Thin Love (35 page)

“I have plenty to say to you. Now open the door before I bust the glass.”

He would never,
she thought. Kona had a temper, same as Keira, but he wouldn’t lower himself to vandalism. Not just because she’d been hiding from him. She knew it was stupid to smirk at him, to offer that small challenge that told him she doubted him, but it seemed Keira always did stupid things when Kona was around.

One flash of anger moved across his face, worked his frown until his eyelids lowered and then Keira screamed, darting backward as Kona kicked his large foot against the pane of glass above the door handle.

Glass shattered across her floor, small chunks that Keira had to avoid as Kona slipped his hand in and unlocked the door. “Are you out of your mind?” Her attention was on avoiding the glass, moving away from it so it didn’t touch her bare feet when Kona walked into the room, rainwater still streaming over his face and off his hair like melted ice. “You’re freaking lucky I hadn’t set the alarm.”

Kona didn’t seem to care about alarms or disturbing the neighbors. He didn’t care about anything but crunching the glass under his feet to get to her. His wet hands felt good on her arms when he touched them and Keira tried not to enjoy the feel of his cold body against her when he hugged her. “Fuck, baby, I missed you.”

“Stop it, Kona,” she told him, stepping out of his touch. “I’m serious, you need to leave.”

She needed a distraction, something that would pull her gaze away from his body, away from the anxious look in his eyes. Keira picked up the towel she used earlier and tossed it to him.

“I’m not like you,” he said, wiping his face and hair dry before he dropped the towel onto the floor. Another step and Kona had her against the dresser, hands resting near her hips. “I can’t just walk away and feel nothing. Not when it comes to you. I’m not heartless that way.”

“Oh and I am?”

“Hell yes you are. You take everything with you.” Kona pulled her damp hair between his fingers, squinting against the faint light in her room, but Keira lifted her chin, wouldn’t let that touch weaken her anger. Kona dipped his head, let it rest on her shoulder. “Everything gets dark. That’s cruel, Wildcat. You’re so cruel sometimes.”

She pushed him off of her, and Kona went back two small steps. She hated the smile he gave her, hated that he was trying to charm her. “Fuck you, Kona.”

“You wanna?”

“That’s not funny. None of this is funny!” He started to reach for her, but moved his hand away when she slipped toward the foot of her bed. “You’re killing yourself and I’m not going to watch you do it.” Keira thought that should settle things. She thought her voice was strong, determined, that the grip of the door in her hand when she walked to it told Kona enough, told him she was done talking. There was a slight feeling relief on her skin from the heat of her room with the door opened. “Get out.”

Keira thought that expression on Kona’s face told her he would leave. She thought his quick movement toward the door guaranteed he was done trying to convince her they belonged together, but then Kona pulled the door out of her hand and slammed it shut. “I don’t run. You haven’t figured that out about me yet? I don’t run away from my shit.”

“And I do? That’s what you think?” It was an insult that cut deep, that had her anger resurfacing quickly, that reminded her that Kona had no clue what she was running away from or why. Keira couldn’t make her hands stop shaking, couldn’t stop herself from shoving against Kona’s chest, from wanting to lash out at him. “I’m trying to protect myself. I won’t let you hurt me.”

“I would never hurt you. You know I’d never do anything to hurt you.”

“Except for juice? Except for wreck your body? Except for slowly kill yourself? Bullshit Kona.”

“You don’t understand what it’s like…”

“Oh I know what it’s like.” And then, Keira was nine again, desperate, scared, angry. She was ten and hopeless, feeling like her lies had failed her father, like she had been the one to pull the trigger. “I know what it is to call 911 because your father passed out with his face in a heap of blow. I know what it’s like to clean that shit up before the ambulance arrives because you can’t have your daddy in trouble again, to be a kid and still understand that the doctors in the ER could be bought.” The hot tears on her face didn’t register, it was second nature to rub them away. “I was a kid and had to catch three buses to make sure they got paid off. I know what’s like to make excuses, to tell your mother he had too much cold medicine, too much Jack, and that’s what made him almost die, not the blow, not the bottles he hid under the sofa, not the shit he did to himself.” Kona reached for her, but Keira didn’t want his comfort. She told herself she didn’t want him and when he tried again, stretching his arm toward her, she slapped his hand away, getting angrier, full of rage she knew had little to do with Kona.

“He was everything to me, Kona and I loved him so much.” Keira closed her eyes, squeezed them tight as she tried to blot out her father’s smile, his happy laugh when he played; his still body, cold, lifeless as he lay in that coffin. “I won’t do that again. I… just can’t. I don’t ever want to watch that again.”

“I’ll stop. Right now.” His voice followed her as she walked around her room. Keira felt the pent up knot in her chest and needed something in her hands to release it. She was only half listening to Kona then, looking for something she could destroy. But he continued with his promises, with pointless words that had him stepping closer, trying again to touch her. “Right this second, I’ll stop for you, Wildcat. I won’t let another needle break my fucking skin. I promise.”

That thick knot in her chest broke free, shattered right along with the growl she released and the framed picture of her father that she threw right at Kona’s head. “Don’t make promises, Kona. Don’t tell me you swear you’ll do something. I’ve heard enough promises to last a lifetime. I’ve made enough excuses. I don’t have it in me to make any more. You need to leave.” She felt the safety glass on the floor crunch under her feet when she turned toward him. It didn’t hurt. It did nothing but release her fury. “You need to forget you know me.”

Kona was so like Keira, and she thought. That similarity was likely why he wanted her in the first place. They were both angry, both broken and when he released his own frustrated, angry growl, it didn’t bother her. It mirrored her own anger. But Kona got too close, threatened her too easily with his face inches from hers and when he spoke, his words muffled any release her outburst had given her.

“I’m not your father.”

The slap came hard, quick and stung her fingers. But it wasn’t enough, hadn’t even managed to make Kona flinch. His head hadn’t moved and so Keira tried again, another slap she hoped would shock him, would have him retreating. When Kona continued to glare at her, eyelids lowered and the usual angry tick vibrating his top lip, Keira tried again, reaching back further to hit him. Kona was ready, jerked forward and grabbed her hand before it made contact with his face.

“I can take whatever you give me, sweetheart. You wanna hit me? Do it. Do whatever you need to, only don’t tell me to walk away from you. That’s something I can’t do.” Feeling useless, Keira tried pulling her hand out of his grip, but his fingers tightened around her wrist and he hauled her forward so that she stumbled against him. “Come on! Do it! Slap me, punch me, hit me!”

It was useless to fight him. Keira felt drained, pitiful and even as she fought out of Kona’s grip, she knew she’d never get him to leave. She knew she’d have to lie, to sting, to trick him into leaving. “Stop it. Just go, Kona. Just leave me alone. I don’t want you. I don’t need you.” She pulled against his hold again, bringing her eyes nearly closed, making sure her frown was sharp, biting. “It’s over!”

That verbal blow did sting and Keira knew she’d finally gotten through to him. Kona dropped her wrist, but he didn’t walk away. Keira could see the return of his fury, the quick lick of anger that had softened at her outburst. Kona grabbed her shoulders, fingers biting down, breath hard, uneven before his hands fell to her hips and he picked her up and threw her onto the bed.

Almost immediately, he was repentant. Those big, dark eyes widened, his hands shifted through his hair like he wanted to yank out each strand. He took a step, then must have thought better of it before he covered his mouth. “Oh my God. I just… Keira…”

She wasn’t angry. She didn’t know how it happened or why, but Kona’s action twisted something inside her, pushed aside the anger, the grief and that warped, wild part of her brain that made her attack Kona that night at Nathan’s came back to the surface. As she stared at his shocked face, the expression that told her he couldn’t believe he’d lost it, Keira felt the sweet zip of energy between them; it pulled her nipples tight against her shirt. It had her clit throbbing against the thin fabric of her thong. It made her wetter than she’d ever been in her life.

“Kona.” Keira’s voice was deep, sounded nothing like her. Kona’s wide eyes stretched when he looked at her, when they shifted down at her nipples. “Come here.”

Two long strides had him in front of her, had his arms around her. “I’m sorry. Wildcat, I’m so sorry…”

“Shut up… kiss me.” She yanked on his face, nails biting into the back of his neck. “Now.” That kiss pulled everything from her mind; her broken father, her mother’s drunken anger, Kona’s lying, everything that wasn’t his wide tongue and full lips. All Keira felt was his hands on her ass, pushing her closer to him, his teeth against her neck.

Keira pulled him back against the mattress by his collar, loving how heavy his body felt against her. She was still reeling from that bright spark of rage only Kona could ignite, but he tugged up her shirt, his teeth against her nipples was too much, too drugging and Keira let go of her anger and let it pour out of her, not caring that she was scared for him, not caring that his promises were pointless and hollow. She only knew she wanted him. She only knew that she needed his touch, his mouth, his heart.

She hadn’t worn much after her shower, a thin t-shirt and small thong and so it was not difficult to have herself open and naked before him and when Kona raised up, pulled his damp CPU t-shirt over his shoulders with one hand, Keira moaned at just the sight of him, so ready for her, eager to have her.

She was calmer then, too intoxicated by the way he looked at her, by the mingle of rain and sweat on his body. Keira watched him, stared into his eyes as she reached one hand down his chest, over that sculpted stomach until she came to his waistband, fingers against the button of his jeans, moving the zipper down, one tantalizing metal tooth at a time.

This was where he usually stopped her. He’d been so careful with her before then, never letting her touch him where she really wanted, telling her if she did, he’d be unable to stop himself from taking her. Now he did nothing but stare down at her, breath in hard, labored bursts, teeth gritted as she pushed his jeans over his hips and wrapped her long fingers around his impressive, throbbing dick.

“Shit,” he said through his teeth. That long vein on his neck throbbed and Keira got to her knees, licked against it, up his neck.

“You don’t have to hold back, Kona.” She took his ear between her teeth as she continued to rub him, each stroke making a shudder work in his chest. “I don’t want you to stop me.”

“Keira… shit.” He moved his hands in a flash, one going into her hair, pulling her head back so he could look at her in the dim light of her lamp, shadowing their faces; the other grabbing her wrist to stop her movements. “I swear to Christ, I can’t take you touching me. I want you too much.” Kona squeezed his eyes shut when she stroked him once more. “Five… five minutes ago you wanted me out of your life.” He pulled on her hair again, directing her mouth closer to his. “Now you wanna touch me? Now… now you want me? I don’t work like that anymore, Wildcat. Not with you. I… I love you too much to not want all of you.”

Keira pulled her hand back, and moved out of Kona’s grip, heart beating so quickly that she could feel the drum of it on her temples. “What did you say?”

Kona’s expression went soft, open and Keira loved the way his smile came easy, how his thumb rubbed over her face. She could only make out the faint outline of his shoulders, his hair, but she felt him. She felt him everywhere. “I love you
, Keira and if we do this, right now, there will be no turning back. If you let me have you, that’s it for me. That’s it for you. I’m yours. Is that what you want?”

Dave Matthews still sang in the background, repeating over and over, and here Kona was, promising to crash into her, promising her all the things she wanted from him. He would be the end of her, she knew that, just then, in that moment. Kona Hale would love her, she didn’t doubt that, but would he stay? Or would he break her heart again and again? She didn’t know if she could survive the destruction he’d leave behind if he left, if he broke her and left. She didn’t know if she was willing to gamble again, to risk the loss that love always brought.

“I… will you stop using? And don’t tell me you will just for me to say yes. I need you to be straight with me.”

“Fuck the juice, Keira.” He pulled her close again, breathing on her face as he dipped his forehead against hers. “You’re all I need. Just you. I’ll walk away from all it if I have you.”

“And… other girls?” She knew she sounded whiny, but the thought had not left her. It was what she first thing that jumped into her mind the weekend before when she walked into the locker room. She couldn’t completely let go of Kona’s past and sometimes the thought of how many of those glaring idiots had touched him was just too much for her. “What about…”