Three Loving Words (28 page)

“You’ve always had it.  I just didn’t know how to show you.”

“Then how could you mess with my life like that?”

“You were growing up way too quickly and you were about to go off to college.  I didn’t know what to do.  I panicked.  You had been the perfect child, the perfect teenager.  I was afraid that once you had a taste of some freedom, you’d either go wild or shut down even more.  I didn’t want either to happen.  Neither did your mother; she was so worried about you, too.”

“You could have just told me.”

“We didn’t know how,” he admitted softly as if ashamed.  “I was also concerned about who you’d end up with.  I know you had planned some fairy-tale life as your escape.  I didn’t want you to find a man who fit a checklist and stay with him because you thought you couldn’t get better.”

“That wouldn’t have happened.”

“You’re right. It might not have happened, but like I said, I panicked.  My irrational fears didn’t seem so irrational then.  I was expressing my concerns to Gerry, who had some worries of his own.  Enzo grew up differently than you, but with regards to his insecurities and his family life, he would understand what you went through.  He’d be not just a husband, but also a partner.  I knew he was going through a rough patch, but I had known that boy all his life.  He wasn’t a bad guy.  Underneath his hard exterior, he had a wonderful soul.  I knew at the very least he could show you a world you wouldn’t open for yourself.”

“He did,” I whispered quietly, hating that everything my father was saying was so true.  I scrubbed at my face, willing the tears to stop, but they seemed to have a mind of their own.

“I know … I know.  I’m sorry for the way I had to go about it, but you’re happier than you’ve ever been.  You’re still fulfilling your dreams.  You’re still working hard, and now, you have a family to support you while you do that.  So I’m sorry if this isn’t what you want to hear, Paige, but am I sorry I did it?  No. If that makes you hate me for the rest of my life, then so be it. As long as you’re happy.  If I got to see you smile the way you do with Enzo, I’d do it a thousand times over.  I know that’s not what you want to hear, but that’s the truth. Your happiness means more to me than your hatred of me.”  I looked into his eyes, seeing the sincerity there as tears spilled over, matching my own expression.

He truly meant everything he said; he really believed it all.  How could I hate him for that?  How could I hate him for doing what he thought would ensure my happiness?

I was across the small space and hugging my dad before I could even realize what I was doing.  “I don’t hate you, Daddy.  I don’t hate you.”  I heard him sobbing as he clutched me, his shoulders sagging with relief.

“I love you so much, Paige.  I’m sorry you never felt that way, but I’ve always loved you, baby girl.”

“I love you, too.”

“Thanks, Daddy,” I whispered into his shoulder as he hugged me loosely, his body trying to maneuver around my wedding dress.

“I think I like this look much better.” He chuckled as we pulled away.  I knew he was referring to the wedding five years before.

“Me too.” I smiled. “I hope Enzo does.”

“Enzo would be okay marrying you in a potato sack as long as you walked down the aisle toward him.”  My dad spoke the truth. The past seven months had been indescribable and had flown by too quickly.  But in that time, my love for Enzo grew tenfold and I was never more sure of his love for me.  We spent the first month catching up on lost time, staying in and just enjoying time together.  Of course, that included some “Oh, Enzo.”  Oh, who was I kidding, it included a lot of “Oh, Enzo.”  We also told each other more stories about ourselves than I can even count.  I learned all about Enzo’s childhood, and he learned about mine.  Some stories were better than others were, but I definitely felt like we understood each other more after that.

The rest of the time was spent in a bliss like I never thought I’d experience.  We were dating in a sense, the new relationship phase, but we were already comfortable with each other like people who had been married for over four years.  We went on typical dates, we had romantic dinners together, we had quick takeout together, and we got together with our families and with our friends.  I finally “met” Enzo’s friends.  Enzo spent the entire time practically growling at them and telling them to keep their hands off me and their flirting to themselves.  He even made me go to the bathroom with him when he needed to go just so I wouldn’t be left alone “with those animals.”  After that initial meeting, though, they were perfect gentlemen, which had me realizing they were just ribbing him the first time.

Of course, a major part of the time was spent preparing for the baby, from doctor’s appointments to turning a room into a nursery to the baby shower our moms, Nora, and Chandra planned for me to the actual delivery. Then after our precious baby was born, there was barely any sleep but neither Enzo nor I would have it any other way.

“There’s Mommy,” my mom walked into the suite holding my beautiful baby boy.

Enzo had taken him earlier that morning and dropped him off with Gerry so all the women could get ready.  Since then, all the grandparents had taken turns watching him while I got ready for my big moment.

“Did you miss me?” I asked as I took him from my mom’s arms.

“Paige, no, he’ll spit up and ruin your dress.”

“No, he won’t. Will you, little guy?” I asked.

The day Enzo Junior, whom we call EJ, was born was the happiest day of my life.  Don’t get me wrong, my renewal wedding day was a very, very close second, but it was still second to the day EJ came into our lives.

When we found out we were having a boy, Enzo did some kind of weird laugh-cry thing.  “I’d be happy with a girl, too,” he’d told me, “but I’m so thankful I don’t have to worry about beating off little shits like me when she gets older.”

“Don’t get excited yet, baby number two might be a girl,” I teased.

“If you’re willing to have more kids with me after this one, they can all be girls.” He grinned and kissed me.  “And I want as many as you’ll give me.”

“Let’s get through this pregnancy first.”

When I told Enzo I wanted to name our kid after him, he was hesitant.  “I’m not the greatest guy.  Not sure if I deserve that kind of honor.”

“You’re the best guy I know, Enzo.  It will be our boy’s honor to be named after you.”

He still wasn’t convinced, but I wore him down.  EJ was born two weeks early and came in the middle of the night.  “Enzo.” I’d shook him lightly, but he didn’t stir.  “Enzo, my water just broke,” I’d told him and he shot right up.

“Okay, don’t panic. I’ll get the car, and we’ll head to the hospital.”  He’d started running around the room, throwing clothes on and grabbing the bag I had prepared as he rushed out the door.  He’d looked like a chicken with his head cut off, and I couldn’t help the giggle that escaped my lips.  He came back into the room as I finished getting dressed and tried to lead me out to the car.  I stood firmly, though.

“What’s wrong?  Is the baby okay?  Do I need to carry you?” The panic on his face was almost endearing.

“Enzo, you know I’m used to women gawking at you, but I think I might have an issue with them staring at you with no pants on.”

“What?” Enzo asked as he looked down, realizing he was only in boxers.  He blushed a million shades of red, and that was only the second time I’d ever seen that happen.  I’d captured that memory and held it close for all my life.  He scrambled to put on pants and we headed to the hospital.  Enzo called the family and friends and they all came and waited until EJ was ready to make his presence.  I was in labor for five hours before the little guy finally arrived.  When I saw Enzo hold him for the first time with his salty tears falling down his face, his smile from ear to ear, I knew life couldn’t get any better.  And then I got to hold my son, feel his beating heart mixing with mine, my husband staring down at us whispering words of love to the two people who mattered most, and suddenly, life got even better.

“I thought you’d want to see him before the ceremony started,” my mom told me as my thoughts drifted back the present.

“Thanks, Mom.”

“But now, it’s time to go back to Grandpa Gerry and Grandma Connie.”  She took him from my arms and left shortly before coming back to walk me down the aisle with my dad.

*****

“I’m so happy for you,” Chandra told me before she walked down the aisle.  “And this is good practice for me,” she teased.  Her wedding was two months later.

“You’re perfect, P,” Nora said and laid a light kiss on my cheek before taking her turn down the aisle as well.

“You ready?” my dad asked.

“Been ready,” I told him, and I was serious.

My dad looped his arm around my left, and my mom looped hers around my right.  Then I walked through the door to a collective gasp followed by clapping.  I smiled through my tears, and then my heart literally skipped a beat when my eyes found Enzo.  The pure joy, awe, pride, and even a hint of lust I saw there was enough to stop my heart, but I guess it knew it should keep beating until I reached him.  I had seen him look at me like that a million times, but this time, it was more intense, somehow enhanced.

When I finally reached him and he kissed and hugged my parents before leading me to the gazebo, he whispered, “Breathtaking,” so low only I could hear.

“You like the dress?” I asked quickly.  “It’s white this time.”  As if he couldn’t tell.

“Much better than the black.” He smiled.  “In fact, I love you in white.  It’s perfect.  No more black ever.”

I laughed and then the ceremony began.

It went by in a flash, and I barely remember any of it. I was too focused on my husband to think of the outside world.  What I did remember was our vows.

“Five years ago, I thought my life had ended,” I started with my hands in Enzo’s.  “I didn’t realize it had only just begun because I got you.  And now, I get to marry someone who not only filled the emptiness in my soul I didn’t know was there, but also became a phenomenal partner, an even better father, and the second half of my heart.  You are supportive, protective, caring, and loving.  You are everything I dreamed of in a life partner and more.  Every day, I thank my lucky stars to have you in my life and I love you more with each one.” Enzo pulled me to him and planted a kiss on my lips before the officiant declared it was time to kiss me.

“When I was growing up, it’s not that I didn’t believe in love, I just didn’t believe it was something I was capable of finding.  You changed all that.  You came into my life, a firecracker with a heart more pure than heaven, and showed me what it’s like to open up and let someone in.  When I pushed, you shoved right back.  You didn’t let me become the man I could have been but instead helped me become the man who has the honor of your love.  That is the greatest gift you have given me – your love.  I will spend every day for eternity trying to be worthy of it, trying to be worthy of our son and any future kids we will have, trying to be worthy of you.  I love you so much that sometimes it hurts to breathe because of how much it consumes my body is consumed, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.  Thank you for solidifying our vows with me in front of the people we care about the most.  Thank you simply for you.”  This time, I reached in for a kiss.

“We’ll never get to the part where you truly get to kiss each other if you keep this up,” the officiant joked, and everyone laughed.  The only ones not laughing were Enzo and me, the significance of this moment dawning upon us.  We were exactly where we were five years prior, yet we were miles apart from those two people who’d said, “I do,” before.  Enzo nodded as if he realized what I was thinking.  I wouldn’t change a thing.  If it got me to this point in my life, I wouldn’t change anything.  And neither would he.

Paige

Ten years later…

I watched EJ jumping in the pool at Chandra and Luke’s place while Enzo sat down beside me, a content smile on his face.  Time had flown by so quickly … too quickly, but I was enjoying every second of it.  One minute, EJ was a small little baby, switching off every day between looking like Enzo and me, but then he turned four and was a spitting image of Enzo, and he looked more and more like him every day.  The only thing he got from me were my blue eyes, piercing blue eyes as Enzo called them.  He had admitted to me once that he was pretty sure he was enchanted with them before he even saw the rest of me.  He was a charmer all right, but he was my charmer and every day with him was more and more magical.  I looked back at EJ and my heart was already hurting thinking of all the broken ones he’d leave in his wake.

“Watch out, Jackie,” he called over to our beautiful six-year-old spitfire.  Enzo claimed she was all me, right down to her snark, and boy, did she have an attitude.  “Geez, Mommy,” she had told me the other day with an exaggerated eye roll when I asked her some question I couldn’t remember now.  It was super cute now, but I’d hate for that to translate into her double-digit years.  I blamed Enzo.  He spoiled her rotten.  Jackie had him wrapped around her finger, and the poor guy didn’t even realize it.

“When she gets into trouble in her teens like dear old dad, it will be because you let her get away with everything,” I’d teased him on numerous occasions.

“She’s going to be an angel just like her mother,” he’d respond every time.

After EJ was born, I took some time off work and school, but with help from our parents and a nanny, and with Enzo’s support, I went back and got my Master’s.  Enzo convinced me to come work with him now that he was all but running his family’s company, although I told him anything I said in the bedroom didn’t count.  “Oh God, yes, Enzo,” wasn’t exactly my idea of agreeing, but he was pretty persuasive. It also helped that I was part of running the show, which meant I had flexible hours to spend with my family.  That was what really solidified my consent.  The perks of the job.

Once that was all settled, Enzo announced he wanted another blue-eyed child, to which I responded he’d have one in eight months.  I guess my body knew when it was time before my mind did.  I was lucky I had yet another smooth pregnancy with Jackie and a speedy delivery. When we found out it was a girl, Enzo choked up and made me promise I wouldn’t let her be with a guy like him.  I promised the opposite.  And when Enzo held her in his arms, eyes glassy, smile so bright he could have lit up the room, I knew she would be Daddy’s princess, and my suspicions were right.

“Daddy, watch,” she yelled, and Enzo clapped after she jumped into the pool right after her brother.

“Good job, princess,” he called out, and I looked over at Nora and smiled.  She liked to tease Enzo that he was letting Jackie walk all over him as well.

“Sarah has Damien eating out of the palm of her hand,” he’d retort, referring to Nora’s youngest daughter.

Nora had three kids.  She was pretty sure she got pregnant with baby number one at my vow renewal, and the other two followed one right after another after that.  Mom convinced her to move closer to us so that she could see all her grandkids whenever she wanted.  I was all for that.

My parents and Enzo’s parents were the most involved grandparents I’d ever seen.  They came to every event, from school to sports, to even EJ losing his first tooth.  Where they lacked as parents toward Enzo and me, they made up in spades with our kids, and naturally, our relationships with them improved as well.

“Sami!” I heard Chandra yell and looked up to see Sami floundering in the pool.  Sami was Chandra and Luke’s daughter, and although she was seven, she was only about half a year older than Jackie was.  Chandra and Luke had waited a few years to have kids.  They wanted to settle in, buy a house, and prepare for kids.  They had a hard time conceiving a second time, but they finally had Leo two years ago, and he was currently clinging to Luke’s back in the pool as he struggled to figure out a way to reach Sami while still taking care of Leo.

All the adults had stood up as if part of a collective and ran toward the pool with no thoughts or cares for anything other than getting to Sami. But before any of us could make it there, EJ had jumped in and grabbed her around the waist, dragging her to the edge so they could both hold on until one of us could pull them out.

“What happened?” Chandra asked.

“She slipped while trying to jump in.  I think she hit her arm,” EJ told us, still clinging to Sami while we pulled them both out.

Chandra immediately went to inspect her daughter while EJ patted her arm. “It’s okay, Sami.  Don’t be scared.  You’re okay now.”

She looked at him as if he was her savior, and I was so proud of my boy.

“Thanks, EJ,” she told him as Chandra helped her up and started leading her toward the house so she could get a better look.

Enzo and I followed behind to make sure she was truly all right.  It was when we had just made it to the door that Sami turned. “Uncle Enzo,” she started.

“Yeah, sweet girl?” he asked.

“I’m going to marry EJ one day!” she announced a little louder than she probably wanted to.

“We can make it happen,” he said with a small smile. We heard a chorus of “No” right as he chuckled.

“Leave it to fate,” I whispered.

“I will, but sometimes fate needs a little push,” he responded.

“Don’t you dare, Enzo Faust.” I tried to sound stern, but the playfulness in my voice was hard to mask.

“I love you, Paige,” he told me as he leaned in for a kiss.

“I love you always,” I whispered against his lips.  We had come full circle.  And to think… it had all started with three loving words.