This Is Gonna Hurt (15 page)

Y
es, I do vote. So I guess that entitles me to have an opinion. Especially about things like war.

I'm not your typical celebrity who decides on a cause without thinking about it real carefully. I watch CNN and all the political programs. I've listened to what people have had to say. I've always been supportive of the troops. But it took me a while to decide how I felt about the war.

We've been at war in Iraq for five years, and people just don't see that. People are too busy with their nine-to-five jobs and their nine-to-five lives to realize that there are kids fighting and dying in Iraq. For the most part, the only reason they are there is because they come from poor places and the only way they can make money is to go to war.

It's become a political war. I'm not a political person, but it's not that difficult to read between the lines. I'm against the war. But I'm one hundred percent in support of the troops. I've said so on a lot of my victory T-shirts. And I'd like to think I've shown it with my actions.

When the Marines snubbed Jenna, it never got in the way of my supporting the military. I knew that it wasn't the troops' doing. Jenna and I have done other things with the troops since that happened, and the response has been fantastic. Sure, 9/11 was the catalyst that got me to support the troops. But I guess we all need something to get us involved. I've given a lot of support to the military since 9/11—I've visited troops on their bases, gone to see people in hospitals. Any time the USO called, I was there.

The USO called midway through 2007 and wanted to know if I wanted to go to Iraq. Going to Iraq for a week to say hi to all these kids who had left their families to go fight for their country, sign some autographs, and take some pictures simply to let them know that people were in their corner was the least I could do.

I flew out of Los Angeles on July 28, 2007. We flew into Washington, D.C., and I was taken to Bethesda Hospital and Walter Reed Army Hospital, where I got an up-close look at the price these kids were paying for fighting in Iraq.

I saw guys who had had their arms and legs blown off. There were guys who had suffered permanent brain damage from shrapnel from exploding IEDs (improvised explosive devices). Some guys couldn't even speak. Seeing the support their parents were giving them was heartwarming, but seeing these kids who had a body part missing or who were all shrapnel-scarred was really heart-wrenching.

Bethesda was a reality check for me. I was like,
Holy shit! This is what's really going on in Iraq right now
. What I saw really hurt me badly.

Then I was taken to Walter Reed, where a lot of the wounded were going through therapy. There was this one guy who had been stabbed in the head. The blade had barely missed his frontal lobe. He was okay and he was waiting to go through therapy so that he could go back and fight with his guys again. He wanted to go back to war, and the army was willing to let him. He said, “I have fifteen guys who are my brothers, and I want to go back there and help them.” I was thinking,
Wow! I'm going to Iraq tomorrow and this is what I'm going to see?

A couple of my friends, Justin McCulley and Kenny Knoll, came with me. We flew into Kuwait and went to a camp to meet with the guys. I posed for pictures and just talked to them, and they were real stoked.

We flew to four other camps to visit the troops, then they put us on a DC-130 and flew us into Baghdad. I was wearing a flak jacket and a helmet. Suddenly it really seemed like a war zone. All I could think was,
Are we going to get shot at?

The last night of the tour we flew into Camp Victory and there was some incoming fire. Maybe a half-dozen rounds, but they were a long ways away. Being there and seeing the smiles on the guys' faces really touched me. Then we went to a place called Tajif. They had lost a lot of soldiers in the past year and their morale was really down. I walked in, the guys noticed me, and they seemed kind of bummed. Justin and I talked to them for about an hour, and by the time we left they had smiles on their faces.

I learned a lot from that trip. And the main thing is that getting in the Octagon and fighting isn't shit compared to what those guys do out there. Our soldiers are walking around with M16s, living in a war zone whether they're eating, sleeping, or taking a shit. These guys are on the front line, and seeing them at war was something that I had never experienced before. It made a real impact on me.

What I do is a sport, a competition, and we abide by a certain set of rules. What they do is reality. Seeing our soldiers at war really scared the shit out of me.

Going to Iraq was the first time in the year that Jenna and I had been together that we had been apart for any length of time. And I missed her. While I was gone, Jenna had decided to have a breast reduction and when I got off the plane and saw her, I was pleasantly surprised.

I had a brand-new woman to play with.

The idea of giving back did not end with the troops. Not long after I returned from Iraq, I went to Arizona to do my second annual blood drive for United Blood Services. I was there to sign autographs and encourage people to donate blood. This year we collected more than four hundred pints of blood, twice what we did the previous year.

The idea of helping and giving back has always been with me. When I first started fighting I would sometimes give a percentage of my winnings to charity. Sadly that hasn't happened much lately because, well, I've got bills to pay. But I have a history of donating my time for a good cause.

In 2000, I began a series of Ultimate Training Center seminars. People would donate toys or money and were offered the chance to come and train with me. I still try to do those every once in a while.

I was involved in the Miracle on First Street, an annual toy giveaway sponsored by the Hollenbeck Youth Center in Los Angeles. I remember I was driving down the street with the boxer Fernando Vargas and I saw all these kids and parents standing in a long line. I turned to Fernando and said, “You want to hear something funny? I remember when I was young, my family and I would be standing in lines like these.” I was really touched by the scene. Fernando and I pulled up and started handing out toys. Fernando left after a couple of hours, but I stayed until every last kid was taken care of.

But while I like to give back, occasionally the best intentions are messed up. After I fought Ken Shamrock the first time, I decided to start up a Tito Ortiz Foundation to help out underprivileged and inner-city kids. I went to this company called Foundation Makers to license the charity. We were going to create a website, and they were talking about a charity golf tournament. Basically they promised me the world. So I wrote them a check for ten grand, which, in those days, was a lot of money for me. Then all of a sudden I started hearing that they couldn't get this and that, that the original ten grand was for the license and paperwork, and that now they needed more money from me. When I refused to give them more money they said I had signed a contract and they were going to sue me. So I ended up getting burned.

But things like that have not stopped me from doing charity events when I can. Because it's always nice to look in the mirror at the end of the day and see that you helped somebody's life…even if only a little bit.

A
m I a dangerous person?

With the tragedy of wrestler Chris Benoit, that question gets asked a lot more than it used to. Here's my answer…

I am not a dangerous person. Sure, I've robbed houses and cars and sold drugs and gotten into a lot of fights. Early on, the fights were always about self-defense or protecting somebody who was a friend. But even in those days, it was never about deliberately setting out to hurt somebody. I never used a gun or a knife. I can be upset with a person, but I would never hurt someone in anger. If I even sensed that a situation like that might come up, I would just walk away. Or get real quiet.

It's not as if there has never been a perception that any time I show up at a situation there's going to be a brawl. Sure, some guys may think that, and that's because they're scared of me. But when I'm out and about, there will never be blows thrown. I have people to do that. I don't have to.

When I'm out with my friends, they watch my back. They know better than to let me get into situations. I've hired security a few times. That has a lot to do with the crowds and the people I'm sometimes around. There are people who are respectful fans who just want a picture or an autograph or to just shake my hand. But sometimes I run into people who think because they've seen my fights and read all the stories they can just come up to me and get in my face, touch me, and all that kind of shit. So yeah, sometimes I have security to step in. Sometimes all it takes is for me to raise my voice and tell them to step the fuck back!

I've had situations where I've been angry with both Kristin and Jenna. We would be discussing something and it would get uncomfortable for me, so I would just get quiet or get up and walk away. That's my way of avoiding anger.

I've been angry with the UFC sometimes. Well, not so much with the UFC as with Dana White. In those kinds of situations it's often difficult to get quiet and just walk away. But the way I get around that is to realize that it's all just business. These days I find it very difficult to even be in the same room with Dana White, let alone do any kind of business with him. So I've decided to go over his head and deal with the UFC owners.

In a sense I've been dealing with anger issues when it comes to my father. I've been walking away from him for years. The last time I talked to him was when my son was born. When I got him tickets to that fight in Vegas, I never even saw him or heard from him afterwards. It was like all the hurt was still there and I just didn't want to deal with it.

I've never made peace with him, but he's seventy-one now and there probably isn't much time left, so I'm thinking that I will now. Christmas will be coming up soon. Maybe that will be the time to do it. I think the issues I have with my father are something I'm going to have to face. He's never said he was sorry for what he put us through when we were growing up, and I don't really understand that. I suppose I can hate him as much as I want.

But he's still my dad.

Another father-son relationship I am going to have to address real soon is the one I have with my son Jacob. I'd like to think that it's very good. But at times it does seem distant and at times it just plain sucks.

I try to see him at least three times a month, but sometimes things happen and I can't see him as often. I would have loved to be the one to help him learn how to ride a bike. But right now, Kristin's sister's husband is helping him do that. Hearing that kind of stuff is hard because I would like to be doing those things with him.

But it's hard to be a full-time father and be there for the important things in his life when I'm not always around.

When he was younger, we could explain my not being around by telling him that I was away at work, which, a lot of the time, was true. We couldn't really explain how his parents had split up because he wouldn't have understood it. But now he's around other kids who are always talking about their dads, and all he knows is that his dad is not around a lot. Kristin and I have talked about how we're going to have to explain this to him, and I think it's going to happen soon.

Jacob has started to ask questions now that he's five. And I've been as honest with him as I can possibly be. I just tell him that his mother and I aren't in love anymore; that we're in love but not with each other like a mother and father should be. We haven't talked to him about how the marriage fell apart and how we used to argue a lot. I don't think he's ready to understand that part of it yet.

Sometimes he comes out to California to visit and we do things as a family, going to Disneyland and places like that with Jenna. To Jacob, Jenna is my girlfriend. At this point, he hasn't asked any more about her than that. But I'm sure that at some point he will.

Hopefully, by the time he starts asking those kinds of questions, I'll have the answers.

It's disappointing that, with my son, I haven't been able to avoid the same mistakes my parents made. It makes me feel sad. Because at the end of the day, I just want to make sure that my son is happy and not dysfunctional the way I was.

Professionally, things have not gone according to plan, which is pretty much the way they've always been. My rematch with Rashad Evans was scheduled for November 17, 2007, in Newark, New Jersey.

And the trash talk had already started. As always, the hype was about getting people interested in the fight. In a way it was kind of a joke. But it was also about getting in Rashad's head and getting him pissed off and out of his fight plan. So he talks his smack, I talk my smack, but in the end it all comes down to what happens in the ring.

Then there's the profanity. In case you haven't noticed, I use the F bomb a lot. As well as the S bomb and a whole lot of other bombs. But as I've gotten more businesslike, I've made an attempt to clean up my mouth a bit. Sometimes when I'm doing an interview I'll be so conscious of trying not to curse that I come across as being a little stiff. A lot of people have told me not to worry about that and to just be myself. But I guess I think of the kids and how it might be encouraging them to curse as well. I'm sure there's a compromise in all this somewhere.

Since the first Rashad Evans fight, I have been negotiating a new contract with the UFC. And it always seems like it's the same old story. I have an attorney, but Jenna and I are handling all my contract negotiations. She's a savvy businesswoman and an excellent adviser when it comes to business matters. But I'm the one who makes the final decision. I've been through the wringer so many times with the UFC, I know what's good and what's not.

I've been a top fighter for the UFC for ten years, and quite simply, I think it's time for the UFC to step up and pay me for those ten years. Since the Fertittas bought the company in 2000, we've always negotiated contracts based on how profitable the company was at that time. They would always give me a little bit more. And I always settled for that on the condition that when the UFC started making more money, I would get more money as well.

Well, guess what, folks. The UFC made $231 million last year. I fought four times over the life of my last contract, and I had a lot to do with them making that money. So it's time to pay up.

This time around I'm negotiating totally with the Fertitta brothers and bypassing Dana alogether. With the UFC owners it's just business. With Dana the whole issue of contracts has become too personal. Every time I ask for more money, he feels like I'm taking it out of his pocket. Well, my feeling is that I'm the one who's going into the Octagon and fighting. Dana isn't.

I'm not going to lie to you and tell you that I'm not making damned good money. With the up-front money and what I'm getting from pay-per-view, I'm making close to a million a fight. And that doesn't even take into account what I make in a year from my clothing line.

And that's a lot more than most people will see in their lifetimes. Which sounds good until you realize that I'm in the fifty-one-percent tax bracket, the highest tax bracket you can be in. But people don't see that. All they see is this guy who is making a million.

Basically I'm asking the UFC for the same things I've always asked for: more money up front and more pay-per-view. I've been making close to a million per fight since signing the previous contract, and now I am asking for an even million per fight. I don't think that is being unreasonable, seeing as the UFC makes approximately forty million per fight. So far the negotiating is going fairly smoothly. The owners of the UFC and I both want me to finish my career with the UFC.

But that hasn't stopped people from other organizations from calling me. I get the calls all the time these days. But as soon as I hear who they are, I stop them and tell them I can't talk to them because I'm right in the middle of negotiations with the UFC.

But whoever I sign with, it's going to come down to them giving me what I want.

I don't know how much longer I will be fighting. In a perfect world I would say maybe two or three more years and then I will be done with it and want to move on to other things. But I know it's not a perfect world, so four or five more years is probably a more realistic timetable.

My feeling is that I want to make as much money as I can over the next few years and then move up to the next level. I'd like to be able to retire at age forty-five, and I think that's possible. My clothing line has been doing real well for a long time. And I'm getting more and more acting opportunities.

I would like to be an action movie star, and I've had a couple of people tell me that I have the potential to be the next Vin Diesel. I know acting would not be easy; it involves a lot of hard work and it's a difficult business. But in a way it's just like fighting. I was a champion because of hard work and dedication. Being an actor is certainly possible if I just focus and get it done.

And people recognize that I might just have what it takes to make it as an actor. Early in 2007, I appeared in a small role in an episode of the TV series
Numb3rs
. I also did a cameo in a movie that Jenna was in called
Zombie Strippers
. It was cool being on the set and watching Jenna work. As always, she was all business. As always, I was impressed.

I'm starting to see how Hollywood works. Your name gets mentioned as somebody who might be good for a project. Sometimes you get a call. Sometimes it turns out to be just smoke and mirrors. But I've been happy with the way my acting career is going and I'm ready for whatever comes next.

But before any of that acting stuff happens, I would like to get the championship back one more time. And that isn't going to be as easy as simply training like a demon for six months and then just beating the shit out of the other guy.

The current UFC lightweight champion is Quinton “Rampage” Jackson, who is not only a very good fighter but also a good friend of mine, probably one of the closest friends I've made in the fight game. We've been training together for nearly ten years. If it happens, it's going to be hard to fight somebody I'm friends with. We'll do the usual trash talking and all that and then, come the night of the fight, we'll stand in the center of the ring and probably bust out laughing. I think it will be exciting if we ever do challenge one another. And I'm sure it will be one hell of a fight.

But if we end up making two to three million for the fight, I know I can put aside our friendship for fifteen minutes. I would never try to take the food out of his son's mouths or make him incapable of earning a living as a fighter.

So I'll try not to hurt him too bad.

But I think a lot of people will pay a lot of money to see two old friends fight.

Writing this book has been so therapeutic for me in so many ways. It's forced me to relive a lot of stuff for better or worse. The other day I was sitting with Jenna and all of a sudden I just busted out laughing. She wanted to know what was so funny. I told her I was just thinking about a lot of the crazy shit I had been through.

But one thing changed for me during the writing process that was totally unexpected.

I've stopped smoking pot. I know what you're thinking.
He started out saying that he still used pot recreationally
. And I did. I would smoke pot on occasion during the writing of this book.

But one day, after a long writing session, I started to think about what my life has been about and where it's going. I just decided that if I was going to be a professional, clearheaded businessman in dealing with whatever comes my way in the future, I would have to give it up. So that day, I smoked one last joint.

And then I was done.