Thief: The Scarab Beetle Series: #1 (The Academy) (42 page)

He sniffed hard and as he continued to hug me, he stepped forward, until my back met with the bathroom doorframe. He stopped there and pulled his head back. He lowered it until his forehead touched mine. “Don’t run any more, Kayli. If you’re worried I’ll see something I won’t like, trust me, I’ve got plenty of ghosts in my own closet for you to pick through.”

“What?”

“I wasn’t always like this,” he said. “I wasn’t even like you. You have Wil. You had a lot of excuses, reasons for what you’ve done. And even when you stole money, you were always thinking of other people. I wasn’t like that. I was horrible. I was mean. I was...” He shook his head against mine. “I did a lot of shit. Stuff I’m not proud of. Axel and the other guys, they got me out of it. They saw things in me I didn’t know about, things I hid from everyone by trying to be tough and put on a fake face. When I was young, I did it to survive. Then suddenly I just became that bad guy and just didn’t care. Until Axel showed up.”

“Axel said you saved his life,” I whispered.

He moved his arms from around me, until his palms cupped my cheeks. He kept his body close. I couldn’t move my hands from his chest, and I didn’t want to. Heat drifted from him and I wanted to absorb it. It was more than that, too. His closeness was something I wanted as well.

“I was in a bad spot,” he said. “I’d gotten mixed up in this street gang that did nothing but steal money for the drugs we wanted. We took over an abandoned section of houses down in North Charleston. Axel was part of an Academy team sent to stop us and clean up the area, only he infiltrated our group, trying to figure out if anyone was worth saving. He mixed in too far and the gang was going to kill him.”

“They killed people?”

“It was all about the drugs for them and he was a threat. They were being assholes. They stole a couple of guns and were going to drive by his house and shoot. Classic drive-by. Chicken-shit stuff. They wanted to stop anyone from taking over, which they thought Axel was doing. They thought he was part of another gang. Only I found out and I warned him. From that point on, he wouldn’t leave me alone. Every chance he got, he was inviting me to come to the shooting range with him, to go surfing with him. Anything and everything. Like a lost puppy that you feed once and you try to shoo off and he never listens.”

“Why did you change? Why did you finally listen?”

His thumb traced over my cheekbone, slowly, like the breath from his lips that trailed over every little inch of my face. The gentle touch sent waves of warm shivers through me. His eyes burrowed into mine. “He never gave up. The times I would come around, he never hesitated. He’d feed me, invite me to stay. He had me working with him on his research. I’d run off when I thought it was too much, but when I came back, it was like I never left. He took me back every time. Eventually I just stopped leaving.”

Something Axel had told me before about the Academy clicked inside. “And did he make you join this Academy? Was that why he wanted you?”

“That’s something else.” He smoothed his palm down, tracing over my jaw. “But the Academy trusted him when he said I was a good person, and they supported him. So when I did finally decide I wanted in, he supported me fully, every step, and the Academy did as well.”

“Sounds nice,” I said, with no real conviction. I didn’t know anything about the Academy other than the bits I’d been able to piece together. It wasn’t the current puzzle I’d been trying to work on, because of Coaltar. I was curious, but I’d work it out later.

“Kayli,” he said. “My point is it took me a long time to figure out I didn’t have to run off any more. I’m trying to help you. It’s easier if you just give in.”

“What are you saying?” I asked. “I already agreed to stay here because Coaltar.”

“I’m talking about you not running away all the time.”

“What do you want from me? I just said I’d stay,” I barked at him.

“For now,” he said. His fingertip trailed back up along my jaw until he was rubbing the soft spot just below my ear. “But I see it every time anyone looks at you too long. I was trying to talk to you at the mall, and you didn’t even know me, and you lied about your name and tried to run away. We had to corner you, and threaten you to get you to come with us. It feels like we’ve got to threaten you to stick around. I’m trying to tell you that it doesn’t have to be that way. Not with us.”

I tried to tilt my head away from his fingers. They were making it hard to keep the wall over my heart up. I closed my eyes. I couldn’t take this. I couldn’t surrender to his promises. Like Brandon, I couldn’t believe for a moment he really wanted to, but that he just felt obligated.

Marc seized my chin, shoving it back until my face was close to his. His fingers roughed over my jaw. “Kayli, stop shutting me out,” he commanded.

“I don’t know what you want me to do,” I said, but my voice was nearly gone, thick with the fear that he was way too close and seemed to think he knew what I wanted. I didn’t want him to know he was right. I don’t know why. My pride was too strong. I’d been this way for so long, I didn’t know how to give in. I didn’t know how to trust.

He opened his mouth, like he wanted to say something else but stopped, and his eyes drifted down to my mouth and held. My breath caught in my throat.

Before I could think to even push him off, his mouth claimed me. He kissed me hard enough that my head pressed back into the wall. His hands slid back to cup around my jawline to keep me from pulling away. His lips pressed down, mouth parted.

I kissed him back. I don’t know what came over me, but I wanted to feel those promises. I wanted to believe, for the moment, that maybe I could just let go, like he said, and trust that I could be accepted for who I was. Was I just like him? Could I be like that? Could I find a place just for me among these guys and waltz in and be with them? Corey had accepted me without much of a fight, it seemed. The others were a little harder. Brandon had been the most difficult, but once I understood what he was about, it seemed like he never hesitated, either, he just wanted to be sure I knew what I was getting involved in.

I opened my mouth, inviting Marc in, just a little.

Like opening the gates, his mouth claimed me again. In every possible place I could think to hide, he found me. My mind blanked out. I didn’t have room for anything else other than Marc and his kiss that told me everything would be all right. His kiss sank into me over and over again. Lips pressed against mine, tugging at my skin, at heart strings, at my core.

When he finally released my mouth so I could breathe, his lips trailed over my face, across my eyes and my brows.

“Why did it have to be you?” He breathed out as he whispered against my face. “I was hunting a thief, and I found a beautiful wreck. I wasn’t ready for this.”

“Ready?” I murmured.

His head dipped down, and he kissed me once, closed mouthed, against my lips slowly. He released me again but kept his head a breath width away and his lips nearly grazed mine as he whispered. “You feel it, don’t you?” He took my hand and shoved it toward his stomach, pressing my palm against his abdomen. “Those goddamn wriggly sparks.”

I didn’t have a response to that. I wasn’t sure how I felt. I thought maybe I did, but my mind didn’t want to let go of some nagging feeling. I’d felt it with Coaltar, too, the same strong desires. I felt it with Brandon, when he kissed me before, or so I thought. There were other tugs against my heart strings, with the other boys, with Raven, and Axel, and even Corey. For that reason, I wanted to close it all off. I blamed it on the lack of being really close to anyone for such a long time. I was Kayli, the unwanted thief, for years. Now I was tempted by so many emotions that I hadn’t felt for so long. Suddenly there was a group, and they were welcoming, but all too overwhelming.

My hand clutched at his abdomen, as if I could pull those feelings from him and find the surety he seemed to be feeling. As if I could find the courage to tell him the truth; that I felt it, too, it was just much more complicated. “Marc,” I said, unable to think of anything else to say.

He growled, low and guttural, like an ache he was fighting. His arms encircled me once again, drawing me from the wall. He picked me up, hefting me over his shoulder.

“Marc!” I cried out. I punched him in the hip and butt. “Put me down.”

He ignored this, and instead limped to his bedroom. He kicked the door shut behind us and angled for the bed. He plopped me down onto the mattress. Before my sense of what was right-side-up came back, he flicked off the light and crawled into the bed next to me.

“Scoot over,” he said, lifting the covers on the bed.

“Shouldn’t we stay up?” I asked. “Should we pay attention? What about Wil? What about Coaltar?”

“If there’s one thing you’re going to have to learn,” Marc said. He picked up the second pillow on his bed, fluffing it and placing it near my head for me to rest on. “You’re going to have to trust that if they need us, they’ll call. Until then, it’s a good idea to get some sleep. Besides, we may need to take a little trip soon, if it looks like Coaltar is coming after you.”

“I can’t leave.”

“I’d go with you,” he said. He sat up, ripping off the blue shirt, revealing his bare chest. He unbuttoned and slid off his jeans, kicking off his boots and socks, until he was just in boxer briefs. As my eyes adjusted, I caught the shapes of his hips, the muscles along his stomach. He wedged himself between the covers and then leaned over, collecting me in his arms until I was next to him. The best I could do, the most comfortable position, was actually pressing my hands to his chest.

“I mean I can’t just take off,” I said. My fingers traced along his warm bare skin. “There’s Wil. He’s probably really worried about me now.”

“We may take him along, too. But if we start taking him, involving him, he’ll be in the same mess, he’ll have to hide just like you. Coaltar might connect him to you and he’ll use him to get to you.” He kissed my nose. “Sleep.”

“Marc,” I said, wanting to be honest. I didn’t know how to explain it. “I don’t think I’m ... I’m not really ready for this.”

“Like I am?” He nestled up against me. “Just sleep for now. Don’t leave. We’ll figure it out later.”

I didn’t want that. I wanted to stay up and figure out what I wanted. I wanted all the answers to what I was feeling, and the confused guilt over that just a few hours ago, I’d been kissing Coaltar with nearly the same desires I suddenly felt for Marc. Marc was incredibly handsome, like Blake. He wasn’t rich but he worked hard and he did the right thing. Didn’t he?

And what about Brandon?

None of my relationships had ever been perfect, and this felt like incredibly bad timing, bad circumstances, bad everything. Still, I couldn’t help the feelings. In the dark, beside Marc in his bed, with the other boys out there working to solve the problems that I’d created and dropped upon them, this had to be the worst moment.

I wanted to know the future. Marc made it sound like they’d invite me to stay with them, just like they did with him. His kiss told me he wanted something more from me. A deeper relationship, perhaps. Again, I felt trapped, like he wanted to take care of me, and I was helpless with nothing to offer in return. No job, no future, nothing. I wasn’t even wearing my own clothes, but his and Raven’s.

I wanted to know if Marc was thinking beyond Coaltar, too. If his kiss meant he wanted me or if he was just trying to make me feel better. An old boyfriend once told me I couldn’t analyze the future by a first date, or a first kiss with a guy. Girls, he’d said, would go out with a guy for a day, and then want to work out exactly if he would keep her forever before they went out on a next date, when it simply didn’t work like that. It took me a long time to realize a kiss, or a date didn’t mean he was thinking about forever, or even a month from now. It’s just too soon.

It was simply hard to accept, because I was lost and didn’t see a future me at all, so seeing one with Marc, or anyone else, simply didn’t work. Maybe he did feel those sparks he was talking about. Maybe I felt them, too. Maybe we were both lonely and needed someone right now to hold onto until things looked better. Like Brandon, who had made me stay beside him until morning, until he was sure I hadn’t fallen to pieces and could move again. Like Blake not wanting me to run off into the dark, alone in the middle of the night. Maybe he just wanted to keep tabs on me, but why did I feel there was something more? Or had I just been hoping?

And why was I thinking about Blake now? God help me, but I was. As horrible as the truth was when I found out, I discovered a tiny part telling me that I still didn’t understand the whole thing. He’d had so many opportunities to do me in. He could have left me to those gang members. He could have done so many things to me and he didn’t. Why? I didn’t understand him at all and that was what drove me insane. I needed an answer.

I swiped away the thoughts for now. I willed sleep to take me, to help me to forget and to help me build that wall around my heart again until I could figure it out. How could I even think of a relationship, of liking anyone, and least of all love someone, when I wasn’t even sure who I was anymore?

As I fell asleep, I still clutched to Marc, because my secret hope was that when I did, someone, maybe Marc, maybe anyone, would see the real me. Maybe then, I wouldn’t need the wall around my heart.

It felt impossible, but in the weakness of the moment, I wanted that. More than anything.

––––––––

I
slept deeply. I couldn’t figure out the time, but I sensed it was before dawn when Marc got up and left the room. I drifted to his side of the bed, feeling the warmth of him in the sheets, and the spot his head made in the pillow, smelling where he’d lain. Even when I wasn’t really sleeping, I gazed at the wall of his room, simply staring off. I was too numb, too empty of thought and I luxuriated in that. It was the brief escape from the mess inside of me.

The scent of fresh coffee drifted to me, stronger than the usual lingering fragrance the apartment seemed to have. I stared off at the door, brain dead. I eyeballed the shelf with books and knickknacks. The corner of the floor piled with shirts and other clothes. The half-open drawers with boxer shorts hanging out. The closet that stood open from when Brandon had borrowed some of his clothes the night before.