Thin Air (14 page)

Maybe I should do something
for her
, Jay thought, equally aware of how Julie might view any
offer of assistance, financial or otherwise, from Dex’s rich,
London ex. Perhaps Julie would be entitled to royalties from Dex’s
work - it was clear she wasn’t benefiting at present. Jay resolved
to look into it once she got back home. She knew people who worked
for law firms.

‘So, what’s on the agenda
today?’ Jay asked, forking beans and bacon into her mouth. Julie
had not lied about her cooking. The simple fare seemed to explode
with flavours.

Julie put a plate down before
Kylie, who merely twitched her nostrils at it like a cat. ‘I’ve got
to take this ‘un to school first. Get on with it, Ky, there’s a
good girl.’

The child grudgingly began to
eat.

‘Then what?’ Jay asked.

Julie glanced at her, taking a
draw from a cigarette. ‘Dunno yet,’ she said.

Clearly some reparation was in
order. ‘Is there anything I can do to help?’ Jay said. ‘I could do
the dishes.’

‘Eat your breakfast first,’
Julie said, but her tone had softened.

Jay went along with Julie and
the children to the school where Kylie would spend her day. They
were joined by Marie from next door, who now treated Jay like an
old friend. It was clear that she and Julie had discussed her late
the previous afternoon. Kylie and Marie’s daughter, Emma, whispered
conspiratorially together, walking a few yards ahead of the women.
Occasionally, they’d look back at Jay and laugh.

To Jay, the gathering of mothers
and their offspring at the school gates was a culture shock. The
women talked mainly about babies, and Jay was unnerved by their
screaming older children, who all seemed to be running about madly.
This was not a world Jay knew or had ever cared to know. Women were
different when they had children, apparently focused entirely on
being mothers. All Julie’s friends at the gate, like Julie herself,
had aged before their time, as if all their energy had been sucked
out of them, dragging their youth with it. They cast many a curious
glance at Jay, until Julie said, ‘Oh, this is a friend of Chris’.
From London.’

Then the other women felt free
to examine her openly, no doubt weighing up her hunched pose, her
hands thrust deep into the pockets of her leather jacket. ‘Hi,’
said Jay, eager to escape.

Once the army of diminutive
hellions had been absorbed into the school, Julie said, ‘We’ll go
for a walk.’

Marie clearly sensed this was
family business, and left Jay and Julie alone. They set off up the
road beside the school. Houses on the other side were raised up on
a bank, and here the gardens were slightly larger, most of them
well-tended. The gnome bounced in her push-chair; it seemed
inconceivable she possessed the flowing, elegant name of
Melanie.

‘Thanks for putting me up,’ Jay
said, hoping to re-establish the friendship that seemed to have
been forming in the pub the previous night.

‘’S’OK,’ Julie said.

They walked in silence for a
while, until they came to the flat play area, fenced by wire mesh
covered in green plastic, where a few mothers and below school age
children were gathered. Melanie had begun to make disturbing bird
noises.

How can she stand the
noise?
Jay wondered, peering at Julie sidelong. They sat on a
bench, Julie pushing the baby’s chair back and forth, both women
smoking cigarettes. Around them, the estate rustled with unseen
life; the streets seemed empty now. Jay’s phone rang and she fished
it out of her bag. She recognised her home number in the display.
Gus was calling and this must be a hostile move because at this
time she was normally asleep.

‘Where are you?’ His demand
excluded greeting, as if he’d guessed where she was.

‘Oh, hi,’ Jay said. ‘I’m just up
north.’

‘When will you be back?’

‘Oh, I don’t know. Soon.’

Her vagueness seemed to irritate
Gus. He complained about how soon he would be away; they should be
spending this weekend together. She’d better be back by Friday. And
what was this job anyway? She hadn’t mentioned it. A shiver of
anger made Jay say, ‘I’m with Dex’s family, OK? I’ll see you
later.’ She ended the call.

Julie was looking at her
carefully.

‘Men!’ said Jay, and they both
laughed.

‘They’re all the bloody same,’
said Julie.

Inside, Jay was already
beginning to fret about her rash honesty. She looked down at the
phone in her hands and turned it off. She didn’t want any more
calls. But what would she go back to now? Rows, moods, sulks.
Sighing, she dropped the phone into her bag. Why was she here
anyway? What could it possibly accomplish?

‘Are you going to write about
Chris?’ Julie asked.

Jay shook her head. ‘No. I told
you, that’s not why I’m here.’ She turned sideways in her seat.
‘Look, I want to tell you what prompted me to come.’

Julie stared at her, hardly
blinking, nibbling her nails, while Jay told the story of the
documentary, the magazine and the calls. For some reason, she
omitted the part about Zeke Michaels. Let Julie think it was her
hunches alone that had dragged her northwards. ‘It was all the
coincidences, Julie,’ Jay said, with emphatic hand gestures. ‘I
just had to come. There’s more to Dex’s story, I know, and as his
partner, well ex-partner, I want to find it. Somehow, I don’t think
I’ll be able to carry on my life properly until I do.’ Was this the
truth, or was it really her journalistic curiosity that was
spurring her on? Ultimately, they were the same thing.

There was a silence, then Julie
slowly nodded her head. ‘You’re not wrong,’ she said, in a
prophetic tone.

Jay didn’t speak, but stared at
Julie with wide, and she hoped innocent, eyes.

‘He’s not dead,’ Julie said.
‘He’s
somewhere else
.’

‘Do you know where?’

Julie closed her eyes briefly,
shook her head. ‘No. He won’t tell me that.’

‘But he speaks to you?’

She nodded. ‘I can’t explain.’
She put her hands between her knees, her shoulders hunched forward,
her head tilted towards the bleak sky. ‘There’s so much, Jay. It’s
connections, you see. This causes this, causes that. It goes back a
long way.’

‘How?’

‘When Chris was little, say
eight years old or so, something happened. It was big news at the
time. A friend of his - we used to call him Little Peter - went
missing.’

‘Another missing person,’ said
Jay. She shook her head and smiled sadly.

‘Yeah. Peter was never found,
but well, I used to think that Chris knew what really
happened.’

‘You think Chris, Dex, was
involved?’

‘Perhaps if it hadn’t been
Peter, it’d been him. But it stayed with Chris.’

Jay shuddered. She could almost
see the dark cloud Julie spoke of, the way it had clung to Dex like
a mist, overshadowing everything. Was the answer that simple? ‘What
were your suspicions?’

‘This must go no further. And I
mean it!’ Her eyes were fierce. ‘If you say - or write - anything,
I’ll bloody kill you.’

‘You have my word.
Please...’

‘I think it was something to do
with Gary, you see, and he’s blood an’ all. Like I said to you last
night, Chris used to wind Gary up. Little Peter was Chris’ only
friend, really. He was a strip of a kid, right snotty-nosed little
article, but he and Chris got on great. When they were together,
sometimes the devil just used to get into them. They’d do things
that would get to Gary. Sit there at the table, giggling, copying
what Gary did. Once he threw his dinner over Chris. Chris was
copying him so much I thought he’d go right on and throw his own
dinner back, but he didn’t. He sat there, with peas and gravy and
everything dripping down his face, just looking at Gary. Not angry,
not frightened, just looking, like he was thinking of something, a
way to get back.’

‘And you think he found that
way?’

Julie shrugged. ‘Dunno. But soon
after that, the boys were up to their tricks, larking about outside
while Gary fixed his bike. Suddenly, there was this sound like a
big dog fight or something. I looked out the window and at first I
just wanted to laugh. There they were, scrapping in the street like
animals. Chris was getting a bit of a pounding, but he was just
laughing. Then Little Peter pulled him away and the pair of them
ran off. Gary went after them on his bike. I wasn’t too worried.
Chris knew how to get away from Gary. He was clever like that. Gary
came back for his tea, but Chris didn’t. Gary said he’d followed
them up to the heath, but they’d lost him there. Swore he could
hear them cackling at him from the copses, but he couldn’t find
them. Anyway, I went out to look for Chris around seven, because I
was a bit worried by then. I met him on the street, not far from
home. He looked weird, I can tell you that, sort of fierce yet
holding something in. I asked him if he was OK and he just said he
was. I asked about Peter and he said he didn’t know. Peter had run
off.’ Julie sighed and lit another cigarette. ‘Of course, when the
police came, he got a bit more questioning than that! Sullen little
bugger, he was. Couldn’t, or wouldn’t, tell them anything. He just
said they ran away from Gary, then split up. Chris said he didn’t
come home till late to let Gary cool off, because he knew he’d
pushed Gary far that day. They never found Little Peter. No-one had
seen him. He just vanished.’

Jay found she was shaking.
‘That’s horrible,’ she managed to say. ‘What do you think
happened?’

Julie drew in her breath. ‘Oh,
now I reckon it happened pretty much as Chris said, only I think
Peter must have fallen down somewhere. There’re old shafts on the
heath. Chris felt guilty because he’d caused all the trouble in the
first place that’d made Gary chase them. That’s what I think. But,’
she fixed Jay with level gaze, ‘at the time, I couldn’t help but
blame Gary. He was always so nasty with the kids, like a mean dog.
There was no excuse. Chris just wanted Gary to like him, really.
Looked up to him. Big brother stuff. But it wasn’t to be.’

‘You don’t think Gary caught up
with them?’

Julie paused for a moment. ‘No.
No. I’m pretty sure he didn’t. At the time, I did. At the time, I
thought Gary had just gone and done something terrible to Peter.
Not on purpose, but accidental, like. He had such a temper. One
knock, and a little kid could go falling down a shaft, or he could
hit his head, and then it might be the only thing to do... put him
down a shaft.’ She shook her head. ‘I think I was more cut up than
I realised. Gary wasn’t any different afterwards. He’d have had to
be, wouldn’t he, if he’d done something like that? And he helped
the police far more than Chris did. We all went looking, calling
and looking. Jesus, the state of Peter’s mum. A black eye from her
old man and a mess of tears. She was no use. Chris stayed at home.
He wouldn’t go near that heath.’ She slumped. ‘He wasn’t the same
after that, for a long time. It must’ve scared him, or something.
He just went more quiet. Sometimes he was his old self with me, but
no-one else. He didn’t really bother with friends any more, until
he grew up and then the other lads thought he was cool. He changed
then. Someone asked him to sing for their band. He’d never tried
before, but he was bloody good. Straight away. Odd, really. He
certainly had the face for it. Skinny but pretty. It’s what a lot
of girls like.’

‘Mmm. Did he never go back to
the heath?’

‘Oh, he got over it. We used to
go there a lot. In the early days, I remember the summer, and him
with a guitar. We’d take cider and some blow up there and he’d sing
his songs to me. I was pretty then, with the old fishnets and spiky
hair. They were grand days. I miss them.’

‘I miss them too,’ Jay said.
‘But I’m glad I was young then, and not now.’

Julie said, ‘Huh! You’re not
kidding. All they’re into now is burglary and drugs, I reckon, or
at least around here. In my day, everyone wanted to be in a band.
It was great.’

‘Yeah. So how do you think
Peter’s disappearance connects with what happened to Dex?’

Julie squirmed on the bench. She
seemed slightly embarrassed. ‘I don’t know. It’s just that...’ She
stared at Jay for a moment. ‘Oh, this is so bloody difficult,
because I promised him I’d never say. I’ll have to ask.’

‘Ask Dex?’

She jiggled her shoulders. ‘Just
ask, that’s all. I might be able to tell you. I might.’

Jay wanted to demand, ‘When?’
but thought better of it. She reached out and lightly touched
Julie’s shoulder. ‘That’s OK. Don’t tell me anything you don’t want
to. I could stay for another night, if you want.’

Julie looked away from her; Jay
suspected she was hiding the beginning of tears. ‘Yeah, do
that.’

‘You mentioned you wanted to
show me something today,’ Jay said, stubbing out her cigarette on
the slabs at their feet.

Julie delivered a shifty glance.
‘Yeah... We could go and see a few things. Places where Chris used
to go.’

Jay suspected Julie was now
holding out on her, but she’d go along with her. Maybe later, after
a few drinks, she’d open up again. ‘Sounds great. Can I see the
heath?’

‘It’s a bit of a trek.’

‘We can use the car.’

Julie left her baby with Marie,
and seemed cheerful at the prospect of a drive out. Jay was eager
to get going. She wanted Julie to talk about her claim that Dex
still communicated with her. It seemed clear his sister was rather
odd, but Jay still wanted to know the details. ‘How do you fancy a
take-out meal tonight?’ she suggested, as they set off. ‘We could
get some wine and stay in, stuff ourselves stupid.’

Julie looked uncertain.

‘I can put it on expenses, it
won’t cost us a thing!’ Jay laughed, and Julie joined in, clearly
relieved to learn they’d be running a scam rather than Jay simply
offering charity.