This Regret (32 page)

I nod my head and walk away from the old man, leaving him
standing by my truck. If Kades in there hotheaded and pissed off, then there’s a chance he might be giving Phoenix some shit. I’m not letting that crap go down. Not while I’m here.

I yank the heavy metal door of the side entrance open and step into the dim bar. The place is quiet, not too busy for it being a band night. There’s a group of men playing a game of pool, a small group by one of the dart boards, and a few ladies chatting at the bar.

I take a quick glance around the room to see if I can spot Phoenix but all I see is Kade, behind the bar playing with his phone. It takes him a few minutes before he looks up, spotting me, as I take a seat in one of the stools. As soon as he notices me, he slams his phone onto the register and leans above it, gripping the counter. “Are you shitting me? You just can’t stay away can you?” He turns to face me, his face red in anger. I guess I’ll never make a good impression with my little bro again. Not that I can blame him. I hate
myself
most of the time. “Don’t you have some tattoos or some shit to give? Whatever you’ve been doing for the last eight years. You should go.”

I stare at him while pulling out my wallet and digging through it for cash. I grab a twenty and place it on the bar. “Two shots of Jack, my man.”

His lip curls up into a half smirk, as he looks me in the eye. Then without a word, he walks away and pours the two shots. He tosses the empty bottle into the trash and then slams the glasses down in front of me. I pull one shot in front of me and push the other in front of him. He looks hesitant but finally grabs the shot slamming it back as I slam mine. He only eyes me as he grabs the twenty and walks away. “I’m keeping the change.”

“Yeah, well I figured you would. You always had a thing for stealing my change around the house.”

“Yeah, well you were never very good at hiding it. What can I say?”

I run my finger over the rim of the glass while leaning over the bar. The women beside me look over and smile. Out of respect, I greet them. “Hey Ladies.” I have no interest in talking with them though. I turn my attention back to Kade. “You plan on hating me forever?”

Opening another bottle of Jack, he slams it down before grabbing two more shot glasses and filling them up. “There’s a huge chance in that, big bro. It’s kind of hard to get over eight years. Some just aren’t as forgiving as Phoenix seems to be.” He sets a glass down in front of me and raises the other one in the air. “Here’s to you fucking Phoenix over in more ways than one.”

I watch him as he tilts the glass back and swallows the shot. Then I hold mine up with a smirk. “And here’s to making her scream my name.” I slam it back and run my tongue over my ring. “In more ways than one.”

I shouldn’t have said that, but I’m beyond pissed. She doesn’t belong to him. I will never allow it and he needs to know it.

Just then, Phoenix walks out, her color instantly draining from her face as she tries to focus on what one of her customers is saying.
For my sake, I hope she doesn’t try to focus too hard, because he looks just her type.

Damn she’s so beautiful . . .

Chapter Sixteen

Phoenix

I can almost
feel
the color drain from my face as my eyes instantly seek out Kellan, who just so happens to be sitting on a bar stool across from where Kade is standing.
Damn he makes that bar stool look hot, as weird as it sounds.
The way his right leg is hiked up on the foot railing, bent at the knee, his jeans fitting just right, hugging those sexy thighs of his.
Oh, how I want to dig my nails into their thickness and trail kisses down that perfect body of his.
Then that black shirt, so fit and snug, revealing the curves of his defined chest that I didn’t even bother running my hands up. I could kick my own ass.
Ugh! Why?
I swear this is torture.

Seeing him here, right now, is not what I expected. A part of me wishes he would pull me into the back office and do dirty things to me on top of that desk. I clench my legs at the thought. A girl can dream, which brings me back to the present. He really seemed like he had things he had to get done earlier.

Now that I see him sitting here with a change of clothing, looking sexy as hell, I can’t help but to wonder if he truly was finishing up a tattoo today. I'm sure he could have any girl he wanted. Maybe he was with some girl and he changed to get her smell off his clothing. It wouldn't surprise me, but the thought somehow infuriates me. I will rip a girl’s nipples off for touching him. I really need to stop this before I drive myself crazy. He’s a free man. Just because we had sex, does not mean I have any claim to him. I need to remind myself this before I get hurt.

I can feel the tension in the room thicken as both the boys look my direction and suddenly, I feel as if I can’t even breathe.
This cannot be good. Not good at all.

“Hey, baby. “It’s been a long time.”

It takes a minute for my mind to register someone is talking to me and even when it does, I still keep my eyes in front of me as I reach out and grip the edge of the table. “Yeah, you need another beer,” I ask in a whisper. “I’ll be right back.”

“No, wait . . .
”

I take off without even paying attention to what just came out of my mouth or his mouth, actually. I can’t even think straight. I feel like I’m drunk, yet all I’ve had is water.
Is the water here spiked? No, it has to just be him
. I need to see why he’s here. It can’t be for me, unless something happened to Jen. She hasn’t responded to me in a while, actually.
Crap!

As I approach, Kellan stares at me from his stool while playing with the empty glass in front of him. His eyes are dark, fierce and almost tormented as he fights some kind of internal battle, never taking his eyes away from mine. It’s as if he’s trying to read my mind to figure something out.

I stop right in front of him and look between the two men. They both look as if they’re waiting on something, so I decide to break the awkward silence. I can’t take it. Focusing my attention on Kellan, I ask, “Have you talked to Jen? She hasn’t answered my texts in a while. I’m beginning to worry. Is she all right?”

The tension in the room deepens as Kade eyes his older brother waiting on a response. He looks pissed. I guess I sort of forgot to mention to him what happened with Nate. With all of the hate Kade's been spitting at me tonight, I guess i
t kind of slipped my mind.

Standing, Kellan pushes the bar stool behind him and reaches out as if he’s about to touch my lips, but then stops, leaning his arm on top of the bar instead. His eyes linger over to Kade before he turns back to me. “I talked to Tyler on the way here and he said Jen and Jax have been sound asleep for the last hour. You don’t need to worry. I can promise you Nate will not be coming back and if he does, Tyler will take care of him. They’re safe, trust me.”

“Are you sure of that?” Kade puts in his two cents, clearly pissed off that he wasn’t included. “I’m not so sure we can trust you,” he admits. He looks to me as if I’m the one that said it in the first place. “Right, Phoenix?”

I get ready to answer, until a voice I recognize so well interrupts. A voice I used to love hearing in the middle of the night, when I woke up full of sweat, wanting to run off to the Ranch. A voice that used to make me smile and laugh, even when inside I didn’t feel it. A voice I told myself I would be okay with never hearing again. Aiden Lane, my first and only serious boyfriend. The one I gave myself to.

“Phoenix.” I feel a hand on my shoulder, soft and gentle. He was always so gentle with me as if I was made of glass and would shatter with one wrong move. That made me feel so vulnerable and weak. Back then, I was weak.

“Aiden,” I whisper in surprise.

The look on the boys’ faces when I whisper that name is almost enough to kill. I know Kade remembers him, but Kellan, I’m not so sure of. I know for a fact he has no idea he’s my ex.

Pools of emotions swarm through me as I turn around and set my eyes on his charmingly handsome face. He’s standing there smiling as if seeing me is the best part of his day. It always had been.

His bright emerald eyes light up as his beautiful smile broadens. His chestnut hair is short, spiked slightly in the front in a sexy carefree way that makes me remember what it was like running my fingers through it at night. He’s wearing a mint green polo that looks beautiful against his tanned skin, paired off with a pair of pale blue jeans that rest perfectly against his pair of white Vans. He’s just as delicious as I remember and seeing him almost makes it feel as if he never left. The day he left, I was heartbroken. I cried for weeks.

He holds his arms out for me as he did in the past, knowing I would fall into them every time. I go to them without question and he hugs me tightly, rocking me back and forth. “I was hoping I could still find you here.” He pulls away and grabs my arms. “How have you been? Do you have a minute?” He looks beside him at Kade and nods his head. “Kade. Good to see you.” Then he turns to Kellan, who is standing there with a blank expression. He hesitates for a moment before finally speaking. “Aiden.” He holds out his hand for Kellan to shake and he takes it, squeezing tightly with hard eyes.

“Kellan. A friend of Phoenix’s,” he says stiffly while shaking his hand. “Are you from around here, Aiden?”

I pull Kellan’s hand away from Aiden’s and laugh nervously. That shake didn’t seem too friendly. “Aiden used to live here, but he moved about a year ago for his job. It involved a lot of traveling.”

“Actually, I just moved back. That’s why I’m here.” Aiden reaches over and brushes a piece of hair behind my ear. Somehow, that gets me nervous. It feels just a little too intimate and I’m already completely confused as it is. “I was hoping I could get a moment alone with you.” He turns to the boys and flashes them a smile. “If you boys don’t mind, of course. I don’t mean to me rude.”

Kade snickers before running his tongue over his teeth with a look of disgust. For some reason, he always hated Aiden. “Of course not, old friend. I have some ladies to tend to anyways.” He looks at me harshly. “Excuse me while I do my job.” Then he walks over to, no doubt, charm the women that have been staring at both him and Kellan this whole time.

I tilt my head and bite my tongue. That asshole. There’s not one damn person in this whole bar that needs a drink. I know how to do my job. I could reach out and punch him in the throat. I bet those girls would get a kick out of that.

Pulling out the stool, Kellan plops his butt back down on it and gives us a nod as if saying he’s cool with it. Then he reaches behind the bar and pulls out a bottle of Whiskey.

I clear my throat and focus on Aiden. “Sure, Aiden. Sorry,” I whisper embarrassed. “Let’s go over here where it’s quiet.”

I lead him over to a table in the back corner of the room. The whole time we’re walking, my heart is pounding against my ribcage. When he left, we were madly in love. We only broke it off because of his need to travel. Seeing him now, I can’t help but to wonder where we would be if he never left or if I had gone with him when he asked. I couldn’t. I wouldn’t leave Adric. Alba is where my heart will always be.

“So . . .
Aiden. Wow, you look really good.”
And he does.
I smile up at him before leaning in to give him another hug. I don’t know why I feel the need to do this, but I do. With him, I know I always can. With Kellan, not so much. I want to touch him, but I’m afraid. Afraid he won’t want me to or that he will want me to. I can’t figure it out. With Aiden, it was always easy.

His arms tighten around me as his lips meet the back of my head, soft and gentle. “It feels so good to hold you, baby. I’ve missed touching you so much.”

I pull away nervously and lean against the table behind me. I almost miss it, but somehow catch myself before looking like an idiot.
Thank goodness
. I look over toward the bar, unable to fight the urge to see if Kellans still here and watching. He’s still in the same spot, his eyes focused directly on us, looking on edge as he tilts back the bottle of Whiskey. He’s definitely watching. That makes me nervous. “So you’re back,” I say changing the subject. “What are you doing back? Not that it’s a bad thing. It’s just . . . I thought you said you would never move back to this crappy town.”

He lets out a chuckle and rubs his hands together. It was always a nervous habit of his. It used to drive me nuts. “You want the truth?” He looks down to meet my eyes and I look up nervously, unsure of the answer.

“The truth is always a good place to start.” Wish I had the nerve to tell Kellan that. “Is your mom sick again?”

He reaches out and grabs my hand, his thumb rubbing mine. “No, she’s fine. I missed you.” He swallows and places his other hand on top of mine and squeezes it. “Business didn’t go quite the way I plan
ned and it made me realize I was stupid to leave in the first place. I loved you. Hell, I still do, Phoenix.”

“Umm . . .
” I swallow and look over toward the bar again and notice Kellan beginning to stand up. He’s probably about to leave and I didn’t even get a chance to be close to him.
I’m a fool for even caring.
“I wasn’t expecting this, Aiden. I don’t know what to say.”