Third Voice (31 page)

She decided against it.

Olivia exceeded all imaginable speed limits. As she approached the house, she almost hit a fat Rottweiler. The owner came
running out behind it shouting something Olivia couldn’t hear. Keep your bloody dog on the lead then, she thought, and turned in towards the Sahlmanns’ house. She slammed on the brakes outside the gate and ran towards the house without even closing her car door. When she approached the front door she hesitated for a second. Should she ring the bell? She felt the handle. The door wasn’t locked. She went into the hallway.

‘Sandra!’

She carried on into the living room. The lamp next to the sofa was on.

‘Sandra! It’s Olivia! Are you here?’

Silence.

Olivia rushed between the office and the kitchen and on to the bedrooms. As she came into the dark hallway she saw that there was light coming from the bathroom. Maybe she’s having a bath? Like she did last time she went missing? Olivia felt her throat tighten as she approached the bathroom door. It was slightly ajar.

‘Sandra?’

Olivia pushed the door open. Sandra was lying in the bath, virtually naked. Her forearms were covered in blood, there was blood streaming across her thighs, and the white bath tiles were covered in trickles of red. Olivia screamed. Then Sandra turned her head and looked at her. Slowly she held up a bloody razor blade in her right hand.

Olivia rode in the ambulance to A&E. She sat and watched the ambulance staff take care of Sandra. When they arrived at A&E, other staff stepped in and wheeled her in on a stretcher. Olivia followed them. A little way down the hospital corridor they disappeared into a room with the stretcher. A nurse told Olivia to stay put and wait. She sat down on a chair, leant against the green wall and closed her eyes. She saw the bathroom in front of her, the white tiles, the red lines, the bloody young girl in the bath, her eyes looking for Olivia’s, it was horrible.

‘Hi, Olivia.’

It was Charlotte’s voice. Olivia opened her eyes. She’d called Charlotte from the ambulance and explained what had happened. Charlotte had actually been sitting at home with Tomas Welander talking about Sandra. Now both of them were standing in front of her in the corridor. Olivia got up just as a nurse came out through the door that Sandra had disappeared behind. Everyone turned to face her.

‘She’s cut herself badly,’ the nurse said. ‘But she’s conscious and she probably needs someone to talk to. Are any of you relatives?’

‘Yes,’ Charlotte said. ‘I’m her aunt.’

Olivia and Welander left the hospital together. They hadn’t had the chance to see Sandra: she was very drained and Charlotte was going to stay with her. A female doctor had spoken to them about the ‘next step’, as she put it. The patient had actively attempted to commit suicide and almost succeeded. She would be transferred to a juvenile psychiatric unit where they would decide on a course of treatment. The doctor had expressed herself as empathetically as she could in relation to the clinical circumstances. The doctor had gained Olivia’s trust.

Welander’s too.

Both of them were upset and tired as they walked down towards the bus stop. There wasn’t much to say. Both of them had suspected that this might happen. Both of them knew how fragile Sandra was.

Both of them felt inadequate.

‘At least she’ll be getting help from people who are a little more knowledgeable about this than us,’ Welander said.

‘Yes, I hope so.’

Olivia felt saddened. She knew that she’d burst into Sandra’s world in a way that she hadn’t intended to. In a way that she hadn’t been able to deal with. She’d extended her hand and a very broken young girl had landed in her lap.

‘You’ve done your best,’ Welander said, as though he’d read her thoughts. ‘So have Charlotte and I. Sometimes you just don’t have the right tools. You want to, but you’re not able to.’

‘Yes, that’s probably how it is.’

They stood in silence waiting for the bus. Olivia felt that she wanted to talk about something else, something that could release the pressure on her eyes. She started talking about the funeral, about Alex Popovic’s unexpected outburst against Jean Borell.

‘It didn’t come as much of a surprise to me,’ Welander said.

‘No?’

‘Alex has really disliked Jean for many years.’

‘Generally a bit of an arsehole, then?’

‘Well, there are other things too. He and Jean and Bengt were very – how do you say – close for a while, as I understood it. Then something happened, I don’t know what, they never talked about it, but after that Alex’s attitude towards Jean completely changed. He could get very aggressive at the mention of Jean’s name, as you heard.’

‘And you’ve never asked what happened between them?’

‘I asked Bengt once but he just glossed over it, as though he didn’t want to – I don’t know – gossip maybe.’

Shame I didn’t know about this yesterday, Olivia thought.

Alex might have told her a thing or two in bed.

On the other hand, she probably wouldn’t have been able to remember a single word of it today.

Olivia went straight into her living room and flopped down on the sofa. She’d collected the car from Rotebro and driven straight home, and now she was absolutely exhausted. The past twenty-four hours, with everything from the news about Ove’s girlfriend to the drunken night at Kristallen, the night with Alex and then Sandra’s attempted suicide – it had worn her out. She was lying thinking about Sandra while watching a gently swaying spider’s web hanging down from the
stucco ceiling. Poor Sandra, what was going to happen with her now? Would she finally get proper help? She, Charlotte and the priest hadn’t done a very good job. Suddenly her mobile started vibrating. She picked it up and saw that it was a text message. ‘Please call me!’ It was from Ove. He’d rung her several times during the day, but she had neither wanted to nor had the time to answer. Now he was clearly trying a new tactic. She couldn’t understand what he wanted. She’d been very clear about not wanting to meet that Maggie person. Olivia closed the message.

Then her phone rang again, but this time it was Lenni, so she answered. She could do with some cheering up.

‘You sound tired!’

‘I’m shattered. It’s been a supremely shit day. You have no idea what I’ve been through.’

‘Yeah, you woke up in the wrong bed for a start. What the hell are you playing at?’

Olivia’s heart sank when she heard the tone of Lenni’s voice. She didn’t normally tend to sound so disapproving.

‘It’s one thing to drown your sorrows and quite another to grab hold of the first available guy who comes your way!’

This wasn’t what Olivia wanted to hear at all. She wanted a softly-softly approach, not to be criticised.

‘It wasn’t like that,’ she said.

‘So how was it, then?’

‘We know each other from before.’

‘I got that bit. And now you know each other even better?’

‘Why do you sound so pissed off? You’re generally not one to preach.’

‘Why don’t you pick up the phone when Ove calls?’

‘Because I neither want to nor have the energy to do so… How do you know he’s called?’

‘Because he’s called me.’

‘You?!’

‘Yes, and he sounded very upset.’

Now Olivia was sitting upright on her sofa. Ove had been complaining to Lenni. Just because she didn’t want to meet his girlfriend. She felt her claws begin to come out.

‘Well, he can go and cry on Maggie’s shoulder then.’

‘She didn’t come. She changed her mind and stayed in the US. Apparently she had another boyfriend there.’

Her tired head was really starting to spin now. Did Maggie have another boyfriend in the US?

‘Oh right, so he’s counting on me to be there to comfort him straight away, then?’

‘I have no idea what he’s counting on, but he sounded very sad that he’d upset you, more so than about Maggie not turning up. It sounded more like her chasing him than the other way around and he’d mostly just been flattered.’

‘He hasn’t spared any details.’

‘Yes, and he would have told you all this too if you’d bothered to answer his calls. But you were too busy with that Alex person!’

That made Olivia angry. Lenni had no right to judge her and make it sound like she was cheating on Ove – because she wasn’t.

‘The only person you’re lying to is yourself.’

‘Stop it now, Lenni! You’re talking about stuff you have no idea about.’

Lenni laughed. Not in amusement.

‘Listen,’ Lenni said. ‘I sat there listening to you for hours yesterday, so I know quite a bit. If
you
can remember, that is?’

Suddenly Olivia felt nervous. She wasn’t used to Lenni having a go at her like this. Lenni was the most loyal person Olivia knew, but even the people you like the most could go behind your back. Bitter experience had taught Olivia that.

‘You haven’t blabbed to Ove about yesterday?’

‘Blabbed?’

‘Yes, about what we talked about. You didn’t tell him about Alex or what I said?’

‘Have I ever “blabbed” anything about you?’

‘How should I know?’

Silence. And then Lenni answered.

‘You really don’t know that? Shame.’

Olivia heard how hurt Lenni was and she regretted what she’d said. Why was she so annoyed that Ove and Lenni had spoken? She liked them both so much.

‘Sorry, Lenni. Of course I know. It’s just been a bit much today. I’ve just got back from A&E. Sandra, the girl I told you about, she tried to kill herself. Everything’s just a mess right now.’

Silence.

‘Lenni? Hello?’

But Lenni had already hung up before Olivia had even said sorry. OK. So now she’d fallen out with Lenni too. A great end to a great day! Olivia threw her mobile down on the sofa. Now all she wanted to do was sleep.

Then the doorbell rang.

Olivia got up, went out into the hallway and opened the door.

‘Hi,’ Stilton said.

A few seconds passed before Olivia replied.

‘Are you going to ask to borrow the shower again?’

Stilton had come knocking on her door once before, about a year ago. When he was still living on the streets. Olivia had let him in. Two minutes later he’d asked where the shower was and got right in without being embarrassed, even though they barely knew each other. It took quite a while for Olivia to get over that.

‘I have my own shower now,’ Stilton said. ‘Rivera?’

‘How did you know?’

‘It says Rivera Rönning on the door. Can I come in?’

‘Why?’

‘Because I need your help.’

Olivia looked at him. There was a very different man standing in front of her, but he had that same frank attitude. She was not planning to let him in. Turning up a year later to say hello? Who did he think he was?

‘Why do you think I’d help you?’

‘Because it’s about Jackie Berglund.’

Jackie Berglund? That nasty bitch? Was he after her? She stepped aside and let Stilton in.

‘You have five minutes.’

‘Perfect.’

Stilton went straight into the kitchen and sat down. The last time he sat there he was half-dead and had just saved himself from a burning caravan. Olivia had found him down by the entrance. This time she stopped in the kitchen doorway.

‘One minute’s almost up,’ she said.

‘Aren’t you going to sit down?’

‘No.’

Stilton had prepared himself for this. He knew how she’d react. But he’d still managed to get into her kitchen. Now it was just a matter of keeping her hooked.

‘I want to take down a policeman who’s been using prostitutes,’ he said. ‘Jackie Berglund arranged the meetings.’

‘Why do you want to take him down?’

Stupid question, Olivia thought to herself, but she wanted to maintain a distance.

‘For personal reasons. He’s the reason I left the Squad.’

‘So you think I’m going to help you with a personal matter.’

‘I hope so. You don’t have any coffee, do you?’

‘No.’

Stilton looked at her completely expressionless face.

‘It’s not only about helping me,’ he continued. ‘For you, it’s also a chance to get to a person who’s been fucking awful to you.’

‘Like you.’

She said it without affect, calmly and matter-of-factly. Stilton felt they’d reached a turning point, one he’d sincerely hoped he wouldn’t have to address.

That’s how naive he was.

He assessed the situation. He could get up and go. Empty handed. Then he’d be back to square one with Rune Forss again.

Or he could just face the music.

‘Like me,’ he said. ‘What I did to you is something that I’ve regretted every day for a whole year, when of course I haven’t been wondering what I could have done instead. I’ve got no excuse. I was cowardly and selfish and I never put myself in your shoes. I’m no expert when it comes to empathy, but that’s no excuse. If I could make it undone I would. But I can’t.’

He was really going for it, he realised that, but there was a great deal of truth in what he was saying. He’d chosen not to tell Olivia that the murder case that she obsessed with last year had been about her own mother. That it was her mother who was the victim on the beach, even though he’d known it the whole time. Once she’d realised that he’d misled her, she’d reacted as she had. And that feeling was still there.

‘But what hurts me the most is that I made a promise to Arne,’ Stilton said.

‘What was that? What promise did you make to my dad?’

Olivia sat down on a chair opposite Stilton and tried to hide how surprised she was. And interested. This wasn’t something she knew about.

‘To always look out for you, no matter what happened to him. It was only me and him and a couple more people who knew the truth about you. If something happened to him I promised to always be by your side, as long as you needed me. I broke that promise.’

‘You went off the rails.’

‘As much as anyone can. And there was no room for you there, not for anyone.’

Stilton looked down at the table. Olivia watched him. She was having a hard time doing as she’d set out to do, maintaining a distance, she felt it slowly fading away. She’d already realised in Mexico how Stilton had borne the brunt of her anger towards Arne, how she’d passed on all the blame to Stilton. Arne was dead, Stilton was alive. Now he was sitting opposite her, suffering for what he’d done to her.