This One Is Mine: A Novel (41 page)

BOOK: This One Is Mine: A Novel
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— Mary McNamara,
Los Angeles Times

“Maria Semple writes like a cross between Dorothy Parker and Nathanael West.
This One Is Mine
is an uncompromising and trenchantly funny portrait of Los Angeles life that rings uncomfortably true.”

— Darren Star, creator of
Sex and the City

“A smart and funny debut…. Semple’s takes are tack sharp as her delightful cast is driven comically and tragically ever deeper into a culture of artifice. Semple obviously knows her turf, and she does an exquisite job of stomping all over it.”


Publishers Weekly

“Maria Semple delves unafraid, with a sharp eye and sharper hand, into the big issues: Love, Happiness, Life, and Death, and emerges with a Los Angeles we never knew, but always suspected. A triumphant debut.”

— Gigi Levangie Grazer, author of
The Starter Wife

“This delightful novel gives pleasure on every page. Deftly satiric, wickedly hilarious, brilliantly plotted to ensure maximum mayhem, it also sustains a sweet, triumphant tenderness toward characters who act so appallingly. If at first it seems a puzzle that the novelist can inspire such rueful yet endearing affection for these too-often greedy, shallow people, the answer is that we come to recognize them—as us.”

—Phillip Lopate, author of
The Art of the Personal Essay

“Though they’re shallow, condescending, desperate, and solipsistic, Ms. Semple loves her characters wholeheartedly…. What is surprising is that the reader cares at all for these hapless creatures, and that, in our era of schadenfreude as a public sport, the novel’s mostly happy ending is… deeply satisfying.”

— Meredith Bryan,
New York Observer

“Maria Semple begins like a roller coaster, clacking up slowly and ominously and then, hold on! You are plunging into the great dreamworld of L.A. money and ambition where nothing is quite real until it breaks apart and suddenly there is the terrible bottom and end of it all. This is a love story with real thorns and a heroine you will weep for.”

— James Salter, author of
Light Years
and
Last Night

“A fresh, flamboyantly witty new voice.”

— Helen Fielding, author of
Bridget Jones’s Diary


This One Is Mine
, remarkably, manages to combine comedy and compassion. Its characters are flawed and self-absorbed, but they’re doing their best, and Semple doesn’t give us the easy out of feeling superior. Even more remarkable, the novel hums with suspense. It’s built into the cliffhanger scene endings, and it’s also there on a larger level: this isn’t one of those novels in which it’s clear what (or whom) the heroines ought to choose…. Each turn of the plot brings new surprises, and the result is a novel that leaves a more lasting impression than its satirical side would suggest.”

— Margaret Quamme,
Columbus Dispatch

“As a domestic drama—as a story of love and misunderstanding—this book is sublime. It’s got wit and humor and a laugh-out-loud chapter in a New Age retreat. It’s even got a happy ending that seems well-earned.
This One Is Mine
is a spectacular debut—Maria Semple is the real thing.”

— Jesse Kornbluth, HeadButler.com

“A sharp-witted look at having it all in L.A. and wanting more…. Semple takes Hollywood stereotypes and makes you care about them. She’s unflinching, but compassion isn’t sacrificed. The devastating, poetic finale gives us reason to anticipate Semple’s follow-up novel.”

— John Marshall,
Seattle Post-Intelligencer

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Copyright Acknowledgments

The author is grateful for permission to use excerpts from the following works:

“This One Is Mine,” from the Penguin publication
The Gift: Poems by Hafiz,
copyright © 1999 by Daniel Ladinsky and used with his permission. “Enter Sandman,” written by James Hetfield, Lars Ulrich, and Kirk Hammett. Lyrics reprinted with permission of Creeping Death Music © 1991. “Whiskey River,” words and music by J. B. Shinn III. Copyright © 1972 (Renewed 2002) Full Nelson Music, Inc. All rights controlled and administered by EMI Longitude Music. All rights reserved. International copyright secured. Used by permission. “Losing My Mind” from
Follies,
written by Stephen Sondheim. Used by permission of Herald Square Music, Inc., on behalf of Range Road Music, Inc., Jerry Leiber Music, Mike Stoller Music, Rilting Music, Inc., and Burthen Music Company, Inc. “My Funny Valentine,” music by Richard Rodgers, lyric by Lorenz Hart. Copyright © 1937 Chappell & Co., Inc. Copyright renewed. Copyright assigned to Williamson Music and WB Music Corp. for the extended renewal period of copyright in the USA. International copyright secured. All rights reserved.
Goodnight Moon
© 1947 by Harper & Row. Text © renewed 1975 by Roberta Brown Rauch. Illustrations © renewed 1975 by Edith Hurd, Clement Hurd, John Thacher Hurd, and George Hellyer, as Trustees of the Edith & Clement Hurd 1982 Trust. Used by permission of HarperCollins Publishers. “Sultans of Swing,” by Mark Knopfler. Copyright © 1978 Straitjacket Songs Ltd. (PRS). All rights for the US and Canada administered by Almo Music Corp. (ASCAP). Used by permission. All rights reserved. “Not While I’m Around” from
Sweeney Todd
. Music and lyrics by Stephen Sondheim. Copyright © 1979 Rilting Music, Inc. All rights administered by WB Music Corp. All rights reserved. Used by permission of Alfred Publishing Co., Inc.
Scarface,
courtesy of Universal Studios Licensing, LLLP. “Tiny Dancer,” by Elton John and Bernie Taupin. Copyright © 1970 Dick James Music Ltd. (PRS). Copyright renewed. All rights for the US and Canada administered by Universal—Songs Of Poly-Gram Int., Inc. (BMI). Used by permission. All rights reserved. “Now” from
A Little Night Music
. Words and music by Stephen Sondheim. Copyright © 1973 (Renewed) Rilting Music, Inc. All rights administered by WB Music Corp. All rights reserved. Used by permission of Alfred Publishing Co., Inc. “Company” and “Sorry-Grateful” from
Company,
written by Stephen Sondheim. Used by permission of Herald Square Music, Inc., on behalf of Range Road Music, Inc., Jerry Leiber Music, Mike Stoller Music, and Rilting Music, Inc.

Contents

WELCOME

DEDICATION

MAP

EPIGRAPH

CHAPTER ONE

CHAPTER TWO

CHAPTER THREE

CHAPTER FOUR

CHAPTER FIVE

CHAPTER SIX

CHAPTER SEVEN

CHAPTER EIGHT

CHAPTER NINE

CHAPTER TEN

CHAPTER ELEVEN

CHAPTER TWELVE

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

TEDDY

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

READING GROUP GUIDE

A CONVERSATION WITH THE AUTHOR OF
THIS ONE IS MINE

QUESTIONS AND TOPICS FOR DISCUSSION

BOOKS I LOVE: A LIST COMPILED BY MARIA SEMPLE

EXUBERANT PRAISE FOR MARIA SEMPLE’S
THIS ONE IS MINE

NEWSLETTERS

COPYRIGHT ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

COPYRIGHT

Copyright

This book is a work of fiction. The events described are imaginary, and all of the characters are fictitious. Some celebrity names appear in the novel in order to place the story in a modern cultural perspective, but these names are used fictitiously and in an imaginary context. Any resemblance in this novel to real events or people, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended to portray any actual persons or to suggest that any of the incidents ever happened.

Copyright © 2008 by Maria Semple

Reading group guide copyright © 2010 by Maria Semple and Little, Brown and Company

Cover design and illustrations by Keith Hayes

Cover © 2013 Hachette Book Group, Inc.

All rights reserved. In accordance with the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, the scanning, uploading, and electronic sharing of any part of this book without the permission of the publisher constitute unlawful piracy and theft of the author’s intellectual property. If you would like to use material from the book (other than for review purposes), prior written permission must be obtained by contacting the publisher at [email protected]. Thank you for your support of the author’s rights.

Little, Brown and Company

Hachette Book Group

237 Park Avenue, New York, NY 10017

littlebrown.com

twitter.com/littlebrown

facebook.com/littlebrownandcompany

First ebook edition: March 2010

Copyright acknowledgments appear
here
.

The publisher is not responsible for websites (or their content) that are not owned by the publisher.

The Hachette Speakers Bureau provides a wide range of authors for speaking events. To find out more, go to hachettespeakersbureau.com or call (866) 376-6591.

ISBN 978-0-316-04285-7

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