This Time Around (Maybe) (9 page)

Such a dork.

*****

A timid knock at the door makes me cease my
workout. I do another five push-ups and then walk briskly to the door, opening it widely without even bothering to look through the peephole.

“Long night?” I ask a tired looking
Taiya. Her hair is piled on her head, unlike before she left, and her eye makeup a little smeared. She still looks fucking beautiful. I see her eyes roam over my bare chest hungrily, and I wait quietly as she takes her fill.

“You could say that. We got in a few hours ago and I fell asleep on
Summer’s couch,” she says as she finally looks up, wrinkling her nose.

“Why didn’t you go home?” I ask, considering she lives in the same building.

“Summer insisted I come over and give her a few dance lessons,” she says, shaking her head. “It’s a long story.”

I’ll bet it is. I realise we are standing there talking at the door, so I quickly invite her in. She walks in barefoot, carrying those sexy shoes in her hands.

“Want some water or juice?” I ask her as she walks into the kitchen.

“Not juice,” she says, her face paling.

I grin. “Too many screwdrivers last night, huh?”

“I never want to drink orange juice again,” she says, her tone deadly serious.

I laugh. “You never want to drink orange juice again? How about never drinking vodka again?”

She looks at me like I’m crazy. “Let’s not say anything we can’t take back
, Ryan,” she says, putting her hands up in a ‘calm down’ motion. I get her a bottle of cold water out of the fridge, open it and hand it to her.

“Still fucking crazy I see,” I murmur as she gulps the water down.
I stare at her delicate neck and throat as she swallows. To me, Taiya is as she’s always been. A perfect mixture of sweet and feisty, and so full of life.

She
puts the bottle down and raises an eyebrow. “You getting old, Ry?”

“Is that a challenge?” I ask her. “Honestly
, I don’t drink much. Working in a bar has put me off.”

“Me either,” she admits. “Dancing and drinking don’t mix.”

“Really?” I scoff.

She laughs, and the sound is music to my ears. “I mean teaching dance classes, being a dancer and wanting to be my best physically, and drinking don’t mix,” she clarifies.

I give her an obvious once over. “You sure are at your peak.”

She makes a tsk
tsk noise, before her expression clears. “I believe you wanted to talk.”

“I did. I mean, I do,” I say, the air in the room changing. Gone is the light conversation, and something deeper and darker takes over. I clear my throat. “I think we need to start at the beginning.”

She tilts her head. “What is there to say? We were high school sweethearts, got married earlier than we should have. You never got to sow your wild oats, so you did it behind my back when we were married,” she says, shrugging like it’s no big deal, but I don’t miss the flash of pain before she’s able to mask it.

“I never cheated on you
, Taiya,” I tell her, being completely honest.

“
Right,” she scoffs. “You wanted to have your cake and eat it too. What, a nice little wifey at home, and some bitch on the side?” she yells, her cheeks flushing in anger. She stands up. “Do you know what? Fuck, this was a mistake.”

“This is d
éjà vu, isn’t it? You turning your back on me, walking away without giving me even one minute to explain,” I snap, losing my composure, desperate for her to hear me out.

“Well
, as soon as I left, you just proved my theory, didn’t you? Having sex with anyone, proving to me that that’s what you really wanted! The few friends I had in school loved to tell me on social networks exactly what you were getting up to. After a while, I shut everything down and cut them all out of my life because I didn’t want to hear anymore!”

“Is that what you think?” I ask her, my eyes widening in shock.

She puts her hands on her hips. “What else am I supposed to think? Your actions speak louder than words, Ryan.” This is the conversation we should have had a long time ago. These are old wounds resurfacing and still causing lasting damage. Still inflicting pain.

“I made a mistake by pushing you away
, but I never slept with anyone until you left me,” I say softly, but with conviction. I rub the bridge of my nose when I look at her face, knowing that she still doesn’t believe me. “Have I ever lied to you before?”

“Not that I know of,” she says, biting her plump bottom lip.

“It’s because I didn’t lie, Tay. I still messed up,” I admit, swallowing hard. “She kissed me; that’s it. I swear.”

“I know she did
, Ryan, because I saw it,” she says, her beautiful green eyes pooling with tears.

“What?” I ask, dreading the answer.

She stands. “I have to go,” she whispers, not looking directly at me.

“Tay, don’t go, please,” I beg, coming closer to her.

She puts her hands up to stop me. “I feel like I’m right back there, watching the love of my life kissing
her
. Why did it have to be her?” she says, in a low tone that scares me. She glances up at me, her eyes lacking their usual sparkle. “Now I remember why I left. You’re a fucking asshole, and you broke my heart.”

“It was just a kiss,” I tell her, reaching out and pulling her into me. She stills, but doesn’t push me away. Thank fuck she doesn’t, because I don’t think I could handle that right now. “Just one kiss, a mistake. Biggest mistake in my life because I lost you.”

“Biggest mistake because you got caught, more likely,” she says into my chest. Does she really think of me like this? Does one stupid kiss, because I was messed up that day, turn me into an untrustworthy cheater in her eyes? Will I be branded that way forever? I’m going to show her, prove to her that she’s the only woman I will ever want.

“Forgive me,” I whisper into her ear, running my hands down her arms.

“I really think we should finalise the divorce and move on with our lives, Ryan,” she says, unable to look me in the eye as she speaks.

“And I think we should fight for each other, because we both deserve that. We owe it to each other Tay, to try and fix this,” I say, silently pleading that she wants to try and work on us. I can fight for the both of us, but I want her to want this too.

“I don’t know, Ryan,” she says, sighing dejectedly.  She smells like apples, with a hint of alcohol and smoke. “Have you been smoking?” I ask, surprised. Taiya used to hate smoking with a passion.

“I may have picked up a habit or two,” she admits, nuzzling my chest. “Can we talk about the rest of this later? I just want to go home, have a shower and sleep.”

“Okay, come on. I’ll walk you home.”

Chapter Eleven

Taiya

I rub my forehead, willing the headache away. Why did I drink so much last night? Oh
, right, I was both trying to not think about Ryan and gathering courage to finally face him at the same time. I roll over, digging my face into my soft feather pillow. Luckily, I don’t have to work today, and I don’t have anything planned apart from cleaning my apartment and dinner with my mum.

The talk today with Ryan didn’t go as I’d envisioned. I wanted to keep him at arm’s length, listen to his excuses
, but not let them change my mind about not wanting to be with him. The bottom line was that I saw him, with her wrapped around him, their lips connected. I can’t get that picture out of my head, no matter how much I want to. Some other women might feel differently, and think, well, it’s only a kiss. But to me, it was something more.

Ryan and I were each other’s first kisses. Until that moment, I was the only woman he’d ever kissed. Maybe that was why he did it
. Maybe he wanted to experiment, to see what it was like to kiss another woman. I don’t know what was going on in his head, and the truth was, I never let him tell me so I could figure it out. I know I should have heard him out, been rational, but after witnessing that, I kind of blocked it out. My walls instantly went up, and to be honest, I kind of felt sorry for myself. Was it something I did? Why her? All these kinds of questions ran through my head, and then after a while, I just got plain pissed off. No, it wasn’t my fault. No there is nothing wrong with me. It was his decisions, and his actions, his mistake. I don’t control his actions, he does. I like to think of myself as a strong woman, so when I started questioning myself, I felt as though I was losing myself. Like I had become weak, and so dependent on Ryan that I couldn’t function without him. That’s why I left. I needed to get away, sort my shit out, and stop sulking. Women’s hearts get broken every day. So I became a statistic. Other women got through it, and so could I. Our conversation resurfaced old wounds, and we didn’t even get to finish it.

Stretching my arms over my head and arching my back, I slide into a sitting position. Last night was really fun. It was so good to catch up with Reid, and
Summer was a blast. Reid really hit the jackpot with that one. Isis had a good time too, if the table dancing was any indication. I’m surprised she ended up going home alone after all the male attention she was getting. One guy tried to get grabby with me and Reid quickly stepped in, handling the situation like a pro. I don’t think anyone with a penis dared to even look at Summer with the protective vibes Reid was throwing off. I’ve never seen him act like that before in all the years that I’ve known him. I think it’s freaking cute how he calls Summer ‘beauty,’ and he’s also majorly bulked up and now looks like a badass. I made him dance with me to one song, and when it was over, he spoke to me about Ryan. There, in the middle of a club, we have a deep and meaningful. I love my brother-in-law. Reid and I had always been close, throughout high school, and after, when Ryan and I married. It sucked having to cut him out of my life when I left Ryan. I thought he’d be mad at me, but surprisingly he wasn’t.

I
force myself to get out of bed, and head straight for the kitchen.

“
Good morning,” Isis says, her voice thick with sleep. She’s wearing a plain white T-shirt that reaches mid-thigh and that’s it.

“Morning,” I mumble, grabbing some water out of the fridge.

“Did you have fun last night?” she asks, eyeing me curiously.

“I did. You?” I ask
, after I swallow a mouthful of water.

She chews
her toast and swallows before she replies, “I had a blast.”

“Yes, the table dancing kind of gave that away,” I tease, my lips curving slightly.

She laughs. “Good times.”

“I’ll bet. I saw you talking to Tag,” I say, lifting my brow.

“How fucking hot is he?” she says, her eyes flaring. “How did it go with Ryan? I hope you guys made up.”

I guess my silence was answer enough. “Seriously?” she says slowly, dragging out the word.

“It’s complicated.”

“I bet Tag’s really uncomplicated,” she says, a dreamy look on her face.

I laugh, knowing how far from the truth that is. “Did he seem interested?”

“Do you even have to ask me that?” she says, mock pouting.

“Sorry, I forgot how modest you were,” I tell her, my voice laced with sarcasm.

She blinks at me twice. “Is that an old shirt of Ryan’s?” she asks, staring at my T-shirt. It used to be his favourite T-shirt and I took to sleeping in it. I still do.

My face heats. “Yes.”

“You have it bad, girl,” she says, shaking her head.

I clear my throat. “We’ll see.”

“What’s the plans for today?” she asks, cutting up a mango.

“Cleaning, remember. Then I’m going to check on Mum and have dinner with her.”

She sighs heavily
, “I hate cleaning.”

“
I know you do.” That’s why I never go into her room unless it’s a life or death situation. On the plus side, she’s pretty handy in the kitchen, so I don’t mind picking up her slack with cleaning, because she picks up mine with cooking.

I glance at the time. “It’s already one, holy shit.”

“I know. We need longer to recover. Not as young as we used to be,” she says, biting the little squares she made on her piece of mango.

“That mango looks good
.”

“Want some?” she asks, grinning.

“Yep,” I say, popping the P, my eyes not leaving the fruit. A knock at the door startles me, diverting my attention. Isis and I stare at each other before looking down at our T-shirts and panties. Clearly we aren’t dressed for company. I shrug, and walk to the door, opening it about an inch.

“Hey,” I say, taken aback. I didn’t expect to see him again so soon.

“Hey, can we talk for a second?” he says, looking a little unsure.

“
Ummm,” I mumble, before making a second decision and opening the door.

“Nice T-shirt,” he says, grinning as he walks into the house.
Well, shit. If that didn’t give me away, I don’t know what will. I clear my throat, and avoid looking into his knowing eyes.