Thief: X (12 page)

The problem with hanging upside down is all the blood rushes to your head. The problem with hanging upside down
naked
was that it made your nipples cold enough to cut glass and an arse so numb I doubt it would feel anything again. The Elk got his guards to untie us but not before Marshall and the others were rudely awakened with an ice-cold bucket of water. I tried desperately to avert my eyes from Marshall’s naked self but they had other ideas and seemed to follow his manly swinging parts around the room. The only thing that snapped me out of my blatant ogling was Dorian’s snigger. I'd had one foolish night with him a year ago and now he thought he knew me. The only thing we had in common was that people underestimated us. He was neck deep in shit like the rest of us and still he threw out innuendos in an attempt to charm me. Wolfie and Sister Succubus seemed a little grieved that I'd basically thrown them in the arena with us but as I'd then tried to explain, it was better than rotting in a cell until we died. We may be going to the arena but if we won it was literally a ‘get out of jail free’ card. It wasn't my fault that no one had ever won since the arena’s conception back in the day.

It didn't take us long to get dressed and I was worried Marshall hadn't said a word to me since he'd opened his eyes. I'd done what he’d asked and come back for them. I really wanted to say ‘I told you so’ because I'd told him we'd get caught but the look on his face was thunderous. Men were so confusing sometimes. We soon found ourselves pushed into the arena and it was something that should have belonged in the Roman Empire. The arena itself was circular, with stone walls and columns surrounding the first hundred feet until the rows of seats looked down on us. A huge metal gate stood proud opposite us and I found that scarier than the thousands of guards that had congregated to watch. It was the not knowing what we would be up against that scared me. I knew how to take down an elf but anything could be behind those gates, anything from Hell that is. Even I didn't know every demon or monster. The guards were cheering and I could see the Elk sitting on a wooden carved thrown. He probably thought it made him majestic, I just thought it made him look like a royal tit, especially when he stood up and was wearing a purple velvet cape. Seriously, who wore capes anymore?

“Welcome one and all. These five prisoners were caught trying to escape and we all know what happens when they're caught…” The guards started to chant ‘fight’ and the Elk laughed, “Patience my friends. It has been millennium since the arena has seen sin eater blood and I guarantee it will see it tonight. You have one minute to lay your bets and then the fight will begin.” Cheers erupted and then the Elk’s attention turned to us, “Your weapons are in a pile over by the wall and you may choose another from our armoury if you survive the first round. I am nothing but fair. Let the minute begin.”

Wolfie and Sister Succubus looked like they were about to pass out as we spotted the weapons neatly placed on the floor. I let out a sigh of relief when I saw my knives and Marshall’s gun. Dorian picked up his cane and smiled,

“What are you gonna do, club someone to death?” I sniggered, for him to pull a viscous looking blade from the cane and swished it in the air,

“Personally love, I thought maybe an elf kebab.” This was definitely a new side of Dorian that I'd never seen. He always seemed so full of himself and cocky,

“What about you two?” I only spotted three weapons which meant Wolfie and Sister Succubus didn't have any,

“I'm a vegetarian for God sakes! The sight of blood makes me vomit…”

“And I'm a Nun!” Sister Succubus actually squeaked.

“I thought you attacked the guards?” Marshall grumbled. So, he hadn't suddenly become a mute after all,

“I just tried to look scary. It was all show. Oh God we’re all going to die!” That was all I needed, a hyperventilating wolf. “Look we haven't got much time left. If you can't fight then defend yourself. I would say hide but there's nowhere to go. You're stuck in here with us whether you like it or not. If you don't at least defend yourselves you
will
die. You're a wolf and a Succubus and I know you made choices but in a situation like this you have to do what's necessary to survive. Confess your sins after but right now I need you to do something. I'm not exactly fussed if you die
but
I can't have you being a distraction. The choice is yours ladies but know this, I will always choose my life over everyone else's.” I was being straight and to the point but the disgust on Marshall’s face made me question my own morals. My morals were absolutely fine.

“Now there's the Xan I know.” Dorian smiled and swished his sword in Marshall’s face,

“Do that once more and I'll shove it up your ass!” I was about to tell them to stop acting like children when a horn bellowed,

“Let the games begin. All bets are closed for round one!” The Elk was really starting to get on my nerves.

The mechanism of the gate started to crank and as it wound its way up, I could see three shadows emerging from the darkness.

“Great…” I muttered under my breath,

“What?” Dorian may be a work of fiction, which automatically made him a supernatural by definition but what was heading towards us not many people had seen,

“Holy shit, Hecatonchires.” It wasn't very often I was lost for words but these three were supposed to be mythical and here they were in all their monstrous glory. They were gigantic and had fifty heads and one hundred arms. No wonder the Elk was looking pleased with himself.

I thought they would charge as soon as they saw us but instead they slithered towards the Elk,

“Aegaeon, Cottus, and Gyges, I offer you a sacrifice for your service to the throne. Now if you don't mind will you just kill them already!”

“I was only joking about making kebabs but it looks like I'll be skewering me some heads and arms.” I couldn't help snorting at Dorian.

“What do you know?” Oh my God Marshall was actually talking to me!

“The ancient Greeks believe that women have a wandering uterus that sometimes run around and attack their brains.” It wasn't my fault my mouth ran too much when I was nervous and having three hundred eyes looking at me freaked me out. I don't think Marshall appreciated my random fact. Why was I the fountain of knowledge all of a sudden?

“Well that explains a lot.” Dorian couldn't help adding,

“Xan concentrate! You obviously know what these things are, so how do we kill them?” Marshall had gone all Texas Ranger on me and I have to admit it made him sexy as hell,

“They're Zeus’ guards and not even supposed to be here. I need to think…” I didn't have time to think as all together they decided to charge. We jumped out of the way skidding to our knees, “They're strong so we can't take them in a fair fight…” I heard Dorian grunt as arms tried to pummel him. I was trying to remember my Greek mythology as taught by Adram, but the constant bombardment of arms really wasn't helping my thought process.

“Don't get too close. They're slow and extremely top heavy….shit I can’t think!” I needed something useful to remember. I heard one of the Hecatonchires roar as Dorian stabbed at his eyes, while Marshall was diving out of the way of the other. I was one missing.

I suddenly found my body lifting from the ground. Yep, I'd found the third and unfortunately for me he was trying to hug me to death. I struggled against its grip until I could pull my knife out. All I could do was stab blindly until I felt it pop an eyeball. Its eyes shone red, lighting my face up with an eerie red glow and that was when I saw it. Hidden in the middle was one head with silver eyes. All I need now was air in my lung to shout out what I remembered and the only way to do that was to take this beast out. It was times like this I wished monsters had balls I could kick but Hecatonchires had root like legs. I still didn't want to give too much away to the Elk but I seriously had to do something and the plan I had was actually quite disgusting.

Clockwork had been right on one thing; the sin in this place was keeping me topped up and I could use it to my advantage. I pressed my hand against the Hecatonchires’ chest and nearly gagged at the slimy sweat dripping from him. Trying to concentrate while having my ribs crushed wasn't easy but I was soon able to look at it at a molecular level. Luckily or maybe unluckily for me, I needed to change my skin to sweat. I shivered at the thought of becoming something so nasty but at least I wasn't going to change my whole body. I concentrated long enough for my skin to slightly shimmer. From a distance, no one would notice what I was doing and I made a silent promise if I ever got out of this damned prison I was going to have a nice spa day to recover from being a sweat stain. I felt my body slipping through the mass of arms that were trying to grab onto me. The sweat was lubricating my body just enough that I began pulling myself higher and higher until I could see the primary head. Teeth started to bite into me but only managed to get mouthfuls of sweat. The sound of gagging nearly had me hacking up right with them. I gripped the handle of the knife and plunged it as deep as I could into one silver eye. Before I could even question if I'd killed it he crumbled beneath me until I was lying flat on my face in a pile of ash. I wanted to lie there in peace for a second but then I heard Marshall grunt as he hit a wall. Wolfie ran towards him and I sighed in relief as she nodded towards me.

“Dorian go for the silver eyes! It's the primary head and controls the others!” He didn't need to be told twice and I was in awe at how fast and lethal he moved. Once he knew where to aim he had the second Hecatonchire ashed on the ground.

“No, no, no! Cottus, you're better than this. Kill the sin eater now!” The Elk was screaming and my head was starting to throb. Who knew sweat would take so much out of me. I just needed a minute or two.

The room was starting to spin and all I could feel was the ground shaking beneath my feet as Cottus ran towards me. There was always a price to pay when I used the mark of Cain but I was hoping I was so high on sin it wouldn't hit me so hard. The fact I'd centralised the change on my skin had taken much more power than I'd thought. Dorian dived at Cottus and missed, ramming himself into Marshall in the process. Arms tried to grab at me and I prepared myself for one mighty impact. I closed my eyes because I knew this was going to hurt and then there was nothing. I slowly opened one eye to see a white wolf staring at me. Next to her was Sister Succubus in her true form. Her skin was like the night sky, translucent but held the sparkle of a million stars. She truly was beautiful but her eyes told me how deadly she really was,

“Like you said; we’ll confess later but unlike you, we cherish life…even yours.”

“Prfft you just killed Cottus.” I couldn't help the dig. I know I should have been grateful,

“We both know they're not dead, just simply returned to Zeus.” She had a point, I did know but I didn't think she did. There was more to Sister Succubus than she was letting on, a lot more.

Dorian held out his hand to help me up and I gladly took it. Until I realised how much sin he'd collected over the last year. I snatched my hand away quickly. I could here Marshall grinding his teeth next to me,

“What's the matter cowboy? Jealous?” Dorian just couldn't help himself but I was more worried about what Marshall would do as his knuckle strained white against the hilt of his gun.

That was when I realised the arena was silent. Not one person spoke or moved and all eyes were back on us. Even the Elk looked shell shocked, until he realised he was staring and cleared his throat,

“You are all…unique individuals but you have another round and this one will be much, much harder. It is a rare treat that we bear witness to such an achievement but I promised you all a special treat and what can be more special than to finally unleash round two?” The crowd erupted in cheers again. What could be harder than a monster with a hundred arms?

“You have one minute to place your final bets and
you
…” Yes, he was pointing at me again. A girl could get a complex being pointed at so much in one day, “…have one minute to choose an additional weapon.” He pressed a button on his throne and a wall opened up to show a single mace,

“Only one!” I yelled,

“That's all I have in this particular armoury and I did only say an
additional
weapon. I'm not a fool X!” Yet again, I had to snort but this time the Elk removed his finger from the button and the wall slammed shut, “So be it. I will not have you disrespect me again. Clockwork wants you dead and your little show of defiance has sealed your fate. Your one minute is over.

"You just couldn't keep your mouth shut could you?” Marshall sighed,

“You were the one that told me to come back! I should've just done what I was gonna do in the first place. If you hadn't guilt tripped me we would both be outta here!”

“You were going to leave us?” Sister Succubus was back to her nunny self but before I could say ‘of course I was’ the gates started to creak open again.

“I wonder what joys we’re in for this time love?” Dorian was starting to get on my nerves swishing his sword in the air.

I rolled my eyes and then I heard the growl.

“Is that…” Marshall started to say,

“Cerberus.” I cut in sighing, “Oh, and just our luck she brought along a few hell hounds for the show.” Cerberus was bad enough being a ten foot dog with three heads, snakes for a mane and tail and claws that could rip through steel but hell hounds were mangy creatures that dragged souls to hell. I really didn't know which was worse.

“I thought Cerberus guarded the gates of hell?” Dorian questioned for me to roll my eyes. It seemed I was becoming a walking demon encyclopaedia,

“Where do you think we are Dorian? This isn't bloody Disney Land!” The hounds hit us first, which interrupted my little rant at Dorian, mores the pity.

On the good side, the amount of sin in this place was making me feel refreshed again and actually ready for a round two. I heard gun shots as Marshall hit two hell hounds in the head and growls as Wolfie attacked another. Dorian was slicing and dicing again and I was suspiciously being left alone. I was usually the first person to be attacked. Adram always said it was because demons could sense the sin in me. I wish it had stayed that way but out the corner of my eye, I could see Cerberus sitting on her arse watching me with three pairs of eyes. So, it looked like the bitch was all mine. I grasped a knife in each hand and prepared myself for her onslaught but instead I was side swiped by a hell hound. I felt its claws push into my belly, causing me to scream out in pain. I may not bleed but I could feel pain and having my insides twirled around was definitely painful. Suddenly its claws ripped from me and I saw Marshall appear above me. His emerald eyes searched my body for injuries but I knew they'd already be healed. I felt his warm hand feel through the tear in my shirt against my belly and I wanted to tell him everything about me. Every last secret I had wanted to spill out of my mouth in that moment.

“Thank you.” I whispered. Marshall opened his mouth but was pulled off me by Cerberus who was growling in his face.

I screamed and launched myself to my feet and then realised what she was doing. Unlike the hell hounds who were trying to rip us to shreds she had covered Marshall with her body and growling back at them. She wasn't attacking Marshall, she was protecting him. I was so stupid sometimes. She hadn't been watching me. Marshall must have been behind me.

“I bloody knew it!” I shouted. Cerberus snorted at me as she dispatched a hell hound with her other two heads.

“Can you get it off me?” Marshall grunted under the weight of Cerberus,

“She, not it and I think she likes you.” I laughed,

“She has her ass in my face!” She was now sitting on him sniffing his feet,

“She’s protecting you.”

“I get that but why? I thought she was supposed to be ripping us apart?”

“That would be because she protects elves.” I saw Marshall pale,

“I'm not an elf!” He mumbled into Cerberus’ leg,

“So you keep saying.” But it made sense. I looked around and saw bits of hell hounds scattered around. Dorian was covered in blood smiling and I shook my head.

I made no attempt to help Marshall but that was because Cerberus growled at me every time I got close.

“You gonna let us go now or what?” I shouted up to the Elk,

“Round two isn't over yet dear. Cerberus may have forgotten where her loyalty lies but it appears
you've
forgotten that hell hounds can't be killed.” He started to laugh and my heart sank.

Clumps of hell hound were beginning to liquefy and combine. I ran towards the others and nodded at the reforming hell hounds,

“Now what?” Dorian said. Marshall had pulled himself from under Cerberus but she followed him towards us, showing her teeth,

“It’s ok we're not gonna hurt him but they are,” I pointed at the hell hounds who were now circling us growling, eyes glowing red.

“How do we kill them?” Dorian swished his sword in my face and I kicked his shin,

“We can't. They're not really hounds.”

“What the hell are they?”

“Exactly! They’re part of hell.” They circled in closer, herding us tighter together, “I…I just don't know. This is why no one ever got to walk free. You can't kill something that’s eternal. Damn you Marshall for making me come back!” If I wasn't getting out of this place then I wasn't going down without a fight. Everyone else must have had the same idea as I watched them prepare themselves for a final fight.

This was not how I thought my final moments would end, being dog chow. I wished Adram was here. He always seemed to know what he was doing, even though he looked clueless. I could just see my mom now in perpetual mourning for her only daughter. I pitied dad already. She'd make a scene and throw herself on my coffin and confess she was only hard on me for my own good. Poor Cam would be the sole recipient for all mom’s over powering ‘love’. I wonder how painful it would be being ripped apart?

“They're getting closer, if you’re going to do something love now’s the time to do it!”

“Just shut up Dorian before I shove my foot up your arse!” I looked at my foot and glared. Why did everyone want me to do something? I was much better off on my own.

I was ready for the onslaught of teeth when the ground started to shake so violently I lost my balance and fell into Marshall's arms. This wasn't exactly a bad position to die in I suppose,

“Thank…” Before I could finish my sentence, a jet of water flew over my head hitting a hell hound in the face, making it howl in pain.

“For the love of the Dark Lord himself you all look terrible!” I had never been so grateful to see Adram in my life. Men erupted from the portal he must have walked through, clutching sizzling nets,

“I want the hell hounds alive. I want to see how long it takes to recondition them. Put that three headed thing out before it becomes a problem. I'd rather you lot carry it than let me get bit!” Unfortunately, he’d brought the Major with him,

“Did you really think I'd leave you? I just had a little trouble getting down here so I had to contact that balding fashion faux pas over there and he knew a witch who could open portals and so here we are.”

“I…I didn't know.”

“You stupid girl.” He was hugging me before I could protest,

“Adram,” I mumbled into his shoulder,

“Yes honey,”

“What the hell are you wearing?” He held me at arm’s length and smiled,

“I had to dress for the occasion!” All the men the Major was ordering about, including himself, where dressed in black combat gear. Adram on the other hand was dressed in a bright pink and brown camouflage suit with a matching pink beret and an orange water blaster 9000 strapped to his back.

“What did you think you were walking into? A carnival?”

“Always the critic, no wonder you can't get a man!” I was sure he was colour blind because the mixture of pink against his green fur and peacock feathers made my head spin,

“Shall we get out of here…?”

“Wait.” I turned to launch myself at the Elk but as usual he'd run for his life. A few guards remained but were being zapped by funny looking guns the Majors’ small army were brandishing. The whining of hell hounds echoed though the near empty arena and I sighed in relief realising how close I had been to death, or as near as I could get,

“Portal can't be left open forever Xan…” I looked at him as the others waited for me, “and who might you two be?” Adram was guiding a near naked Wolfie and Sister Succubus towards the portal, with his arms wrapped around their waists. I laughed as they both slapped his arms away at the same time.

We all approached the portal, closely followed by the Major and I nodded at the witch holding it open,

“When the last of my men are out, close it and seal it. It's been nice doing business with you Troy.” The Major laughed but the witch glared at him with menace. He was quite good looking with his long jet black hair, that was until I saw his wedding ring. Why were all the hot men married?

“This is the last time Major. Don't ask again or I'll let my wife handle you!” Yep, he was definitely annoyed over something. The Major laughed and I found myself pushed through.

Portals gave me horrendous motion sickness, especially ones that went this deep. I literally fell over my own feet and crashed to the floor. Seconds later, I was spewing over Adram’s pink boots.

“Really Xan? I had to trade all my British Museum trinkets for these boots from Martha the Proxia Demon and that was because I wouldn't stick my finger in her…”

“Please, shut up!” I coughed,

“You're no fun sometimes!” He moaned,

“Need a little help love?” Dorian held out his hand to help me up but all I could see was Marshall watching me. I rolled my eyes and took his hand.

“I suggest you all get cleaned up. As agreed with Adram you have fresh clothes waiting for you and you are welcome to use our facilities to wash the Hell stink from you. Then we will meet back in the lounge area in an hour, were you can debrief me.” The Major spun around and wandered down the corridor.

Everyone looked at Adram, “Follow the signs people.” He laughed pointing at the sign on the wall that said ‘Showers’. I was soon left with Adram and I dragged him by the arm in the opposite direction,

“What have you done?” I was tapping my foot waiting for his response,

“Nothing…” I could see the flush in his face and that wasn't easy with him being green and all, “I bartered…”

“With what? Seriously, Adram, the Major isn't a demon who believes in demon laws surrounding bartering. I don't trust him and neither should you.” Demons may be the things from nightmares but they had a strict code about bartering. Once the deal was made it was fulfilled or they found themselves in front of the Dark Lord and a breach of contract did not have a great outcome.

“It’s ok don't worry…” I glared at him and he rolled his eyes, “He can summon me once and I'll help him on demon matters.”

“You're an idiot!” I marched towards the showers, resisting the urge to punch Adram for being so stupid. I could hear him running after me,

“Why? I thought I was being quite clever myself. I knew you were down there and I couldn't get to you without help. You
are
working with him after all!” I stopped and spun around,

“Is that exactly how you worded the deal?”

“Yep, did the funky handshake as well to seal it.” He looked proud of himself,

“You don't see it do you? You know there's loop holes in deals like that and yet you worded it just like that. No wonder the Major looks pleased with himself.”

“Oh for the Dark Lords sake what?”

“I'm presuming you meant that when the Major summoned you once you would help in on demon matters on that summons…”

“…yeah and?” I really wanted to punch his furry arse,

“He can just come and get you. He doesn't need to summon you and you'll have to help in on any demon matter. You didn't restrict it to that one summons. You are now his little demon bitch and you can't do anything about it.” I saw what I'd said sink in and he sighed,

“I'm the Dark Lord’s dresser I'm sure he'll help me this one time,”

“He gave you me last time you messed up.” I know I started out as a punishment for him and the thought that he was only sticking around because of it hurt,

“That's not been so bad.” I rolled my eyes and carried on walking. Adram followed in silence and I could tell he was worried.

An hour later, we were sat in the lounge. Why it was called that was anyone's guess because it was grey. Just grey. No one could lounge and relax in this room. Even the chairs were hard and grey. I did admit I felt better for the clean clothes and the shower, even though it was just a T-shirt and jeans,

“I hope you feel better after your little adventure?” The Major made the mistake of glaring at me. A second later, I found a glass water jug in my hand and the next second consisted of it smashing across his face.