll plan the trip.” It’s Dad’s voice behind me, and I realize someone from school must have called him.

Immediately, I exhale a sigh of relief. Dad’s here. Even though they’ve been separated for years now, Dad can handle her. He makes her better.

“Dave! You’re here! Finally. I want to take Virginia to Oregon. Do you want to go with us? It can be like old times. We can get a tent and camp right there by the water.”

“Lulu can’t today. She has a test. Why don’t we go outside and pick another day?” Dad gives me a sad smile as he wraps an arm around Mom’s shoulders, leading her out of the school's commons area.

My heart is going wild, probably like Mom’s is doing, except it’s not because I’m excited.
You can handle this. You’re Lulu Nichols. You always have things under control.

Taking a deep breath, I look at Hailey and Jamie, then smile. “You guys ready to go to class?”

“Umm… Lu?” Jamie pushes one of her braids behind her ear. She has a million of them in her hair. She always does. I wish I could get away with that, but it wouldn’t look as good on me as it does against her dark skin.

“Alright everyone, get to class. Teachers will be giving detention to anyone who is late.”
Thank you,
I want to tell Mr. Toms as he tries to disperse the crowd.

“We better go. We’re going to be late.” I’ve never had detention in my life and I definitely don’t plan to start now.

Hailey grabs my arm. She has the blondest hair in the world. Sometimes we call her Halo. “Lulu… your mom…” It’s not like they’ve never met Mom before, but they’ve never seen the truth. They only know the persona I try to create.

And I’m so totally not doing this. Not now, not ever. I worked hard for my reputation, and I don’t plan on letting it go down the drain. “
Fine.
If you guys want to be late, go for it. I’m not screwing up my perfect attendance for nothing.”

Pulling out of Hailey’s grasp, I walk away. I manage to avoid them the rest of the day. It’s not so easy after school. We have a Future Business Leaders of America meeting. I usually love FBLA, but today, I can’t focus. For the first time ever, I fake a stomach ache and cut out early. Dad’s called my cell a million times. For hours, I drive around, until it hits me what I’m doing. I’d give just about anything not to go home right now, but that’s not how I work.

Logic. I go through life based on logic, and putting things off doesn’t change anything.

After turning my Prius around, I drive home, determined to work with Dad on coming up with a plan so nothing like this happens again.

CHAPTER TWO

~Ryder~

Like usual, my brother is fucking trippin’.

And not the good kind, either.

“It’s one day, Luke. It’s not that big a deal. Why do you give a shit if I go to school or not?”

Luke rolls his eyes. “I’m going to pretend you didn’t ask me that, Ry. You do realize if you screw up too much, they can take you away from me, right?”

He’s been threatening me with that ever since Dad went into hiding when I was fourteen. I’m pretty sure it’s wishful thinking because no one seems to give a flying fuck what I do, except for Luke. (Besides the cops, but they care more about the stealing than school.) Everyone who knows Luke sees that he would rather be anywhere other than here with me.

Luke had a plan. Luke was better than all of us. Luke’s ass got stuck with me.

It’s not like Dad isn’t coming home, though. He’ll come back for me when I turn eighteen. He told me he’d always come back for me. It’s the only thing keeping me here. I’ve talked to him once since he bailed—after the second time I got arrested for stealing. Not the car; they were never able to nail that one on me. But when Dad got in touch, he said I needed to keep my nose clean. If I get locked up, he won’t be able to come back for me. It’s hard as hell, but I’d rather play the good boy than risk not going with him.

Then we’ll all be happy. I’ll be with Dad, doing what we love, and Luke will be free of me—after he played savior.

“I’m seventeen. Do you really think they would waste their time taking me away when I’m almost legal to be on my own anyway?” I kick back on my bed and put my feet up.

“Why don’t you repeat the part of that sentence where you say how old you are? You’re almost eighteen. Don’t you
think you should stop wasting time and get your shit together? You graduate this year, man. You have your whole life ahead of you. Don’t fuck it up like Dad did.”

Aaaand...time to go. I hate it when he gets all self-righteous like this. “You seem to forget we can’t all be as good as you, Luke. And maybe you shouldn’t talk shit about someone who isn’t here to defend himself. He’s our
dad.”
I push off the bed and stand up. The guy raised us. He always made sure Luke and I had food to eat, no matter how he had to get it. I respect that. He did what had to be done.

Luke rolls his eyes. His hair is getting a little longer, the dark strands going into his narrow, blue eyes. “I would say it to his face, but he left us, Ry. Remember that. He doesn’t deserve your loyalty. He’s a liar and a thief. He’s a criminal, and not because he loved us so much he wanted to take care of us, but because he loved stealing
more
than he did us.”

I ball my hands into fists, wanting nothing more than to knock my brother out. It would serve him right. I get this little twitch in the right side of my forehead when I feel like I’m going to explode.

Luke forgets
he’s
the one who left first. The second he graduated high school he was out of here, and he didn’t look back once until Dad had to bail. Dad had no choice in leaving. Luke did. While he was off pretending he was better than the rest of us, Dad kept teaching me how to survive. He taught me how to get whatever I need so I’ll never have to work shitty jobs only to still be broke, the way Luke does. Dad taught me how to be a man.

“Shit, Ry.” Luke shakes his head. “You’re going to be just like him if you're not careful. He’s a loser. He’s nothing. Two strikes, bro. You have two strikes already. One more and you’re going to juvie for more than a couple days like last time. It’s not much longer until they’ll try you as an adult. You don’t get it, but—”

“I’d rather be like him than a sellout like you.” It’s not like Luke really gives a shit anyway. He cares that he can’t be at his rich-kid college, and that’s about it. “I’m out.”

Without another word, I walk from my room.

I don’t have a car, and the thought of stealing Luke’s just to piss him off lands in my brain. It would serve him right. But I know he’ll call the cops on me and then I’ll be screwed, so I call my best friend, Shane, as I walk from the house.

“We’re right up the road, man. Be right there,” he says before I hang up.

I walk down the street so I don’t have to wait at home. Luke is like an annoying cold sometimes, and I can’t get rid of him no matter what I do. What’s his problem anyway? We were lucky. Hell, most of my friends don’t have dads, but we did. Ours wanted to be around. He taught us the kind of lessons you don’t learn in school. The kind of stuff you need.

Yeah, a lot of it wasn’t on the up and up, but no one will ever be able to say I don’t know how to take care of myself.

I can pick a lock in under twenty-five seconds.

I can hotwire a car just as quickly.

In no time at all, I can come up with a story to get what I want. I can get out of detention when I feel like putting in the effort, or I can talk a waitress into a free meal by making her believe I lost my wallet.

In other words, things I can actually use. Not algebra, and shit that Luke thinks is so important.

Hoooonk!

I jump and then shake my head as Shane pulls his car up next to me. I lean into the open passenger window. It’s pretty much full, which I should have known it would be. Tanner and his boyfriend Cody are in the back. Tanner’s leaning against Cody, taking up two seats. Cody’s messing with Tanner’s Mohawk, and Tanner winks at me.

“Luke givin’ you shit?” Tan asks.

Totally not going there, so I ignore him and look at Drea in the passenger seat. She’s gorgeous. Everyone sees it and she knows it. She’s got smooth, light brown skin and big, round eyes. A couple months ago she got a Marilyn Monroe piercing, which I’m pretty sure was made just for her. She’s the kind of girl who doesn’t screw around. When I first met her, I didn’t pronounce her name right—it’s “Drey-uh”—and I thought she would knock me out. I like that about her. “I’m sitting with you.”

Shane has an old Cadillac with a bench seat in front. Drea smiles and scoots over as I open the door.

“What up, man?” Shane asks.

Getting in, I close the door behind me. “Nothin’.”

Drea’s long, dark hair is over her shoulder. It brushes my arm, she’s sitting so close to me. We’ve fucked around before. Probably will again. But we’ve always been cool like that. We get together when we want to have a good time, and that’s the end of it. People who don’t know her give her hell sometimes, but we take care of it for Drea. There’s nothing wrong with a girl who likes sex.

“Where were you guys going?” I ask as Shane pulls away. I finger the snakebite piercings in my bottom lip.

“Hoping to chill at your house, but obviously that’s a no-go.” Shane glances at me.

Automatically, I tense up. Fucking Luke. I’m still pissed at him.

Tanner leans forward. I feel his breath on my neck so I turn to see him looking at me. “You cool?”

Tanner’s good about that—not that I want him in my business right now—but he’s always the one who will make sure everyone is okay instead of just letting things slide.

“Yep. Luke’s being a douchebag is all.” You’d think living with your twenty-two year old brother would be cool. Not when it’s mine, though.

Tanner leans backward with Cody again. We drive around for a while before pulling over by this quiet stretch of ocean. We live in a crappy town outside of San Francisco—far enough from the city to feel like the middle of nowhere, but close enough that some of the rich people who work in the city live in the town next to us and drive downtown for work.

Shane pulls out his pipe. We hotbox the car before the five of us get out and head toward the water. Cody builds a fire in one of the fire pits. It’s dead down here. It’s only September but the evenings are already pretty cold.

We stay here as it gets dark, talking crap and hanging out. Luke thinks my friends are shit, just like he thinks I am, but I feel more at home with these guys than I do him.

It doesn’t take long until Drea starts kissing my neck. Shane looks over at us. “When’s the wedding?”

“Funny.”

Tanner and Cody are in their own world. Tan is on Cody’s lap whispering something in his ear. They’re always whispering stuff back and forth. I turn toward Drea and kiss her back, thinking she’s the perfect distraction I need tonight, and knowing all I am is a distraction for her, too.

CHAPTER THREE

~Virginia~

When I get home after driving around, I’m not surprised to see Mom sitting at our dining room table with Dad.

The table means they want to talk. It’s not that Dad and I don’t eat there together every night we’re home. We do. But every important conversation the three of us have also takes place there.