Thirteen Senses (42 page)

Tears continued coming to her eyes and she breathed and held, here on the edge of the
arroyo
, ignoring Salvador's shouts for help, and she looked at the waterfall. It wasn't a very large waterfall; no, it was just a little, tiny fall compared to the great falls of their box canyon, but oh—it would,

indeed, be so peaceful for her to now just jump off and go slipping, sliding with the water over the fall and have no more worries, no more
problemas
with these two ... so very important words, Trust and Love.

And she'd had both of these fine words with Salvador! Both of these heartfelt words. Completely! With all her Heart and Soul!

Her eyes continued crying, but no, she wasn't crazy-
loca
anymore.

After all, her mother had told her time and again, that a Woman of Substance never puts all her Love in the man, but in her nest, in her family. For men were of the wind, the rock, the fire, and so they had no real understanding of the woman who came from the water, the tree, and the very
Tierra Madre
of the Earth, herself!

Then wiping her eyes, Lupe suddenly remembered the little song that she and the girls of her village had sung when they'd played jump rope.

“Who moves who?” the song had said. “Does the rock move the tree, or does the tree move the rock? Why, of course, the tree moves the rock, as little by little her roots reach for water and soil!

“Who moves who?” the song had continued. “Does the fire move the water, or does the water consume the flame? Who moves who? Does the male wind move the trees, the water, the sand, or is it the female trees and water and sands who heat up with the rays of the sunlight and leap up, gifting dance and meaning to the wind?”

“Who moves who?” Lupe now found herself saying as she stood on the edge of the deep
arroyo.
“Does the Mother Earth with her rich soil and great waters move the Father Sky, or does the Father Sky with his great clouds and storms move the Mother Earth? Why, it is God Who moves All! It is
Papito Dios
Who came down Here to this
Tierra Madre
through the Miracle of the Virgin Mary and moved the Hearts of all Humankind!”

Having said this, Lupe took a breath and felt so much better. Everything made so much more sense now. Everything felt so much more understandable.

Ever since she could remember, she and all the girls of her village had sung these songs that told them how strong and special were the Female Forces of the World.

Lupe could now see that Salvador had finally gotten himself free of the cactus, but he was still yelping in agony like a hurt
coyote
pup.

She paid him no attention, and sat down to take a little rest. She was tired. And she was with child, and so she was going to do as her mother-in-law had told her to do and not let these little ups and downs of life,
la vida,
disturb her.

Sitting in the shade of an oak tree, Lupe pulled up a blade of grass and began to chew on it. Yes, men were Fire and women were Water. Men were Wind and women were Soil. Men were Rock and women were Tree.

Breathing, chewing, humming, Lupe looked about herself seeing the great Mother Earth all around her and the huge Father Sky above her. And she saw the boulders in the creek below her moving the current this way and that way, and she saw the soil of the embankments holding the water and boulders in place.

Tears came to her eyes, but she was no longer upset. No, she was calm. A breeze came up and began singing in the tree branches above her. Lupe looked up and saw the great tree's limbs dancing against the startling blue sky. She saw the leaves, the dark bark looking so beautiful against the infinite vastness of the Father Sky, and suddenly, Here in her Heart, she knew again why her mother had always explained to her—back in
la Lluvia de Oro
—that every woman needed her own Crying Tree in order to endure the hardships of life and marriage.

A great peace swelled up inside Lupe's Heart
-Corazón.
And she could now “see” so clearly that water, boulders, roots, everything was all-intermingled together just like the hate and love, hopes and expectations that she had for this man Salvador whom she'd married for better or for worse . . . for rich or for poor, in sickness and in health until death did they part.

Tears of pure joy came to her eyes. Wiping the tears from her eyes she breathed and placed her right hand over her Center, holding herself, and she now too began to sing, just like the breeze in the trees. And her sweet, young voice carried out over the
arroyo
and up the steep mountainside above the rocky
barranca,
just south of Temecula.

Instantly, in her mind's eye Lupe could now see that she and all her girlfriends from back in
La Lluvia
were no longer little girls playing jump rope, but grown women living life. And all over the Mother Earth—no matter where they were now located or what they were doing—Here in their Hearts, these women, her Sacred Sisters, were also singing these songs of their youth.

Songs that gave them Hope!

Songs that gave them Power!

Songs that kept them anchored on the Eternal Goodness of Life,
la Vida,
no matter how many stones the men of their lives put before them!

Songs that taught them how to move with ease and dexterity just like this little stream down below her.

And streamwaters could put out fire so easily, and so yes, Women of Substance had to be very, very careful of their Special Powers and not kill off the men in their lives, but work them, help them, nurture them, round them out like the river waters did to the stones, making them Smooth and Whole and yes, finally Complete.

This is what her mother had done with her father. This was why her father still adored her mother; she'd worked him, she'd forgiven him, and she'd never stopped loving him—even when he'd abandoned them.

This was a woman's calling.

This was a woman's treasure, the knowing of her own incredible strength!

Who moved who? Oh, what an innocent little song that had been that they'd sung back home while playing jump rope.

And so Lupe could now so very clearly see what it was that their mothers had done back home in their box canyon.

They'd stepped forward as Women of Substance in the middle of those terrible days of rape and plunder—called a Revolution by the men—and they'd come forth with the Power of Water crashing over a great fall, spreading Hope and Love, Wisdom and Warmth to All!

Tears poured down Lupe's face, but no, she was no longer sad. She was happy! She was joyful! She was full of
gusto
! She now well-knew, deep inside of herself, that she wasn't the first—or the last—woman to come to this painful “place” of deceit, where she felt like her truelove had lied to her about everything!

No, she wasn't alone.

Why, right now, at this very moment, she could actually feel the Mother Earth, herself, breathing under her, as she sat on the ground underneath this Great, Old Tree!

She could feel the Mother Earth breathing and she could see the Father Sky smiling and she could hear the She-Tree singing in the soft, gentle breeze.

No, she would never panic again.

After all, she was her mother's daughter, and she was pregnant, and so she had to keep in mind, like her mother had always told her, that men came and went just like the Wind and Fire, and so it was up to a woman—whom God had entrusted with the carrying of the child—to keep the Holy Waters of Creation going.

Lupe breathed again, and she felt full.

God was with her.

God was Here, right now, as surely as He'd been with the Virgin Mary, Mother of Jesus, when She'd been pregnant with Sacred Life, too!

Lupe began to Pray.

She'd found her Crying Tree.

She'd found her Crying Tree, Here in this strange land, and so she was good now as her mother and her grandmothers had also been good before her—
con Papito Dios
!

THAT NIGHT
back in their home in Carlsbad, Lupe helped Salvador get the cactus thorns out of his legs and hands and backside. But the little, tiny, fine thorns that were between his fingers they couldn't pull out and so these, they rubbed with a mixture of lemon, garlic, and
masa de maiz.
But still, the itching of these tiny thorns between Salvador's fingers kept him awake most of the night, giving him terrible nightmares.

In the morning, Salvador immediately suggested to Lupe that they go and see the priest who had married them. “And whatever he says, I'll do it, Lupe,” said Salvador, “because all I want is for us to be happy. I don't want another night of bad dreams. We've been so happy, Lupe, and that's what I want for us: happiness.”

“Oh, this is wonderful,” said Lupe. “And this way we can give all the money to the Church and cleanse our souls!”

“What!” yelled Salvador. “Just wait! Hold on! I never said anything about giving all our money to the Church!”

“But it's dirty money, Salvador,” said Lupe. “So it needs to be blessed and made pure. Come on, let's go, so we can be clean once again, here inside.”

“You mean right now?” he said.

“Yes,” said she. “I mean, go give all of our money right now!”

Now it was Salvador who wasn't so sure he wanted to go to see the priest.

“Look, Lupe,” he said, swallowing, “maybe we should just work things out for ourselves.”

“But Salvador,” said Lupe, “you're the one who said we should go see the priest, and that you'd do whatever he said because you want us to be happy.”

“Yes, I did say that,” said Salvador, scratching the left side of his head as he tried to think. And he'd set up everything with Father Ryan on how to handle this situation of his liquor making with Lupe, but my God, this young bride of his had put a wrench into the whole thing with her idea of giving their money to the Church.

“Well, then I agree with you,” she said. “That's a very good idea, so let's go, and while we're there, we'll talk to the priest about your gambling, too. Oh, this is wonderful! I'm so happy for us, Salvador, we are going to be people
de honor
once again!”

Now, it was Salvador who wasn't quite sure who was moving who. It took three more days of Lupe talking to Salvador before he finally agreed to go and see the priest who'd married them.

Salvador was sweating nails as they drove from Oceanside to the little stone church in Corona. Lupe, she was so excited, she couldn't stop smiling.

Getting to the Church later that morning, Salvador started to feel a little more confident that maybe, just maybe, things would work out in his favor. Because when he'd stopped by late that night a few days before, he'd given this man of the cloth a case of his finest bottles of twelve-year-old whiskey, telling him that he wouldn't be able to bring him any more whiskey, because Lupe thought that alcohol was the tool of the Devil and she didn't want him making any more.

“I see,” had said the tall, dignified man of God. “Well, this being the case, why don't you bring Lupe by to see me, before you do anything rash.”

“Well, if you insist,” had said Salvador, acting very innocent.

And so now, here they were, he and Lupe, parking their car in front of the church, and he felt pretty sure that maybe everything was still going to go his way, since he'd stacked the deck in his favor.

On the other hand, Lupe had really nailed him to the wall with her wanting to give all their money away.

Inside, the old priest was waiting for them, and with a big, generous smile, he greeted them and ushered them down the aisle and past the altar to his private quarters. Lupe had never been inside this part of a Church before. She could hear their footsteps echoing on the shiny hardwood floor. She walked on her tiptoes, not wanting to offend God.

At the end of the long hallway, they came to a large, heavy door. Inside was the priest's study, next door to where he and Doña Margarita had done their drinking. He closed the huge door behind them with a heavy thud. He saw how Lupe immediately started looking at the walls lined with his books. He also noticed how she watched him go behind this desk, sit down and put his hands together like a tent on top of his desk.

“Please, be seated,” he said.

Lupe and Salvador did as they were told. The man of God took a big breath.

“Do you like books, Lupe?” asked the man of God, seeing how Lupe was now reading the different titles of his books.

“Oh, yes!” she said with excitement, feeling so good to be near so many legendary titles!

“I'm glad to hear that,” he said, taking several deep breaths. “I'm a great lover of books, too, especially the classics. You see, I never had the good fortune to travel much but I can't tell you all the places that I've been because of books. Books were my first love as a youngster. I do believe that they are what kept me out of trouble and eventually took me into my studies for the priesthood.”

Lupe had never heard a priest talk about his personal life before. Suddenly, she felt very much at ease. “That's what my best friend and I used to do up in our box canyon in Mexico, too,” said Lupe. “Every chance Manuelita and I had, we would read, especially books of geography and we'd travel all around the world! I used to love my reading and learning about how other people live in faraway places!”

“But I hope you haven't stopped reading, have you, my dear?” asked the priest.

“Well, yes,” said Lupe, becoming embarrassed. “Books are, well, you know, expensive, and my family and I were always moving from place to place, following the crops.”

“But you're not moving anymore,” he said. “Salvador has told me that you have a fine home in Carlsbad now.”

She nodded. “Yes, that's true,” she said, feeling very proud. But, then, she remembered why they'd come to see the priest. “But you see, Father—” She didn't know what to say. She felt all nervous inside. “—I haven't been feeling very well,” she added.