Three Wishes (40 page)

“I know
that
too!” Lily cried and then continued. “But it’s not that. I swear it’s like he wants to fuse with me. I can’t explain it but it isn’t only that. He’s started to look at me like, I don’t know, like he thinks I’m going to… to… disappear, go up in smoke.
Poof!
” She exclaimed, lifting both of her hands to the sides of her face and splaying them dramatically with a whoosh.

Laura’s face slowly lit with understanding and Lily pounced on it immediately.

“What?”

Laura looked toward the coffee house and then back at Lily. Her understanding now tinged with something bittersweet and alarmingly sad, making Lily’s heart beat a little faster in hopes of learning something
and
in fear of what she might learn.

“It’s your anniversary,” she whispered.

“My what?” Lily asked, not expecting to hear
that.

However, whatever Laura was talking about also dawned on Maxine.

“Dearie me, that it is,” Maxine breathed and she, too, looked in the direction of The Dozen, her face contemplative.

“
What?
” Lily exclaimed.

Laura put her hand out to touch Lily’s arm. “My darling, the last time… before…” She broke off and shook her head as if to clear it. Then she closed her eyes for a long moment clearly struggling with herself about something. When she opened them, they were bright and direct. “You disappeared after two weeks.”

Lily stared at her still confused. “And?”

Laura’s hand squeezed Lily’s arm. “And it’s been two weeks,” Laura finished as if that explained everything.

Lily shook her head, still not comprehending and Laura moved closer to her.

“The last time you were together, you disappeared into thin air after two weeks. Nathaniel left home in the morning and you were there. He came back in the evening and you were gone, not a trace of you left, just like you disappeared in a puff of smoke.” She paused as Lily’s eyes widened in understanding. “Now you’ve been back together for two weeks and Nathaniel, well, Nathaniel would know the significance of that. He’d remember it, he remembers everything.”

“But Laura, I didn’t disappear. We…” Lily stopped and bit her lip, then forged ahead. “We don’t have to go into that. But Nate knows that I didn’t go anywhere then and I’m not going anywhere now.”

Maxine chimed in. “The mind plays tricks on us, sweetling. We can know something rationally but not believe it. Trust me, I’m the most irrationally rational person there is, or is that the most rationally irrational?” she asked Laura and Laura gave her a weak smile.

“This is ridiculous, Nate can’t think…” She didn’t finish, couldn’t fathom it. He was there, she was there, Tash was there, the Roberts, even Fazire seemed to be behaving himself, or as close as Fazire could get. Then she started again. “I’m not going to go anywhere.”

Laura cut in. “There are things about Nate you don’t know.”

It was at these words that Lily’s frustration at not knowing about Nate, not understanding why his shields were up, why the impenetrable armour shrouded his heart, broke through like a rocket.

“Yes, you’re right. There is
a lot
that I don’t know about Nate,” she clipped out in a low, angry voice. “A lot he doesn’t say, a lot he doesn’t share. He didn’t let me in eight years ago and he isn’t letting me in now. And not letting me in before meant that he let me go. Do you know what that means for now? How that makes me feel? Especially now, with Tash? I’m living with a complete stranger!”

“Lily –” Laura interrupted but Lily continued, on a roll and it was difficult stopping one of Lily’s rolls.

“He didn’t trust me then and he doesn’t trust me now and I’m telling you, I’m sick of it. I can’t ask, because he won’t tell me. I can’t –”

“Lily –” It was Maxine this time but Lily was not to be stopped.

“It’s like… like, he’s encased in ice
and
a suit of steel. I can’t reach him. Even if I were to try to pick away at it, take a blow torch to it, somehow he’s just… simply…
removed
.”

Laura moved in closer, grabbed both of Lily’s arms and gave her a bit of a shake.

“Lily, quiet!” she whispered urgently. “You’re making a scene and they may come out.”

“I don’t care!” Lily quite liked the idea of a scene. Maybe if she made a scene she might get somewhere.

Laura shook her head again and started to look panicked.

Then Lily grabbed hold of Laura the same way Laura was holding her. “You have to tell me, Laura. If you know what it is, what’s behind that door that Nate has so firmly closed, you have to tell me.”

Laura shook her head, her panic turning strangely to fear.

“Please, you must,” Lily begged.

“I can’t. It’s not my place. He’d never forgive me. He hides it. He puts so much effort into hiding it, like it was wrong, like it was dirty. Yet he seems somehow…
proud
of it. But he’d never forgive me if I told you, never. And, Lily, I couldn’t bear to lose him, he’s the only child I have left.”

There it was again, “wrong” Laura said, “dirty”. And Victor had said “Nathaniel suffered”. All these ominous words that described him and Lily, who he was supposed to be marrying, spending the rest of his life with, who was the mother of his child, didn’t seem to have the right to know.

She’d had enough of the secrets, hints, hedging and silence, she was sick to death of it. Whatever it was caused her to lose him eight years ago and it was pulling her firmly away from him now. Or, more to the point, keeping her distant.

Nate, she instantly decided, wasn’t the only one who could close down. Two could play
that
game.

Lily abruptly let go of Laura and turned back the way they came. “I’m going back to the house.”

“No!” Laura and Maxine exclaimed at the same time. “You can’t go back. You have to stay with him. If you go back he’ll be worried,” Laura went on.

“Let him be worried,” Lily flared. “At least that will mean he feels
something
.”

Laura’s face changed again, this time to motherly disappointment. “Lily, you know that’s not fair. You know that Nathaniel feels
everything
, especially for you.”

“No, Laura, I don’t know that. If he did, he’d trust me with whatever this horrible secret is.” Laura closed her eyes in despair and Lily didn’t wait for her to open them again. “Just tell them I have a headache and that I went back.”

Without waiting for a response, she turned and practically ran back to the house (as much as she could run in flip flops).

Once Lily arrived home, she halted in the entryway and looked around.

She didn’t know what to do. She had nothing
to
do anymore. No chores, no errands, nothing. And that made her frayed temper completely disintegrate.

The master bed chamber, as Fazire sarcastically anointed it, that Nate had commanded wasn’t due to be finished until the next week.

Her office, the only other room upstairs now due to the enormity of the master suite, the living room had been moved to the garden level, that Nate had ordered her to decorate wasn’t finished yet either.

Nate had hired a housekeeper who came in once a week and cleaned and did the laundry and the ironing too, which made Fazire none-too-happy. “What next?” he’d demanded to know. “A chef so I won’t be able to cook either?”

Nate paid the bills. Nate had groceries delivered. His secretary set up an account on the Internet with Waitrose, no less, and all Lily had to do was click on her choices and
voila!
they arrived the next day.

She was, quite simply, overwhelmed by him. He was everywhere, taking control of everything. Or taking
care
of every
one
.

Except he wasn’t there at all.

“Lily?”

It was Nate’s voice and she swung around and glared at him, automatically determined to make some headway, penetrate his shields, get
some
reaction from him,
any
reaction.

He was standing in the inner doorway, the hall was shadowy, the sunlight was coming in behind him and she couldn’t see his face.

“You!” she yelled nonsensically.

He started to move forward, the powerful masculine grace of his movement, and Lily’s admiration of it, somehow grating on her nerves and he ignored her bizarre outburst.

“Laura said you had a headache. Is it a migraine?” His voice was soft and normally she would have thought his concern was sweet.

But she was beyond that now.

“No, it’s not a bloody migraine!” she cried, stamping her foot in frustration.

Nate stopped less than a breath away, his hand reached out to her waist and his fingers bit into her there. Lily could see his face and his concern was plain as day. And still, it didn’t stop her.

“What is it?” he asked, his voice low, his tone guarded.

She should have read it, been more considerate with her words but she wasn’t in the mood.

She grasped his hand at her waist and pulled it up between them.

“It’s this!” she exclaimed. “It’s the housekeeper, the workmen, the decorators! It’s everything!” She finished with, “It’s
you!
”

At that, she abruptly released his hand and watched the shutters instantly go down in his eyes, shielding her from his thoughts, cutting her off.

“That’s it, Nate, close down. I expected no less.” Lily’s voice was edging toward bitter.

He moved into her and Lily stood her ground.

“What’s this about?” His voice was even lower, a different kind of a low, a rumble that was so lethal it skidded across her skin like the flat of a blade.

“You tell me!” she shouted, tilting her head back and moving into him in an unsuccessful attempt to be menacing.

He said nothing. She waited. He still said nothing.

Then she stopped waiting, pulled away and ran up the stairs to their bedroom, threw open the wardrobes a shade hysterically and started to throw her clothes on the bed. She had no reason to do this but it seemed a good attempt at a grand gesture.

If he was worried she’d leave, she’d make him think that she would, she’d force him into the confrontation they should have had eight years ago.

Lily decided a grand gesture was the only thing that would get a reaction from Nate. And, for some reason, she needed a reaction from Nate. She needed it desperately.

She’d thought she could do this, live together and keep her heart apart. But, apparently, she couldn’t. It just wasn’t in her.

Because this was
Nate
. She’d known the instant she laid eyes on him that he was hers.

And he
was
hers. Except, he wasn’t.

On her second pass to the wardrobe, Nate’s hand seized her wrist and he swung her around, clothes flying everywhere.

“Talk to me, damn it,” he snarled, his dark eyes glittering with menace and something else she could not read.

“You’re a fine one to tell
me
to talk to
you
. If you were a superhero, they’d call you Silent Man,” Lily yelled.

He used her wrist to pull her closer and he leaned into her, his face barely an inch from hers. “You were talking to Laura, what did she say?” he bit out and Lily realised he was angry.

No, furious.

And it was barely contained and it scared the hell out of her.

He seemed no longer sophisticated and urbane. He
was
dangerous and predatory.

But still, Lily didn’t heed the warning look in his black eyes.

“Nothing!” she shouted into his face. “Not one damned thing. I asked her about you but she wouldn’t say a word!”

She saw a flash of relief cross his face before he hid it and she actually growled.

“What is it?” she cried, twisting her wrist free and grabbing fistfuls of his shirt at his chest. “What’s the damned secret about you that everyone is so intent on keeping?”

Nate’s hands hit her waist and he brought her closer but she resisted. He won, not surprisingly.

“It’s nothing,” he stated, his voice edging back to calm.

“It’s not nothing!” she exclaimed, yanking at his shirt.

“It’s
nothing
!” Nate barked, all calmness gone in a wink.

Lily jumped at the ferocity in his voice but she still didn’t stop and she pulled him even closer to her, her face a breath away from his.

“Well, Nate, it’s something to me. Whatever it is kept you from me for eight years. Whatever it is made you think I’d leave. Whatever it is made you let me go. Whatever it is, is holding you back from me
now!
”

When she finished her last dramatic statement, Nate jerked away from her and turned on his heel. Lily opened her mouth to call out to him that they weren’t nearly finished but he stopped at the door and threw it shut with such a vicious slam the pictures on the walls shuddered in their frames.

At this, she jumped again and could do nothing but stare at him, slack-jawed.