The Year of the Beasts (4 page)

And then just when she thought she couldn’t stand the night for one more moment, the chance to leave presented itself. Tessa grabbed on to it.

It was when they were on the Tilt-A-Whirl. Or, as Celina called it, the “Tilt-A-Hurl.” Tessa had eaten a polish sausage with curly fries and a soda pop. She had a strong stomach, but the bubbles of the soda made her want to burp. She tried holding it in, but as the ride slung around, the bubbles in her chest grew larger. She knew that she could keep it down. But when she stepped off the ride, she let out a big belch that lifted the food up her esophagus.

“Are you OK?” Celina asked. The burp had been loud and gurgly.

She knew this was her chance.

“No,” Tessa said. She forced another burp and this time did not hold back and threw up in a garbage can.

“Oh, no!” Lulu said, leaving Charlie’s side, which is what Tessa had to admit she’d wanted the whole night. Lulu came to her and whispered soothing words and rubbed her back. Even Charlie went to get her a glass of water and paid attention to her. Tessa cried a little, and everyone thought that it was because of the throwing up and the not feeling well, but really it was because Lulu had gotten Charlie and Tessa was upset about it no matter how much she truly loved her sister. She was jealous. But no one needed to know that.

The only thing everyone needed to know was that Tessa wanted to go home.

“I’ll come with you,” Lulu said.

“No, Lulu,” Charlie said. “Stay.”

That wounded Tessa, and she flinched as though the words had scratched her insides.

Lulu didn’t even hesitate.

“No,” she said. “I have to take care of my sister.”

They left together, Lulu with her arm around her sister, holding her up, Tessa feeling a little bit victorious. Tessa faked being ill all weekend and Lulu stayed with her, playing card games and drinking ginger ale and eating dry crackers with her in solidarity, even though she wasn’t sick herself. Even though everyone else was spending all their free time together at the carnival. Even though Charlie called or texted every hour and the carnival would be leaving soon.

Tessa couldn’t understand because given the choice between boy-attention and no boy-attention she would have chosen boy-attention, especially if the boy in question was Charlie Evans and
especially
if it meant he could be her boyfriend. Tessa was quietly impressed with Lulu’s confidence in how she handled the attention. She wondered where she could have gotten it from. Is that what being pretty did to someone? Did it give you an impossible amount of patience? Was it another thing that Lulu inherited that Tessa hadn’t?

She started to study Lulu’s laissez-faire attitude. Perhaps she could learn something from Lulu, instead of succumbing to the passions that always burst out of her. The ones that made her turn the lights low and listen to moody music and made her scream at her parents for being so clueless when in fact she had never even given them a clue to begin with. The passions that got her in trouble up front and hurt her more in the long run. The ones that made her hair curl up even tighter.

Tessa was glad to have her sister all to herself. But it troubled her that Lulu was ignoring Charlie. Tessa’s heart went out to Charlie. What must he be thinking? Could his feelings be hurt? Each text sounded a little bit more desperate. It was Saturday night and Lulu chose to climb into bed with Tessa. They watched movies, whispered about their stupid parents, and made plans for summer. And for a moment Tessa couldn’t tell if they were thirteen and fifteen years old or seven and nine.

“I’m going to put straightener in my hair,” Tessa said.

“Me, too.”

“I’m going to learn how to ride a horse.”

“Me, too.”

“I’m going invent a new kind of cookie.”

“Me, too.”

“You can’t just do everything that I do,” Tessa said.

But it had always been like that, Lulu always copying her, always acting like a second shadow. Lulu always looking to Tessa to lead the way.

Lulu lay her head on the pillow, her features flattened by the light of the flat-screen T.V. The cell phone buzzed, a new text from Charlie had arrived. Lulu showed it to Tessa. Tessa felt a stab but didn’t say anything. Lulu put the phone back down.

“Aren’t you going to write him back?” Tessa asked

“Should I?” Lulu asked.

Tessa shrugged. She didn’t know. She couldn’t lead the way this time. Being older had taught her nothing about boys except that they were infinitely mysterious. All she knew was that she would have written him back, or gone to the carnival, or made a firm date right away to be alone and kiss more. She wouldn’t have hung out with her sister all weekend. But she didn’t want to encourage Lulu toward Charlie.

Celina came over to check on her friend and to try to change Lulu’s mind about going to the carnival Sunday before it closed. Celina didn’t want to go alone, and while there were other girls to hang out with, Tessa was her best friend. And Lulu was her best friend’s sister, so was a much better substitute than other girls she might have gone with. Besides, Lulu was Celina’s best chance at hanging out with Charlie and the boys. And Celina was interested in hanging out with boys.

“It’s so boring without you, Tessa. Don’t you feel better?” Celina asked.

“No.”

“Well, can’t you lend me Lulu?”

“No.”

“But Lulu, aren’t you worried that Charlie will kiss another girl?” Celina asked.

Tessa looked at Lulu. Lulu’s hands were twisting in the same way that she used to do when she heard a ghost story or stayed up late watching a scary movie.

“Then I guess he doesn’t like me very much if he can’t wait until the next time he sees me to kiss me again,” Lulu said.

“That is so mature,” Celina said. “You’re going to do OK in high school next year.”

Then Lulu excused herself and went to her room. And that was that. When Tessa passed by the open door, she saw Lulu kneeling on the floor in front of her dollhouse. She was surrounded by paper towels. The sun was coming in through the window, making everything look golden. Lulu looked enormous, sitting there among the tiny chairs, tables, and beds. Tessa watched as Lulu cleaned off each item and placed it delicately back in the house. The furniture was now rearranged. And as Lulu placed each doll into its room, she whispered secrets into their tiny ears.

Tessa felt sorry for her sister. She couldn’t be sure, but a thought struck Tessa. Maybe Lulu wasn’t trying to be cool or grown up about the whole thing at all. Maybe Lulu had been
scared.

chapter

four

chapter

five

The river cut through
town neatly, running east to west, flowing out to sea. Most houses sat on the hills overlooking the water, but some had backyards that stretched down to touch the riverbanks.

In the winters, the river whitened with snow and ice. In the spring, it broke and ran and rushed quickly by. In the summer, it slowed and rambled, and in the fall it clogged with leaves.