This Is a Book (14 page)

Bill turned and looked at her. “Oh,” he replied.

He smiled sadly, then said, “Christ. I don’t know how to read maps at all.”

The developers erected the house on old Indian burial grounds. And soon the angry spirits of the long-departed warriors stirred and rose up and unleashed their fury on the building. This was not really a problem, though, because the house was a haunted house, in an amusement park. If anything, it helped business. When the Indian spirits discovered this they were very irritated and really bummed out.

“It’s not enough to care,” explained Barbara. “You have to stop shooting people with that BB gun of yours.” Somehow Zeke knew she was right.

Time had not been kind to Gregory. And why should she have been? He had teased her from the first moment they met. “ ‘Time’? What kind of a name is that for a woman?” he had said.

The lovers embraced each other. Neither said a word. It was hard to speak with so much popcorn in their mouths.

Everybody knew that you should never provoke a rattlesnake, much less tie it into a bow. But that didn’t stop Judd. What did stop him was the rattlesnake.

“I’m looking forward to our date. Why don’t you pick me up at my parents’ house. Here’s how you get there: Take Route 95 North, after you go through the second toll, get into the left lane, etc.”

“Honey, I don’t quite know how to tell you this, but while you were away I got a little drunk with my ex, Bob, and his friend, Tyrone. Then we started to play-wrestle, etc.”

“I, Frank, take you, Marianne, to be my lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, etc.”

“If you ever want to see your son alive again, then do exactly as I say. First, you are to meet me behind the abandoned shopping mall alone at midnight. Bring a briefcase, etc.”

“
Dear Admissions Committee,

I am writing this recommendation for Louis Miller. Louis has been a student in my English class, etc.

“I just got off the phone with my colleague, Dr. Ryan. I’m afraid the test results are not as good as we had hoped. In your abdomen we found something, etc.”

“How many women have I slept with? Well, sweetie, there was Beth, Danielle, Lindsay, etc.”

“Ladies and gentlemen, we need you to get back to your seats and fasten your seatbelts
immediately
. There appears to be a
serious
mechanical failure with one of our wings, etc.”

T
YPES OF
B
REATH