The Yggyssey (13 page)

"You said we could see about getting Neddie out of Juvenile Hole a little later," I said. "And these are wonderful pancakes."

"Yes, once it gets good and dark," Uncle Father Palabra said. "We might be able to do something."

While we ate our gooseberry pancakes and had cups of flowery tea, Uncle Father Palabra and Big Audrey asked us questions about where we came from, how we got here, and where we were going.

"If the ghostly bunny you were following is going to the supernatural wing-ding, she will have headed to New Old Hackensack," Uncle Father Palabra said. "That's the closest town to the Devil's Shoestring, a mountain with many interesting features. I've climbed it lots of times."

"Is New Old Hackensack far away?" I asked.

"Not very far," Big Audrey said. "But you have to cross the Mahakahakakatuk River to get there, and the Mahakahakakatuk is wide and scary, with things in it. And there are many strange places with strange inhabitants between here and there."

"That's a heck of a name for a river," Seamus Finn said. "Is it an Indian name?"

"No, it is named for an explorer, Henry Mahakahakakatuk. The thing is, you will have to cross it in a coracle."

"What's a coracle?"

"Little round boat made of skin stretched over wooden branches. They're hard to steer and tippy. And you'll be crossing at night."

"Why a coracle? Aren't there any bigger boats that cross the river? And why at night?"

"A coracle because we have one, and you can't take a bigger boat, and it has to be at night because you will be fugitives from justice."

"Fugitives from justice? What did we do?"

"It's what you are going to do that will make you fugitives."

We heard voices and the sound of boots shuffling in the pebbles on the terrace. Two men with beards and pointy ears came in.

"These are our friends, the Farblonget brothers, Kevin and Kyle. Kevin and Kyle, meet Yggdrasil and Seamus. They are visitors from an alternate plane of
existence, and their friend Neddie is a prisoner in Juvenile Hole," Uncle Father Palabra said.

"We ascended the east face of the Feeney Building," one of the Farblonget brothers said.

"Then we did a hand-traverse across the clock tower and leaped across to the roof of the Platt Building," said the other Farblonget brother.

"Then we belayed to the peak of the roof of this building, crawled along the ridgeline, and rappelled down to your terrace," the first Farblonget brother said.

"The brothers are studying mountaineering with Uncle Father," Big Audrey said. "It's urban mountaineering—we climb the buildings because we don't have any mountains."

"Very good work, boys," Uncle Father Palabra said. "Would you like some pancakes?"

I saw a head with curly golden hair appear at the edge of the terrace, and a woman with a small black nose and fuzzy cheeks and chin pulled herself up over the parapet.

"This is Gwendolyn Marshrat," Uncle Father Palabra said.

"I ascended the north face of your building, free-climbing all the way," Gwendolyn Marshrat said.

"Excellent," Uncle Father Palabra said. "Have some pancakes. A little later we are going to help a boy escape from Juvenile Hole."

"Mmmm! Do I smell gooseberries?" Gwendolyn Marshrat said.

"Why exactly did you come here?" Big Audrey asked us.

"Well, we heard about this big wing-ding or whoop-de-doo that was going to take place."

"On the Devil's Shoestring."

"Yes. All the ghosts were going. Ghosts love a good party. And since the ghosts weren't telling where they were going or how to get there, I decided I would find out." It was me telling this to Big Audrey.

"And you found out."

"In a way. In a way, I found out. This one ghost, a ghost of a bunny, named Chase, told me I ought to follow her."

"Which you did."

"Which we all did. And we wound up here. And now, I think it's very important for us to find Chase."

"So she can lead you to the big doings on the mountain."

"Well, now it's more so she can tell us how to get home. We have no idea."

"And since you know Chase was planning to head for the Devil's Shoestring..."

"That's where we'd better go too."

"This makes perfect sense to me," Big Audrey said. "After we get your friend Neddie out of Juvenile Hole, I will help you get started in the direction of New Old Hackensack, where we hope you will catch up with the ghostly bunny."

"That is very nice of you."

"I am a very nice person."

"Can we really get Neddie out of Juvenile Hole?"

"It so happens, you have run into the very people who can do it."

"Is it like a prison? Do they beat them and starve them? Have you ever been there?"

"I have been there. Mostly they try to persuade you to behave in an acceptable manner, and make you look at television so you will develop acceptable values. They make you look at a lot of commercials, so you will want to buy the things being advertised and become a useful member of society with a job to make money..."

"So you can buy the things in the advertisements."

"Yes."

"Does it work?"

"It works better on older kids and adults. In my opinion, this is why they don't like kids here. We don't fit into the commercial routine so well. New Yapyap City is all about commerce. What they say is that kids are messy and sloppy, leave food wrappers on the street, make noise, and play loud music. But that is just an excuse to treat us mean."

"So you think they throw kids in jail just 'cause they don't want to buy..."

"The latest shoes, clothing, music, movies, junky foods, things like that. Some kids fit in with no trouble, and some do after a few visits to the Hole. And some never do, and never will—that's me."

"Excuse my saying so, but it doesn't sound like a very nice place to be a kid."

"Not just New Yapyap City, but this whole region is ruled over by a tyrant. The city is the worst, though."

"A tyrant? What kind of tyrant? What's the tyrant's name?"

"Uncle."

"Uncle? Just Uncle?"

"We call him Uncle—not sure of the name—it may not even be the same uncle all the time. It could be the uncle, and his sons, or someone elects or appoints a new uncle
every so often. I remember Uncle Rudy, Uncle Michael—there have even been female uncles."

"And they are called Aunt?"

"No, Uncle. It's like a title, like president, or mayor. Anyway, Uncle is strict and serious and not friendly to kids, all about keeping everything in perfect order, and protecting the people who own the most. They say he controls the police by witchcraft."

"I'd think you'd want to get out of town, especially if the tyranny and all that isn't as bad outside of town."

"Well, of course, I love Uncle Father, and being an urban mountaineer, and gooseberry pancakes, and there are nice things about the city too—but ... you're right, it sort of stinks. Which is why I was thinking of going with you and your friends to find the ghostly rabbit and see the big supernatural party and everything ... if that would be all right with you."

"We'd be delighted," Seamus Finn said.

While we waited for it to get dark enough to rescue Neddie, Uncle Father Palabra, the Farblonget brothers, Gwendolyn Marshrat, Big Audrey, Seamus Finn, and I ate gooseberry pancakes, drank cups of tea, and listened to Uncle Father Palabra tell stories of mountains and mountaineering. We also sang mountaineering songs—that is, everybody but Seamus Finn and I sang mountaineering songs. We didn't know any mountaineering songs. Seamus and I sang as much as we could remember of "When They Drop the Atomic Bomb." Everybody said it was a good song. Then we sang "Nature Boy." They liked that even better, and said it was like a mountaineering song.

It was cozy and friendly, sitting around eating pancakes and drinking tea and telling stories and singing songs. The Farblonget brothers and Gwendolyn Marshrat coiled lengths of mountain-climbing rope and arranged pitons, carabiners, ascenders, descenders, D-rings, and various other metal gimmicks on loops of rope they attached to their belts. They also had big rubber suction cups to be used when climbing on windows and skylights.

"This is the plan," Uncle Father Palabra said. "Seamus and Yggdrasil will take the elevator down to street level. I know it is an inelegant way to descend, but you children are inexperienced, and teaching you to travel from building to building would take too much time. Audrey, you will go with them, and the three of you will walk downtown. On your way you will stop at Ogburn's Bakery and get a shoofly pie."

"A shoofly pie?"

"It's a kind of pie. Very good. And sticky," Uncle Father Palabra said. "You will also go to our garage, which by good luck is not far from Juvenile Hole, and get the coracle. Carry that with you. It's quite light, and you shouldn't have any trouble. Try to avoid meeting any police. The rest of us will be waiting for you at the Hole."

"Then what happens?" I asked.

"Then we rescue your friend and you children take the coracle down to the Mahakahakakatuk and set out. It's quite straightforward."

"Yep," Big Audrey said.

"Nothing to it," I said.

"Piece of shoofly pie," Seamus Finn said.

I have to say, New Yapyap City had some nice buildings. And the deserted streets at night were like deep canyons.

"It's even better from the rooftops," Big Audrey said. Ogburn's all-night bakery smelled wonderful. In addition to the shoofly pie, we got three large cookies to munch as we walked. They were chocolatey and salty, and still warm from the oven.

Big Audrey told us the names of some of the buildings as we passed them. They were all named for big companies. And there were a lot of stores with lighted display windows, lots of things for sale.

"This is Shin Bone Alley," Big Audrey said. "We have a garage here." We turned down a dark, narrow little street lined with low wooden buildings with wide doors. Audrey dug out a large key and opened the padlock on one of them. The inside was full of outdoor equipment, snowshoes and skis, coils of mountaineering rope, canvas bundles, ice axes, pots and pans, lanterns, and a big black thing that looked like some kind of enormous kitchen pot.