The Wicked Garden (22 page)

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

Irvine, 2010s

Gretchel was bored. It was the first of April, and she was hoping someone—anyone—was planning a joke. Maybe boredom was the April Fools’ gag the universe had in store for her. She hoped not. Boredom was dangerous for a recovering alcoholic—or a not-quite-recovering crazy lady.

She’d already done all the laundry, cleaned the cottage from top to bottom, mapped out a garden on paper, and planted what she could. She had paid bills, balanced the checkbook, and tried not to faint when she saw what was left in the bank. She had piled up the trash for Ame to burn, tried to start the mower (unsuccessfully), washed down patio furniture, repainted two Adirondack chairs sage green to match the cottage, filled bird feeders, mulched every flower bed around the property, and trimmed the hedges. She had organized her closet (twice), brought in firewood, and planned meals for the next month. She practiced some spells and she sewed an intricately detailed dress—the first time she had sewn in ages. She finished turning the nursery off the master bedroom into a studio, and she tried to paint.

She tried, but she wasn’t ready. She was far from ready.

Maybe she’d call Teddy. No. He was swamped at the salon. Cindy? No. She was busy helping Marcus in the fields. Maybe she could help with the farming. No. She needed a job, but working on the farm would be her last resort.

She paced the living room, and Suzy-Q–who hadn’t left her side since she returned to Snyder Farms—paced with her. Gretchel stared up at the buck on the cottage wall. She remembered the covenant she used to renew with him every year. She laughed to herself. It had been ages since the thought even crossed her mind. Maybe it was time to renew the agreement. It was April Fools’ Day after all, and she was definitely a fool.

Instead, she plopped herself down into the big storybook chair. Suzy-Q settled on the floor next to her. Solitude made her anxious, and she certainly didn’t want to be left to her own thoughts, since her thoughts did not tend towards the placid or the happy. When she was busy, she was able to keep her worst thoughts at bay, which also meant that the voices were mostly silent.

There was more to her sense of unease than her fear of bad thoughts and the voices they conjured, though. She felt like she was waiting for something, but she didn’t know what.

“I can’t take this,” she said to the buck.

The silence became overwhelming, and she gasped for breath as if she were resurfacing from a deep pool of water. She clutched her heart, and realized for the umpteenth time that the amethyst was gone.

What had it done to her?
It saved me
, she thought. But it also numbed her in a way that was unexplainable, and she was still ambivalent about feeling again. She was a girl that had felt too much. As a child she had felt everything; she could read a room in seconds and know just what was about to take place just by the aura the inhabitants gave off. Maybe it was safer not to feel. Yes, it was safer, but it made her whole life meaningless.

She thought about the man she had conjured with her spell, and she shuddered. That had been a mistake. He had called again just that morning, but she was determined to keep ignoring him.

Two hours after that screened call, Gretchel had taken delivery of a dozen white roses. She stared at them as they sat on the dining table, wishing that they had been from Eli. They could paint them red together. She smiled. Then she thought of the man in town again.

She stared up at the buck. “What am I going to do with myself? How am I going to survive without a hero or a magic jewel around my neck? I don’t think I’m going to make it this time,” she told the inanimate object. “Please give me a sign. Show me that this punishment is almost over.”

Nothing. The buck remained quiet. Did she really expect him to talk to her? Maybe? She
was
crazy, after all. She sunk deeper into the chair, and something dug into her backside. She sat and up pulled a book from between the seat cushion and the back of the chair. A gasp escaped her lips. It was the Graham Duncan book Eli had given her on her nineteenth birthday. She thought she had lost it long ago. Gretchel smiled at the buck and whispered, “Thank you.”

Graham Duncan’s books had changed the way she saw the world. It was as if the author knew her, as if he could reach inside her mind and pull out wisdom and insights that had always been there, if only she could have seen them for herself.

She flipped through
Hermes In Heat
, and saw a passage that she had underlined.
What is it you really want, and what illusion are you willing to sacrifice to claim it? Chew on that for a while
.

Gretchel felt goose bumps rise on her arms. She eased back into the big, comfy chair, and she began to read.

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

Irvine, 2010s

Across town, in a tidy and secure subdivision, Ame and Holly sat in the Brown family’s driveway.

“I’m always waiting on this little shit,” Ame told her cousin. “Come on already. I don’t have time for this.” She honked the horn, and then she saw Zach motioning for one more minute from a second-floor window.

“Ame, can I tell you something?” Holly asked.

“What’s wrong?” Ame panicked. This was
not
the kind of thing she liked hearing from her slightly psychic cousin.

“I’ve had a bad feeling all day. Something’s going to happen.”

“What is it? Tell me,” Ame insisted.

“Whit’s fur ye’ll no go by ye,” Holly whispered.

Ame was speechless. She’d heard Holly spout out predictions, but she had never heard her speak gibberish.

“What the hell does that mean?”

“I don’t know, exactly. I’ve heard Miss Poni say it, but I’ve never quite understood it. I keep hearing it, though, in my head. And I can’t see what’s going to happen—I can only feel it. It’s something big.”

“What
are
you talking about?”

“I don’t know,” Holly whispered in frustration. She turned to her cousin. “I’m sorry.”

“No sweat. Now, if you had the answers to next week’s physics test and you suddenly went blank, well, then I’d be irritated.”

Holly chuckled.

Ame turned on the dome light and started digging around in her backpack. She pulled out a book and handed it to her cousin.

“You got the new Graham Duncan!” Holly said, eyes lighting up.

“The day it came out. I’ll get it to you when I’m done. Shouldn’t take long.”

“I’ll buy my own, thanks,” Holly beamed. “He’s my hero. He’s a hero to anybody who rejects mediocrity.”

“Yes, but you’ve missed his whole philosophy.
You’re
supposed to be your own hero, Holly.”

Holly thought for a moment. “Yes, Ame. You’re right. That
is
his point.”

“Chew on that for a while,” they both said simultaneously, and laughed.

Then a knock at the window nearly sent Ame flying into the back seat. She turned to see Cody staring at her.

“Stalk much, Brown?” she snapped.

“Sorry. Hey, Holly. How’s your mom doing, Ame?”

Ame grimaced. She was sick of answering this question. “She’s nuts. She talks to herself all the time, and the nightmares are just too much.”

Cody shook his head, taking in the information. “What does she think of Zach staying here every night?”

Ame looked at him incredulously. “What do you think she thinks? She’d rather strangle your wife than look at her. I understand Zach can’t sleep with the nightmares, but give me a break. She’s managing.
We’re
managing.”

“Does she ever tell you what the nightmares are about?” he asked.

Ame looked at him funny again. “No. She won’t talk about them at all. She never talks about
anything
. She never has. You’ve known her forever, right? You must have a lot of stories to tell. Has she always been crazy?”

“Yeah, I used to work at Snyder Farms, but Gretchel and I were never close. I don’t really have anything to tell you.” Cody sounded nervous.

“Bullshit. You’re hiding something.
Everybody’s
hiding something. I’m sick of the secrets. I’m the one who has to live with her and take care of her, but I have no idea how to do that because I’m clueless as to what she needs. Start talking, Brown. Now.”

God, she’s just like her mother,
Cody thought,
Impossibly gorgeous and completely terrifying.
He was still struggling to formulate some kind of response when Zach walked out of the house carrying two duffle bags and a suitcase. Cody pulled himself away from the driver’s side window, thankful for the distraction.

“Pop the trunk,” Zach yelled.

“I’ll pop your trunk if you don’t hurry your ass up,” Ame grumbled back. Then she shouted, “I’m not done with you, Brown,” at Cody’s back as he scurried into the house.

“What was that about?” Zach asked, jumping in the back seat.

“Nothing. I can’t believe you’re coming home tonight. You’re doing a good thing. Mom will be very happy,” Ame said, backing out of the drive.

Zach was quiet for a moment. “I need you to stop at the Irvine Hotel.”

“Why?” Ame asked.

“Just do it,” he growled. He turned his face to the window. “I’m so sick of this town I could puke."

“Eat a cracker,” Holly said sweetly. Ame snickered.

“Doesn’t matter. I’m leaving soon,” he said, “I’m going to stay with Grandma and Grandpa Shea. Michelle thinks it’s the best thing for me right now.”

“You can’t be serious,” Ame said.

“I am. I’ve already talked to Grandma.”

“They’re both just using you to get Mom all riled up, and that’s the last thing she needs right now.”

“Well I’m sick of worrying about what Mom needs. I’m going to take care of what I need.”

“Auntie G will never let you go,” Holly said.

“That’s why I’m not telling her. I’m leaving tonight. Grandma Shea’s at the Irvine Hotel right now.”

Ame looked at her brother in the rearview mirror. She shook her head back and forth, and did her best to fight back tears. “You’re going to kill her. You’re going to send her right over the edge.”

“She’s
already
over the edge, Ame. She’s psychotic and I need to be around normal people. Normal people with money.”             

“You’re such a selfish little fuck.”

“Maybe so, but this selfish little fuck is heading for the Windy City.”

Ame was disgusted with her brother, but she was also tired of being the grownup. She didn’t see how she could take care of her mother and keep Zach from running away to Grandma and Grandpa Shea if he was determined to do it. She turned to look at Holly. But Holly’s face was enigmatic. Ame took a deep breath and drove toward the Irvine Hotel.

“Give this to Mom,” Zach said as he passed an envelope from the backseat. “She’ll be all right. I know how to bullshit people.”

Ame grabbed the envelope, with tears rolling down her face and anger boiling in her belly. “You learned from the best.”

After he grabbed his bags and shut the trunk, Ame put the car in gear and roared out of the parking lot, just missing a rental with Missouri plates as it pulled in.

∞

Ame’s feet felt like lead as she walked toward the cottage. She hoped against hope that her mother was already in bed.

She wasn’t. When Ame opened the front door, she saw that Gretchel was curled up in the storybook chair, her long legs dangling over the side. Avoiding the inevitable, Ame clutched at a distracting detail.

“Who are the roses from?”

“A misguided admirer,” Gretchel’s face was impossible to read.

Ame tossed her backpack on the couch and sat down across from her mother. “You’re reading one of my Graham Duncan books? Good for you Mom. I think you’ll like him.”

Gretchel smiled at her daughter. “This is
my
book, Ame. Take a look.”

Gretchel showed her daughter the inscription, and enjoyed the look of awe it produced. “Where did you get that?”

“It was a gift. I lost it when you were a baby and I just found it today.”

“Seriously?”

“Yes, seriously. I didn’t know
you
read Graham Duncan,” Gretchel smiled.

“I love him.”

“Me, too. He’s my hero,” Gretchel said.

Ame couldn’t help but sigh.
Why does nobody get the man’s point?

Gretchel’s smile widened. “I used to have the biggest crush on him. I would fantasize about what he looked like, and I imagined us running away together. I was just so enamored with his writing. It moves me in a way that’s difficult to explain.”

Ame sat on the edge of the couch. She silently cursed her brother. It wasn’t fair that she had to be the bearer of bad news, just when her mother was finding something to hang on to. “I hear he’s a bit of a nutter,” Ame said with an unhappy laugh.

Gretchel grinned, remembering someone else referring to her precious Duncan in the same way. “And quite horny, to tell from his writing.”

“There’s a myth that he has a birthmark on his butt in the shape of a phallus,” Ame said.

“I’d give anything to see it,” Gretchel smiled dreamily.

Ame laughed, and then let out a big sigh. She had dreamed of having this sort of conversation with Gretchel—easy, fun. The discovery that her mother loved Graham Duncan as much as she did should have been awesome. Instead, Ame was stuck with the role of unwelcome messenger. She stood up and handed her mother the letter. “Zach wanted me to give this to you.”

Gretchel ripped the letter open, and Ame crouched behind her to read along.

Mom,

I’m sorry for all the grief I’ve given you lately. Things are hard for me too. I’m not dealing with Dad’s death very well. I need to be with Grandma and Grandpa Shea for a while. I need to get in touch with his side of the family. I need to know why Dad was such a prick. Please don’t be mad, and don’t chase me down. Just let me go for a while, and I’ll be back when I’m ready. I need to be able to sleep, and I need to be able to remember Dad in a good way. I feel like every time you look at me you see him. It feels like your judging me. It feels like you hate me, because I know you hated him. Everything’s going to be okay Mom. Ame will take good care of you, and I’ll be back after I sort through things.

Please don’t forget that I love you,

Zach

Gretchel wadded up the letter and held it between her clenched hands as she stared up at the buck. Ame was afraid to speak. She walked around the chair and sat down at her mother’s feet. Ame was crying. Her mother was not.

“Mama, please say something.”

Gretchel continued to stare at the buck, saying nothing.

“Mama,” Ame pleaded apprehensively, touching Gretchel’s hand.

“Don’t touch me!” Gretchel screamed. Her whole body shook.

“I didn’t mean to...”

“Go to bed!” Gretchel bellowed. Ame burst into a full-blown sob. “
Go. To. Bed
!” Gretchel screamed.

Ame grabbed her bag and ran up the stairs to her room. Her mother had never treated her this way. Her first thought was to get in touch with Eli. She considered calling him, but something held her back. She sent a text instead.

Eli. Are you there? My brother left for Chicago, and my mom is going berserk. I’m sorry I keep forgetting to check in with you. I’ve been busy. I hate to ask, but can you please fly out to see her soon? Please. I’m begging. I need answers. I need to know how to help her. Nobody will talk to me, and I’m stuck dealing with the lunatic on my own. I’ll never ask another thing of you! Please.

Then Ame put in her earbuds, and tried not to notice that her mother was talking to people who weren’t there.

Gretchel was pacing the front room of the cottage.

Keep the heid, love, or the devil’s bride ‘il have you for dinner.

“Let her come. I don’t care anymore,” Gretchel said.

Dinnae get gallus on us, love. If ye do, yer jus scunnered. Hawd on, then. Chin up! Keep the heid en hawd on!

“I’m done holding on. I dare you, bitch, to show your face!” Gretchel yelled into the empty room.