The Wisdom of Hypatia: Ancient Spiritual Practices for a More Meaningful Life (25 page)

Accepting failings includes accepting your own; forgiveness begins at home.

In any case, you should undertake any such correction with tact and gentleness, and

without anger, for their fault is due to ignorance.

I will be mild and benevolent towards everyone,

ready to show his mistake to this very person, not reproachfully,

nor yet as making a display of my forbearance,

but nobly and honestly.167

The emperor reminds us that there is nothing admirable about anger:

And let this truth be present to you in the excitement of anger,

that to be moved by passion is not manly,

but that mildness and gentleness are more manly,

just as they are more in conformity with human nature.168

Therefore, if in our anger we find we are priding ourselves in being tough, then we

should remember this maxim, and take the more courageous (and more human) path of

mildness and gentleness. Any beast can be angry, but humans can restrain their anger.

Teach them and show them without anger.169

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In teaching them we are genuinely trying to help them, but if we cannot do it without reproach, criticism, or an air of superiority, which likely will make them resentful and resistant to change, then it better perhaps to let them be. After all, philosophers are only
seekers
of wisdom, and don’t know everything.

If they have not had their habits of thought corrected in the past, or if they cannot be corrected now, then this incorrect thinking prevents them from acting correctly. Epictetus suggests that we think of them like blind or crippled people who are physically disabled through no fault of their own. We should not be harsh with them, but treat them with gentleness and compassion, and try to help them. Indeed, by being kind to them, we emulate the gods, who are kind to less-than-perfect mortals:

If you are able, correct by teaching those who do wrong;

but if you cannot,

remember that charity is given you for this purpose.

And the gods too extend charity to such persons,

helping them attain health, wealth, reputation—

so kind they are.

And it is in your power too.

Who hinders you?170

Patience, benevolence, and forgiveness are appropriate, for these people are our kin, sharing a common human nature.

People exist for the sake of one another.

Teach them or bear with them.171

Marcus suggests the following meditation for when you think someone has injured

you:

It is peculiar to humans to love even those who do them wrong.

This happens, if when they do wrong you remember they are kin,

and wrong you through ignorance and unintentionally,

and soon both of you will die;

above all, that the wrongdoer has done you no harm,

for he has not made your mind worse than it was before.172

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Thus you exercise the Discipline of Desire, and treat their wrong indifferently, even welcoming it as willed by Destiny.

Benevolence is invincible if it be genuine,

and not merely an affected smile and playing a part.173

Indeed, it is reasonable to love those with whom we are connected through Destiny as well as through family:

Harmonize yourself with the things to which you are linked by Destiny.

As for the people to whom you are linked;

love them, but genuinely.174

You may be thinking, “Yeah, I can really see myself teaching my boss that his actions are inappropriate, that he’s only harming himself, or patiently showing this irate customer her error.” True enough. You have to pick your battles wisely. Sometimes you can find common ground, even if you disagree on many specific issues. If not, remind yourself that these people are our greatest teachers for, like sparing partners, they teach us how to take the blows without going down. Focus on the benefits you gain from them. In a few pages I’ll explain how to treat people justly even if they see things very differently from you.

Premeditation on Difficult People
: An exercise similar to the Premeditation of Misfortune can help you to respond philosophically to difficult people. It is similar

to Markus’ exercise, but in it you think of specific people or specific classes

of people (e.g., grumpy customers) whom you are likely to encounter. Think

of the things they do that are most annoying, or that you find most difficult

to bear in other ways. Practice each of the disciplines. The Discipline of As-

sent, especially the practice of Neutral Description, will help you to withdraw

extraneous judgment of the situation and to see it objectively. Exercising the

Discipline of Desire will help you to realize that their behavior cannot injure

you, because it cannot affect your freedom of moral choice. The Discipline

of Impulse guides your actions toward compassion, forbearance, gentleness,

and justice (as explained below). Imagine the situation and your response as

vividly as you can, since this will help you to apply the same techniques when

the situation, or one like it, actually occurs.

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Criterion I, Third Standard: Friends

Like the Epicureans and other ancient philosophers, the Stoics valued true friendship, which is based on a common commitment that the good resides in virtue, not in the accidents of fate. Under these conditions friendship is deeply rooted and secure. The Neoplatonist Hierocles, a younger contemporary of Hypatia, wrote:

Friendship is the most excellent virtue

and outshines all the rest in perfection.

For the end of all the virtues is friendship,

and their principle is piety.175

He was commenting on these
Pythagorean Golden Verses
, which explain how we should choose our friends and treat them:

Him that is first in virtue make thy friend,

And with observance his kind speech attend;

Nor (to thy power) for slight faults cast him by;

For power is neighbor to necessity.176

The first verse means that we should choose friends of outstanding moral character.

The second says that friends should listen to the advice of their true friends (which comes in the form of “kind speech”), for they agree in their moral purpose. Furthermore, friends should be tolerant of their friends’ minor failings, for they are confident of each other’s fundamental character, which is all that really matters. According to Hierocles, “power is neighbor to necessity” means that necessity proves that we are able to do more than we think we can do, and so we should bear as much as possible from our true friends and try to help them. He adds that even unjust people should be treated justly, lest we become unjust ourselves, and that human kinship dictates that we show kindness and a degree of affection even to bad people:

The Wise hate no person,

but love only the virtuous.177

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Review of Friends
: Think about your friends. What is the basis of your friendship?

There are many possibilities besides a shared philosophy of life and moral pur-

pose, including common interests, regular association, shared work, kinship,

mutual aid, and living nearby. How stable is the basis? Could it change, and

what would that mean for your friendship? How would you react if they did

something you consider wrong? The purpose of this exercise is not to get you

to “write off ” casual friendships, but to achieve a greater conscious under-

standing of their basis and to help you appreciate better your true friendships.

Record your analysis in your journal.

Criterion II: Worth and Justice

Markus and Rusticus have turned around, leaning back against the balcony and