Read The Wide Receiver's Baby Online
Authors: Jessica Evans
The Wide Receiver's Baby (11 page)
Chapter Thirty Eight
Alexa
We stayed in a motel for a few days. I couldn’t even go back to the house. My things were there but Todd offered to go and pack for us. Neither Marie or Logan had told him that we should come back. We couldn’t even go to the funeral. Part of me wanted to, but the other part felt guilty about the whole thing, as if it was all my fault.
Sure, I’d never pulled the trigger, but it was my drunken Dad that had killed his. The one who should be dead was locked away in a prison cell awaiting trial,leading on the basis of temporary insanity and trying to make a case for his cold blooded murder. It was all over the news, the fact that Dad was a gambler and a drunk, despite the fact that the media had tried to make it sound as if he had led some glorious life. He was a murderer and instead of making him look like one, he was being treated as a celebrity.
The man had led a double life, had two wives, and one didn’t hesitate to sell her story and make a small fortune. The media love a good story no matter how many lives they destroy while publishing it.
As for Mom, she wasn’t welcomed back at the hospital. Too many questions and, with the media attention, they thought it was better that she was transferred elsewhere and that she should revert to using her middle name, so no one knew who she was. That was pretty hard seeing as her face was plastered on the news headline along with Dad’s.
“You okay?” Scarlett asked as she came over to help me pack to our rented apartment.
Okay?
I didn’t even know myself anymore. The fact that Logan and I had been tested so many fucking times it hurt my head. We had failed and my Dad was a monster and, for that reason, Logan would never, ever be able to see his dad ever again.
I wanted to take it back. I wished that I had called and asked if they needed anything from the store before I got to the house.
“Richard’s dead. I’m having Logan’s baby. He won’t talk to me. ‘Okay’ doesn't really cut it.” I slumped on the bed, thinking about what I had just said to Scarlett, and feeling guilty for my words.
She quickly changed the subject, as the last of our belongings in the motel was being put in the case.
“I know, but is the baby okay? They say stress in a pregnancy is not a good thing. It’s not about just you,” she stopped as her almond eyes stared into mine and I wondered what she saw. A woman that was pregnant and about to be a single Mom? Or a woman that was slowly but surely falling apart?
“You need to think about the baby,” she pleaded.
Easier said than done, and the bitch inside me revealed her ugly head, “Oh, because you know all about it?”
She shook her head as if to dismiss my comment and my crappy attitude, “No, because Todd said that you missed your appointment last week.”
Big mouth!
“How cozy, you and Todd get back together and now you’re relationship and parenting experts.”
I was going to save her the speech. I had already had it from Todd, and didn’t need to hear it from her. Just because her relationship had worked out perfectly, and her life was something I could only dream about. She had no clue what was going on in my world. She could only see it and think that she knew what was best, but she didn’t know - how could she?
“No, you need to come to the real world and stop thinking of yourself. This depression. Not eating... It's got to stop. Let Logan grieve and when he’s ready he’ll be there for you, like he’s always been.”
That was when Mom came into the room. Neither of us were functioning properly and my Grandparents did the decent thing and let Brian stay with them. They wanted me to move in with them too, but with them living so far and me needing my hospital check-ups it made sense for me to stay in Chicago.
“That’s why he’s gone to college without even saying goodbye,” she sighed as she took my case and left the room.
Both of us said at the same time, “What?”
I couldn't believe Logan. The man had stayed in the hotel with me and said that there should be no more secrets. The man who had promised me that nothing could get in the way of our love had done the complete opposite.
Both of us slumped on the bed. Confused by the trail of events, Scarlett held my hand and silent tears left my eyes.
“I’m sorry, Alexa. Just don’t give up hope. He’ll come around, he has to. Not only for you, but the baby too.”
I turned to her, “I don't want him to come around for the baby. I want what we had.”
She hugged me and said, “You’ll have something better. I promise you. Just give it time.”
That was all I had, because nothing else felt like it mattered at the moment. Logan had given up on us.
Sure, I’d never pulled the trigger, but it was my drunken Dad that had killed his. The one who should be dead was locked away in a prison cell awaiting trial,leading on the basis of temporary insanity and trying to make a case for his cold blooded murder. It was all over the news, the fact that Dad was a gambler and a drunk, despite the fact that the media had tried to make it sound as if he had led some glorious life. He was a murderer and instead of making him look like one, he was being treated as a celebrity.
The man had led a double life, had two wives, and one didn’t hesitate to sell her story and make a small fortune. The media love a good story no matter how many lives they destroy while publishing it.
As for Mom, she wasn’t welcomed back at the hospital. Too many questions and, with the media attention, they thought it was better that she was transferred elsewhere and that she should revert to using her middle name, so no one knew who she was. That was pretty hard seeing as her face was plastered on the news headline along with Dad’s.
“You okay?” Scarlett asked as she came over to help me pack to our rented apartment.
Okay?
I didn’t even know myself anymore. The fact that Logan and I had been tested so many fucking times it hurt my head. We had failed and my Dad was a monster and, for that reason, Logan would never, ever be able to see his dad ever again.
I wanted to take it back. I wished that I had called and asked if they needed anything from the store before I got to the house.
“Richard’s dead. I’m having Logan’s baby. He won’t talk to me. ‘Okay’ doesn't really cut it.” I slumped on the bed, thinking about what I had just said to Scarlett, and feeling guilty for my words.
She quickly changed the subject, as the last of our belongings in the motel was being put in the case.
“I know, but is the baby okay? They say stress in a pregnancy is not a good thing. It’s not about just you,” she stopped as her almond eyes stared into mine and I wondered what she saw. A woman that was pregnant and about to be a single Mom? Or a woman that was slowly but surely falling apart?
“You need to think about the baby,” she pleaded.
Easier said than done, and the bitch inside me revealed her ugly head, “Oh, because you know all about it?”
She shook her head as if to dismiss my comment and my crappy attitude, “No, because Todd said that you missed your appointment last week.”
Big mouth!
“How cozy, you and Todd get back together and now you’re relationship and parenting experts.”
I was going to save her the speech. I had already had it from Todd, and didn’t need to hear it from her. Just because her relationship had worked out perfectly, and her life was something I could only dream about. She had no clue what was going on in my world. She could only see it and think that she knew what was best, but she didn’t know - how could she?
“No, you need to come to the real world and stop thinking of yourself. This depression. Not eating... It's got to stop. Let Logan grieve and when he’s ready he’ll be there for you, like he’s always been.”
That was when Mom came into the room. Neither of us were functioning properly and my Grandparents did the decent thing and let Brian stay with them. They wanted me to move in with them too, but with them living so far and me needing my hospital check-ups it made sense for me to stay in Chicago.
“That’s why he’s gone to college without even saying goodbye,” she sighed as she took my case and left the room.
Both of us said at the same time, “What?”
I couldn't believe Logan. The man had stayed in the hotel with me and said that there should be no more secrets. The man who had promised me that nothing could get in the way of our love had done the complete opposite.
Both of us slumped on the bed. Confused by the trail of events, Scarlett held my hand and silent tears left my eyes.
“I’m sorry, Alexa. Just don’t give up hope. He’ll come around, he has to. Not only for you, but the baby too.”
I turned to her, “I don't want him to come around for the baby. I want what we had.”
She hugged me and said, “You’ll have something better. I promise you. Just give it time.”
That was all I had, because nothing else felt like it mattered at the moment. Logan had given up on us.
Chapter Thirty Nine
Logan
Dad was gone, I had to accept that.
I knew that it wasn’t Alexa’s fault. Even Mom did too, but every time we even thought about contacting them, it just hit home. John had killed Dad. It was a selfish act that no one could comprehend .
The fact that John’s case was still going and he was pleading temporary insanity made me sick. Dad was a respected family man, lawyer and everything that the lowlife who decided to take his life over a bottle of whiskey wasn’t.
“I can’t. I need to…” I couldn’t even think of an excuse. I was going to be a father and I had practically abandoned Alexa lately. But she couldn’t deal with what I had become.
Shit, even I was having a hard enough time dealing with it.
“You’ve not been yourself ever since you came back,” she sighed as sat on the edge of the bed. I hadn’t told a soul what had happened back home.
All I would get would be questions about my welfare, my well-being, and I didn’t want any fucking sympathy. None at all. I knew what loss meant. I had dealt with it when Grandpa died, and we, ‘the living’ just needed to get on. The problem was I wasn't suicidal but I was having dark thoughts, such as John being set free and ending up in a mental institute. And then one night, when there were a few staff on the ward, I would get a bottle of whiskey throw it at him and shoot him down like a dog.
Also, I had relived that moment in my mind so many times. I would stop by the store on the way home, I would see Dad and John wrestling for the gun and I would shoot John. The police would come and say it was self-defense and everyone would thank me for ending his miserable life. Even his other girlfriend.
“Yep.”I said as I shot a hoop in the basket. I hoped that she would take the hint and leave me alone, but she didn’t. Instead she took off her hoody and revealed the one thing that I could do with right now.
Her body. It was tanned, she was wearing a tank top, which was not the kind of thing you should be wearing during winter, especially in Connecticut. It was clear that she had come with one thing on her mind.
Shit, I thought about fucking her. Letting all the frustration and anger that had been building inside of me the last few weeks out, out in a sea of rage. She swayed her blond strands to the side, seductively. Teasing me. Making me know that she was mine for the taking.
That was when she walked over to the door and purred, “I could make you feel better.”
I didn’t even dispute that. She probably could have, but as she stood there for a brief second there was someone on the other side.
Someone who would make me feel better.
Alexa.
I sat up as she screamed, “You better go make someone else better. Cause I’m the only one that does it with my man!”
Chapter Forty
Alexa
“You shouldn’t be here!” he said as I slammed the door shut.
I started to feel contractions, as if I was going crazy from what I had just seen.
“You told me that there was no one else! Told me that it was all a lie,” I pleaded with tears in my eyes. The excitement of coming to see him had washed away. Marie had come to see Mom and I and told us that Logan wasn’t attending classes. He wasn’t even going to practice, and it was nearly the end of the season. She said that they never blamed us for Richard’s death, but it was hard on them.
I believed her and took a train down here, despite my late stage of pregnancy.
For what?
To see Logan in his room, the place that I had promised to visit so many times, with her, and she was practically naked. She had sky blue eyes, blond hair and a killer body. Everything that I didn’t have right now. And, instead of him trying to deny it, he looked just like I had imagined Richard to be after Dad had shot him.
Dead.
Unresponsive.
A stranger.
I walked up to him, as the snake that was in his room half-naked trying to seduce him stood there with her perfect body. Ready to seduce my man! I wish I never came. I wish I never knew.
“Logan?” I screamed out.
I wondered if there was some other guy that looked like his former self, that was sitting on the bed, throwing hoops as if he was on a court. But he wasn’t, he was in his room with me, and I expected him to at least give me some sort of explanation as to what was going on. Just a little.
“Logan, she’s pregnant!” she shouted trying to get some sense into him.
“With his baby,” I pointed at him and thought about the fact that I was fighting over someone who didn’t give a damn. What would he have done if I hadn't walked in?
“You can have him,” she screamed as she grabbed her top and left the room.
I held on to the wall as I moved back unable to comprehend what was going on. I had just walked in with Logan and another girl and he was completely unresponsive. Where did my Logan go?
“Fuck!” I screamed as water appeared on the floor. Was it was really happening now? I had another few weeks to go. It wasn’t time and it certainly shouldn’t be happening like this.
Logan jumped of his bed; I had definitely got his attention this time.
“Is it really happening?”
I grabbed onto his arm and said, “What do you fucking think?”
The waves of the contraction made me one minute feel like pushing and other time I felt nothing, as if it was one big nightmare. But they were coming thick and fast and I knew that at any moment, I would be pushing and a little head would be coming out.
“I’ve got a plan. A birth plan. This shouldn’t be happening!”I screamed out and all Logan could say was, “Shit. Fuck. Shit. Fuck.”
Then a little Asian man popped his head in and said, “What’s all the screaming about?”
He took one look at me and then Logan, and shouted, “Baby’s on it’s way. We need to get you to a hospital now!” He grabbed my bag as if he knew exactly what to do in this time of crisis. Which was more than Logan did, as he paced the room and kept cursing over and over again.
Another guy came in, the one that had let me into the suite. I couldn’t even remember his name. It felt irrelevant as he looked me up and down and said, “Shit Logan. You’re having a baby?”
That was when it hit me. No one knew. Logan had probably just come back to college as if nothing had happened. He’d just had a bad Christmas, and hoped that by not talking about it, it would all go away. He used to do that back home, but I’d have thought he would have grown out of it now.
Logan spat out, “Don’t ask me stupid questions,” as he grabbed my hand and said, “We’re going to the hospital now.”
I screamed for the life of me, tried to walk and wondered what the hell I’d been thinking coming down here.
“You need to carry her,” the tall guy said, who I thought was the basketball player that Olivia kept going on about. The little Asian man started timing my contractions, telling me every minute to breathe. The only thing that kept escaping Logan’s mouth as he started to panic was, “Shit. Fuck. Shit,” as he carried me all the way down to the stairs and to the college hospital.
I started to feel contractions, as if I was going crazy from what I had just seen.
“You told me that there was no one else! Told me that it was all a lie,” I pleaded with tears in my eyes. The excitement of coming to see him had washed away. Marie had come to see Mom and I and told us that Logan wasn’t attending classes. He wasn’t even going to practice, and it was nearly the end of the season. She said that they never blamed us for Richard’s death, but it was hard on them.
I believed her and took a train down here, despite my late stage of pregnancy.
For what?
To see Logan in his room, the place that I had promised to visit so many times, with her, and she was practically naked. She had sky blue eyes, blond hair and a killer body. Everything that I didn’t have right now. And, instead of him trying to deny it, he looked just like I had imagined Richard to be after Dad had shot him.
Dead.
Unresponsive.
A stranger.
I walked up to him, as the snake that was in his room half-naked trying to seduce him stood there with her perfect body. Ready to seduce my man! I wish I never came. I wish I never knew.
“Logan?” I screamed out.
I wondered if there was some other guy that looked like his former self, that was sitting on the bed, throwing hoops as if he was on a court. But he wasn’t, he was in his room with me, and I expected him to at least give me some sort of explanation as to what was going on. Just a little.
“Logan, she’s pregnant!” she shouted trying to get some sense into him.
“With his baby,” I pointed at him and thought about the fact that I was fighting over someone who didn’t give a damn. What would he have done if I hadn't walked in?
“You can have him,” she screamed as she grabbed her top and left the room.
I held on to the wall as I moved back unable to comprehend what was going on. I had just walked in with Logan and another girl and he was completely unresponsive. Where did my Logan go?
“Fuck!” I screamed as water appeared on the floor. Was it was really happening now? I had another few weeks to go. It wasn’t time and it certainly shouldn’t be happening like this.
Logan jumped of his bed; I had definitely got his attention this time.
“Is it really happening?”
I grabbed onto his arm and said, “What do you fucking think?”
The waves of the contraction made me one minute feel like pushing and other time I felt nothing, as if it was one big nightmare. But they were coming thick and fast and I knew that at any moment, I would be pushing and a little head would be coming out.
“I’ve got a plan. A birth plan. This shouldn’t be happening!”I screamed out and all Logan could say was, “Shit. Fuck. Shit. Fuck.”
Then a little Asian man popped his head in and said, “What’s all the screaming about?”
He took one look at me and then Logan, and shouted, “Baby’s on it’s way. We need to get you to a hospital now!” He grabbed my bag as if he knew exactly what to do in this time of crisis. Which was more than Logan did, as he paced the room and kept cursing over and over again.
Another guy came in, the one that had let me into the suite. I couldn’t even remember his name. It felt irrelevant as he looked me up and down and said, “Shit Logan. You’re having a baby?”
That was when it hit me. No one knew. Logan had probably just come back to college as if nothing had happened. He’d just had a bad Christmas, and hoped that by not talking about it, it would all go away. He used to do that back home, but I’d have thought he would have grown out of it now.
Logan spat out, “Don’t ask me stupid questions,” as he grabbed my hand and said, “We’re going to the hospital now.”
I screamed for the life of me, tried to walk and wondered what the hell I’d been thinking coming down here.
“You need to carry her,” the tall guy said, who I thought was the basketball player that Olivia kept going on about. The little Asian man started timing my contractions, telling me every minute to breathe. The only thing that kept escaping Logan’s mouth as he started to panic was, “Shit. Fuck. Shit,” as he carried me all the way down to the stairs and to the college hospital.
Chapter Forty One
Logan
I wished that I had gone to at least one antenatal class. The ones that I had promised I would go with Alexa before we got home. Before I’d found out that my Dad was dead. Shit, he was going to be a Grandfather and he would never know my baby, his Grandchild, and it pulled a string in my heart.
This shit was all fucked up.
I should have told Trinity to go, told her that I wasn’t interested. I should have called Alexa and told her that I was sorry. Guilt was running through my mind as the blond-haired blue-eyed oversized nurse asked about questions such as, “How many weeks is she?”
I couldn’t even answer.
“How far apart are her contractions?”
Steven replied, “Ninety seconds.”
The nurse nodded, “That means the baby’s on its way. We need paperwork filled in. Which one of you is the Dad?”
Both Reg and Steven looked at her and pointed to me, “He is.”
Then Reg questioned, “You are, aren’t you?”
I had been living with a secret that I hadn’t shared with anyone since I’d come back to the dorms. I nodded as she shoved the clipboard in my hand and handed me a pen and watched as they whisked Alexa somewhere down the hall. I wanted to give an explanation, tell them all about it.
It was no secret that I had a girl back home, they knew about Alexa; shit, her picture was all over my desk, on my phone and even in my damn wallet. She was my true love. I just wondered if she was okay. I started to sweat as panic took over me.
I had acted like such a jerk, only thinking of myself.
She’d loved Dad too, he had been the father that she never had, she’d even said to me at one point in the hotel and how grateful she was to have both Mom and Dad in her life. The problem was they weren’t in her life any more, only Mom and she said that she would stand by her.
She just needed time just like I did.
We were so fucking wrong. Alexa had needed me back there, to tell and show her that I didn't blame her, but it was so fucked up. If Alexa’s Dad wasn’t a drunk then none of this would have happened, our lives would be normal, perfect, just like it used to be.
This shit was all fucked up.
I should have told Trinity to go, told her that I wasn’t interested. I should have called Alexa and told her that I was sorry. Guilt was running through my mind as the blond-haired blue-eyed oversized nurse asked about questions such as, “How many weeks is she?”
I couldn’t even answer.
“How far apart are her contractions?”
Steven replied, “Ninety seconds.”
The nurse nodded, “That means the baby’s on its way. We need paperwork filled in. Which one of you is the Dad?”
Both Reg and Steven looked at her and pointed to me, “He is.”
Then Reg questioned, “You are, aren’t you?”
I had been living with a secret that I hadn’t shared with anyone since I’d come back to the dorms. I nodded as she shoved the clipboard in my hand and handed me a pen and watched as they whisked Alexa somewhere down the hall. I wanted to give an explanation, tell them all about it.
It was no secret that I had a girl back home, they knew about Alexa; shit, her picture was all over my desk, on my phone and even in my damn wallet. She was my true love. I just wondered if she was okay. I started to sweat as panic took over me.
I had acted like such a jerk, only thinking of myself.
She’d loved Dad too, he had been the father that she never had, she’d even said to me at one point in the hotel and how grateful she was to have both Mom and Dad in her life. The problem was they weren’t in her life any more, only Mom and she said that she would stand by her.
She just needed time just like I did.
We were so fucking wrong. Alexa had needed me back there, to tell and show her that I didn't blame her, but it was so fucked up. If Alexa’s Dad wasn’t a drunk then none of this would have happened, our lives would be normal, perfect, just like it used to be.
***
“Great, so we need you to change,” the nurse said as she handed me some overalls.
“You want to be in the room when your baby comes, right?”
I nodded, unable to speak. Thinking that I should have called Mom, Holly, Olivia or someone and told them what was happening.
“Your baby’s in some distress. It’s only a little early, but it’s okay. I can tell it’s a fighter, just like it’s Mom.”
She smiled reassuringly and I couldn’t match the same enthusiasm that was on her face. She patted me on the back as she left me in the room. Everything felt numb. I had to pull myself together. Not only for my sake, or even for Alexa’s, but for our baby. No matter what, I had conceived him or her. I needed her to know that I would be there for her. Just like my Dad had always been for me.
As I put on the blue overalls, I tried to get my tall frame inside of them and thought, thank goodness the nurse had given me an extra large set.
She knocked on the door and told me to come in. I didn’t hesitate as she said, “You ready for this?”
I took a deep breath and said, “Okay.”
I was so damn scared. I thought about how Alexa was feeling and, as I walked into the room, I could see by the tears in her eyes that she was pretty much feeling the same.
“You want to be in the room when your baby comes, right?”
I nodded, unable to speak. Thinking that I should have called Mom, Holly, Olivia or someone and told them what was happening.
“Your baby’s in some distress. It’s only a little early, but it’s okay. I can tell it’s a fighter, just like it’s Mom.”
She smiled reassuringly and I couldn’t match the same enthusiasm that was on her face. She patted me on the back as she left me in the room. Everything felt numb. I had to pull myself together. Not only for my sake, or even for Alexa’s, but for our baby. No matter what, I had conceived him or her. I needed her to know that I would be there for her. Just like my Dad had always been for me.
As I put on the blue overalls, I tried to get my tall frame inside of them and thought, thank goodness the nurse had given me an extra large set.
She knocked on the door and told me to come in. I didn’t hesitate as she said, “You ready for this?”
I took a deep breath and said, “Okay.”
I was so damn scared. I thought about how Alexa was feeling and, as I walked into the room, I could see by the tears in her eyes that she was pretty much feeling the same.
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