The Wind on the Moon (3 page)

And still they went on eating. They knew it was wicked to be so greedy, but having started to be greedy, it was almost impossible to stop.

‘Food,' they said, ‘is the most important thing in the world. We love eating, and we mean to eat more and more.'

Their mother was very worried, and said she would have to call in Dr. Fosfar. A few of his largest bottles of medicine, she thought, might cure their dreadful appetite. But Dinah said wickedly, ‘Dr. Fosfar has a glass eye, and if you send for him, I shall go to Mrs. Grimble and borrow her magpie.'

‘She always has a magpie in her house,' said Dorinda.

‘And magpies love to steal glass eyes from people,' said Dinah.

Their mother was so frightened by this threat that for a long time she never mentioned Dr. Fosfar's name.

So then, between breakfast and dinner, Dinah and Dorinda ate biscuits and strawberry jam, and Devonshire cream with raspberry jam, and sponge cake with damson jam. Between dinner and tea-time they usually ate a pound of chocolates and some candied fruit and a few caramels. And about midnight they often woke and went downstairs to the kitchen, where they ate whatever they could find, such as cold chicken and hard-boiled eggs and custard and plum tart and a slice or two of cake.

By and by they grew so fat they were almost completely round, like balloons. And one day they found they could hardly walk, so they rolled downstairs and bounced into the dining-room, just as if they were balloons.

Then their mother became so upset that she cared nothing for their threats, and so angry that she was no longer frightened of Mrs. Grimble.

‘I am going to take you at once to see Dr. Fosfar,' she said. ‘Your appearance is truly disgusting, and I am ashamed to be the mother of two little girls who look more like balloons than human beings. Not very long ago I used to think you were the prettiest children I had ever seen. You, Dinah, with your blue eyes and yellow pigtails, were a lovely child, and Dorinda, with her dark eyes and dark curly hair, was just as attractive. But now I can hardly bear to look at you, you are both so ugly. If you don't believe me, come into the hall and see for yourselves.'

So they rolled off their chairs and bounced into the hall, where a big round mirror hung over the fireplace. It was made of glass that looked almost black, but it reflected everything in clear bright colours, and when Dinah and Dorinda stood in front of it, and looked up, they too were shocked. For they saw that their mother had been speaking the truth, and they were indeed more like balloons than human children. They even felt a little frightened by what had happened to them.

‘Quickly, quickly!' cried their mother. ‘Put on your hats, and I shall take you to Dr. Fosfar immediately. There is no time to waste. Miss Serendip, you must come and help me.'

Dinah and Dorinda got their hats, but now their hats were of no use to them. They were so completely fat and round that their hats would not stay on.

‘Who ever heard,' asked Miss Serendip coldly, ‘of putting a hat on a balloon?'

It was a cold and sunny morning, and the road to Midmeddlecum was lined by great beech-trees, leafless now, because it was winter, the branches of which threw a tangle of thin shadows from side to side. It was a pleasant walk, and no more than half a mile, but neither Dinah nor Dorinda enjoyed it very much. Since they had taken to eating such a lot, they had had no time for walking, and they had not been to Midmeddlecum for several weeks. And now, being so fat and round, they could hardly walk at all, so their mother and Miss Serendip had to push them along. Sometimes they rolled and sometimes they bounced, and before they had gone very far they were covered with dust and extremely hot.

‘I don't know what people will think, or what they will say,' said Mrs. Palfrey, ‘when they see us pushing Dinah and Dorinda in this absurd and ridiculous manner. Perhaps we should not have come to the village. It might have been better to ask Dr. Fosfar to see the children at home.'

And she gave Dinah another push that sent her rolling along the pavement of the main street of Midmeddlecum.

‘Let us hope that everybody is indoors, and will stay there,' said Miss Serendip, and gave Dinah a push that made her bounce three times on the pavement.

There was, indeed, nobody to be seen on the street, but that was not because the people were all at home. It was too fine a day for that, and the whole population of the village was in the Square where Dr. Fosfar lived.

It so happened that the Vicar had come to buy a bottle of hair-dye from Mr. Wax the chemist. His hair, he thought, was turning red, which was a most unsuitable colour for a Vicar, and he was on his way to purchase a bottle of strong black dye when, in the Square, he met the four sons of Mr. Leathercow the butcher; the three daughters of Mr. Crumb the baker; Robin and Robina, the twin children of Mr. Wax the chemist; and Mrs. Fullalove the grocer's wife, who was giving them all sugar-plums because Christmas was coming.

It suddenly occurred to the Vicar that for at least two days he had not heard anybody singing, and because he was extremely fond of fine songs and choruses, he called to the children and Mrs. Fullalove and said, ‘I think it would be a good thing if we all sang
The Barley Mow
.'

Mrs. Fullalove, who had a pretty voice herself, at once agreed, and so did the children.

‘Now all together!' exclaimed the Vicar. ‘“Here's a health to the Barley Mow, my boys, A health to the Barley Mow!“'

By the time they had finished that, there were forty-eight people and seven dogs in the Square. So then they started
Drink to me only with thine eyes
, and the lovely tune, sung very loudly, brought sixty-three other people and eighteen more dogs.

Climbing on to the statue of Queen Victoria, which stood in the middle of the Square, the Vicar, who by this time was very excited, shouted, ‘And now a magnificent song that everybody knows!
John Peel!
Open your lips, let the welkin ring! Open your hearts, it's a song for a king! “D'ye ken John Peel with his coat so grey. . . .“'

So great was the noise, and so beautiful, of
John Peel
being sung by a hundred and eleven people, all as loudly as they could, and of twenty-five dogs all beating the ground with their tails in perfect time, that everybody else in the village of Midmeddlecum came hurrying to join them. And when the whole population was in the Square, the Vicar made them sing
Funiculì Funiculà
.

This was about the time when Mrs. Palfrey and Miss Serendip and Dinah and Dorinda came into the village, and of course they met nobody in the streets because everybody was in the Square. They could hear the people singing
Funiculì Funiculà
, and Dinah and Dorinda went bouncing along the pavement —
bop-bump, bump-bop
— in time with the tune of it. Then the song came to an end, and for a while there was almost silence in the Square, because some people wanted to sing
Widdicombe Fair
, and others thought they should sing the
Volga Boat Song
, and the Vicar himself was in favour of
Fain would I change that note
. So they could not make up their minds which to choose.

Then Dinah and Dorinda came bounding into the Square, and a little way behind them appeared Mrs. Palfrey and Miss Serendip.

Tom Leathercow, the butcher's oldest son, was standing on the outskirts of the crowd, and beside him were Catherine Crumb, the baker's daughter, and Robin and Robina Wax. As soon as they saw Dinah and Dorinda, they all shouted at once, ‘Balloons, balloons, balloons! Look at the big balloons!'

Every child in the Square at once hurried and thrust and scrambled and pushed a way through the crowd, and in less than a minute Dinah and Dorinda were entirely surrounded by fifty or sixty boys and girls, all shouting, ‘Balloons, balloons, look at the big balloons!'

Then the older people followed the children, and they also gathered round Dinah and Dorinda, and were very much surprised by their appearance.

The Vicar remained on the statue of Queen Victoria, but nobody paid any attention to him now except Mrs. Fullalove, who had climbed up in order to ask him if they could sing
Lily of Laguna
. And Mrs. Palfrey and Miss Serendip were on the other side of the crowd, and could not get near to Dinah and Dorinda.

Now it so happened that Catherine Crumb, the baker's daughter, had just bought a packet of pins from Mr. Taper the draper. She had very black hair, a white face, and long thin legs. She was quite pretty, but she had a wicked heart. Taking the packet of pins from her pocket, she gave some to Tom Leathercow, and some to Robin and Robina Wax, and told them to give pins to every other boy and girl in the crowd.

Then she said loudly, ‘If they really are balloons, they ought to burst!' And she stuck a pin into Dorinda.

Tom Leathercow stuck a pin into Dinah, and all the other children cried ‘Burst the balloons!' And those who were nearest Dorinda stuck pins into her, while others pricked Dinah.

Dinah and Dorinda began to cry. They cried so loudly that everyone was amazed, and all the dogs began to bark.

Mrs. Leathercow the butcher's wife caught hold of Tom and boxed his ears. Mrs. Taper the draper's wife, who was very short-sighted, seized Robin and Robina Wax, thinking they were her own children, and knocked their heads together. So Mrs. Wax pulled Mrs. Taper's hair, and Mr. Taper was thrown to the ground by Mr. Crumb, who stood very firmly on his wooden leg and hit everyone within reach. Some of the children were still sticking pins into Dinah and Dorinda, who cried louder than ever, and seventeen dogs began to fight in eight different parts of the Square, while every other dog was barking with all his might to encourage them.

Mrs. Fullalove fell off the statue of Queen Victoria, but luckily fell on Mr. Horrabin the iron-monger, who was very fat and saved her from being hurt. The Vicar shouted, ‘Peace, peace! Silence is golden!' But no one could hear him, so no one paid any attention.

Then Constable Drum, the village policeman, blew his whistle. The first time he blew it, all the older people stopped quarrelling and looked around to see what was happening. The second time he blew it, the children stopped shouting and stuck no more pins into Dinah and Dorinda. The third time he blew it, the dogs stopped barking, and all was quiet.

‘In the King's name!' shouted Constable Drum. ‘If you do not behave yourselves, I shall put you all in prison. Let there be no more rioting, roistering, brawling or biting, barking or fighting. Be good people and go to your homes. Whoever is late for his luncheon shall feel the weight of my truncheon! God save the King!'

So all the people went home, feeling very much ashamed of themselves, and Mrs. Palfrey and Miss Serendip did what they could to comfort Dinah and Dorinda. But nothing could make them stop crying, even though Mr. Whitloe the drayman took them home in his dray, which was much more comfortable than rolling home.

Mrs. Taper knocked their heads together

Dinah and Dorinda would not stop crying. They cried for days and days. They lost their appetite, and wanted nothing to eat. But they drank lots of milk and water and lemonade and barley-water, and perhaps all this liquid turned into tears. Because as time went on they cried more and more. They cried all through the Christmas holidays, and every day they got thinner and thinner. They got as thin as a lamp-post, and then as thin as a walking-stick, and thinner than that. And their faces were always red with weeping.

One day when they were in the garden, crying under the apple-tree, their mother looked at them and said, ‘They're as thin as match-sticks! With their poor little red faces they look just like those big wooden matches that their father used to light his pipe!'

‘An early attempt to make sulphur matches,' said Miss Serendip, ‘was directed by Robert Boyle, the natural philosopher, in the year 1680. Robert Boyle, whose father was the Earl of Cork, discovered Boyle's Law, which says that the volume of a gas varies inversely as the pressure. 1680, of course, was the year in which Parliament passed the Act of Exclusion, the object of which, as might be imagined, was to exclude the Duke of Monmouth.'