Third Date (2 page)

When I finally opened my eyes up to her grinning face, Fay had used the marker to color basically everything. But the best part, she had used it as lipstick. I got to spend the next week walking around with a child who looked like they were suffocating because the black had softened to a navy blue.

Let me just say, the looks I received were not friendly.

Stepping onto the patio, my eyes widened, huge and stunned as I watched the hoard of kids running through the yard with pails of dirt. They were grabbing large handfuls and tossing it at each other, all while yelling, “Wizard battle!”

The giant plumes of sandy clouds stayed motionless in the air for a brief second, before finally falling down as a blanket of tiny grains onto their heads. Finding the wind, pieces of the dust cloud broke off, raining onto the food table, and seasoning everything in its wake.

“No! Kids, no, none of that! No dirt!” I barked down from the wooden deck, as my friends—
their parents—
all chuckled behind me.

“Kin, it's fine. Let them play, they're having fun,” Lynn said.

“Yeah, you remember fun, don't you?” Gina asked giggling.

Lynn and Gina had been my best friends since our freshman year in high school. They have been by my side through it all; the good, the bad, and hell when it came and stole my world.

After my husband passed, I moved back to my hometown of Warwick. I needed to be around my family and friends, needed the support and love.

Fay was my world, but there was no way I could stay hundreds of miles away. I needed more than a wasteland of endless fields and cows. I needed comfort, familiarity, and help.

Lots of help.

After coming back, it felt like I had never left. Lynn, Gina, and I, seemed to fall back into our friendship as if I had never moved away at all. And I was grateful for that, because I needed them more than ever in the beginning.

As time went on, things seemed to settle into place. Life became more bearable as I kept busy with work, and my daughter who was growing faster than a weed.

But there was always something missing, an emptiness that I couldn't fill.

“Yes, Gina,
I remember fun.” Rolling my eyes, I snickered. “But if you guys don't care about cleaning sandy scalps, or eating gritty dip, then I won't either.” Stepping towards the stairs, my toe jammed a nail that was sticking out, shooting me forward over tumbling feet. The bowl of chips quickly followed, falling like giant snowflakes onto the wood. “Ah! Fu—” The remaining letters got buried under a deep moan, my mind swiftly realizing the tiny ears not far away.

“The queen of spills lives!” Gina yelled, sipping her beer, and giggling into the metal can.

Bending down, I rubbed my foot. “Yeah, yeah, yeah, so my feet still don't like me. What can I do?”

“Kinsley, your feet, your hands,
even your brain...”
Gina batted her lashes, shaking her head. “They've never liked you. Remember that time at Briar Point, when you were running down to the water and tripped over your own feet?”

“Seriously Gina, you haven't forgotten that yet?”

Oh shit, not that story. Please no.

“Ha, no! I don't think anyone who was there that day could forget. You stood up, your top had been shoved down, and you had mud covering your face and chest. And to top it all off, you didn't even notice your bikini had fallen.” Holding out a single finger, she spoke through giant inhales of laughter. “I think that was the pinnacle of every guy in our schools first boner!”

Lynn raised her drink as she spoke, trying to swallow the bubbly liquid between chuckles. “What did they all call you after that?
Gritty titty?
Was that it?” Squinting her eyes, the large hoop earrings brushed her shoulders.

Dipping to my knees, I started picking up the chips. “Yes, I was gritty titty for longer than I want to remember. Thank you for shaming me on my daughter's birthday. Can we focus on the party now?”

“Yeah, that's probably a good idea, it looks like they just found the cake.” Gina was leaning over the side, smiling.

Looking over the railing, the small table I had set up in the yard for the presents and to display the cake, was surrounded by children who were all digging their hands into the fresh white frosting.

The nicely decorated unicorn cake was now a giant pile of mush, the crisp frosting was streaked in brown dirt, and the dirty faces of the kids were all smeared in white butter cream.

Expect the unexpected.

Slamming a palm to my forehead, I closed my eyes tight.
“Really?
I told Fay not to touch the cake till I said it was time.”

“And you thought a five year old would remember that with six others egging it on? Come on, Kin, you should know better. With kids, you can never trust them,” Lynn said.

“Yeah, it's no different than husban—” Gina dropped her words, cutting herself off. “Sorry, Kin, I didn't—”

Holding up my hand, I said, “It's alright, Gina.”

“I know, it's just that I don't mean to hurt your feelings.”

“You didn't, it's been years now, I'm okay...
Really, I am.”
Looking into her eyes, I smiled. “You guys don't need to feel like you have to walk on eggshells around me. Yes, it still hurts not having Max here, but I'm not going to burst at the seams if you mention your husbands.”

I felt sorry that my friends tried to tip toe around husband talk. At the beginning, yes, I was a tad fragile and did break into tears at the drop of a hat. But time had gone by, and now it was a lot easier for me talk about Max.

Pursing her lips, Lynn said, “You know, it has been a long time, do you ever plan on getting back into the dating game?” Bringing a hand to my shoulder, she squeezed firmly.

“Dating game?” My eyes crooked, brows folding up. “I wouldn't even know where to start.”

Dating?

What the hell would it be like to date?

I had started dating my husband when I was eighteen. We married a year later before he went into the Army so I could be with him wherever he ended up being stationed.

But the idea of going out and meeting another man... It made me uncomfortable. My husband had been gone for five years, and sometimes it still felt like it happened yesterday.

There were so many times I would hear the phone ring and expect to find him on the other end. But no matter how strong that feeling was, or how right I felt that this time it would be him and I would wake up from this horrible nightmare, that moment never came.

The days dragged on, his memory still strong and bold in the front of my mind, and my heart still holding onto the hope that he would come home.

I couldn't even count how many times I wished on shooting stars, or let myself fall into the childish game of noting that the time was a consecutive row of one, two, three, four; I made wishes for his return on anything I could grasp that could grant them.

And each time, I let the disappointment keep me in bed for hours, buried under the blankets, crying endless tears.

Through the years, the tears had faded, still resting uncomfortably behind my lids, but well controlled.

Fay was a lot older now, I didn't want her to see me that way. It was important for me that she knew what a strong man her father was, and that her mother was just as strong with what we went through.

Maybe it was wrong for me try and hold back the tears, but laughing with Fay over stories seemed like a much better filter for the pain.

Laughing with happy tears was therapy to me.

“Mommy, Mommy, can we do the pinãta now?” Fay ran up the stairs, her face innocently covered in cake, distracting the entire conversation.

Which I was grateful for. My friends always had good intentions, but that was not a discussion I really wanted to have. I knew they cared for me, knew they wanted the best for me; but could they really understand how I felt?

No.

Both of them were happily married, with big families, and husbands that had safe jobs. Jobs that required suits, jobs that required clocking in, clocking out, and going home safely at the end of the day.

They didn't understand what it was like to not see their husband for months, to not know if he would make it home... To not have him come back to his family.

I wouldn't wish that pain on anyone.

“Fay, did you and your friends touch the cake?” Dipping down to her height, I brushed her bangs from her face.

She looked so much like her father, and as much as it hurt to lose him, it made me happy to see a piece of him still alive.

Max won, he called it.

Fay really was a cute version of him.

There was so much about her that reminded me of her father. Her laugh, her smile, the way she hated onions and tomatoes... Every inch of that man was ingrained in her; from the dimples resting in her cheeks, to the fluffy curls that cascaded down her back.

But her eyes, they always tore at my heart the most. They were exactly the same as Max's; big, dark green, and sparkling with curiosity. “I didn't, the other kids did, but not me,” Fay said, shaking her head as she spoke.

“Oh no? Are you sure?” My head fell to my shoulder, eyes veering up.

“Yes, Mommy.” Biting her lip, her toe spun into a knot in the wood beneath her feet.

“Fay, didn't we talk about lying, and how it was bad to lie?” Swiping my finger across her cheek, I brought it in front of her eyes covered in frosting.

Her eyes darted to the deck, searching the planks. “Sorry, Mommy, it just looked so good.”

“And was it good?”

A huge smile spread across her face, her chin raising and lowering into her neck with exaggerated bounces. “It really was, it was delicious!”

“Well, good.” Pulling her in, I kissed the top of her head. “Okay, go grab the sticks for the pinãta.” Ruffling her hair, she let out an excited squeal as she skipped off.

Gina, leaned over the banister, grumbling to herself, before yelling. “Danny, drop that rock! How many times do I have to tell you, rocks are not toys!” Turning around, she ran a hand over her forehead. “That kid is going to be the death of me, I swear.”

My lip curled playfully, sneering to the side. “Awe, come on Gina, don't you remember fun?” Looking at Lynn, I tossed her a teasing wink.

“Real funny, Kinsley. But I don't plan on spending the night at the hospital...” Throwing back the rest of her beer, she wiped her lips.
“Do you?”

Laughing, I pressed myself against the railing. Watching the children gather around the pinãta, they all hopped in place like I spiked the punch with Redbull.

I wish I could bottle their energy and sell it. I'd make millions.

Lynn stepped up beside me and nudged my arm with her elbow. “Well?”

“Well, what?” I asked, braiding my fingers together.

Please don't ask again.

“Dating, have you thought about it?”

Twisting to look at her, I flicked my eyes to the sky. “To be honest... No.”

“Maybe it's time. You don't need to spend the rest of your life alone.” Lynn nodded her head towards the kids. “Fay has a great life, Kin, but you deserve to be happy too.”

“I am happy.”

Lie, I lied to her. Here I am telling my daughter not to do something I just did.

There was a hole in my heart, one I couldn't repair.

I wasn't completely happy.

But I wasn't sure if I ever wanted to find someone else, or if I could even get over the death of my husband. And that wouldn't be fair to another man.

My life had been forever tainted by a horrible loss, and the idea of going out looking for someone to try and fill that void...

I just couldn't swallow it.

“When was the last time you got laid, huh?” Shrugging my shoulders, I twirled my thumbs around each other. “Really, how long ago was it?” she asked, watching my face for the true answer.

I didn't want to tell her the truth, but she knew already. I think she just wanted me to say it out loud, as if the sound of my own voice would make me more aware of my current situation.

Letting my chin fall into my chest, lips scrunching to the side, I finally let it slip. “A
really
long time. Before Max left to go over seas.”

Gina squeezed herself closer to us, a low laugh hitting her tongue. “That's not happiness, Sweetheart, that's torture.”

“Look, I appreciate the concern on how unused my vagina has been, but I don't think now is the time to start dating. I've got Fay, and I'm super busy with classes at the school.”

“Kin, you teach kindergarten. I'm sure the workload is there, but it's not physics or something. It's colors and shapes, I think you could squeeze some time in there for a man.” Gina's frizzy red hair blew into her face, tangling around her lashes.

Digging her fingers into her eyes, she brushed them away. “Look, there's never a perfect time after what you went through, but, Kin, I think it would do you some good.” Shoving an elbow into my ribs, she said, “It'll at least loosen you up some, shit, I get cranky not having sex for more than a week, never mind years. You could use a little dick once in awhile, you know.”

“Gina! There are kids around, language please.”

“What? They're all down there beating the shit out of the...” Her head fell back hard, letting out a loud gut wrenching laugh as her voice trailed off.

“What?” I barely asked as my eyes fell to the yard. “No! You guys, no! Drop the sticks!” Shoving off the railing, I made a dash for the stairs.

To my disbelief, the kids were all surrounding Super Feather, the giant yellow bird I had hired to entertain the party. I hadn't even realized he arrived.

When did he get here?

The poor guy inside the suit had to be hot as hell from the temperature, and not only had to deal with kids tugging on the costume on a regular basis; but he unfortunately had to deal with
our kids,
who had forced him onto the ground in a fetal position.

Reaching the grass, I stood in plain shock, frozen in place, unsure I was actually witnessing what the hell was happening.

The children had gone from hitting the pinãta, to beating the crap out of the mascot for a cheap cartoon my daughter had loved.