The Wicked Awakening of Anne Merchant (38 page)

Then the impact of what I’ve just said hits me. I told her I was helping Teddy! That’s the worst possible thing I could have told anyone, especially one of Dia’s followers.

Without another thought, I race hard and soon burst into the office shared by the two people who can help me now: the Cania Christy counselors. Scout Colenns, the career counselor, and Lance Crenmost, the grief counselor. I’ve gotta talk to Teddy. Their powers will connect me with him. The office is empty when I slam the door
behind me, startling them. Scout and Lance roll out from behind their desks, swiveling in their squealing old chairs to stare up at me.

“Are you back, Miss Saligia?” they ask in unison.

“Essentially.”

“May we”—Lance looks hopefully at me—“see you?”

“I didn’t come here to put on a show,” I say hurriedly. “And I didn’t come here to talk.”

“Please?” Scout begs.

“I said no.”

A typewriter sits on one of the desks. I march to it, lift it, and stomp back to the guys. Gripping the typewriter by its platen knobs, I raise it above my head. I don’t want to waste a second. Lance’s heavy brow is curled up like a massive crouching caterpillar, but Scout looks intrigued, like something amazing might happen any second.

And it does.

I slam the typewriter down on Scout’s knees. He howls and leaps up. I push him back down and do it again, then let the typewriter fall to the ground. Lance is staring at me like he’s not sure if he should be impressed or call the cavalry. I shoot a glare at him, and his browterpillar jumps for the roof.

In my mind’s eye, I can see Molly wagging her finger at me, and I can see Saligia, exhausted, asking me to leave her. But what else can I do? Superbia knows about me and Teddy. I have to talk to Teddy.

Scout is doubled over when I pull him up by the scruff of his collar.

“Scout, look at me,” I insist and wait for his eyes to stop rolling like bingo balls. I think he might cry. Doesn’t matter. I need him to use his power for me: connect souls.

“You broke my femurs!”

“Connect me to the soul of Ted Rier.”

“That really
hurt
.”

“Scout!” I slap him across the face like I’m focusing someone hysterical.

Lance writhes a little in his chair. “Do it again.”

I hit Lance. “Was I talking to you?” Back to Scout. “Now, do as I commanded.” Grasping Scout’s hair, I yank his head hard, like I’m trying to rip it from his neck, and hear a series of cracks. “I told you to connect me with Ted—”

I’m here. At least, my spirit is here; my body is back in their dingy little office, awaiting my return. I turn in circles, temporarily forgetting why I’m in this new place with the surprise of actually
being
here. I can feel the ground beneath my feet. I can. It all feels as real as it looks—and it looks like the beginning and the end of the world.

I’m on a litter-strewn rocky ledge overlooking a vast bluish-gray sea, with a decrepit concrete building seven stories high looming next to me. Two similar buildings, abandoned and dilapidated, are next to it. Garbage everywhere. Broken bicycles and dead things.

“I know this place.”

It’s Battleship Island, an abandoned island I read about years ago, during a particularly morose period in which I only wanted to paint dead things that had never had a true heartbeat: dreams, rock and roll, education, Latin, and
this
deserted Japanese island. It would not surprise me in the least to find Teddy here. It’s dark and awful enough to be an ideal location for the next Cania.

“Teddy?” I test my voice. It works.

I stomp over a stained doll with its dirty stuffing puffing out and creep from the breakwater deeper into the remains of an island long deserted. There’s no one living here, but I can almost hear the laughter of kids some twenty stories up. I think I glimpse them darting around corners and looking up from the dark shadows, where their bicycles lay. I follow a shadow around the side of an apartment complex and find Teddy standing not ten feet away.

“Anne.” He looks me up and down. “What are you doing here? How are you doing this?”

“With Scout’s help.”

I hear a giggle, but it falls over us like wind. Scout’s laughing. That means Scout can hear us, and we can hear him. It hadn’t occurred to me that he’d be able to eavesdrop. If I’d known that, I would never have come looking for Teddy.

There’s only one way we can talk in private now.

As I gesture for him to draw the Silencer, I say, “I just wanted to see you because I’m working on a painting of, um, sheer evil. And I thought you’d make a good model.”

He shakes his head. I hope he knows that I’m not actually here for an art project.

“Please. Just stand silently there, Mr. Rier. And I’ll stand silently here. And I’ll memorize your face. Very briefly. And then leave.
Silently
.”

With a deep sigh, he swirls his hands down, just like he did last time, and seals the two of us in a vacuum.

Make it quick
, he thinks.

Superbia knows that you and I are…connected
.

What does that mean?

I asked her if Gia came back here to help you
.

Christ, Anne!

I’m sorry!

And she said?

Almost nothing. She just stopped following me
.

She was following you?

Yes, and now I’m worried. I mean, you haven’t been my Guardian during her time at Cania, so she’ll be suspicious. I shouldn’t have mentioned you!

Just steer clear of her
.

You’re not worried? What if they figure out our plan?

Stay away from her. Ignore her. In fact, ignore the Seven Sinning Sisters.They’ve always been hateful to me
. He dusts his hands like this is over.
Now, if that’s everything
.

It’s not!

He groans.

Ted, Hiltop told me something about my mom
.

That you condemned her to insanity?

It feels like I’ve been punched.

Can you give my mom a message for me?

Yes. But wait for me to come to you with her response. Don’t pull a stunt like this again
.

I nod.

Tell her
, I begin,
that I’m sorry I had anything to do with her illness. And I love her. And I’m only doing this for her. Oh, and if she feels bad about how I got into a coma, she shouldn’t. I love her
.

If that’s everything
.

I am back in my body in the office, where Lance and Scout are watching me. It’s a huge relief that he’s not worried about what I told Superbia. And as a side perk, Teddy’s going to be talking to my mom. If only I could talk to her directly.

“All that for a stupid drawing?” Scout asks me.

“You’re spot-on painting that Ted Rier guy,” Lance says. “Sheer evil.”

That’s when I notice Lance holding a chunk of my hair. I pat around my head and quickly find my newest bald spot—right up front. I scowl at them. Guess I’ll need to cut bangs now.

“You couldn’t even do it in an inconspicuous place?”

“The others will be so pleased to know you’ve returned, Master,” Scout says, taking a lock of hair from Lance and rubbing it over Dia’s tattoo on his wrist. The tattoo vanishes. “We’ll divide your hair among those who wish to serve you. Pilot ran out of yours a couple days ago.”

They bow to me as I leave the room.

But I turn back.

“You guys are both serving me now?” I ask to clarify. They nod. “So I can use your powers without hurting you?” Again they nod. “Show me how you do what you do.”

“But then you’ll do it on your own!”

“Without coming to see us!” Scout whines, echoing his roommate.

“I promise I’ll come back. Really.”

Reluctantly, they show me what I need to see. And I leave their office knowing that, without waiting on Teddy and without worrying about someone eavesdropping, I can now connect directly with my mom. With
anyone
who’s crossed over.

So, because I’ve got no interest in returning to my dorm room— not after fighting with Molly—I go to the library, to my favorite spot, where I whip through my very own short list of people with whom I’m going to reconnect. Scout’s power is to connect souls on Earth, and Lance’s power is to connect realms, like Heaven and Earth. I want to connect with Heaven, where my mom is, where Ben’s mom is, and where his sister Jeannie is.

Or, where I assume they all are. I know my mom’s there, thanks to what Teddy’s told me—plus, I saw her angelic spirit when I was in my hospital bed. But as for Ben’s mom and sister, perhaps they’re not. Perhaps they’re reincarnated, something I’d never before believed in but can’t help believing now.

T
HE FOURTH FLOOR
of the library is empty, cold, and dark when I start lighting candles. I pull out my incantation and read it briefly, trying to commit it to memory. Then I do as Lance said he does: I hook my hands together, close my eyes, and visualize myself floating to a beautiful, pure space—what I imagine Heaven to be—to see my mother. I think her name:
Nicolette Merchant
.

I recite my incantation.

And wait.

But all I see behind my eyelids is empty, vast whiteness. She doesn’t appear. Could I be doing it wrong? Or could I be so bad now as to be forced out of anything as good as Heaven?

I think on her harder. To no avail.

But I need to talk to her! I need to tell her I’m sorry about what Gia did. I need to tell her she’ll always be my mom. And her husband will always be my dad. And we’ll always be a family, no matter what happens here or how I was created. And I need her to say I’m still her good daughter, not this girl using her inner demon to hurt people.

Unfortunately, my need to see my mom does not materialize her. Nothing does.

“I must be doing it wrong.”

I open my eyes, shake it off, and decide to try again. With Jeannie Zin this time. If this doesn’t work, I’ll have no choice but to go back down to Lance and Scout’s office and use force. But I don’t want to do that. Because, well, I think I’m done doing that. Because stupid Molly with her stupid emotional logic has made me feel like some sort of underworld deviant—and I hate her for being right.

I close my eyes.

Do something good
, I think.
Use this power for good
.

The floor by the door squeaks. I check. Find I’m alone. And close my eyes again. I hook my hands together. And recite. And wait to see Jeannie, a girl I’ve only seen in photos. I nearly pull my hair out when nothing happens. Bloody Lance Crenmost! His little trick hasn’t worked at all.

There’s always the chance that Jeannie has reincarnated. Maybe my mom has, too. I’ll start with Jeannie and then look for my mom.

The idea of either of them being reincarnated as some sweet girl or boy makes me giddy with excitement.

So I press my hands against either side of my head, which is what Scout said he does to trigger his
connect souls
power. I repeat my incantation. I want to connect with the soul of Jeannie Zin, wherever she is, if only to tell Ben one day, should we ever be together again, who his sister’s become. Perhaps we can even visit her and watch her from afar, the way Damon Smith’s parents will watch over whomever he’s become.

I hope this works.

All at once, I am standing at the back of a library, between two huge shelves of books.

Guys in Harvard sweaters are crowded around a book a few steps away from me. They don’t seem to notice my arrival.

Why am I here? What would Jeannie be doing at Harvard? If she’s reincarnated, she wouldn’t be much more than five years old now. I’d expected to arrive in the frilly pink bedroom of some little girl. I must have connected with the wrong Jeannie Zin.

But I’m curious. So I creep down the aisle behind the shelves of books and nearly run into a student.

“Sorry,” she says, turning to me and smiling. “Wow, dig your hair.”

I recognize her smile. I know that smile. I know the crinkled nose above it.

But just as I’m about to say something to her—to this girl who is not dead and not reincarnated—to this girl who, with bright green eyes, can only be the living, breathing Jeannie Zin—she glances behind me. And staggers back. Like she’s seen a ghost.

I turn.

Ben is standing behind us.

twenty-four