This is the End (Book 2): Not Dead Yet (28 page)

Earl and Austin had followed me from the room and came to sit with me.  “So we got a plan?” Austin asked, looking at me.

“Get the hell out of here and never look back?” I offered, trying to finger-comb the tangles from my hair.

“What?  Aren’t we going back to finish the job?” I looked at the shock on Austin’s face and had to keep myself from punching him.  As much as I wanted to see the Preacher and his sheep burn, it was really best if we just left. 

I stood up and started to pace the room, looking for the right words to say.  I finally turned back to him and crossed my arms, planting my feet firmly.  “I think we should leave; I don’t see any good coming out of us going back except more death for us.  I want to erase that guy just as much as you do, if not more but it’s suicide to go back.”

Austin opened and closed his mouth a few times like a fish.  Earl looked lost in thought as he stroked the stubble on his chin.  I could see then both weighing my words and I knew they knew I was right, but they hadn’t completely set aside their pride at being beaten yet to fully side with me.

I opened my mouth to argue my side some more when the bathroom door was flung open so hard it cracked and Jack came storming out to stand in front of me.

“We’re going back, and that’s final.”  He stood tall and crossed his arms; mimicking my stance.  I watched his jaw grind back and forth and the veins in his neck pulsing with his conviction.  Jack was usually so easy going and agreeable that seeing him in his full pigheaded glory was a bit of an eye opener.

“Did I stutter?  It’s.
Suicide
.” I shot at him, willing to let my anger match his.  I could barely hear any of the others over the roar of our heartbeats; it was deafening.

Jack uncrossed his arms and took a step towards me, towering over me and I had to wonder if he knew how threatening he looked from my perspective. Out of instinct, I took a step back and he must’ve seen the fear in my eyes because in less than a second all the anger drained out of him and I could see the “sorry” written all over his face; he knew me well enough to know I wasn’t the kind of person who wouldn’t cower when someone I loved got pissed.  I could handle strangers beating the shit out of me but when someone I respected got in my face? 5 year old Angie wanted to run to the nearest corner and hide.

I watched Jack’s shoulders slump with defeat and he turned and fell into the sofa where I’d been.  “So what, then?” He asked the room, staring down at his boots.

“We need to go back.” I spun to meet Earl’s face, ready to counter his argument.  He continued before I got my chance.  Holding his hands up, he shook his head at me, “Now I know what they did to you was wrong, Angie, but what if they come after us?  You think they’re just gonna let us burn down their property and not attempt retaliation?”  Earl stood up from the sofa and moved to stand in front of me, addressing the room.  “We have to hit them hard and fast, before they have a chance to regroup.  I say we go tonight.” He pounded a fist in his hand for emphasis and it took all of my willpower to not roll my eyes. 

“Fine.  You guys do whatever you want but I’m not going.  I’m going to the coast.”  I left the room with that and wandered into the bathroom to clean up.  I closed the broken door behind me as well as possible and took a deep breath, glad to not be in that room while the men played War.  Sure, I was mad but I’d rather run and live than stay and fight a battle that didn’t matter in the long run and die, or have someone I cared about die; the cost far outweighed the gain.

Besides, they were like 50 strong and we had 3 mutants, an aging Vet and 4 kids.  What were we gonna do?  Throw rocks at them to death?  Listen to their heartbeats from afar and hope they all suddenly went into cardiac failure?  The odds weren’t in our favor and I was fast running out of fucks to give.

I took my time cleaning up and tuned out the voices in the other room.  I really didn’t want any part of an attack and I knew that’s exactly what those bastards were planning.

I heard heavy footsteps and the front door slam and waited another heartbeat for the silence of an empty house before quietly peeking out of the bathroom door.  When I saw the place cleared, I headed towards the kitchen and dug out something to eat.

I could see the whole group running around the property and in and out of the shed from the little window above the sink and tried to ignore them as I ate cold beans straight from the can.  If we attacked tonight; maybe I could incapacitate them with my gas.

Finishing what passed for my meal, I threw the empty can of beans in the nearby overflowing trashcan, grabbed a bottle of water and went back into the master bedroom and lay back down. 

Rolling onto my back, I crossed my arms behind my head and stared at the cracks along the ceiling.  Voices drifted in from the thin walls and I tried my damnedest to not hear the words and follow the ridiculous planning.  Instead, I closed my eyes and started to sing ‘Gloomy Sunday’ quietly to myself. 

When that didn’t drown them out, I rolled onto my belly and pulled a pillow over my head, holding it tight around my ears and started to hum.  I knew they knew I would stand with them come what may, but fuck; why couldn’t we do what I wanted to do for once? 

Since I stumbled across Jack, I was starting to realize he had gotten his way every time and I always ended up paying dearly for it.  I didn’t want to stop in San Antonio.  I didn’t want to go the alleged military outfit we tried flying to.  All I wanted to do was get my ass to an island and live in peace making rum from coconuts; I didn’t feel like that was too much to ask.  I never asked to become invested in other people and I certainly didn’t fucking ask to be nearly killed the countless times attempts on my life had been made since this whole nightmare had begun. 

I was starting to remember why I’d lived alone for so long; other people were exhausting and quite honestly, dangerous.  It didn’t seem fair that I not only had to survive a motherfucking zombie apocalypse, but I also had to fend off the crazies that had magically survived this long out of sheer lunacy. 

Suddenly I was longing for the days of couch hopping and doing enough drugs to impress a Rolling Stones groupie.  At least then I knew what I was up against and had Sarah to watch my back; although in retrospect I spent most of my time bailing her out of whatever mess she’d wandered into but it was what it was.  I hadn’t really thought about her in so many years I had to wonder if she’d survived or died from a drug overdose before the whole thing started. 

Images of my coworkers and the gas station clerk who was always so nice to me and the woman at the dispensary who’d greeted me by name whenever I came in flashed through my mind and I missed them.  Had any of them made it?  If they hadn’t, would it have changed anything had I tried to bring them with me?  But then again, when I left home, the only person on my mind was me.

Maybe if I’d started out caring about others this whole thing would’ve been different.  Maybe if I’d had a family and friends I would be tucked in a cozy mountain cabin waiting out the end of times with people I loved.  I never would’ve met the people I watched run around the yard planning an attack on those who’d taken from us.  I never would’ve known them which meant I would’ve never loved them and I had to wonder if we all would’ve been better for it.  They didn’t need me; they never did.  They were intelligent and resourceful all on their own and if it hadn’t been for me, probably wouldn’t be in this mess.

Of course I’d never know if it could have been different as I stood in the afternoon sunlight watching their faces furrowed in concentration as they counted weapons and bullets and made more bombs out of what was left of the homemade Moonshine.  I loved them all the more for it.  They weren’t victims and never would be.  These were the brave warriors stories were told about; the underdogs who would win the war.  I was just the uneducated, lazy drug addict they took along for the ride.  Everything we’d survived up to this point had been because of their unwavering bravery and willingness to keep fighting, even when the odds were stacked against them.  They deserved to live.  They deserved to keep going and come out on the other side of this.  I was not one of them and never would be.

That chilling conclusion sunk into my pores and oozed its way down to my stomach where it sat like concrete and cast a shadow over the dust motes dancing merrily in the sunbeams.  I loved them.  I loved them so much it hurt and it was in that moment, that small moment watching Jack showing Chloe how to unjam the shotgun in her small hands that was almost bigger than she was while Roscoe rolled in the grass at their feet and Ty filled jars with Moonshine that I knew there wasn’t anything I wouldn’t do to keep them safe and protect them, even if it meant my end.  Maybe that’s what love really was; the knowledge that someone else was so important you would do whatever it took to keep them alive.

I watched the rays of sunlight streaming through the trees and glinting off the heads of these amazing people and something in me shriveled and died.  It was the last of my defense; the last brick in the wall I kept around my heart.  They mattered to me.  They mattered more to me than I did and I wasn’t sure how to feel about that.  I was nervous and a little sick with worry that something would happen to them that I wouldn’t be able to stop and that idea made every molecule in my body twist and ache.

Reaching up, I pulled my hair up and secured it with the tie from around my wrist, took a deep breath and walked over to join them.  It wasn’t what I wanted and I knew I would be destroyed by the end of the night one way or another, but that no longer mattered.  What mattered most in the world was these 3 strangers who’d somehow managed to become more important to me than anyone had ever been and I had no choice but to stand with them.

Chapter 15:

Smoke wove through the stale night air from the fires that had gone out as we watched what was left of the cult members moving around the compound from the hole in the fence we’d been using to go in and out that they’d somehow still not found.

For hours we’d been camped out in this spot, taking turns running in and planting our homemade bombs around the buildings without notice.  It was almost as if they weren’t expecting us to attack at all, and maybe they weren’t, but I couldn’t believe the Preacher would be that cocky and that left me uneasy.  He had to be up to something but from all the activity, I couldn’t for the life of me figure out what it was.

My stomach was in knots as I waited for Austin to come back from his run to the barn when suddenly every spotlight on the damn grounds came to life, flooding us and our hideout with the fluorescent glow.  I looked immediately to the barn to see the Preacher come sauntering out the door holding a megaphone in one hand and gesturing to Austin being held by two of his goons behind him.

“Have you found God yet, Angie?”  The Preacher’s voice boomed loud and low through the night, disturbing the birds who immediately took flight from every surrounding tree.

It was then, with the compound fully lit I noticed the holes in the fence around on the other side of the house where the fire had been and the crowd of zombies trying to break through a makeshift barrier that had been obviously hastily erected that I knew we were in deep shit.

Looking over at Jack, our eyes met and he winked at me and cocked the shotgun in his hands before darting through the fence.  I thought briefly about Johnny and Roscoe waiting in a tree several hundred yards away and prayed to a god I didn’t believe in that at least one of us would be left standing to take care of them.

One by one, we slid through the fence and started a slow walk towards the barn to meet the Preacher.  Forming a V, we must’ve looked like Geese with weapons and I wanted to laugh out loud but kept that shit to myself; this was not the time for hysterics.

“Did you come to kill us all?  We, the Lambs of God who only seek to save the souls we can in these, the end of days?  Surely you can’t think you will be saved, Angie.  Surely you must know the Devil waits for you and yours.”  The Preacher was close enough to where I could see the smug look of victory on his face and I let my guard down.  He was still a big bag of crazy but he obviously had no idea he’d already lost and his god was nowhere to be found.

I turned and gave Ty a small nod and pretended to think about what the Preacher had just said.

“Give us back Austin unharmed, let us leave this place and never try to find us.  We mean you no harm; we just wish to be left in peace.”  I tried to sound like I meant it, but it was so damn hard to not just shoot him where he stood.

He laughed a deep belly laugh and I caught a flash of Ty darting into the night out of the corner of my eye and waited for him to disappear before addressing the Preacher once more.

“Ok, you caught me; I mean you lots of harm and wanted to play the hero protagonist granting the antagonist a false opportunity to get out of harm, knowing full well you’d decline and I’d have to kill you anyway for not agreeing with me and accepting my terms and quite frankly, Hollywood has done that enough we should all just agree to a dance off to solve our differences since that would be much more interesting.”