The Weight of Words (The WORDS Series) (37 page)

He sighed and shook his head. “I don’t know what the fuck is going on here. What just happened?”

“I don’t know. Maybe we both need some time to think.” I had nothing more to say. I was hurt and wanted to go home to lick my wounds in private. He remained silent and unmoving.

Apparently we’d reached our destination because the taxi was now parked against the curb. The driver turned in his seat, awaiting payment. I didn’t bother looking out the window, no longer interested in seeing Daniel’s condo. I kept my arms crossed and my eyes facing forward. Daniel gave the driver money with instructions to take me back to Charles Street.

He opened the door and climbed out, ducking his head back inside. “Can I call you tomorrow?”

“Whatever.”

“Whatever? That’s nice.”

He slammed the door and disappeared behind the cab.

I didn’t even watch him walk away.

Chapter 22

Pride

All pride is willing pride, and yours is so.
(
Love’s Labour’s Lost
, Act II, Scene 1)

B
ACK
I
N
T
HE
A
PARTMENT
, I went straight to my room. I doubted Joanna would be home at all that night, but I didn’t want to cross paths with Matt if he came home early.

After changing into PJs I flopped onto the bed. While the pain in my head had lessened to a slight throb, my heart was aching and I was stewing in shame. I stared at my phone, sliding my thumb back and forth across the display. The best course of action would be to text Daniel or, better yet, phone him to apologize. But the prospect was terrifying. He’d been so disenchanted when he’d slammed the door of that cab. What if he’d decided in the last hour that I wasn’t worth the trouble? Right now I could hang on to the hope that he’d forgive me. If I were to call and face a dismissive answer, that would be the end of it. I wasn’t ready to deal with that possibility.

What had possessed me to behave so foolishly? Daniel was right. I’d been unreasonable. It was wrong of me to treat his feelings so lightly. I’d snapped and behaved like a sullen child. Was I entirely at fault, though? He’d been the one to initiate all of our flirtations—the hugs, the texting, the innuendo—always pulling back when
he
decided things had gone far enough. He’d been getting me going for
days
. This time I’d been the instigator, and he’d shut me down immediately. This wasn’t fair of him either.

I was so confused. In my heart I felt that I owed him an apology, if for no other reason than for reacting so petulantly when he’d rejected my advances, but I wasn’t prepared to shoulder all of the responsibility for our squabble. The whole situation sucked.

Shivering, I crawled into bed with my phone, setting the ring tone volume to its highest level on the off chance that he’d call or text me in the night. After what felt like hours of tossing and turning, I finally slept, phone tightly clutched in my hand.

I awoke at nine o’clock the next morning. On the one hand, this was a good thing because it meant I’d had a decent sleep. On the other hand, there had been no chiming of my phone to rouse me—definitely a bad thing.

Where
was
my phone? I felt around on the bed, looked under the covers, and lifted the pillow. Nothing. Dragging myself to the side of my bed, I peered over the edge and saw my phone on the floor, red message light flashing. I grabbed it with shaking hands. A Facebook alert. Someone had commented on a picture I’d posted the week before. Damn. Nothing from Daniel.

He hadn’t called.

He hadn’t sent a text.

What did that mean? Was he upset? Was he angry? Was he as remorseful as I was? Afraid to take the chance to call or too proud to do so?

I spent the next half hour curled in bed, rereading the sonnet he’d written out for me, remembering the day we’d texted each other in the Hart House library and how he’d made my knees weak without laying a single finger on me. He was so incredibly sexy. No, I simply couldn’t be held responsible for wanting him so much. What woman in her right mind could resist him?

I tormented myself further by flipping through my calendar to gaze wistfully at Daniel’s hand-written Post-it notes. April’s note, which had made me so giddy only days ago, now made me want to cry. I methodically marked a red X through Saturday, March seventh. Fifty-three days. That’s how much longer we had to wait—no—that’s how much longer we
would
have to wait if we were still a couple. Acknowledging that awful condition brought me to tears, and several wet splotches fell onto the calendar page, smudging the red ink.

I dabbed at the page with a tissue, but then I blew my nose and rubbed my eyes, taking myself to task. Crying wasn’t going to solve anything. If I wanted to fix the situation, I’d have to
do
something. I stared at my phone indecisively. A light tapping on the door interrupted my waffling.

“Um, give me a minute,” I called.

“No problem. Just wanted to see if you were up,” Matt said through the door. “You want some French toast?”

After quickly checking my face for stray makeup smudges, I slipped the calendar back in the drawer and opened the door.

“Hey,” I said, trying to put on a convincing smile. “French toast sounds great. You want some help?”

“No, that’s cool; I can do it. Hey, you sick? Your nose is kinda red.”

“Yeah, I think I might have a head cold coming on or something. It was pretty gross out last night.”

“No kidding.” He hesitated. “So, that was an interesting group of people you were with.” He crossed his arms and leaned against the door frame. He was aiming for a casual tone, but his question had “fishing for info” written all over it.

“You think?” I said, striving to be equally casual and no doubt failing as thoroughly as he was.

“Well, hanging out socially with your TA and his family? That’s a little strange.”

“I guess it does seem odd, but Daniel wanted to go to support the Langfords, and his family has affiliations with Mothers Against Drunk Driving, so that’s why his brothers and Penny were there. When he found out Julie and I were planning to attend, we decided to all sit together. No biggie.”

I was impressed with myself. This story sounded pretty damned good.

“Huh. That’s cool, I guess. So, the angry dark-haired dude you were sitting beside?”

“That’s Daniel’s older brother.”

I smiled at his description. Matt had truly brought out the worst in Brad.

“Right,” he said, pursing his lips and nodding. “And are you two, you know…?”

He lifted a brow. The wingman act designed to throw Cara off course would probably work just as well for Matt, but I simply couldn’t lie to him again.

“No, he’s a good guy, but there’s nothing going on with us,” I assured him.

Matt nodded. “Look, I should tell you, Shawn didn’t have the guts to come over and say hi. All of a sudden he’s turned into this ridiculous adolescent when he talks about you. What should I tell him?”

“His interest is flattering, Matt, but I wouldn’t want him to get his hopes up. He’s a nice guy, but I’m not on the lookout for anything right now.”

“Fair enough. Well, listen, I’m gonna get started on breakfast. You can grab a shower if you want.”

I took him up on his offer while he cooked. It was completely ridiculous, but I took my phone into the bathroom with me, anxious about missing a potential call or text from Daniel.

He didn’t call while I was showering. He didn’t call while Matt and I ate brunch, nor was there a peep out of him while I did the dishes. By noon I was getting antsy. I was settling in to do some French homework when my phone finally rang. I looked at the display, praying I’d see “D. Grant.” I didn’t—it was just a number.

“Hello?”

“Aubrey? Is that you, lovey?”

Oh my God! It was Penny!

“Yes, it’s me. How are you?”

“I’m fine. I hope you don’t mind, but I got your number from Jeremy. I’m calling to see how you’re feeling. You really didn’t seem well when you left last night.”

“I’m surviving,” I said.
Just barely.
“Did you guys stay late?”

“No, we were in a taxi ourselves by half past ten.”

“So what did you think of Julie?” I asked, skirting around the only topic I was really interested in discussing.

“Oh, she’s absolutely brill. A real gem. She and Jeremy seemed to get on well after you left. I think he even managed to wangle a date out of her for this evening.”

I tried to allow my excitement for Julie to overrule the distress I felt about my situation with Daniel. “They seem like a good match. I’m really happy for them.”

“Me too. You two must come round once we’re settled. We’ll figure something out before I head off back home. A girls’ night in or something.”

“What? Home, as in
England
home? You’re leaving?”

“Only for a fortnight. I’ve left my poor mum and my friend Veronica making all the wedding arrangements. It’s all getting to be a bit much for Mum. She’s probably going off her nut.”

The other shoe dropped.

“Wait, you’re getting married in England?”

“Yes, darling, didn’t Daniel tell you?”

“No, it didn’t come up, I guess.”

“How disappointing. You don’t spend all of your stolen moments together talking about me?” She laughed. “But, yes, I’m being a bit daft about it actually. I can’t bear the thought of not having my family and friends around when I get married, and they’re not in a position to afford a trip to Canada, so we’re going back there instead.”

“And Daniel’s family is joining you?”

“Yes, the whole lot. Even Patty. She’ll be a riot on the plane. Brad’s convinced she’ll be knocking on the cockpit door to tell the pilot to hurry up if he’s not on schedule. Brad does the best Patty impersonation. Nearly makes me wee laughing.”

I smiled at the thought of Brad impersonating his grandmother. I imagined Brad and Penny laughed a hell of a lot together. If only Daniel and I could have as much fun. I braced myself and carefully broached the topic.

“So have you spoken to Daniel this morning?” I asked.

“Are you joking? He knows better than to call me when
Coronation Street
is on.” I laughed, and she groaned with embarrassment. “I know it’s terrible. It’s my guilty pleasure. Always makes me feel like my life is totally sorted when I see that lot buggering everything up.”

“I don’t know, Penny. I wouldn’t think you’d need to compare your life to a soap opera to know things are going pretty damn well for you right now. Brad’s awesome, you’re about to move into a new house, planning the wedding…”

I was rambling. I didn’t know what to say. She hadn’t spoken to Daniel, so she had no clue that we’d had a disagreement. Should I tell her or gloss it over? I remembered my words to her from the night before.

I have no intention of hurting him, Penny. You have my word on that.

Nope. There was no way I was mentioning our argument.

“Well, listen,” she said. “I didn’t call to natter on at you. I wanted to make sure you were all right. Hopefully we’ll see you again soon?”

“I hope so,” I said.

I didn’t have the heart to tell her I wasn’t sure if I’d ever see her again. I couldn’t bear to admit the fact to myself. Not only was I becoming emotionally tied to Daniel, I was also getting seriously attached to his family.

We hung up, and I continued my internal debate. Every time I considered phoning Daniel, I’d see his hurt and angry expression and hear him saying, “Whatever? That’s nice.” A complete coward, I dreaded facing his antipathy. There would be no avoiding him on Monday. I would wait to see what the next day would bring.

Instead I called Julie, flopping on my bed and listening to her rave about Jeremy. Despite my misery, I responded to her stories enthusiastically.