The XOXO New Adult Collection: 16 Full Length New Adult Stories (312 page)

And then the sadness would take over and there was no pushing aside the fact that I’d lost the one person who’d made me realize love was about holding on to the things that made you happy. Regardless of plans or fears or uncertainties. Like I’d told him all those months ago, it was a risk. In this case, the risk hadn’t paid off after all.

“Summer,” Mazie called again, “can you come here?”

I sighed and slid my feet back into my shoes before heading to the kitchen. The heels made a
click-click
sound against the hardwood and drowned out the voices I heard as I got close. One was Mazie’s high-pitched lilt. Her Greek accent was always prevalent but more so when she got excited, like now. Whatever she was talking about had her talking fast, making her even harder to understand. The other voice was low and male. Dad or Casey, probably. Caught up in her latest scheme for seating arrangements. She’d moved the tables no less than six times already.

I rounded the corner, my mouth open and ready to spout some excuse as to why I couldn’t help carry chairs from room to room. Again.

When I caught sight of Mazie’s guest, I stilled. Every single nerve ending in my body stood on end, somehow numb and on fire all at once. He looked up, locking eyes with me across the room. Mazie trailed off and glanced over her shoulder. I caught the smile as she turned back, but I couldn’t make myself look away from him.

“Hello, Summer,” Ford said, breaking the silence.

The sound that came from my open mouth was a strangled croak.

“I better check on the ... the thing in the other room,” Mazie said.

She hurried out. Neither one of us responded or watched her go. That would require tearing our gaze away from each other, something I, for one, couldn’t bring myself to do. He seemed just as intent.

The air fled from the room. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t breathe. The questions running through my mind—Why was he here? And why hadn’t he called? And how long was he staying? And how would I ever say goodbye twice and recover from it?—were paralyzing enough without adding to it the sight of him in my kitchen.

He looked the same but better, if that was possible. His cheeks were pink and his hair windblown, as if he’d arrived in a hurry. He hadn’t shaved in a few days; I could see the stubble from here. That, combined with the steel in his eyes, made him look rugged to the point of dangerous. My body didn’t know whether to be terrified or excited. I’d never wanted him more than I did in this moment. And not just sex but all of him, all the way through to his soul. Every part of me, inside and out, ached to be in his arms. To never separate myself from him again.

For that reason, when he rose from his chair, I took a step back. He frowned but let it pass without comment. “How are you?” he asked instead. The words were weighted much more than a casual inquiry required. I knew how much my answer mattered, but I couldn’t bring myself to let the pain show. Not yet. It felt too one-sided.

“I’m good,” I said with enough forced cheer that he winced. I needed to do something besides stand here like an idiot. “How are you?” I added, walking to the coffeepot. Halfway there, I realized it was empty. I glanced at the clock. Shit, it was after four. Of course Mazie had emptied it.

I veered to the fridge and opened it, pretending to be completely immersed in picking a drink. I waited for him to answer me, but he didn’t. Finally, I grabbed a soda and shut the door. It slammed, bouncing before catching the seal as it shut.

Ford was already there in front of me, filling the space. “Can we talk?”

“Sure.” I cracked the top on the soda and took a swig, almost choking as I swallowed too much too fast. Real smooth, Summer.

He glanced around. “Somewhere more ... private?”

“We’re already alone,” I pointed out, gesturing around the empty kitchen with my free hand. My voice held more attitude than I’d intended but it was better than breaking down. And I was determined to show him I was fine. That I’d survived the damage.

“Right,” he said.

The silence between us went from strained to awkward. I stared at the soda can in my hand, unable to bring myself to look at his face. His smell rattled me enough. It was achingly familiar and yet strangely foreign after all these weeks apart. It didn’t belong in my kitchen anymore.

“Summer,” he said gently.

I met his eyes reluctantly. “Yes?”

He exhaled, his shoulders sagging but still set. He seemed determined to say ... something. “I’m such a horse’s ass.”

I blinked. Not what I’d been expecting. Not untrue either. “Go on,” I said.

He smiled wryly, my reaction seeming to give him courage and he went on. “I’ve thought about you every second of every day since I left. Your face is all I see when I close my eyes and ... my imagination didn’t do it justice. You’re beautiful.”

My heart softened another degree. I set the soda can aside and tightened my arms over my chest. “Thanks. I missed you too.”
You look sexy as hell in your ratty jeans and five o’clock shadow. Were you cold in South Dakota? Because I’d be happy to warm you right up.

I couldn’t say that out loud. Not until I knew what the bottom line was. “How long are you here for?”

He shook his head. “I’m not doing this right,” he muttered.

“Doing what right?”

When he looked back at me, his eyes were pleading, bare, full of raw emotion. I couldn’t understand what he wanted from me until he said, “I ended the project in Dakota. I’m not going back.”

My heart stopped and started again, double time. “Oh. Where are you going?” I asked carefully.

“I’m already there.”

When I didn’t respond, he took my elbow and led me to the window and pointed. “Look,” he said. Darla was parked out front, loaded down with a bed full of suitcases and supplies.

My eyes brimmed with tears. I opened my mouth, closed it again. It’s exactly what I wanted him to say from the moment I’d asked him to stay. But he’d said no. What was different now? And what was keeping him here? Not me. Or he never would’ve gone.

“But you left,” I said, the words coming out on a whisper. If I used my voice, the tears would spill over. It was all I could do to blink them back.

“I think ... God, this makes me sound like an ass, but I think I had to leave to understand I should’ve stayed. Does that make any sense?”

I nodded slowly, because despite the hurt it’d caused to watch him walk away, I knew Ford. And what he’d just said made every kind of sense. For him. Still, I couldn’t simply accept ... What was he offering, anyway? “So, you’re moving back to Grayson?” I asked.

“Yes. Casey offered me my old room. I’d like my greenhouse back, if it’s still available.”

“And if it’s not?” I stuck out my chin. “Would you still stay?”

It wasn’t so much hesitation as nervousness that had him nodding extra slowly. “Yes. I’d stay no matter what.”

“Why?”

“Because this is where I belong.”

His words found their way into my heart and butted against the hard exterior I’d constructed these past weeks. I refused to let them break the wall completely. “What about your dream to travel and experience the world without someone to tie you down?”

“I did that. You know, someone wise once told me it’s okay to dream a new dream.”

“And someone wise once told me that you were terrified of me, of this being your dream,” I said.

“They weren’t wrong back then,” he admitted.

“And now?”

“Now, I’m terrified of being without you. And I guess I hoped ...”

“You hoped what?”

“That you’ve been just as miserable as I have, because then you’ll say yes.”

“To what? What are you asking me?”

“I’m asking you to forgive me for leaving. I’m asking you to take me back. To do this, us. For real, forever.”

The last word rang out in my head like an echo. It was the f-word. Something Ford O’Neal didn’t say. “You realize you just said forever, right?”

He ran a hand through his hair, now shaggy around his ears. “This was supposed to be easier. Casey said—”

“Casey said what? That I was sad and lonely and at the sight of you I’d fling myself into your arms and you wouldn’t have to say a word?”

“Well, when you put it like that—”

I cut him off, the anger I’d used as a barrier against the pain bubbling and finally overflowing. “You left, Ford. I opened myself up to you, felt things I’d never felt before, put my feelings on the line. I asked you to stay and you still left. I thought you were gone for good and I dealt with it and picked myself back up. Tried to move on. And now you’re standing here saying all the things I want to hear but what if you change your mind again? I can’t say goodbye twice. I won’t.”

By the time I finished, tears ran freely down my cheeks. I didn’t bother wiping them away. They were sad and happy and all kinds of confused and I was done holding them back.

Ford stepped forward and brushed a tear from my cheek, letting his thumb linger on my skin. I closed my eyes and pressed my cheek into his palm, enjoying the feel of his touch.

Standing there, with my face in his hand, I realized what I’d just said was a lie. I’d decided months ago to love freely. And that meant not throwing away a single chance at happiness. Even if there was no guarantee it would last. Even if it scared me.

“I’ve done a shitty job at telling you how I feel,” he said. “I’ve only recently realized it myself.”

“And what did you realize?” I asked, looking up at him through wet lashes.

“How deep this goes. You’re in my bones, my soul. I couldn’t get you out even when I tried. It’s more intense than anything I’ve ever felt. You make me want to write poetry and shout it from rooftops. You make me want to do the impossible and when you stare at me like that, I feel without a doubt capable of it. You make me feel like I’m dreaming while I’m awake. It was hard for me to admit. For a while, it scared the hell out of me.”

I nodded. I knew what it felt like to fear the falling. “What were you so afraid of?”

“I don’t know. Everything. The future, I guess. Committing to it. Where this will go, how long it will last.” His eyes held mine, silently pleading for understanding. For reassurance. I swallowed hard.

“I thought I could push you aside,” he went on, “but I was wrong. Just the idea of trying makes my chest hurt. Thought I was having a heart attack. The idea of being without you, of removing you from my life,
is
a heart attack.

“Yes, it scares me to think of the future, to make a plan and to build expectations. I didn’t think I wanted that. But then, I hadn’t met you. I’m sorry I’ve been back and forth. I’m sorry I made you sad.”

I blinked back tears, scared and uncertain and overjoyed all at once. “Ford ...”

“Please, Summer. If it takes forever, I’d like a chance to make it up you. Actually, I’d like it to take forever. That is, if you’ll have me.” He reached up and gently cupped my cheeks with calloused hands, lifting my face to his. “I love you, Summer Stafford.”

I love you too.
The words were swallowed up by the lump in my throat. It took me a moment to find my voice. When I did, what came out instead were his own words from months ago. “I thought you said love is a risk,” I whispered, another tear escaping the edge of my eye.

Ford caught it with his fingers and wiped it away before pressing a lingering kiss against the corner of my mouth. “It’s a risk worth taking.”

Ford

“When the thought of achieving your dream makes you want to throw up, that’s how you know it’s big enough.” -Unknown

––––––––

N
aked branches bent and swayed in the breeze as I led Summer up what had become a well-worn path. Good thing I’d had her wear a jacket. The calendar might say spring, but the bite in the afternoon air said otherwise.

“Are we almost there?” she called from behind me.

I looked back and grinned. “Almost. And no peeking,” I added when her free hand came up to adjust the blindfold I’d tied on before we left. Using our interlocked hands, I guided her around a stump before continuing on.

A few minutes later we emerged from the wooded path into the open air of the hillside. Our hillside. Without the trees to block it, the wind intensified. It cut across my cheeks and along my neck, raising goose bumps. Or maybe those were a result of the anticipation.

I’d spent months planning this moment. I didn’t want to screw it up. Or give it away too quickly. Not when I’d gone to such great lengths to surprise her. Even her family was in on it, a fact that I hoped wouldn’t piss her off. I knew Summer hated being the last to know something, but in this case, I hoped her excitement would trump everything else. I hoped her feelings for me would trump it all.

I’d spent the last five months making up for the first five. Or at least that’s what I told Summer. Anytime I said that, she’d just laugh and say, “There is no making up left to do. Those first five were magical. So is every day since.”

I had to agree, but I still wanted to prove to her that I would never change my mind about her. Leaving wasn’t even something that crossed my mind. Unless it meant we’d do it together. I’d mentioned flying out to see my parents after this year’s harvest season ended. Summer seemed to like that idea. My parents were chomping at the bit to meet the girl who’d made me stay. I couldn’t wait to show her off. And to tell my dad in person that he’d been right all along.

It’d been a hard thing to admit, but it was true. Dreams changed. You had to change with them or risk losing it all. It was essentially what Casey had been telling me before I left. Even Dean had been able to see it. I’d just been too stubborn to listen at the time. Thankfully, I’d come around.

And now I was standing in the best spot I’d found across thirteen states, in Grayson County with the girl of my dreams—with a question on my tongue that made my knees rattle.

“Now?” she asked as we came to a standstill.

With a hand on each of her shoulders, I made sure she faced the angle with the best view.

“Okay, now,” I said.

I watched as she reached up and slid the blindfold down her face, letting it rest around her throat like a scarf. She blinked against the sunlight and looked around, first in wonder and then in confusion. “Ford,” she said, her brows wrinkling as she took in the familiar skyline with even more familiar landmarks dotting the distance. “Sorry to be such a downer, but this isn’t much of a surprise. We’ve been here a million times.”