This Is for the Mara Salvatrucha (24 page)

T
he day Brenda left witness protection, Greg was in St. Petersburg, Russia, walking the murder tour organized around the plot to
Crime and Punishment
. Dostoevsky’s story reminded him of Brenda’s struggle on her own walk through life as she tried to figure out what she truly wanted—a better future or the instant gratification of the gang life? In the early days of their relationship, Greg and Brenda had discussed the book at great length. It was one of his favorite novels and he was pleased Brenda liked it so much.

Greg recalled a scene in
Crime and Punishment
when Raskolnikov, the protagonist, stands by a canal looking at his reflection. In an introspective moment, he tries to decide whether to commit a murder or not, resign himself to a life of crime or not. At about the time that Brenda left the Witness Protection Program, Greg was standing by the canal where Raskolnikov made his ultimate decision to abandon a future of prosperity and enter a life of crime.

On the way back to Virginia, Brenda called Greg from a pay phone. She wanted him to know she was headed back to her old life. But Greg didn’t get the message for another day. After the long drive, Diablito, Brenda, and the others arrived at Maria Gomez’s house. Diablito got his things out of the car and walked straight into Maria’s room, where he handed her the evidence of Brenda’s betrayal for safekeeping. She didn’t know what it was; she just agreed to keep it for him and not
look at it. Diablito then called his brother. He had to get this off his chest. He had managed to fool Brenda so far but was barely able to contain his message. When Pantera arrived, Diablito showed him the information. Now he could finally relax. Pantera would know what to do.

As Diablito watched, his brother looked over Brenda’s things. He was silent, carefully reading the evidence. Pantera finally looked up and acknowledged that there was no doubt about it, Brenda was talking to the cops. Araña and Maria had never said a word about the police business cards Maria had found in Brenda’s purse—but they didn’t have to. Brenda was careless with her belongings too many times for her homies to ignore the truth. The paper trail had burned her. When Araña found out about the information Diablito had uncovered, he was furious. How could Brenda betray them? They were a family. She had played them for fools for months. She had betrayed him personally, and now all their lives were in danger. They had to stop Brenda from talking to the police. Pantera agreed. Both knew Brenda had to die. When Pantera received the evidence from his little brother, he already knew Denis wanted her dead, but Denis had only said she had betrayed him. Pantera didn’t have any hard proof until Diablito and Brenda returned from Minnesota.

His first move was to take Brenda back into the clique with welcoming arms. From the first day she returned in Virginia, Pantera maneuvered himself to once again be her man. He showered her with attention and acted like everything was cool. Brenda was convinced she had him fooled, but Pantera let her play her game. He was babysitting her, and she had no idea.

Unaware of Diablito’s discovery and Denis’s change of heart, Brenda was very happy to be home and around friends. She felt safe and complete. She couldn’t know that Filosofo had already spread Denis’s message among the Virginia clique leaders. It was clear he wanted her dead.

Giving a
luz verde
to a respected gang member was no light matter. Denis wanted her dead but that in itself was not enough to permit the Centrales clique, the group babysitting her, to put out a
luz verde
on Brenda. For all they knew, he was just a bitter boyfriend. They needed someone higher up to give the order, or at least come up with more proof of her betrayal. Pantera, Araña, and the others were convinced Brenda had no idea they were on to her. They knew they had some
time. Pantera and Araña started an internal investigation to determine the depth of Brenda’s betrayal. It was a very serious matter. Everyone loved Brenda. She was Smiley. She had respect, and it was painful to think that someone so close to many of the gang’s top leaders had betrayed them. No one was going to take killing her lightly.

Greg spoke with Brenda only days after she arrived in Virginia. “I had problems with the program,” Brenda started. Once she began, her emotions spilled out like water over a dam. She thought the marshal assigned to her case was a jerk. She couldn’t stand to be alone
and
pregnant. The pregnancy triggered mood swings, from extreme sadness to extreme joy. She swung wildly from happy to depressed, excited to frightened, optimistic to desperate. She would laugh—and then abruptly start crying. She couldn’t sleep at night, but she couldn’t stay awake during the day. Minnesota was horrible. She had missed her friends in Virginia. In all the talk, all the confession to Greg, however, Brenda never mentioned her secret plans to be with her child’s father in Philadelphia.

Greg listened to Brenda with patience. Rather than give another one of the same lectures that didn’t seem to work, he asked her about the pregnancy and the progress of removing tattoos. Brenda wanted to get rid of some of her more visible tattoos so she could eventually get a decent job, but that project was on hold, along with her other future plans. That first conversation ended on a somber note. Brenda promised she would call again, and Greg urged her to be safe.

Brenda had finally quelled the screaming loneliness of her life. Surrounded by her homies, she could easily cork the demons, ignore her desire to see her family, and put on hold her plans to get an education and a job. She had a single focus: pull together some money and head straight for Philadelphia. She was nearly four months pregnant and couldn’t hide her belly. Her baby was the only positive force in her life. Her joy about motherhood was something she shared with everyone, dampened only slightly by the absence of her child’s father.

Brenda took care of herself, taking prenatal vitamins and reading maternity magazines to learn more about what was happening inside her. She spent time with Maria Gomez, who had two children, and asked her questions about child care and giving birth. Maria was happy to talk to her, but she suspected Brenda was in trouble and wasn’t comfortable with spending too much time with her. All the men in the Centrales clique suspected that Brenda was marked for death. They were
playing it cool, but Maria had inside information from Araña. She knew it was only a matter of time before the Centrales killed Brenda. She didn’t want to get too close.

Victoria Amaya, known as Sabrosa among the Centrales members, was another one of the girls hanging out when Brenda returned to Virginia. She had known Pantera for five years, hooking up with him off and on, and she had met his children. She was friends with his sister and younger brother, Diablito. In early 2003, while Brenda was still living in the safe house, Sabrosa had been arrested for embezzlement. While Sabrosa was out on bail and awaiting her trial, she thought she would have some fun before she was locked up. She dropped out of high school, left her two children with her parents, and began hanging out with Pantera’s clique. Sabrosa was never jumped in to the MS, but the allure of the street life and her connection with Pantera was enough to make her welcome in the Centrales’ social periphery.

Sabrosa met Brenda at a party at the Quality Inn soon after Brenda returned from Minnesota. Pantera, Araña, Diablito, and a number of other Centrales members and girls were at the party. After learning that Sabrosa had two kids of her own, Brenda spent long stretches of time seeking advice and tips about pregnancy, childbirth, and mothering from Sabrosa. The two became loose friends.

Pantera saw an opportunity to give Sabrosa orders to keep Brenda in her sight, never let her use the phone, and never let her get into any other car that was not hers. Sabrosa knew it was an odd request. But she was too far removed from the core of the gang’s communications to know Pantera’s true intentions. Sabrosa was the perfect person to babysit Brenda during the day, when Pantera was taking care of gang-related business. She didn’t know enough to make Brenda suspicious, and she would keep Brenda company while the men continued the investigation to figure out if they could kill her.

Soon after they met, Brenda transferred all of her belongings to Sabrosa’s SUV, a white Mazda Navaho. She lived out of the car, sleeping there or in the hotel rooms their group rented for the night. Sabrosa’s car was the clique’s primary vehicle. She and Pantera were the only two who could drive it. Because Sabrosa had a legitimate driver’s license, she became the clique’s official chauffer that summer, and her name was put on hotel rooms the clique rented.

They stayed in a number of hotels, always opting for the cheapest rooms at Virginia Lodge, Holiday Inn, or other low-priced hotel chains.
The group moved around because the Centrales often partied too hard and were kicked out. Once they were kicked out, it was nearly impossible to return. Managers and local police remembered too well.

After a couple of weeks on the street with Sabrosa, Brenda confided in her and told her of her plans to gather enough money to head for Philadelphia and be with the father of her child. She wasn’t leaving the gang; she just wanted to take care of her baby. Sabrosa shrugged off the information. She thought it was just girl talk and told no one. By sheer luck, Brenda had stumbled on someone she could truly confide in. Sabrosa didn’t seek to protect Brenda’s secret—she simply didn’t care. With a couple of girlfriends and her place at Pantera’s side all organized, Brenda felt like she had never left the street life.

N
ews of Brenda’s decision to leave witness protection was delayed. Brenda left Minnesota in early June 2003, but it was at least two weeks later before Special Agent Alexander received word that Brenda was gone. A week later, her discharge from witness protection was official. The news weighed on Alexander. He knew there was nothing he could do to help her now. Brenda had made her decision. He hated that she was back on the street and likely in danger, but he couldn’t force her to do what he thought was right. Brenda gambled with her own life and he was no longer in a position to help. Alexander could only call Greg to make sure he knew she was back on the streets and possibly in the Virginia area.

Greg already knew, but when he spoke with Alexander, he told the FBI agent he was focused on getting Brenda to come in off the streets. She could even stay at his place. With Brenda’s new identity, they could find a program for teen mothers in another state, Greg offered. Alexander agreed it might be a good idea, but hung up with little hope. He wasn’t sure what they could do for Brenda if she didn’t want to help herself.

Greg remained focused. He would do anything to get Brenda away from the MS, and she continued to reach out. Greg and Brenda spoke a number of times that summer. In one phone call, they focused on Brenda’s identity crisis, just one of her many problems. Her past was
scrubbed. She couldn’t be Brenda Paz anymore, but she didn’t know who Ellysia Gonzalez was. She didn’t have any of her old papers, but she couldn’t go around with Ellysia’s driver’s license and background. Ellysia was from Ohio. She was from California. She was Brenda Paz and she wanted her old life back.

“Let’s go talk to the Marshal Service,” Greg pleaded with her during one of their last phone conversations.

“Maybe later, but I think I’ve screwed up,” Brenda said. At least she admitted some fault. But despite Greg’s best arguments, Brenda still stuck to her original plan. She absolutely did not want to go back to Minnesota. From her point of view, her plan was still on track. She was making money and had a decent stash built up. She only needed a little more time, and she thought she had it. She believed Denis was still protecting her.

D
o you know the situation with Paz?” Filosofo asked.

“No. What situation?” Denis responded. He had not heard anything.

“About the light.” Filosofo was again using a simple code for
luz verde
.

“Oh! What about it?” Denis asked, excited by the news. He was pleased his homies had decided to kill Brenda.

“That she already has it. In a while they are going to do it,” Filosofo said.

In early July, the men surrounding Brenda were serious about killing her. She was oblivious. Sabrosa was babysitting her, but not privy to the plans to kill her. She was just there for fun, and the rest of the girls, apart from Maria, had no idea what was going on. There was no way they could inadvertently tip her off. They were mired in their own lives.

Between her old life with the gang and a future she thought she could have in Philadelphia, part of Brenda reached out to Greg and the safety he could offer. But the growing baby inside of her forced her to stick to her decision to sneak away to Philadelphia. She knew if Greg got her to come back in, he might convince the marshals to take her back, but Brenda held out hope that she could get in touch with her baby’s father.

Greg spoke to Brenda on a busy Friday in mid-July just after he finished a trial at the Arlington courthouse. He stepped into a nearby office and talked to Brenda until the battery on his phone ran out.

“Just tell me where you are and we’ll come get you,” Greg told her. He knew there wasn’t a cop or federal agent in a thirty-mile radius who wouldn’t drop what they were doing to bring Brenda to safety. She resisted, though she’d become wary. Brenda felt like she might be in trouble with the gang. Maybe the Centrales were babysitting her, but she thought she would work her way out of it.

“I talked my way into this, so I can talk my way out,” Brenda told Greg in a resolute tone. After they hung up, Greg returned to work, thinking about what he could say to convince her to come into protective custody. There had to be something he could tell her to make logic in her click. He held on to the hope that Brenda would wise up. It was clear, though, that Brenda continued to make the wrong decisions. And his lecturing didn’t help. She had to convince herself of the right decision or it just wasn’t going to stick. He’d been through this with her so many times before. No amount of argument from Greg could change her mind before she was ready.

The next day, Sabrosa checked in to room 318 at the Holiday Inn next to the Fairfax mall. It was one of the clique’s choice hotels. An MS member known as Little Boy worked behind the desk and gave Sabrosa a discount on the room. With Little Boy at the front desk, the Centrales members could party hard, knowing they were covered. But serious business had to be concluded before the party could begin. The men in the Centrales clique had a meeting, a
misa
. Cabro, the clique leader, and Pantera were present, along with Araña, Diablito, and a few others. As usual, there were no women present. After roll was taken and thirteen seconds of silent reflection were allowed to pass, Cabro opened the meeting with a letter in his hands.

He claimed it was a letter from a high-ranking MS member in another state, but refused to say where. Diablito suspected it might have been a letter from Veto in Texas. After Cabro had read sections of the letter out loud, everyone in the room knew what had to be done. A
luz verde
was handed down on Brenda Paz’s head. A number of high-ranking and well-respected MS members agreed she was a rat. Pantera was the first to volunteer for the job. He had been the one closest to her since she came back from Minnesota, and they were sleeping together. She trusted him the most.

Araña also volunteered for the job. He was still furious with Brenda. He didn’t want to believe she was a rat back in February when Maria had shown him the police business cards from the purse. He didn’t want to believe now that a woman he grew to love like a sister could betray their family. But he had to own up to the truth. Brenda had to die.

That night was just like any other Saturday night in the gang life. Centrales members crammed into room 318 to tell jokes and stories, get high and drunk, finish up some tattoos for members who had earned rank, and stay up into the early morning hours reveling in the freedom of gang life. For Brenda it was just another destroyer party. She hung out, but she didn’t party that hard. Her mind was on her baby and her future.