The Well-Spoken Woman (2 page)

Read on to learn how to carry yourself like a leader and present your ideas with clarity.

The Well-Spoken Woman can be you.

 

If you give us a chance, we can perform. After all, Ginger Rogers did every-thing that Fred Astaire did. She just did it backwards and in high heels.

—Ann Richards

Democratic National Convention, 1988 Keynote Address

 

 

T
he sassiness of the Ginger Rogers line was laugh-out-loud funny. It was a heads-up to the audience to fasten their seat belts, for what lay ahead wasn't going to be a typical political speech. Never before had a woman of a certain age addressed the country with such bravado, panache, and heartfelt conviction on live TV The appearance set a new standard for outstanding performances and propelled the speaker from obscurity into the national limelight. Ann Richards was an overnight sensation, forty years in the making. It was a grand introduction, yet quintessential Ann.

This is a book about women who became great speakers, and it is a guide for you. You may not picture yourself standing before a multitude, but we are all asked at some point to stand up and say a few words. With this guidebook, the next time doesn't have to put you in a cold sweat. You will know what you need to do to prepare for a speaking opportunity, whether it is a staff meeting, panel discussion, local TV interview, or mentor's retirement ceremony. Notice the word
opportunity
is used to describe these events. With the right preparation and practice, you will acquire the techniques to master every in-person or on-camera appearance. When you believe in your ability to say what you want to say, then the occasion becomes a positive experience. You will be able to look back on a pleasant memory and congratulate yourself on a job well done!

Read this book if you would like to learn about the following:

• projecting your best self in person and on TV
  
• building confidence and controlling nervous anxiety
  
• delivering advocacy messages with impact
  
• asserting yourself more proactively
  
• dealing with hecklers and sexist comments
  
• preparing for news media interviews and in-studio appearances
  
• amazing women who've moved audiences with their words
  

IT'S A PERFORMANCE

While every speaking situation is unique, the road to becoming well-spoken starts with you being you. Richards was celebrated for her wit. The Tina Fey of her day, she delivered zingers with an all-knowing twinkle in her eye. Both Fey and Richards are reknowned for boldly skewering the well-known and self-important from a woman's perspective. Their willingness and desire to “talk like ladies” produced unparalleled observations on our culture. Although from different worlds—comedy and public service—both have shown what it takes to be successful on stage. The best speakers are performers who know that you capture an audience's attention when you put your best self forward.

Public speaking is a performance. This does not mean that the speaking is done for show or that the effort is frivolous. Rather, the concept of performance refers to the effort it takes to walk out there and deliver, whether the audience is eager to hear you or not. Well-spoken women, like accomplished stage actors, learn their lines and practice their movements well in advance of opening night. The vital distinction between skilled acting and good speechmaking is that the most admired public speakers do prepare but they don't play a role. Some people resist working on technique because they have confused the work of skill building with play-acting. Did your mother have a telephone voice she could effect on a dime? One moment she was yelling in exasperation for you to clean up your room. The next she was feigning sweetness into the receiver: “It is so nice to hear from you.” Playacting is faking your way through a performance. Richards would call it putting on airs.

Becoming well-spoken isn't about being someone else or changing who you are to fit into a preconceived mold. Suze Orman puts it like this: “Don't try to be anyone other than who you are,” and she practices what she preaches.
¹
Orman was headed to tape an appearance on Oprah Winfrey's new network when I caught up with her to talk about her television experience. On the phone she sounds exactly like she does on her TV show—intense, direct, and brimming with helpful advice. The irony of speech coaching is that it teaches you how to be you—on purpose and on command. It isn't about a massive makeover. Eliza Doolittle transformations only work in the movies. The ability to be you while communicating effectively in front of any audience is fundamentally what it means to be a well-spoken woman. Richards put it this way: “I spent hours of time rehearsing versions of the [convention] speech. It had to sound casual, conversational, but that took work.”
²

WELL-SPOKEN STYLE

The big city and bright lights beckoned Dorothy Ann Richards from an early age. She evolved from a precocious small-town Texas girl to a woman who was nationally admired for her story-telling and stamina. Richards was an only child bursting with so much energy that her father described her as a “perpetual motion machine” squirming like “a worm in hot ashes.” Unlike most of us, Richards was not filled with dread at the thought of speaking to her classmates. She would earnestly learn poems and ditties to be the center of attention. While women of her generation often stifled their personalities, Richards was never forced into the pigeonhole of being a “good girl,” that is, seen and not heard. “I was encouraged to say outrageous things,” she said. “My parents actually clapped for me if I spoke out.”
³

In high school, Richards dropped the Dorothy and went with her middle name Ann because she thought it sounded sophisticated and she wanted to be popular. The way into the cool crowd was to do what she did best—talk. Richards figured out that people liked you if you told stories, especially funny stories. Storytelling was valued in the Richards' house-hold, with both her father and grandfather being infamous for their yarn spinning. The outgoing personality led to her selection to participate in Girls State, a program that introduced young women to politics and government. The skinny girl with the mouth got a chance to mingle with the “cream of the crop” of Texas girls and meet important people. Richards found herself enthralled with the “speechifying” and decided that there could be no higher calling than public service.

The speaking abilities of this “natural” were tested in tenth grade when she joined the debate club. Sparring with partners and outwitting opponents taught her to think and speak logically. Not surprisingly, Richards was a standout on the team that brought home the state championship trophy in her senior year. The prize winning continued at Baylor University, where she and her partner were considered “big guns” who were sharp enough to whip a prominent men's team. The debate training and family tradition of storytelling laid the groundwork for the skills and habits that led to Richards's later professional achievements. The family support and guidance of her coaches helped to instill and nurture Richards's strong sense of self. This understanding of who she was allowed Richards to “own” her speaking power.

WELL-SPOKEN WOMAN'S POWER PERSONA

People often ask: “What does it take to be well-spoken?” They are not quite sure how the speakers they admire do what they do so well. The specific
qualities and techniques are a bit of a mystery. Look around your office, school, community center, or church. Who are the women who seem to have the ability to express themselves effortlessly.? Who can project the confidence of Rosie the Riveter? Remember Rosie from the World War II poster with the patriotic slogan “We can do it”. With her rolled-up sleeves, knowing look, and polka-dot kerchief, Rosie reassured us America would keep working.

Thousands of Rosies took on new jobs and different roles to contribute to the war effort. The willingness to leave the comfort and security of what they knew for something unfamiliar provided many women with valuable skills and revealed talents they didn't know they possessed. Rosie's spirit can help you become a better presenter. If you are willing to try new techniques to stretch beyond your comfort zone, you may be surprised at how good you can be. After twenty years of working with thousands of speakers and watching thousands of hours of speeches, it is clear to me that all well-spoken speakers share a few characterstics.

These characteristics make up the well-spoken woman's Power Persona. The Power Persona is a combination of feminine rapport, masculine strength, and savvy know-how. It is not the type of power that controls people by talking
at
them. It is not about dictating, lecturing, or suppressing ideas. Those styles do not fly in a social media world. Creative expression and engagement are hot; stoicism and pontificating are not. The feminine attributes of engaging in dialogue, listening, disclosing, being animated, and showing empathy—traditionally considered signs of weakness—are now valued and expected. When those characteristics are combined with steady confidence and a bit of a swagger, the sum is a compelling persona. The Power Persona is a trifecta of style, substance, and self-esteem.

The Power Persona is not a mask you put on in front of an audience. It is not a cape like Wonder Woman's that will help you leap tall buildings. The trifecta is a set of underlying, enduring traits that contribute to long-term success. The attributes are fundamental principles that good speakers have developed and honed through practice and real-life experience. For example, the specific techniques a speaker uses to project assuredness may vary, but the underlying need for assuredness is timeless and essential. Ann Richards was a confident speaker, but the way she communicated her confidence is different from the way Maya Angelou, Hillary Clinton, or Suze Orman do it. All these women are self-assured; each communicates this quality with a distinct personality and speaking style. The Power Persona empowers you to demonstrate that you know who you are and what you are talking about. Like Rosie the Riveter, you will be able to project inner strength.

POWER PERSONA PRINCIPLE: SIGNATURE STYLE

Public speaking can feel like a striptease, except that you are much more exposed. The body feels bare, and people are judging your looks and ideas. There is no escaping the fact that women seeking to initiate a dialogue or contribute an idea are scrutinized from hair to hemline to heel height. Have you considered how your look is impacting your ability to be heard and taken seriously? By
look
, I am referring to everything that comprises your overall appearance, including clothing, hair, makeup, accessories, mannerisms, and idiosyncrasies. Do the components add up to a total package that projects confidence and capability? Or is there an attribute that is missing or an element that is holding you back?

Let's tackle head-on the issue of physical appearance and attire so we can deal with it and then move on. Like it or not, it is what people notice first, and it is the basis for snap judgments that may impede others' ability to hear what you say.
60 Minutes
correspondent Leslie Stahl reports that a good chunk of viewer mail over the past twenty years has critiqued her earrings. “People write, ‘We love them,' or, ‘Never wear that pair again.'”
⁴
The journalist who covered the Gulf War, a presidential assassination attempt, and world economic summits gets more feedback on dangling
jewelry than her reporting. The chatter about the superficial is exasperating and demeaning, but ignoring it would be a mistake. You may discount the importance of appearance, but audiences do not. Caring about how you look isn't about vanity but rather about awareness of the message you telegraph through appearance.

Step 1: Recognize That Appearance Counts

If the dress is dowdy and the hair last-century, the woman and her opinion can be dismissed as outdated. Do your suits look like the wardrobe from the movie
Working Girl
with big shoulders in somber charcoal gray? If so, it's time to hang up the body armor. This doesn't mean you have to follow fashion's latest trends or spend exorbitant sums on designer clothes. Melinda Gates can afford to wear anything, but she doesn't flaunt showy labels that might be off-putting. Her every-woman outfits ensure that clothing is a nonissue.