The Wrong Sister (13 page)

What happened with Tracy tonight? They went from being friendly help-partners to nearly clutching each other like crazed weasels. And now what? He suddenly decided that being with Vickie didn’t feel right at all anymore.

Being with Tracy did.

That was the only time he felt real. Normal. Better. Even when they fought, he felt happier than he did around anyone else. Was it because they were both so miserable? And both victims of their spouse’s poor behavior?

But to grab her so intimately and drag her close to him? That was not the right thing to do. He should not have been holding a soft, curvy woman against his body. And it didn’t matter in that moment if the woman also held the title of his sister-in-law. He should not have held any woman but his own wife that way. He certainly didn’t grab women he worked with, or conducted business with in such a manner. So why his wife’s sister? No. He never should have done that. He mentally cringed and shied away from even thinking about it.

Yet… Tracy remained on his mind.

He shook his head, trying to dispel all the wrong thoughts as well as the strange stirring in his chest of something that felt close to emotional attachment. No. He could not have any emotions about Tracy. He could be grateful to her and even feel sorry for her and pity her. And he could be there for her kids, which her own husband asked him to do. But to harbor any romantic feelings for her? No. No how. No way.

He leaned back in his seat and slowly unclicked his seatbelt before getting out of the car. As the door shut with a slam, he lifted his sleeping daughter out and began trudging toward the dark, empty, soon-to-be-sold house. The awful thickness that impeded his breathing and made his chest hurt got worse. After eating his micro waved dinner, he couldn’t wait to fall onto the bed for a short, fitful sleep before getting up to go over to Tracy’s all over again. As usual. He was there all the time.

****

“You look better.”

“I didn’t know I looked bad,” Vickie snapped. He shuffled his feet and slowly waited to take a seat near Vickie. They were in the living room area of the rehab facility. He had not seen her in over a month. That length of time was recommended before visits were encouraged. Vickie only got one phone call a week, during which she readily complained that it was like being in prison. They were crazy to keep her locked up like a criminal.

Every time she started in again, Donny patiently waited until the end of her rant and asked, “And then what? If you leave, what are you going to do?”

She had no ready answer, because she wasn’t ready to leave the facility. Admission was all on a voluntary basis. She could have walked out the door anytime. However, it was two hours away from her home, so if she walked out, there was no way for her to get home, and they refused to provide her with a phone call. So Donny hoped a little common sense could prevail with Vickie.

“I didn’t mean you looked bad. You just look fresher. More rested.”

She shrugged. Wearing little makeup, her hair was pulled tidily back into a hair tie. She had on jeans and a casual top with flats. She didn’t look like herself. But Donny thought it was a nice change, to be honest. She shook her head, the long ends of her hair falling over her shoulder. “I’m sorry. I’m a little nervous to see you.”

He smiled as he leaned forward and put his hand out. She finally set hers in his. “Me too.”

“You? You always seem so sure of what you’re doing and who you are.”

“I do?” he asked her with mild surprise. He never knew she saw him like that.

“Yes. You do. Not like me. Your confidence is something I wish I had. I pretend to have it, but you really do have it.”

He smiled sadly, thinking of the strange combinations of feelings in his chest last night over Tracy. He focused his gaze on his wife. “I really don’t, Vickie. I really have nothing figured out, and I don’t feel sure of anything anymore.”

“Since me?”

“No. Since having a child. That changes everything.”

She nodded. “How is she?”

Calling Tracy “Mom.”
But he couldn’t say that. It was too mean. And wrong, despite being the truth. “She’s good. I think she grows bigger by the day.”

“Do you think she’ll forget about me?”

“No. Of course not. Don’t worry about that. Just try to get better. So… how are you? Really? Is this place… what’s the word? Working? Good?”

Vickie stared at her hands before she lifted her face with a small, slightly amused grin. “You’re not often unsure of yourself. Especially with me. It’s the right place for me and my problem. There are people here who get me. Who understand me when I say things. That’s nice. I don’t feel guilty all the time. Or that I’m failing you. Or that I’m simply a failure in general.”

“I know it isn’t your fault. I know it’s a disease. I’ve read a lot about it, especially since you’ve been gone.”

“I imagine you have. Yes. It is, one I have to manage. It’s easier in here. I wonder, though, how will I translate this? How do I stay this way? How do I…”

“Isn’t it supposed to be one day at a time? You don’t drink for this one day. You only have to worry about today and the present. Not next week or next year or next decade?”

“You sound like a poster child for recovery.”

He smiled sheepishly. “No. Actually, I sat in on an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. I told them why I was there. I said I was trying to understand my wife’s addiction.”

“Do you now?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know.”

She shrugged too. “The thing is, neither do I. I wasn’t abused. I wasn’t raped. I wasn’t raised by neglectful, horrible parents. There is nothing in my history to predict why I became this way. I have no good reason. It almost makes it worse. So many in here tell tragic stories, and you can easily see why they turned to drugs and alcohol. I can only say… what? My parents didn’t expect enough out of me? They spoiled me? I was too well taken care of? It just makes no sense why I ended up this way.”

He rose and moved right next to her before sitting down and taking her hand. “I don’t think it’s that cut and dried. I think it’s a matter of being born with it. Like diabetes or something. I don’t want you to have a tragic reason. The disease is tragic enough.”

She hunkered down and leaned her head on his shoulder. “I’m exhausted. They expect a lot from me in here.”

He didn’t comment. She wasn’t used to anyone expecting a lot from her. And that needed to be changed too. She had to learn accountability for her actions or inactions.

“Do you want to see the video I took of Julia laughing for about five minutes after a TV commercial?”

She lifted her head and smiled finally. “Yes, I’d like to see that.”

He pulled his phone out and started the video.

****

“How is she?”

He passed Tracy and flopped onto the couch. He could hear the girls talking in the kitchen. He liked the sound. It was comforting. It was… normal. It seemed like he was gone for a week at the rehab facility with Vickie instead of just a mere eight hours.

He rubbed his hands over his face and leaned back with a huge sigh. “She’s… I don’t know. She seemed a little different. Subdued, for her. She finds it odd that she doesn’t have a tragic reason for being there. I think she feels weird for becoming an alcoholic. I know she’s not used to talking about it. She spent so long hiding it, and I think admitting the problem is half the battle. The shame is real. I see that in her. But anything more than that? I don’t know where her head is. To be honest, you should have gone and seen her. I don’t know her well enough to judge.”

Tracy was dressed in her pajamas when Donny knocked and she opened the door. They were loose cotton capri pants with little umbrellas and a matching blue shirt. Her hair was down, and over her shoulders. Barely touching her shoulder blades, it was thick, straight and red. It slid off her shoulders as she sat down across from him and crossed her legs underneath her.

He leaned his head back onto the couch and looked straight up to avoid staring at Tracy in her pajamas and her unpinned hair. It was weird. Why was he so worried about thinking of Tracy? Who cared if he thought about Tracy? It meant nothing. Because he noticed what she wore? So what? She was right in front of him. So he noticed. Why did he need to avoid looking at her on purpose now? He was too tired. That’s all it was. Visiting his wife of less than two years in rehab just wasn’t an easy thing for him to deal with.

“Do you think she’s getting something from it?”

He shut his eyes. If only he knew for sure. The thought of her coming home was intimidating, to say the least. How could he trust her? How could he leave her alone for the first time? How could he resist watching her and judging everything she did, as if waiting for her to mess up? Because, in all honesty, that’s what he expected.

“I don’t know, Trace. I really don’t. I think she’s seeing herself in ways she never has before. And it didn’t leave her feeling all warm and fuzzy; let’s just say that. I think this is going to be hard for her. And hard and Vickie aren’t exactly compatible.”

Tracy sighed and ran her hand through her hair, making her front bangs flutter and land. A cowlick stuck out weird, and Donny had the sudden urge to reach out and flatten it. Instead, he stuck his hands under his thighs and decided it was not cute. It looked weird. She was not cute. Cute? Donny never went for cute. No. No way. He went for hot. Beautiful. Stunning. Sexy.
Vickie.
He went for Vickie, and she was as different from Tracy as night and day. Donny didn’t go for “cute.”

Although Tracy was damn cute.

He suddenly jumped up and walked over to the window to glare outside. “How was Julia?”

“Good. She fell asleep an hour ago, after calling me ‘Mom’ four times today. I don’t know how to make her stop. Vickie really needs to get home soon.”

“I know,” he muttered, running his hands through his hair. “So the mom-thing? I guess, just correct her gently. I mean it’s not like she’ll be five years old and still thinking that. She’ll get it eventually. I can’t stress over that right now.”

“You’re probably right. It’s just really disconcerting.”

“So how were the kids today? How did the games go?” He turned to listen as Tracy started to describe Ally’s fast pitch game and Kylie’s soccer game. She had to drag Julia along to both games, and each was an hour’s drive away. She talked for twenty minutes about what both girls did. And mentioned who was there… All the mind-numbing details of young kids’ sports teams. The thing was: Donny was sincerely interested. He knew exactly who and what she was talking about. He cared that Kylie’s team won, and Ally felt ashamed, like she let her team down with a lousy catch. Even knowing they had games in their respective sports was new for Donny, let alone, in so much detail. At least, Tracy’s parents made it to the games. He was annoyed as hell at them right now; and they were mad at him still for how he approached Vickie’s problem. They weren’t stepping up to assist him, or Tracy, like he felt they should have. They were nice enough people, but they sure as hell could have done a lot more towards helping Tracy. It was annoying as hell how infrequently they volunteered to cart her kids around, or watch Julia.

She stopped talking and they were left staring at each other as usual. “I’m so sick of this.”

The side of his mouth twitched. “Of me being here?”

She made a face and crossed her eyes. “No. Yes, only in that it means the circumstances are what they are, but mostly, I’m sick and tired of my life. It’s hard. You know? My life was never just… kind of bad like it is now. Do you know what I mean?”

“Do I know what you mean? Of course, I know what you mean. You go from having a bad day once in awhile to allowing bad to become the entire foundation of your life sucking. Yeah, I know what you mean.”

She sighed deeply. “You shouldn’t know so much about my kids. And yours shouldn’t call me ‘Mom.’”

He shrugged. “Like I said when this started, we might as well get used to it. I guess, I’d better get Julia now and go home.”

She stood up as he stepped towards the door. “It should get better when Vickie gets home. Maybe everything will change on your end.”

“I wouldn’t mind having a reason to go home, I guess. I spend more time in my car than at home. Coming here’s a close second.”

“I know I’ve been less than gracious about Julia, but I don’t know what I’d have done without your help these last few weeks.” They both stood. She crossed her arms under her breasts, pushing her shirt tighter over them, but totally inadvertently. He lifted his gaze over her shoulder as her long hair fell when she leaned down to grab Julia’s bag. “I don’t thank you enough.”

“You thank me every day that you take my daughter.”

Their longing looks settled hard on each other. He saw her throat move as she swallowed. She had to tilt her head to look up at him. It made her seem smaller and more feminine. She turned her shoulders just enough to break their stand-off and the sudden awkward feel of the room. Why did this keep happening? He took the bag she held out. He really needed to get home soon, if only so he could cease having such weird reactions to his sister-in-law.

DONNY ENTERED HIS PARENTS’ home, his childhood home, and his jangled nerves caused his stomach to cramp. Leila and Lewis Lindstrom turned when he and Julia came in. Leila literally squealed and ran toward Julia. She grinned and clapped and gurgled in visible delight. Lewis was right behind, barely sparing Donny a quick hello before he, too, was grasping Julia’s hand and talking to her.

Leila finally handed Julia to Lewis and came over to him. She was a tall woman, only a couple inches shorter than him. She hugged him fiercely to her. “Oh, Donny. I missed you so much. I am so glad I have you and Julia to come home to. Vacationing was great, and well deserved; but nothing beats home. I wish Tony and Gretchen and Olivia could be here now. But you are a sight for an old lady’s eyes.” She pushed him away slightly and smiled warmly. He shook his head. His parents were so good to him. Always. They were as much a part of his life as he wanted, without prying or meddling into his affairs, as he heard many parents, especially mothers, often did. They always gave Donny and his family the space and distance they needed, and were first and foremost there when he needed them, unlike Tracy’s parents.

His dad recently retired after forty years as a plumber. For the last twenty years, he owned his own company. It was a surprise for Donny to learn he only kept working because Tony was living at home. Lewis couldn’t stand seeing his son’s pain, and subsequent lack of ambition to do anything. Tony became nearly comatose while living in the basement after losing his arm. It was only after Tony moved out that Lewis began to make plans for his retirement, which he finally realized only four months ago. The last three months were spent celebrating his retirement. Donny was glad for them because they both deserved it. The last thing he wanted to do now was explain to them that their other son had just totally messed up his life.

His parents talked non-stop for two hours. They wanted to know everything that happened with Julia, Vickie and him. He glossed over Vickie’s unavailability on the phone as being due to her having to work. He often glossed over details about Vickie with his parents. Neither he nor Tony, at Donny’s earnest request, ever mentioned Vickie’s faults or her bad habits to their parents.

He almost couldn’t admit it. Not to them. He was always considered the easy son. The stable son. The optimistic son. Tony was volatile, rude, and nearly catatonic for years. Donny always made sure not to add to his mother’s stress. It wasn’t an act either. He really had his shit together. From the time he graduated college with a degree in computer science, he found jobs at a number of smaller computer companies, and wound up doing a little of everything. Several years earlier, he started a business with two other guys he met through the company they then worked for. They devised a business plan, got a loan, and started Calliston Computer Consulting. After buying out his partners, Donny renamed it Lindstrom Computer Consulting.

By the time Tony got hurt, Donny had long before managed to purchase his own house, and was doing reasonably well in his profession. Tony came home completely different and soon proved utterly difficult. Donny devoted two years to his brother, picking up the slack, and helping him get to appointments as well as learning to deal with his physical limitation. Donny was always a reliable resource for his parents. And he gladly filled that role as he had no reason not to.

Until he met Vickie Moore.

He met her the night Gretchen first came to dinner. That was after she ran into Tony and Donny in the grocery store, and accepted Donny’s invitation to come to his parents’ house for dinner. Coincidentally, her little sister, Vickie, tagged along.

Donny was completely enamored by Vickie’s appearance. She was
hot
. In ways no woman should have been. She was a walking lingerie model sitting at his parents’ dinner table. He couldn’t speak to her for the first hour, after convincing himself a woman like Vickie wouldn’t want anything to do with an ordinary guy like him. The weird thing was: she did want to do something with him. And came to dinner specifically so they could meet up. She knew of him in high school, but he was four years older, and a couple of years older than Tracy. He knew about both of them because he was well aware that Tony had the hots for Gretchen, and that was clear back in high school. But anything between the Moore girls and Donny? No way.

Certainly, he never expected to be married to one, and to later become nearly parent partners with the other. He shook his head at the thought. It was so damn weird how close he and Tracy were becoming. She was more like a best friend/companion/helpmate to him than anyone else.

That first night when Donny met Vickie, he drove her home and nothing happened, other than his hunch that she was trying to throw out vibes to him. He wasn’t ready to believe she wanted him. The next night, however, he learned his hunch wasn’t wrong. She did want him. Donny Lindstrom. They left the nightclub together and went to his house. That night turned out to be the most incredible one of his life. He remembered it clearly, even while sitting across from his parents and listening to them goo and gaw over his kid. He remembered the sexual haze of enchantment that began on that night and soon took over the rest of his life.

Vickie swiftly pulled him inside the door and led him to his bedroom, then got down onto her knees, undid his pants, pulled him out, and that quick, her painted red lips were clamped onto him. He almost came as soon as her wet mouth made contact. She was so good at it. The sex went on for hours. In all kinds of ways he’d never done with any other girl, even in college.

It continued like that for almost three months, when she discovered she was pregnant.

As fast as that, he found himself standing before all and proclaiming Vickie his wife. That was when he first started to doubt it. The true love he thought he felt might have been infatuation, or lust, but was not an all-consuming, epic kind of love that he first believed it to be. Vickie was extremely difficult about the wedding even though it was her fourth. Always demanding, picky and rude, she spent way too much of his money on it, since she had none of her own. She didn’t have one compunction about spending his, even though it was her fourth trip down the aisle in ten years.

This time, however, she was pregnant with Donny’s baby. Deep down, he knew even then she could never take care of a baby on her own. She needed him. He might have had reservations about being in love with her, per se, but he still realized how much she needed him. He hoped that would be enough. He wanted to believe that need could sustain them. He thought he could help her get her shit together and finally act grown up. Hoping their daughter’s birth would change her from the wild, irresponsible girl he dated to become an adult, responsible and committed mother, he was disappointed when it didn’t happen. Looking back now, he half blamed himself for thinking he could change her. He never truly accepted Vickie as she was. He wanted her to change before she could really be with him; and was naive enough to believe he could help her.

He had no idea at the time of course, that her partying wasn’t just partying. He had no idea it was an insidious disease that doomed her life as well as his.

He was the one his parents expected to always do well. He always held a job, although they were nice, safe, boring jobs, unlike Tony who joined up in the Army after high school. His mother wore her heart out for a whole decade by worrying about Tony’s safety. Tony was never very sensitive or aware of how much it hurt Leila. Donny saw it first hand because he stayed close to home. He only lived twenty minutes from them. He attended a state school two hours away, and moved back home when he got his degree. Living at home in the basement for nine months, he eventually found his first apartment. A few years later, he was buying his own house. Working every day, he always had a consistent paycheck, although he never did anything particularly exciting or risky.

Until he married Vickie Moore.

Now, look at him.

After she moved in with him, his money was no longer his own. Swiftly maxing out three credit cards, she owed thousands in no time. And yet, she still spent. She was addicted to the damn credit card. Donny cut all of them up finally, because she simply couldn’t be trusted with even one. He doled out her budget and tried limiting her financially, but she still found ways around his strict regime.

“Donny? Did you hear me?”

He raised his head up. His mother was speaking to him, and holding out a cup of coffee. “Sorry. What?”

“How is Vickie’s job going? Is it working out well? Is Tracy watching Julia?”

He took the hot cup and set it down. Here it was: the first lead-in to everything that needed to be said. About Vickie. His business. His money. Tracy. His tongue felt thick and heavy. He really didn’t want to answer. They looked so happy. Tanned and smiling, they appeared so relaxed. It was almost embarrassing how touchy-feely they were with each other, and in ways he didn’t remember them being. Perhaps the trip together renewed their relationship. They thought life was good. Tony was finally out of there. He was back to working, being married, raising a daughter, and most of all, happy. He even smiled now. Tony was a functioning adult and, for once, not in danger of losing his life or more limbs. They naturally believed Donny, too, was happily married, and now raising his first daughter, and gainfully employed.

Yup, life was just about perfect.

Donny cleared his throat. “There have been some changes that happened while you were gone…”

He spent an hour going over what Micah did and where Vickie was, and everything else those two events encompassed. After he finished his long, sad story, his parents just sat there as if he’d somehow frozen them with his words.

Finally, his mom shook her head, swinging her hair around her face. “Why didn’t you call us? How could you not call us right away, Donny? We would have been on the next plane home.”

“That’s why I didn’t call you. I didn’t want to ruin your vacation. You both deserved it. Besides, you’d get to hear it all eventually.”

“Well, of course it would ruin our vacation because you’re our son and we love you. All the same, if you are going through something like that, we want to know.”

He stared at his hands. Julia was cruising from table to table, engaging herself with magazines and random knick-knacks, completely oblivious to the subject or their conversation. What would Donny do when she grew older and was not so unaware? What if he couldn’t fix their money issues? Or their home? Or his business? Or Vickie? What if he could not fix her mother’s problem? The anxiety over Julia’s future started to climb up his spine before lodging as an ache in his temples.

“I guess, I didn’t want you to know,” he finally admitted. He couldn’t look up. He didn’t want to see the disappointment or pity in their eyes. “You already dealt with so much with Tony. You deserved to finally enjoy your lives and each other.”

Leila came over to the couch and sat right next to him, gripping his hand. “You suffered for Tony’s problems too. I know that. We never expected you to give us any trouble. You’re right. And you never have. This happened not because you failed us, but because it’s life, honey. We can’t dismiss you and your problems just because we dealt with Tony and his for so many years. Right, Lewis?”

His dad nodded his head in affirmation. When he spoke, his voice was low and even. “We aren’t done being parents, Donny. No matter how old you get. And yes, Tony took a lot more out of us than you ever did. He was always more volatile and moody. Then, after the injury… well, we all know what that was like. You did more for him than anyone could expect. So did we. But that doesn’t mean we’re ‘tired’ of being parents. You’re our son too. You have stuff to deal with… we’re here. The basement? Yours, if you want it.”

Donny cringed. “No. I hope it never comes to that. But thank you all the same. It means a lot to me.” His heart lifted. His father rarely made speeches, and usually answered any questions with one word. He didn’t express himself a lot. That was a huge milestone for him and Donny didn’t miss it. Tony’s seclusion and normal silence came directly from their father. Donny took his kind words to heart.

Leila nodded. “I can’t believe all this. Tracy? She must be a wreck. Micah seemed like the most normal, upstanding man I’ve met in a long time. He seemed so exceptional. As a man and as a father.”

“I considered him my best friend.”

“How are Tracy and her kids?”

“Not good. You can imagine. She can’t make sense of it. And then, well, I’ve been at her house more often so she could take care of Julia.”

“You really should have told us what was going on. We can take Julia. She can start coming here. And Donny? Why not move into the basement for awhile? We can help you with Julia, and you can replenish your finances. It’s not like what Tony did. You aren’t hiding, just re-grouping.”

“Thank you. I will take you up on Julia. But let me see if there is another option before I move into my parents’ basement.”

Leila leaned over and grabbed Julia, bringing her onto her lap. “So, Vickie has… problems?”

He grunted. “She is a walking problem, Mom. I know you like her, but she can’t manage alcohol, money, time, relationships or motherhood. I realized some of it before I married her, but afterwards, all of it kept culminating. Then I discovered her secret. The drinking? No one knew it was a problem. Not even her sisters.”

“Poor Gayle. How is she dealing with two daughters being in such messes?”