This Is Not That Dawn: Jhootha Sach (141 page)

Tara said to Narottam, ‘If you are free tomorrow, bring her and Kanchan here. I will serve you potato-stuffed paranthas.’

‘Sure.’

Kanak objected, ‘Why should we trouble him? Taxis are available around the corner from our gali.’

‘Don’t bother about troubling him,’ Tara said, asserting her right over Narottam.

‘Why do you want to deprive me of paranthas! I’ll get to eat them after six months only because of you,’ Narottam appealed to Kanak.

Tara took Jaya in her arms and gave her a kiss, ‘Tomorrow I’ll take proper care of you.’

Narottam went to drop Kanak and Kanchan in Tara’s car.

Kanak returned home quite late. Kihsore Chand was put out for having to wait so long. As soon as he saw Kanak, he asked, ‘What did you find?’

Kanak did not want to burden her parents with her husband’s problems. She replied, ‘I’ll tell you in the morning,’ and went and sat with her mother. She thought out an answer during the night, and said briefly to Kishor Chand in the morning:

Mohanlal had thrown Sheelo out of his home. If he wants to marry again, he may. Sheelo won’t go back to him. She now is the mother of two children. Tara had nothing to do with this matter.

Kishor Chand demanded angrily to personally meet with Tara and Sheelo.

Kanak refused to help and told him in so many words.

Kishor Chand was so angered by Kanak’s attitude and her explanation that he packed his bags and left for the railway station.

Kishor Chand went straight to Hoshiarpur from Jalandhar station on his return from Delhi. Kanak’s reply had made his blood boil, but the journey had given him the time to weigh up the pros and cons of the matter. His anger had gradually subsided. He thought, ‘What is the point of hanging family’s dirty laundry in public? Telling people about the matter will only bring even more shame on the family. Sheelo’s dead for us. Mohanlal can do what he wants. He’s not our relative any more.’

Kanak told Puri everything in detail on reaching Jalandhar on Monday morning. Her voice dripped with affection as she repeated the praise and tributes to Tara that she had heard from everyone. She asked, ‘Why are you so angry with her?’

Puri still had in his mind the letter from Babu Govindram, ‘
Hoon
, so that’s what he meant by sharing our problems and joys.’ He said irritably,
‘That’s some example of neighbourly behaviour and friendship. Like they say, even a thief spares seven neighbours when robbing a house. Ratan and Govindram didn’t have even as much concern for our reputation!’ ‘What do you mean? I don’t understand,’ Kanak protested.

‘What is it you don’t understand?’ Puri felt that Kanak just wanted to quibble.

‘Sheelo is now Ratan’s wife and has a right to live with him. Ratan’s parents treat her just like a daughter-in-law. I don’t see any betrayal of friendship in this.’

‘Was she not Mohanlal’s wife? Ask Kishor Chand and his parents about the humiliation they felt. If this scandal gets known in Jalandhar it won’t do any good for our reputation,’ Puri said harshly.

‘But now we know the truth. Why blame Tara for anything? Sheelo had made a mistake and it was her good fortune that it was rectified. Why should she be made to live in shame all her life? I think Sheelo’s heart won’t ever accept Mohanlal as her husband, no matter how much her family may punish her for it.’

Puri was peeved, ‘You mean if one finds it shameful to live with some person, one can have relations with another person?’

‘What are you taunting me about?’ Kanak said, looking hard at Puri.

‘What else are you saying?’

‘Do you want me to agree that we should tie Sheelo up and send her to Mohanlal?’

Puri could not tolerate being left speechless. He said irritably, ‘I don’t want anything to do with that family. All I said was why did Tara have to get involved in this? But what is it that you are praising and trying to prove?’

Kanak took a deep breath, and said, ‘She’s your sister, but I’ll say that her heart is much bigger than yours!’

Puri blew out his breath angrily. To keep himself under control, he began to walk out of the room. As he reached near the door, he turned around and unable to control his anger any longer, said, ‘I see that you yourself are all heart after you met another big-hearted person. I don’t think I’d be able to put up with someone with such a big heart. Maybe you should find for yourself someone with a heart big enough.’

Kanak could not go to the office. Puri went out at eleven o’clock without saying anything to her. Kanak did not know if he had eaten or not. She had had nothing to eat, just drank water several times. She kept her face averted
from Chaila and Heeran. She felt disgusted if anyone saw tears in her eyes. The thought came to her mind over and over, ‘What happened? What wrong things did I say? Should I just bash my head as atonement for my crime?’

Puri and Kanak did not speak to each other the next day. Kanak did not take tea to Puri’s room in the morning, and had hers alone. Heeran and Chaila both talked in hushed tones. Seeing everyone quiet and tense made Jaya nervous and she did not want to leave Heeran’s side. She would snivel, ready to break in tears. Heeran would pray to God to give her the child’s troubles, and try to divert Jaya’s attention and keep her away from her mother and father. Kanak found the tension very humiliating, and went to the kitchen resolved to do something about it. She asked Chaila several questions, gave him instructions, then took Jaya in her arms and sat with the child. She gave Jaya her bath, changed her clothes, combed her hair and tied them with ribbons, all the while fussing over her and talking with her. At nine o’ clock she called out to Chaila so that Puri could hear, ‘Get food ready for both of us. I’ll have my bath and be out shortly.’

She asked Chaila after her bath, ‘You didn’t tell babuji to come for his meal?’

Chaila returned from Puri’s room and said, ‘He’s working. He’ll eat at 10.30.’

The message was clear: First repent and grovel.

Kanak was furious. She had her meal and left for the office.

‘You came back from Delhi today?’ Gill asked.

‘No, I came yesterday. I was very tired. Couldn’t sleep in the train.’

Gill looked at Kanak and kept silent. She knew that her explanation was not very convincing.

Puri did not come to the office all day. Kanak worked till afternoon, talking with Gill and Raks in her usual manner. Raks left at 5.30. Kanak gave no sign that she wanted to leave.

‘Will you stay for some time?’ Gill looked at her and asked.

‘I did not do any work yesterday. Let me work for another hour.’

‘Don’t bother about that. You can call it a day if you have to take care of the house. I’ll order tea if you are staying, but you don’t like tea from the bazaar.’ Kanak did not like tea made with milk that was kept boiling all day.

‘Get some. I’ll have it today.’

‘You can go. What’s pending will be taken care of. Come, I’ll walk you to the bus stand,’ Gill rose, pushing back his chair.

‘I wanted to work for another hour.’

‘Let’s go.’

Walking beside her in the gali, Gill asked her, ‘Trouble at home?’

‘What do you mean? Who said so?’

‘I know.’ Gill did not let her off. ‘You haven’t really understood your husband,’ he said in a serious tone in English. ‘Puri isn’t any more the lumpen proletariat of his pre-Partition days. He now thinks like a petty bourgeois. He doesn’t see lack of opportunities and anomalies of the system around him. He doesn’t feel the need for change and for redefining what is right and what is wrong. He has taken his roots in the city. Any notions of change and disorder make him nervous. You point out these inner conflicts and make him ill-tempered. Why are you ruining your family life?’

Gill’s meaning was clear. Kanak knew that Puri had discussed the matter with Gill and had perhaps accused her of being wilful. Was it right for him to do so?

Gill had become so close to both Kanak and Puri that at times it was difficult to hide from him the quarrels and arguments they had at home. Nevertheless, Kanak had never complained to him about the differences between her and Puri. She thought it was unfair of Puri to tell Gill a different version of events in order to vent his frustration and to seek Gill’s sympathy. Unable to suppress her annoyance, she said, ‘You tell me, how can one live all the time by hiding the reality and by deceiving oneself? Should I just continue to put up with deception? Was it for this that I faced the resentment of my family?’ Her eyes brimmed with tears. Since Gill had come to know so much about her, she decided, that he should be told exactly the way it had happened. She did not take the bus from the G.T. Road. As they walked towards Model Town, Kanak opened her heart to Gill.

Gill said understandingly, ‘You fell in love and got married, now you must see it through.’

‘What haven’t I done to fulfil my commitment, you tell me. When was I not ready to make compromises? Where did I go wrong or behave selfishly?’

‘I explained how Puri doesn’t see the need for redefining what is right and what is wrong. Yes, five years ago he would have thought along the same lines as you.’

‘Five years ago?’ Kanak said sceptically. ‘Do you know what he did to Tara five years ago?’ She told him about Tara’s marriage. Then, her frustration
boiling over, she said, ‘Jijaji had found about it at that time. He had also told me, but then I just couldn’t hear anything against him.’

‘What did you see in him after all? It was by reading his short stories…’ Gill had to bite his tongue.

Tears blinded Kanak for a moment. Inspite of being in a public place, she covered her eyes with her aanchal. She quickly collected herself, dried her eyes and removed the aanchal. Luckily, nobody was walking towards her on that side of the road. She walked about twenty-five steps without uttering a word, then asked Gill, ‘He spoke to you about us. Why can’t you explain to him my point of view?’

‘If I said anything that supported you against him, it won’t be possible for me to work here any longer.’

‘What do you mean?’ Kanak asked.

‘Puri will never tolerate that I oppose him and support you. If I keep quiet after hearing him out, he takes it as sympathy for him. If I support you he’d see it as me meddling in his personal affairs. He would suspect that I am brainwashing you, and that you are simply echoing my opinions. That’ll make him even angrier with you. How would I be able to remain here?’ In the course of their talk Kanak and Gill had arrived at the bungalow. If Jaya had seen her mother, she would have jumped into her arms and would not have let her talk to anyone other than her. Kanak and Gill had sat in the veranda to finish their conversation.

The veranda had turned pink from the rays of the dying sun. Gill’s words made Kanak look at him. The rays lit her face and he could see deep into her eyes through her dilated pupils. As if her heart had risen to her eyes. Kanak’s chest heaved with a deep sigh. She got up and went indoors.

After the bitterness of the past two days, Gill’s words had overwhelmed Kanak and she had run away from Gill. Who else would she be able to rely on? ‘Babli,’ she called.

Jaya came running and wrapped herself around Kanak’s knees. She wanted to see inside her mother’s purse. Kanak often carried toffees and red and blue pencils for Jaya in it. Jaya burbled on, ‘Mummy, a fly fell into my milk. Amma Heeran took it out like that and threw it away. Mummy, Chaila sat me on Shera and I rode it like a horse. Mummy, want me to show you how to write a-aa-e…’

Jaya made a drawing about the size of her head on the white wall with a blue pencil.

‘Hai, Babli! My jewel, don’t write on the wall!’ But the lines on the wall looked lovely to her. Heeran had washed Jaya’s face and changed her clothes. Kanak, to face the turmoil in her heart, began to comb her hair again and tie a different ribbon.

Gill was sitting in the living room. Kanak called out to him from where she was, ‘Tea will be ready shortly. Would you like to have some water?’

Puri had not returned when Kanak came out of her room, there was no news when he would. Gill had had the chairs put in the lawn. Jaya was sitting on the arm of his chair deep in a serious discussion about the lemondrop tree. How tall is the tree? Did it have any leaves? Were children allowed to climb the tree?

Kanak had been able to collect herself after freshening up and changing her sari. She began to pour tea and—without looking at Gill—said, ‘If he takes you as a trusted friend, why can’t he accept you as my friend?’

‘No husband with accept that. He would want to monopolize his wife.’

‘What do you mean by monopolize? I agree that the wife should stay within limits, I abide by those limits. You know that very well.’ Cover of darkness made it possible for Kanak to continue, ‘Husband has his rights, but I don’t believe that implies that the wife can’t be friends with any other person or can’t rely on a friend for emotional support. I don’t like doing things on the sly.’

They heard the sound of a jeep approaching. Kanak said in the same breath, ‘He’s arrived.’ The jeep came to a halt at the bungalow’s gate.

Puri seemed to be talking to the jeep’s driver. In the few seconds before his arrival, Gill advised Kanak in a hushed voice, ‘Well, there’s no need to take risks just to be a show-off.’

Gill said to Puri, ‘We’ve been waiting for you for an hour.’

Puri began to explain the reason for his being late. Kanak was stirring sugar in tea that she had poured for herself. She gave the same cup to Puri. A third cup was already in the tray.

‘Thanks!’ Puri said. He was exhausted. Receiving a cup of tea immediately after his arrival pleased him very much.

Gill said, looking at Kanak but meaning to address them both, ‘What’s the long face for! Talk to each other properly.’

Puri thought that Gill’s words were in his support.

‘When did I not do so? Whoever wants to vent his anger, takes it out on me,’ Kanak said, in a grumbling tone.

Puri felt that presence of Gill was the right time to tell Kanak about his mounting worries and expenses after his election to the legislative assembly and the ensuing responsibilities, and why he found rickshaws and tongas to be inadequate means of transportation. He said that Somraj had advised him to buy a second-hand car and that he had baulked at the idea in view of the bigger expenses, but it had become increasingly difficult for him to do without a car.