Thirty-Three and a Half Shenanigans (13 page)

Huh. Billy Jack had told us she’d busted it just a few days ago, right before the bartender picked her up. “Okay, thank you.” I handed her one of my business cards. “If you hear or think of anything, could you let me know? Like I said, her momma’s really worried.”

She looked it over. “This says you own a landscaping business, but you said you work at Gems. Which is it?”

“Uh . . .” I hadn’t even considered that. “Both. Do you have any idea how much business a landscaping company gets in December?”

She gave me a blank stare.

“None, that’s how much it gets. Christmas is coming, and I need to buy presents.”

Tabitha seemed to accept my answer and stuffed my card into her bag. “I hear you there, girl. We’re all desperate in our own way.”

One of the older women walked up and asked, “Tabitha, you said that hip gyration could be used in sexual intercourse. What about with an inflatable pump? Won’t it break it?”

My eyes flew open. “I gotta get going. Thanks, Tabitha.”

She snickered and turned to answer the woman as I hurried out the door.

At least I knew what our next steps should be. Neely Kate and I needed to go to Gems to see if the bartender was really missing and if anyone there knew what was going on. In fact, I couldn’t believe that Neely Kate hadn’t thought of that first.

I had made it out to the parking lot and was walking toward my truck when Neely Kate sat up in the passenger’s seat.

“You’ve got to be kiddin’ me!” Tabitha shouted from behind me, rushing past me. “You get out of that truck, you lyin’ whore!”

I stopped, watching in horror as Tabitha wrenched open the door and started to pull Neely Kate out of the truck.

“I’m not the lyin’ whore!” Neely Kate yelled as she stumbled to get her footing. “You are, you back-stabbing witch! You tried to steal my husband!”

“Me?” Tabitha screeched, lunging for Neely Kate’s hair. “He was mine to start with!”

“Let go of me!”

I finally got my wits about me and rushed forward to save my friend. “Tabitha! Have you lost your mind? Let go!”

But Tabitha was holding on tight, pulling Neely Kate’s hair with all her strength as Neely Kate grappled for her hands. I started searching the parking lot, looking for something to use to stop Tabitha. A crowd of older women had formed around us, and they looked on in shock and horror. One of the women had a mostly full water bottle. I grabbed it from her hand and twisted off the cap. Rushing toward the two women, I started sloshing the water on Tabitha, who began to shriek as she let go of Neely Kate’s hair.

Tabitha turned her murderous gaze on me, and I gave her one last slosh for good measure before tossing the bottle on the pavement, and took off running. But Tabitha had longer legs and tackled me, dropping me hard into the grass. “I’m gonna kill you!”

I rolled to my side as she grabbed my throat, her eyes wide and crazy, and I suddenly wondered what crime she had committed to earn her probation. Oh, crap.

“You let go of my best friend!” Neely Kate screamed, wrapping her arms around Tabitha’s chest and pulling. Tabitha lost her balance and fell to her side, her legs still pinning my waist to the ground.

The two women were shouting at each other while I tried to get out from underneath the both of them.

Suddenly a woman’s voice shouted with authority, “Move out of the way. Get out of the way.” The older women surrounding us let through a redheaded woman in a sheriff’s uniform. Deputy Hoffstetter, the sheriff deputy who had insulted Muffy in my own front yard, looked down at the lot of us with disgust, her eyes going wider when her gaze landed on me. “You all stop that nonsense right now. You’re under arrest.”

If Deputy Hoffstetter thought her command was going to stop Tabitha, she had another thing coming. The crazed woman had managed to grab poor Neely Kate’s hair again. The deputy had pulled out her taser and was about to go to town with it when one of the older women followed my lead and dumped the contents of her mug on Tabitha. Unfortunately, it was a mug full of steaming, hot coffee.

Tabitha started screeching as she jumped up, ready to go after the poor blue-haired Good Samaritan. Instead, Deputy Hoffstetter jumped on top of her, wrestling her to her stomach and slapping a handcuff on one of her wrists.

I managed to crawl away from the pile, rolling over to sit on my bottom as I watched the deputy fasten the other handcuff on the wild brunette. Climbing to my feet, I started to help Neely Kate up. When I saw the tears in her eyes, I panicked as I realized that Tabitha had knocked my
pregnant
friend to the ground.

I held up my hands. “Don’t get up. We have to make sure the baby’s okay. I’m going to call an ambulance.”

“The only person you should be calling is your attorney,” the deputy said. “Like I said, the three of you are under arrest.”

Everyone started shouting at once. The older women were taking sides—some backing up Tabitha, the others taking Neely Kate’s side after hearing she was pregnant.

Taking advantage of the mayhem, I quickly pulled out my phone and hit call. “Mason,” I said the moment he answered the phone. “I’m in trouble.”

“Are you okay?” he asked, sounding panicked.

“Yes . . . no. I don’t know. Deputy Hoffstetter’s about to arrest me and Neely Kate.”

“Why? What happened?”

“We got attacked by Neely Kate’s cousin’s friend. She knocked Neely Kate to the ground, Mason. I’m worried about the baby, but the deputy won’t listen.”

“Where are you?” he asked, anger in his voice. But I knew his anger wasn’t directed at me.

“Big Thief Hollow. At the community center.”

“I’ll be right there, but in the meantime, don’t talk to the deputy. Tell her you’re waiting for you attorney. Hang on, sweetheart. I’m coming.”

“Thank you.”

Before I could say anything else, the deputy pushed through the crowd and snatched my phone. She didn’t look amused. “No calls.” She shook her head. “Why am I not surprised you’d think you could flout the rules?”

I suspected the deputy recognized me from the other night, but we didn’t know each other personally. Why would she make an assumption like that? “You told me I could call my lawyer,” I said as she spun me around and put a handcuff on my wrist.

“You’re gonna need one.”

“Is that really necessary?” I asked.

“If I had my way, you’d be barricaded in a county jail cell,” she said, fastening the other cuff.

I tried to look over my shoulder at her to see if she was joking, but I was fairly sure she wasn’t.

She sat me on the ground next to Neely Kate, who was also cuffed. We watched the deputy haul Tabitha to her feet and stuff her in the back of a patrol car.

“Are you okay? Do you think the baby’s okay?” I asked her, consumed with worry.

“I think so,” she said, her voice quivering. “But I don’t know if my hair will survive the attack, and I’m fairly sure my pride won’t.”

“I called Mason. He’s on his way, and he’s furious.” She gave me a worried look. “Not at us. Don’t worry.” I turned toward her. “But what on earth just happened, Neely Kate? Why does Tabitha hate you so?”

Her eyes hardened as she stared at the woman screaming in the back of the sheriff car. “She tried to steal Ronnie.”

“
What?
”

“Of course she has another version. In any case, I knew she’d never talk to me, which is why I sent you. What did you find out?”

The deputy was coming toward us.

I tilted my head toward the approaching law enforcement officer and whispered, “Mason said not to talk to her. To tell her we’re waiting for our attorney.”

“Okay,” Neely Kate said, tears in her voice.

I wished my hands were free so I could hug her. Instead, I leaned the side of my head against hers. “Mason’s gonna take care of this for us.”

The deputy put her hands on her hips and gave me her best withering glare. “What do you ladies have to tell me about what happened here?”

I lifted my chin, trying to look dignified. “I’m waitin’ for my attorney to show up.”

“Your
attorney?
”

I didn’t respond. I knew she’d heard me.

“Did you ever stop to think that the Assistant DA has better things to do other than drop everything and run to Timbuktu to save you every five minutes?”

I didn’t answer, though perhaps she had a point.

“And what about you?” Deputy Hoffstetter asked Neely Kate. “What’s your story?”

Neely Kate squinted up at her. “I think I’m gonna wait for my attorney as well.”

The deputy shook her head in disgust. “I bet you are. The two of you are like peas in a pod.”

That surprised me. What did she know about us? Or was she just talking about this particular incident?

Ten minutes later, Tabitha was still screaming that she was gonna kill us, making me thankful she was sitting in the back of the sheriff cruiser. The darts of hate Deputy Hoffstetter kept shooting at us made me wonder if she was thinking about putting us in the back with her, hoping for a cage match. Another sheriff car pulled up and Joe got out, the irritation on his face clear even from across the parking lot. I wasn’t sure whether to be happy he was there or not.

He stopped and talked to Deputy Hoffstetter, and from the look on her face, there was a whole lot of unhappiness going on around here. Then Joe marched over to the two of us and squatted next to Neely Kate, reaching behind her to unlock her handcuffs. “I’ve got an ambulance on the way,” he said to her, sounding concerned. “Are you hurt? Is the baby okay?”

She rubbed her wrists. “I have a doozy of a headache from where she tried to rip my hair out of my head, but I think the baby’s fine.” But her unusually subdued voice gave her away as she got to her feet.

Joe grabbed her elbow and helped her up. “Why don’t you call the doctor while we wait for the ambulance?”

“I don’t have my phone. It’s in the truck.”

He pulled his phone out and pressed a couple of buttons before he handed it to her. “You go to the Henryetta Family Clinic. Right? Hilary says she’s seen you there. I have them on speed dial.”

Hilary talked about Neely Kate to Joe? I wasn’t sure what to think about that. I didn’t want that woman even thinking about my friend, let alone talking about her.

She took the phone and moved a couple of feet away while Joe looked down at me, his expression vacillating between amusement and irritation.

“Are you going to take these cuffs off or not?”

He grinned. “I think we should leave them on. They give you a dangerous look.”

“You’ve seen me in cuffs before, Joe Simmons. Back when you planted a gun in my shed and ran off my dog. Take them off.”

He chuckled and knelt beside me.

“How’d you know we were here, anyway?”

“Mason. He’s on his way, but he knows that Abbie Lee has no love lost for you, and he was worried she’d take it out on Neely Kate. He figured I could get here first.”

“Abbie Lee?”

He grimaced. “Deputy Hoffstetter.” He finished removing the cuffs and helped me to my feet.

“This wasn’t my fault, Joe.”

“It never is.” He didn’t sound as amused this time.

An ambulance pulled into the parking lot with its lights flashing, but no sirens, thank goodness. Two men got out, looking around. Deputy Hoffstetter pointed toward us, her mouth pinched.

Neely Kate walked back and handed Joe his phone, her expression much more relaxed. “My doctor says as long as I feel okay, there’s no need to worry unless I start to cramp or bleed. He said it’s a good thing I’m not very far along.”

Joe didn’t look convinced. “The ambulance is already here. I’d feel better if you went to the hospital.”

She shook her head. “Dr. Miller said there wasn’t any need to go in.”

The two paramedics sauntered up to us. One was tall and skinny, and the other was shorter and stockier with a trimmed beard. The taller man had a spot of what looked to be chocolate on his chin.

“Hey, Neely Kate,” the shorter guy said, scanning the crowd. “Where’s your grandma?”

“It’s not her grandmother, you fool,” Joe said, irritated. “It’s Neely Kate herself who needs the ambulance.”

Neely Kate shook her head, pointing to his chin. “Really, Tiny? You stopped at the Burger Shack
again?
”

He swiped his chin with a thumb, looked at it and licked. “We heard your name and thought it was your granny, so we stopped off for sundaes first.” Tiny looked her up and down. “You look fine. What’s wrong with ya?”

“I am fine. It was a mistake.”

Joe’s eyes narrowed. “Let me get this straight. You received an emergency call, and you stopped for
ice cream?
”

The shorter medic shrugged. “Like we said, we heard Neely Kate’s name and assumed it was her grandma’s heartburn again.” He turned his attention to my friend. “If you don’t need us, we’re gonna get going.” He looked at his watch. “If we can make it to the Wild Chicken before two, we can still get some fried pickles.”

She gave him a blank stare for a second before she said, “Yeah. Go get your pickles.”

Joe shook his head as he watched them leave. “I’ll look into that, Neely Kate.”

She shrugged. “In all fairness, my granny cries wolf all the time. I’ve warned her that it’s gonna reach up and tweak her in the hiney.”

“There’s no excuse. You could have been gravely injured.”

“I wasn’t.” She shrugged again. “But thanks.”

“And speaking of bad behavior, there seems to be a lot of it going on today.”

I was sure Joe was going to start making all kinds of accusations against me, but to my surprise he kept his gaze on Neely Kate.

“I apologize for the deputy’s behavior,” Joe said, looking her in the eye. “A few witnesses have told her that they saw Ms. Stone open the truck door and pull you out. That
she
attacked you and you were merely trying to get away.” Joe scowled, shooting an angry glare at the deputy. “Add in the fact that both of you and several witnesses told her about your pregnancy, and she failed to see to your safety, and . . . well, let’s just say this matter will be addressed.”