Thirty-Three and a Half Shenanigans (7 page)

“He let you?” I regretted the words as soon as I said them. Bruce Wayne’s family had practically disowned him after he was arrested for murder last year. And they hadn’t welcomed him back into the fold after he was acquitted, either. Violet and I had our differences, but we’d never turn our backs on each other like that.

Bruce Wayne shrugged. “He’s on my biological dad’s side. I didn’t have much to do with them before . . . everything. But I’ve been thinking about my dad lately, so I called my cousin after Thanksgiving.” He grimaced as though he was wading deeper into cold water than he’d planned. “He said we could borrow it until our electricity gets fixed. Or until there’s a snow storm in the forecast, whichever comes first.”

We spent the next forty minutes getting the computers situated and had just started installing software when the front door burst open. Neely Kate stood in the threshold, holding a plastic tub of food. “Who’s hungry?”

Bruce Wayne’s eyes bugged out like she was pointing a loaded gun at him. He jumped to his feet and grabbed his coat off the back of his office chair. “I just remembered that I’ve got to go do that . . . thing.”

Neely Kate shot him a glare. “What thing?”

“Um . . . the electricity’s out, and I need to run to the hardware store to get some supplies for the generator.” Then he shot past her, faster than I’d ever seen him move.

Neely Kate shut the door, watching him beat it down the sidewalk. “He’s not goin’ after any parts, is he?”

“Um . . .” I didn’t want to tell her the truth, but a white lie wasn’t hurrying its way off my tongue.

She spun around and gave me an amused, disapproving look. “Rose, if you don’t want to share my tofu and chipotle burgers with Bruce Wayne, you don’t have to send him off. I’ll just make double next time.”

“Oh, Neely Kate. You really don’t have to.”

A smile lit up her face. “I don’t mind at all.” She grabbed Bruce Wayne’s chair and dragged it over to me, setting the Tupperware on my desk. “Eat up while it’s still warm. I heated it up in the microwave before I came over.” She popped off the lid and handed me a plastic fork. “I don’t have any plates today, so we’ll just have to share.”

“Okay . . .” I said as I looked down at the green goo-covered patty. Surely it couldn’t taste as bad as it looked. “Bruce Wayne said you had time to look over the books.”

“Oh, yeah.” She opened her big purse and dug out the ledger.

“I didn’t think you were going to get to it ’til today.”

“Neither did I, but I had a major case of indigestion and couldn’t sleep.”

“How bad was it?”

“My indigestion? Pretty bad.”

I laughed. “Not your indigestion, although I sympathize. The books. How were the books?”

“Way better than I expected.”

“So Violet didn’t try to cheat me?”

“With the nursery’s money? No. With everything else in your life . . . well, that’s another story. I still think you should switch over to accounting software, though.”

I let out a sigh of relief, feeling better until she glanced down at the food and up at my empty fork. “You better eat up while it’s still warm.” I noticed she wasn’t exactly pulling out any utensils of her own, but there was no polite way to say so.

Holding my breath, I took a bite and nearly gagged. I was wrong. It was worse than it looked.

“What do you think? I made it last night when I couldn’t sleep. I saw it on
Chopped
.”

“Uh . . . Neely Kate, isn’t that the show where they make dishes out of weird food combinations? They don’t have actual recipes.”

Her eyes lit up. “That’s the challenge! To make something so unique without a recipe. When I saw this, I decided to try it. I made it while I was going over the ledger last night.”

“Did Ronnie like it?”

She waved her hand, and I noticed her nails were painted green with red polka dots. “Please. That man wouldn’t know fine food if it jumped out of the lake and into his fishing boat on a gold plate. I made it for
you
.”

I tried another bite and began to choke. “Me?”

Neely Kate pulled a bottle of water out of her purse and handed it to me. “You’re the only one who appreciates my cooking.” She pursed her lips together. “I was sure Mason would, but he never seems to be around when I have gourmet meals with me.”

I took a drink, trying to figure a way out of eating the glop in front of me. I decided to use Mason’s trick. “This is delicious, but Mason and I had a late breakfast at the Big Biscuit.” Then I told her about Skeeter’s comment to Mason and the vision I’d forced of Christmas.

“Aw . . .” she gushed. “You two are so cute.”

A smile spread across my face.

“Do you really think you’re done with Skeeter?”

“If I was him,
I
wouldn’t trust the girlfriend of the Assistant DA. I just hope he won’t go after Mason.”

“I suspect Mason’s right. Skeeter’s a pretty smart guy, and it would look suspicious if something happened to the Assistant DA right after he got his big promo in the world of crime.” She put her fork down. “Speakin’ of questionable characters, I’ve got a favor to ask you.”

My eyebrows rose in surprise. “What is it?”

“You know how I was telling you about my missing cousin?”

“Dolly Parton?”

“Yeah.” She shifted on the seat. “She still hasn’t called my aunt, so she asked me to go out to her boyfriend Billy Jack’s trailer to check on her.”

I frowned. “So what’s the favor?”

“I was hopin’ you’d take me. My car’s been acting up, and her boyfriend lives down by Pickle Junction. I’m afraid I’ll break down. Do you have time?”

I looked at the gourmet mess on my desk. “Sure. I’m supposed to meet Joe at two at the nursery.” I glanced up at the clock. “That’s plenty of time to drive down to the Pickle Junction area and come back.”

Neely Kate threw her arms around me and pulled me into a hug. “You’re the best.”

Something was up. “Why are you gettin’ so excited over this?”

She gave me a perturbed look. “Because my aunt keeps calling, and she’s gonna get me into trouble at work.”

“So why don’t you turn your phone to silent?”

“And miss her calls? I’d get into even more trouble. I snuck away early and figured I could take a long lunch break so we could drive down there, find her in his trailer while they’re on some love fest, and tell her to call her momma.”

I hopped up and grabbed my coat. I suspected there was more to this story than she was telling me, but if it got me out of eating tofu chipotle burgers, I was game.

As I headed for the door, she called after me. “Wait! You didn’t try the peppermint Brussels sprouts muffins!”

I hurried out the door, pretending I didn’t hear her.

“So why doesn’t your aunt go out to Billy Jack’s herself to see if Dolly Parton is out there?” We were almost to Pickle Junction, and I couldn’t help thinking we were about to hop into a hornet’s nest.

“Well . . . she can’t on account of the squirrel jerky incident.” Neely Kate tried to hide her cringe, but she wasn’t fooling me.

I blinked. “Do I want to know about the squirrel jerky incident?”

“No.” She pointed up ahead. “See that mailbox shaped like an armadillo? Turn there.”

I slowed down and cast a suspicious glance at her. “Why did you really invite me along on this mission?”

“I already told you.”

The road next to the battered metal armadillo had seen better days, but it was less beat up than the faded metal box. The once-red paint had faded to a pale pink, and someone had tried to attach what looked like plastic tusks to its face. There were two dents on its back—one on the front and the other on the back—that made the raised middle part look like a camel’s hump.

“What in tarnation happened to that armadillo?” I asked as I turned down the dirt lane pocked with patches of gravel.

“Billy Jack’s a big Arkansas Razorback fan. Rumor has it that he was drunk enough to think it was a razorback one night. He got pretty ticked off when he found out his mistake, which explains the dents in its back. He fixed it in another drunken stupor.”

“I take it Billy Jack gets drunk a lot?”

“Define a lot . . .”

I slammed on the brakes, which didn’t exactly have the effect I was going for, since we were only traveling ten miles per hour. “Neely Kate, what exactly are you draggin’ me into?”

Her face scrunched in indignation. “Nothing! We’re checking on my cousin. It’s perfectly harmless.” She gave a half shrug. “Probably.”

I reached for my phone. “I’m calling Joe.”

“No!” she shouted, grabbing my phone out of my hand and holding it out of my reach. “Don’t! Billy Jack hates the sheriff’s department. We’ll never find her if you do that.”

“Neely Kate, if you think she’s in actual danger, let Joe come check on her. He’s better equipped to deal with something like this than we are.”

Before I could register what she was doing, Neely Kate opened the passenger door and hopped out, taking my phone with her and leaving the door gaping wide open.

I opened my own door. “Neely Kate! Come back here.”

“You can wait there if you want,” she called over her shoulder. “I’ll be back in a minute.”

“I’m gonna kill you, pregnant or not,” I grumbled as I climbed down and started after her.

She’d already disappeared around a bend in the road, and when I found her, she was standing in front of a rusted trailer surrounded by rusted cars, a pile of assorted home furnishings, and knee-deep weeds. A giant “Keep Out” sign, written in spray paint, was nailed to a tilting post.

“Your cousin lives
here?
” I couldn’t imagine anyone willingly living in those conditions.

“No. But she’s spent a lot of time here with Billy Jack. The last time Aunt Thelma heard from her, Dolly was hanging out here.”

I was glad she hadn’t made a move toward the front door. I had a sneaking suspicion that Billy Jack’s sign wasn’t just for show. “Is her boyfriend violent?”

“Not usually.”

“Tell me again why we can’t call Joe?” I hissed.

“Because Joe won’t give two figs.”

My eyes narrowed. “What are you talking about?”

She turned toward me, disgust painted all over her face. “I didn’t just ask you not to call him on account of Billy Jack. My aunt called the sheriff’s department last night to file a missing persons report. They won’t do anything.”

“Why not?”

“They say she has a history of taking off. Aunt Thelma tried to tell them that it’s different this time, that she’s never disappeared for three days before, but they wouldn’t listen. So it’s up to me to find her.”

“Neely Kate,” I groaned. “Why didn’t you just tell me? I would have helped you.”

“After the whole thing with the bank robbers and Skeeter . . .” She gave me an apologetic smile. “Well, you got so deep last time that I wasn’t sure you’d be open to it.”

“We’re best friends, Neely Kate. Where you go, I go.”

“Thank you.” She gave me a quick hug. “Now all you need to do is stay back on the other side of the road. I’ll go knock on the door to see if she’s here.”

“If you think I’m gonna do that, you’re as crazy as Billy Jack on a bender.” I looped my arm through hers. “Though I suspect your story about your car breaking down was a crock of crap, and you want me here for more than a getaway driver.”

She squeezed my arm. “You’re the best friend a girl could ever hope to have.”

“I’m gonna wait until we’re on our way home to decide if I’m gonna return the sentiment.” I winked. “So what’s your plan?”

“Billy Jack and I have never had bad blood, so I’m not worried about him. As long as he’s semi-sober.”

“And if he’s drunk as a skunk?”

“Run.”

I supposed it was as good of a plan as any, given the circumstances. “At least he doesn’t have any dogs,” I muttered as we followed the trampled path to the trailer through a forest of weeds.

“Oh, he does. They’re just in the house.”

So much for that pipe dream. I glanced around. “Do you see your cousin’s car anywhere?”

She frowned. “No. But that doesn’t mean anything. I think it got repossessed.”

“But you don’t know?”

“No. I was hoping Billy Jack could tell us.”

We stopped on the six-foot-by-six-foot porch, which appeared fairly new and was covered by a roof. The whole structure was in better shape than the rest of the trailer combined, even though empty beer cans had been shoved into a corner.

Neely Kate knocked on the front door and stood back, ready to make a getaway if necessary.

A bunch of yipping broke loose inside, and I cast a sideways glance at her while still trying to watch the door. “What is that?”

“Billy Jack’s dogs. He breeds Chihuahuas.”

“You’re kidding.”

Her nose scrunched up. “Why would I be kidding?”

The door started to open, and I tensed as a guy’s face poked around the corner. “Whaddaya want?”

My best friend lifted her chin. “Billy Jack? It’s Neely Kate, Dolly Parton’s cousin.”

The door opened wider, and five white Chihuahuas rushed out the crack and started jumping up on our legs.

He stood in the space, wearing a white wife-beater T-shirt and a pair of jeans, holding a can of Pabst Blue Ribbon in his hand. Several days’ growth of beard covered his face, and his eyes were bloodshot. “Whaddaya want?” he repeated.

“I want to talk to Dolly. Where is she?”

One of the Chihuahuas pressed against my leg and started humping. Horrified, I gave my leg a tiny shake, but he just wrapped his front legs around my shin. The other four ran around Neely Kate and me like Indians circling a wagon train in an old Western.

Billy Jack looked at Neely Kate as though she was a horde of ants eating his chocolate cake. “How would I know where she is?”

Anger filled Neely Kate’s voice. “Because the last time anyone talked to her was when she was with you.”

The dog on my leg was still going to town, so I gave a harder shake, but he hung on for dear life.

He laughed, but it was a humorless sound. “Well, she ain’t here.”

She moved to the door. “Then you won’t mind me comin’ in and lookin’ around.” She shoved it open with the palm of her hand, and Billy Jack stumbled out of the way.