The Write Stuff (7 page)

His word
s slashed through me. They shouldn't have, but even as pissed as I was becoming, my armor wasn't that strong. I crossed my arms across my chest, trying to maintain my composure. My face was sure to give away my true feelings, but I couldn't let him see my hurt. "What does that even mean? Are you really that vain?"

"
It's not you. It's just a rule I have. Virgins expect more. They want more, and they're willing to do whatever's necessary to get it."

"'
Get it?' Because the
it
you have is so desirable?"

Two minutes ago the answer to that question had been a resounding yes. T
here was nothing I wanted from him except his body. What else did he have to offer? Nothing that I needed. I was quite happy with the path my life had taken. His rejection had taken all the appeal from him. The desire and lust that had been dictating my emotions for the last twenty-four hours was gone. I wanted nothing except for him to leave.

Luckily, it appeared we both agreed on that point
. He couldn't seem to get out of my room and apartment fast enough. I was still standing flabbergasted in the middle of my room when I heard the front door softly close. The tears of anger, mortification and hurt I had been holding back came spilling out.

I robotically made sure the front door was locked before h
eading to my bathroom. Peering at myself in the mirror, my hands reached out to grip the sink when the full impact of his rejection hit me. I felt stupid. Tarnished.

Turning away from my
mocking reflection, I stripped out of my clothes and twisted the knob of my shower to the hot setting. The water washed over me, mixing with my tears.

I stayed in the shower
until I cried myself out and my attitude had hardened.
To hell with him and his no-virgin rule. He could boink as many sluts as he wanted. I had clearly dodged a bullet.
I only wished I didn't feel like I was lying to myself.

Chapter Seven

Music chimed from my cell phone the next morning to wake me up. Obviously, I would need to change that song now. When it played at the club while Alec and I danced, I had believed it was fate, but now it was a shitty reminder of a night gone badly. The sucky part was that I liked A Great Big World
. I guess I'd have to find another one of their songs to use as a ringtone.

I reached for my cell
phone without opening my eyes. "Yeah," I answered, already knowing it was Olivia. I even knew what her first words would be.

"
Sleep all day, why don't you? You were supposed to text me. I need the details, slutbag," she demanded.

I sighed
, opening my eyes. They felt raw, but were at least dry. I hated crying and couldn't believe I had succumbed to tears the night before. "What time is it?" I answered in a monotone voice.

"
Almost one. Did you do it so many times you can't even get out of bed? Alec wouldn't spill any of the deets at the shoot this morning, so fess up."

I had forgotten about the shoot. At least I knew Alec had remained tight
-lipped about what happened, but I couldn't figure out why. Maybe he assumed that since Olivia and I were friends that I would tell her. I'm sure he was also hoping what happened wouldn't affect his opportunity to earn money for the modeling gig. "There's nothing to tell," I said, rolling over.

"
That's what Alec said too. Did you two rehearse your answers or something? What do you mean 'nothing'? I saw you two dancing. You were all over each other. I was sweating just watching you. Matter of fact, Taylor wanted me to thank you because he got lucky last night because of it."

I actually appreciated how funny that was, but I still wasn
't ready to laugh. I couldn't even find a sarcastic retort. At least someone had gotten lucky last night. Not that I was blaming Olivia. This wasn't her fault. Sure, she'd been behind the blind date, but I knew she would never have orchestrated the whole thing if she knew what a dick Alec was.

"
Nicole? Are you alright?" She sounded worried, and I realized several seconds had passed since her question.

"
I mean, we didn't do the deed. He freaked when he found out I was still a virgin."

"
No fucking way. You mean to tell me he did the old
enter-and-retreat
?"

Severus
, who had been snuggled up along my side, stood up and stretched. I reached over and stroked my hand down his back. "We didn't even get that far. I told him beforehand."

"
Why? Why would you mention it?"

"
Does it matter why I mentioned it? What about the fact that it shouldn't matter?" I snapped at her.

She let out a loud breath of air.
"You're right. It doesn't matter. He's an asshat. What guy doesn't want to bang a virgin? It's like the Holy Grail."

My anger dissipated instantly as a reluctant smile spread across my face.
"I know, right? That's what I thought, but not to him, I guess."

"
Did he give a reason?"

"
Not really. Truthfully, I just want to put it behind me. Trust me when I say it wasn't my finest moment."

"
I'm sorry, babe. It's his loss. I'm glad he didn't get to be your first. You deserve better. Your first time should be special."

I appreciated her loyalty.
There was a reason Olivia and I had been friends for so long. We took care of each other first, no matter what. Besides, deep down, what happened between Alec and me last night had been special until he found out my secret and freaked. Even lying in bed now, I remembered his touch on my skin. The way he kissed me. The hardness of his body against mine. It felt wrong to have those thoughts in my head. They were traitorous. Thinking about him would do me no good.

Olivia and I chatted for a few minutes more.
She even suggested she would find another model for my cover. I weighed the notion without replying. I honestly wasn't sure how I felt about it. Thankfully, Olivia dropped the subject, asking if I wanted to grab lunch. I declined the offer. My plans for the next couple days would consist of not leaving the house at all. I had several takeout menus on hand so I wouldn't starve, but I planned on submerging myself into my manuscript. I'd had enough human contact to last me awhile.

Olivia disapproved, but didn
't push. Once we ended our call, I turned my ringer off. For the next forty-eight hours I was cutting myself off from the outside world.

I threw my hair
up into a messy bun and pulled on my favorite pair of yoga pants and a sweatshirt. To make sure I wouldn't get hot, I turned the AC down in my apartment. It was backward thinking, but I preferred it cold while I was writing.

Ten
minutes later, I snuggled into my writing chair with a large glass of iced coffee. It wasn't as good as Starbucks, but it would have to do. Severus climbed up on the cat tree I kept between the window and my chair. I reached out to pet him while my computer booted up. He purred, appreciating the attention before curling up into a ball as I started to type.

Over the next couple of days
, Severus and I didn't move except to scrounge for food, use the bathroom and to fall in a heap on my bed when my eyes refused to stay open a moment longer.

This particular writing marathon
killed two birds with one stone. I finished my novel ahead of my deadline, and I was able to successfully push thoughts of Alec to the far recesses of my mind. Grudgingly, I had to admit his rejection helped my story. I was able to draw from my feelings and weave them into the story. In the end I was pleased with the way it had turned out.

Blurry eyed and more than a little dizzy from
a lack of moving around, I headed to the bathroom to wash away the grime from two days without a shower. Feeling lazy, I decided to run a bath so I could shave my legs and spoil myself a little.

For the rest of the day I caught
up on social media, contacting bloggers about my upcoming release, and preparing swag that I would need to send out on Monday.

Olivi
a had sent me an email with the cover while I had been in lockdown. I hadn't opened it yet. Alec's mocking face wasn't something I had been ready to see. In the end, I knew I was being ridiculous, so I finally clicked the link to open the file.

I studied the cover art for
a few minutes, trying to analyze it for how well it captured the essence of my story rather than the fact that Alec's hypnotizing eyes were staring back at me. I had been wondering if I made the right choice by not telling Olivia to find another model. Seeing the finished product, I had to admit, I was glad I hadn't said anything. The cover for
Wickedly Lovely
was stunning. It was easily Olivia's best work to date. Natasha was as beautiful as ever, but it was Alec who brought the cover to life. Olivia had been right all along. He was a natural. Readers were going to immediately take to him. He embodied the very essence of the book boyfriend that all females wanted. Plus, he was a dead ringer for my main character, Harrison. Alec's face alone would make me want to pick up the book.

Along with the cover files,
Olivia had also sent mock-ups for bookmarks and magnets, which she said she would order if I liked the proofs. I had a full schedule of indie book signing events during the coming months and the swag was good for promoting my titles. Hopefully, I could get some buzz going for the new series. The idea of launching something new scared the hell out of me. Just because my first series had done well didn't guarantee readers would take to my new stuff. I felt my writing had improved with each book, so hopefully that would be evident in the story.

That night I
actually went to bed at a normal time. I guess I didn't realize how exhausted I had been. The cover for
Wicked Lovely
remained on my mind as I drifted to sleep. More accurately, Alec was on my mind, which carried over into my dreams. Distorted images of our failed night together filled my subconscious. We'd get right to the point of the actual deed and then something would interrupt us and we would start over again. It was frustrating and appealing at the same time.

D
reaming about near orgasms all night left me throbbing with desire by the time I finally woke before dawn. I debated taking a cold shower, but my body wanted more. Sliding my hand into my pajama bottoms, I could feel how wet the dreams had made me. I closed my eyes and conjured images of Alec and what he could have done with his tongue. My finger slid inside me easily as my body moved against my hand. I imagined it was Alec touching me. My breathing became labored and I moaned as if he were lying on top of me. I felt like I should stop, but my hand wouldn't cooperate. My release came almost immediately. I lay in bed motionless, wondering if I should feel bad for getting myself off over a guy who had rejected me.

I managed to fall back asleep before waking again several hours later
. The ache was gone, but I felt bereft. What I had done earlier was a poor substitution for the real deal, but maybe I wasn't being honest with myself. If so, I might have to admit I still wanted Alec.

I
was tired of pondering it either way so I climbed from bed to get my day going. Every Sunday I gave my apartment a good cleaning, including tossing my bedding into my washing machine and dusting every surface area. I vacuumed my bedroom and living room and then gathered all the takeout binge-eating trash that was stacked on the counter from the last two days.

Once I finished
, I showered and got dressed to head over to Mom and Dad's for afternoon dinner.

I was the last to arrive when I got
to my childhood home a half an hour later. Zachary and Tony were on the front lawn tossing a football while Zachary's forever girlfriend, Ashley, sat on the porch swing reading a book.

Zachary gave me a
crushing one-armed hug. "What did you bring for dessert?"

"
Nice try. I know for a fact it was your turn to bring dessert. I hope it's something decadent and super rich. I've been holed up in my apartment for two days and my sweet tooth is weeping from neglect."

"
Lucky for you, Ash made her famous Hershey's chocolate bar brownies. If you're good, maybe I'll share," he teased, rubbing the top of my head with his knuckles.

I squirmed away before he could do any more damage
. "Douche-breath," I grumbled, trying to smooth my hair.

"
Zach, you know she doesn't like that," Tony said, chastising him as he pulled me in for a quick hug before placing a wet finger in my ear.

"
Gah, are you two ever going to grow up?" I swung at him, but he was too quick and easily darted out of the way. I stomped toward the porch, glaring at them both.

Ashley shook her head sympathetically as I climbed the porch steps.
"Your brothers."

"
Hey, Ash." I greeted her with a hug that didn't involve noogies or wet willies. "I know, right? Mom should have given them back when they were born. I now know why some species eat their young."

Ashley laughed
. She and Zachary had been dating long enough for her to know how things worked in my family. She knew deep down we all loved each other, even if at times I wanted to bury them in a shallow grave. "What are you reading?" I asked, trying to catch a glimpse of the cover.

"
That one you picked up for me at your last book event." She moved her hand to show me the cover of my friend Melissa Brown's newest book.

"
Oh, that's such a good book. I read the entire thing during my flight from Chicago last month.

"
I'd believe it," Ash chuckled. "I just started it this morning and I'm almost done. The writing is flawless."

"
I agree. Plus, the storyline is freaking amazing."

She stood from the porch swing to follow me inside.
"How's your book coming along?"

I shot her a smile. Ash was a beta reader for me
, which meant she was one of the first people to read my books and give suggestions on the story before release. Some writers used more beta readers than others, but Olivia and Ash worked perfectly for me. I figured too many cooks in the kitchen would ruin the meal. "Funny you should ask. I actually finished it last night," I told her, smiling broadly when she jumped up and down like a kid in a candy store. Hopefully that enthusiasm would carry over when she read it.
Wicked Lovely
was different from my previous work, and I was worried about my readers' reactions to it.

She rubbed her hands together greedily.
"When do I get it?"

I waited to answer as Mom engulfed me in a delicate hug that
smelled like her favorite perfume. It was a scent she had worn for as long as I could remember. Dad made sure to replenish her supply every Valentine's Day. "You look tired," she said, staring me in the face.