The XOXO New Adult Collection: 16 Full Length New Adult Stories (167 page)

Without warning, he snaked his arms against me—almost required in the ridiculously small bathroom—and turned on the faucet again before grabbing the bar of soap below the medicine cabinet.

“You really do know your first-aid” I teased.

William looked up at me and smiled. “Trial and error Jumper. I’ve learned about infections the hard way. If you behave yourself—” he dried his hands on a paper towel and reached for my hand. “I’ll show you the scars from the dog bite that ended up getting infected.”

“Oh goody!” I focused on my pretend excitement as best I could, a welcome distraction from the cold goo he applied to my hand.

“How did you get bit by a dog? I suppose that was an accident too?”

Smiling still, he tossed the Q-tip he used to apply the ointment. When I saw how easily it landed in the wastebasket, I smiled.

“Cara liked to bring home strays. I was too little to understand taking hungry food away from a starving dog was a bad idea.”

I flinched at the feel of gauze on my hand and the sound of another girl’s name on his lips.

“Cora?”

“My youngest sister” he said simply. Finished wrapping my hand, William secured the gauze with a thin piece of medical tape. When he took my wrist his smile grew wider, clearly satisfied with his work. I, however, pulled away.

“Your parents didn’t take you to the doctor?” I asked. “Antibiotics? Rabies shots?”

William laughed a little as he let my wrist go. Not at all offended like I thought he might be, he leaned over to start putting things back in the backpack.

“She had gotten in trouble for bring animals home before” he chuckled fondly at a memory I couldn’t see. “She knew she’d get reamed out if she got caught with another one, so she begged me to keep quiet—bribed me with hot wheels and candy.”

I ended up smiling just a little—that, was easy enough to picture. “Do-gooding runs in the family then?”

William’s smile fell as he zipped up the final compartment of the backpack. “Nah Jumper. Not always...”

I hated the change in his demeanor just then, how his body tensed and how his dimples disappeared like a runaway teenager at a train station. And while it did affect his general appearance, my dislike did not revolve around that particular aspect. Instead, my hate had more to do with the tension he gave off, and the darkness that his eyes possessed, not to mention to obvious unhappiness in him.

Feeling brave—I blamed this one the bright pink pills—I reached my good hand up slowly until the nail of my index finger was floating just along the edge of the thin scar by his ear. After everything he had done to make me feel better, this was the least I could do. “And this one?”

Faintly, he smiled, looking at me just from the corner of his eye. “Bar fight.”

“I presume you won?”

Now he smiled until his dimples showed completely. I felt myself relax too, not even aware that I had been tensed up too. “Even if I didn’t, I’d tell you I had.”

“Speaking of scars” William continued to smile as he stood up, easily picking up the backpack once again and slinging it over his shoulder. “I show you mine you show me yours?”

Shaking my head, I walked out of the bathroom in front of him so he couldn’t see me smile. “That isn’t very gentlemanly of you William.”

Taken aback, he feigned offense, dropping the backpack where he stood. “When have I ever given you the impression that I was a gentleman?”

I looked away to smile again. “Good point.”

I continued to smile even as he shoved the first-aid backpack into the closet and I tested the springs of the shifty looking couch with my arms. Even as I did this, however, I got the feeling that I was intruding, my invite warn out now that my intended purpose there was served.

I brought my bandaged hand to my chest and held it close.

“You’re really not going to show me any scars Jumper? Tattoos? Anything?”

Coming up from behind me, William plopped himself on the couch and kicked off his sneakers, instantly comfortable. When I did not react likewise, he looked up at me and frowned a little. Still holding my hand close, I responded to his silent request and sat beside him—smiling at his smile.

“I don’t have any tattoos.” I said finally. “And most of my scars are on the inside. All very cliché I’m afraid.”

“Nothing about you is cliché, Jumper” He leaned closer and wiggled a single eyebrow. “But I bet
all
your scars are prettier than mine.”

I smiled freely, running the nail of my index finger up and down the gauze on my hand and now wishing I had been bold enough to touch William’s face when I had the chance. If he had rebuked me I could have pretended my hand hurt too much to notice I was being inappropriate, openly blamed my boldness on the painkillers he had given me...

“How’s your hand feeling anyway Jumper? You want some more Advil?”

Damn
. Maybe I couldn’t have blamed my behavior on the painkillers.

“No thanks” I shook my head. “It doesn’t feel too bad.”

“Why’d you do it then?” he asked suddenly. “Want some scars for the outside?”

I could tell he was trying to make me smile, but I couldn’t. Instead, I looked away in shame at the way I had behaved in front of William’s friends. While not intending to, I had undoubtedly embarrassed him around the elite group. It was doubtful, but the idea that my destructive behavior could have somehow diminished the respect other people held for him made me queasy.

“I’m sorry I ruined your night. I didn’t mean—”

He brushed off my apology with a wave and a smile. “You didn’t ruin anything Jumper, don’t worry about it. It’s you I’m worried about.”

I bit hard on my lip, truly believing if I let myself talk I might tell him everything, crawl right out of my skin and expose myself completely. I stayed silent.

“Okay Jumper, I’ll tell ya what. I-I won’t ask you to spill your guts, tell your life story or anything. But you gotta tell me why you did what you did tonight.” William sighed and propped his feet up on dingy coffee-table covered in scratches. When I still said nothing he tried again. “Just give me some—explanation okay? Make me feel better about taking you home, Jumper. Because, I gotta say I don’t feel real comfortable leaving you alone right now.”

In a way I wanted to laugh. If I never spoke up would he stay with me forever? How weird would it be to be stuck in William O’Reilly’s place for the rest of my life? To bake and grow old with him as my human antidepressant?

If I didn’t think I would be such an inconvenience, I would have been tempted.

“I—like I said before, I just started feeling things again—things other than sad anyway. I guess I got a little paranoid it would just go away again. That ride was so amazing... ” I sighed looking up and away at the happy, familiar memory. Unfortunately, the memory wasn’t enough to give me a rush, and when I realized it I looked back down at my wrapped hand. “I know it wasn’t logical, I even knew it when I put my hand over the fire, but I sort of had the theory that if I hurt myself I could make the adrenaline keep going, at least for a little while longer.”

From the corner of my eye, William nodded, taking his time before speaking again. “Have you been sad for a long time Jumper?”

“Since my senior year of high school—going on three years now I guess.” I flinched at my own words, the way I sounded like a petty child. There were people who spent their entire lives in captivity, children who did nothing but live painful lives and die terrible deaths, people trapped in their own bodies. And I was complaining about a few months of depression? “I know that doesn’t seem like a long time in the prospect of things—”

“No.” William scoffed “You don’t have to justify it to me.”

“I tried to feel better” I explained. “I really did. It just—got worse.” Now I laughed at the memory of it, the pettiness of it all. “I read self-help books, tried religion, meditation, feng shui, even changing my diet to feel better, nothing seemed to work. I only really gave up about a month ago.”

“What about your friends?” He asked angrily. “Your family?” Though I had only known him for a week, the change in his temperament surprised me more than even the tattoos. “What are they doing to help you out?”

I hung my head in outright shame. Though I hadn’t intended to annoy him, certainly not anger him in anyway, I clearly had. William wasn’t even bothering to try and hide how mad he was now; with his face scrunched up he leaned forward on the couch and tapped his thumbs together impatiently.

“Friends?” I tried not to laugh. “The people I used to hang out with in high school were the closest things to friends I had, but we basically stopped talking after graduation. And my family?” I considered my words carefully before continuing. “There’s just my parents. My dad is a good guy, just awkward with heavy stuff. If my mom knew—” I shook my head unable to think on it any longer. Did straightjackets come in individual sizes or were they a one size fits all sort of thing? If Mom ever got wind that I wanted to hurt myself, I would definitely find out.

“You don’t have anybody to talk to.”

By the tone of his voice, I knew it wasn’t a question.

“I’ve thought about visiting a general practitioner for some medicine or something. ” I shrugged. How much complaining was too much? When would he get tired of being polite and tell me to shut up? “But I’d probably just get a referral which is expensive. And with my mom going through my stuff all the time—”

Finally, smiling again William leaned back into the couch, his face laughing but his body still tensed. “Wait, wait—your mom goes through your stuff?”

I nodded.

“Maybe your problem isn’t that your depressed and more that you need to get the hell out of your parents’ house.”

I followed suit, imitating his movements by leaning back into the couch and letting the thick cushions soak me in. “I don’t make that much at the bakery. Believe me, if I could trade rent for cupcakes, I gladly would.”

“What about school?”

I shrugged. “What about it?”

“Don’t they have counselors you could talk to? You gotta get something for all that tuition you pay right?”

I shrugged.

“Well do me a favor and think about it Jumper. If you’re not going to talk to me, you should at least talk to somebody.”

“Sure” I lied. “I’ll think about it.” The fact of the matter was, however, that I had already thought about it, had actively researched the mental health services my school offered to full-time students more than once but was too afraid to pursue any of the resources available to me. With Dad an active member of his alumni committee, and plenty of acquaintances working in the university itself I had no way of knowing it wouldn’t get back to him somehow.

But how could I tell William that when I had burdened him with so many of my problems already? When I had inconvenienced him and been nothing but a pain in the ass? How could I tell him how easy he was to talk to? That I hadn’t had someone to talk to in so long—really talk to—that I thought I might burst out any second with all my secrets?

“When ah—when I picked you up, I noticed there wasn’t anybody around... does that mean you’re all alone in that big house?”

“Usually am.”

“You wanna spend the night here?” Rushed and desperate, he was quick to rebuke himself—a trait that I did take as gentlemanly. “I’ll take the couch obviously. The bed isn’t comfortable, but you’re more than welcome to it.”

“No... um I’ll take the couch. I’d feel bad about throwing you out of your own bed.”

“You really would have been doing me a favor Jumper. That bed really is damned uncomfortable.”

I shifted uncomfortably under his smile. Still, I couldn’t deny that the invitation, even the consideration of my general wellbeing was flattering. “Now I
really
want the sofa.”

He grinned at me. “You got it, Jumper.”

Disappearing into what I assumed was his bedroom, he returned ten seconds later with a pillow that was so flat, I could tell just by looking at it that it wouldn’t do anyone much good. Still, when he threw it at me, I caught it gratefully, resisting the temptation to burry my face in it and inhale the smell of him.

“Thanks for letting me stay.” I smiled sheepishly and slipped off my shoes. “I haven’t had a sleepover since I was a little girl”

William shouted over the sound over running water. “It’s been a long time for me too”

With the safety of being alone, I let myself lie down on the couch, sliding down and adjusting until I found a spot that was somewhat comfortable. There was still a spring digging into the back of my neck, but the pillow immensely helped that. I smiled into it and closed my eyes. I hadn’t released until just then how truly tired I was.

“Since you’ve had a sleepover or been a little girl?”

William laughed and gargled simultaneously, there was something insanely sexy about a guy who took care of his teeth but had little welfare for the rest of himself.

“Both!”

I was still laughing when he came back in the room. “You need anything else Jumper?” William leaned against the doorway, his eyes tense while he watched me. “Blankets? Pillows?”

“Straightjacket?” He didn’t smile quite the way I hoped, so I closed my eyes and sighed. “No thanks, I’m alright.”

William bumped his foot against the archway. “If—ah—you change your mind or anything, don’t hesitate to wake me up.”

I nodded; sleep already starting to take over even as I heard him move into his bedroom. As much as I wanted to give in to my heavy eyes and the semi-comfortable couch, a thought came over me. My eyes sprung open, blinking hard at the new dark of the place.

“Hey William?”

“Yeah?”

I loosened my grip on the pillow and shut my eyes again. Without even trying I could picture William making the mattress squeak beneath him as he tried to get comfortable on his bed. I wanted to continue imagining whether or not he slept with his shirt on, with socks or without, did he like lots of blankets when he slept or didn’t he? Did the guy even own a pair of pajamas?

“I have to be to work by 6.”

“Don’t worry Jumper.” Hearing his smile in the dark made me smile too. “I’ll get you wherever you need to be.”