Three Women (9 page)

‘I’ll bring you and Kate a glass to try,’ offered Hans.

Kate was feeling so relieved. She had sent a letter to Erin via the adoption agency and hopefully that was an end to the whole thing. She really did sincerely wish only good things for her daughter, but too much time had gone by for either of them to be a part of the other’s life. The past was the past, and it was far better it stay that way. She had, however, at the last minute had a bit of a rethink and said that she might consider meeting her once, but only if their privacy and discretion could be maintained.

She looked across at Paddy. He was a good person. He had absolutely no idea of what had happened to her and she never intended telling him. She had known him for years, as he had gone to school with her brother John and had grown up on a
farm
less than eight miles from where she had grown up. She had met him at a Galway–Kilkenny hurling match in the old stadium at Croke Park, which Sally and Mike had dragged her along to. Poor Paddy had injured his foot playing hurling and was hobbling around on crutches with a sprained ankle, and the two of them sat down and talked for ages in a nearby pub afterwards.

He’d asked her out the following Sunday and she, lonely as hell, had agreed to go on a date with him. Paddy Cassidy was nothing like her former boyfriend, Johnny. He was old fashioned and dependable and kind and made her laugh. He was a good bit taller than her and sturdily built, his hair fair, and he had kind eyes that somehow seemed to calm her. His parents, Larry and Nance, were a lovely couple, and he came from a family even bigger than her own. Paddy worked in O’Hara’s, a large city-centre pub.

As the months passed they had got closer; she had begun to rely on him more and more and look forward to being with him. Sally had worried that she was only going out with him on the rebound from Johnny, and maybe she was at first – Paddy the substitute, second best in the boyfriend stakes. But as the months passed that had changed; Paddy had become more and more important to her and she had realized that she loved and trusted him, and that he loved her too. His proposal had come out of the blue and Kate had surprised herself by accepting him. She had insisted on a smallish wedding in a Galway hotel with only sixty present, which included both families, a handful of friends and some of Paddy’s hurling team. Her dad had given her away and on that day she had wished desperately that her mother was still alive to be with her.

They had gone to Italy on their honeymoon and she had
conceived
straight away, their son Sean born the following June. Holding her newborn baby in the maternity hospital she had debated telling Paddy about Anna, but knew that it would break his heart as he boasted about their firstborn and what a wonderful mother she was. And so she had kept her secret – hidden it away, buried her feelings again as their second son Kevin and then finally Aisling were born.

Paddy had moved to managing a pub in Clontarf with a small off-licence business attached to it. Seeing the potential to develop a business of his own, four years later he had taken out a loan from the bank, bought an old hairdresser’s premises on a busy crescent of shops and converted it to Cassidy’s Off-Licence, selling wines and spirits and beer. He was a Trojan worker and passionate about sourcing good wines at competitive prices for his customers.

Between the business and raising three children, time just seemed to have slipped by – almost twenty-five years of it, and Kate had nearly managed to forget what she had done …

‘What do you think of this Sancerre?’ he asked her.

‘It’s lovely, far nicer than the one we had last time,’ she said, taking another sip from her glass. She was no wine expert, but they did have fun as Paddy tried to develop her palate.

For their anniversary present she planned to surprise her husband and take him to Bordeaux for one night in beautiful St-Emilion, then two nights at the renowned Château Beychevelle in St-Julien. It was a trip she knew he’d really enjoy.

‘Kate, did you have any more time to go through the list I gave you for the party?’ Paddy asked as they were served their main courses.

‘Yes, I was showing it to Trish and she was wondering how we will possibly fit everyone in the house!’

‘I know it’s a bit of a crowd, but we are both from big families and we cannot leave out our friends,’ he said, serious. ‘The alternative to having it at home is to go to one of the big local hotels or the golf club or somewhere like that.’

‘I don’t want a party in a big function room,’ she said. ‘In fact, I’m not sure that I want a party at all.’

‘But we have to celebrate twenty-five years of a good marriage,’ he said firmly. ‘A marriage built on love and respect, honesty and truth, and friendship.’

Kate reddened. They had a good marriage, yes, but she hadn’t been honest and she never would be able to tell him the truth about what had happened before she married him.

‘What about if we put a gazebo thing up in the garden?’ he continued. ‘It might give us a bit more space.’

Kate laughed. Paddy was determined to have this party and there was no stopping him. Once her husband got a notion about something he rarely gave up.

‘Get a gazebo if you want, Paddy!’ she smiled. ‘With it we might just be able to squash everyone in!’

DISAPPOINTED, ERIN HAD
almost given up any hope of hearing back from her birth mother when, almost four and half weeks later, a letter arrived from Kate. Erin shook from top to toe as she read it and burst into tears. Her birth mother was real, she existed – she had the proof in her hands – and she was finally acknowledging her. Erin read the letter over and over again, studying the handwriting, the paper, the language …

Kate Flanagan was married now with three children: two sons and a younger daughter. She hadn’t told their names, but gave their ages – twenty-three, nineteen and sixteen. Kate worked part time in a family business. She had never told her husband about giving birth to a child and did not want this information revealed. She was happy to hear from Erin and comforted to know that she had grown up in such a good family, as it proved that she had made the right choice for her. She was proud of Erin’s accomplishments in going to college and getting a degree. She herself had gone to a business college but unfortunately had been unable to finish her diploma. She liked music and cinema and fashion and had a cat called Cleo.

If she agreed to Erin’s request to meet, Kate insisted that it be some place neutral and away from her own home and locality. She was adamant about protecting her privacy and family life.

Erin couldn’t believe it. There was a possibility that she was going to meet Kate – see her face to face, be able to talk to her finally … It was unbelievable!

She phoned Marian Kelly, and rang Sheila too. Marian would act as a go-between, arranging the time and place Kate and Erin would meet. She refused to be drawn as to where Kate would be coming from, not wanting to reveal where she lived or even her married name.

‘If she wants to tell you these things, it is up to Kate to tell you herself,’ Marian reminded Erin. ‘But remember, you also need to protect your own privacy.’

As Marian made the arrangements for them to meet in a neutral venue, Erin couldn’t believe it. She was going to meet her birth mother next week in the centre of Dublin, in a little café just off Dawson Street at twelve o’clock on Saturday morning … It was nerve-wracking, but she couldn’t wait!

ERIN STUDIED THE
text from her uncle bill inviting her to join him for lunch in his club. She smiled and texted him back immediately. She loved her uncle and being invited for lunch at the inner sanctum of the dining room of the St Stephen’s Green Club was a treat.

Ever since she was a little girl, her uncle had played a big part in her life. He always used to bring Jack and herself on all kinds of outings, to the cinema, the Christmas pantomime at the Gaiety Theatre, concerts in the Concert Hall, and to play in the big playground in Herbert Park, which was only a few minutes’ walk from the Donnybrook house where he and Charles lived. Now she was grown up there were visits to art galleries and theatre nights and jazz nights and meals together, which she really enjoyed.

The club was quiet and the waiter led her to where her uncle was sitting at a table in the window.

‘Hello, Erin darling, how are you?’ he asked, standing up to greet her. He really was such a sweetheart and one of the kindest people she knew. He had no children of his own, but
was
so good to all his nieces and nephews and had time for them all.

‘I’m fine, Uncle Bill,’ she said, kissing him.

He looked handsome as ever in his navy blazer, crisp white shirt and red-and-navy tie.

The waiter came over to take their order.

‘Wine?’ suggested her uncle.

‘Not for me, thanks. I’m working on a new logo for someone this afternoon and wine and drawing, I’ve discovered, do not really work,’ she laughed, ordering fizzy water instead while her uncle went for a glass of red wine.

She always enjoyed his company and listened as he told her about the trip to Bilbao, San Sebastián and Santander that he and Charles were planning. Her uncle and his partner Charles seemed to have been together for ever and were a great couple.

‘Your dad and I were out sailing last week,’ he said as the waiter served their main course. ‘Tom told me that you are planning to meet your birth mother very soon – that it is all arranged.’

‘Yes, the social worker for the adoption agency has set it all up,’ she confirmed. ‘I’m very nervous about it, Uncle Bill – I really am!’

‘Of course you are,’ he said soothingly. ‘Heaven knows what the outcome might be! You and your birth mother might be very alike and get on splendidly, or you may realize that you have very little in common and that you are both just satisfying your curiosity.’

‘Exactly,’ Erin said, admitting her own fears. Trust Uncle Bill to put it so succinctly! No wonder he was such a successful barrister. He always had a way of getting straight to the crux of a matter.

‘I’m not trying to influence your meeting with this woman,’ he said gently, ‘but I do feel I need to let you know how your parents are feeling about it.’

‘Mum and Dad are fine,’ she said defensively.

‘Is that what you really believe?’ he asked, putting down his knife and fork and looking her straight in the eye, which was always disconcerting.

Erin blushed. ‘They’re upset?’

‘To put it mildly,’ he said. ‘Tom is distracted, worried for you that this person will let you down or, even worse, take you away from them.’

‘That would never happen!’ she protested. ‘You know that, Uncle Bill!’

Her uncle shrugged. ‘And apparently Nina is not sleeping … awake until all hours. She’s convinced that you and your long-lost mother will fall into each other’s arms, and then she will become redundant. That you will find your own new family and no longer be a part of ours.’

‘God, how could they think that, Uncle Bill? They’re my mum and dad and that will never, ever change. They’re the ones I love and no one can take that away!’

‘I know,’ he said, ‘but it is how they both feel and you need to be aware of it, Erin. You’ve probably been so caught up with tracing your past and arranging to meet your birth mother and focusing on that, that maybe Nina and Tom’s feelings have escaped your notice.’

‘Uncle Bill, thank you for telling me,’ she said. ‘I guess that I’ve been so obsessed about this that I haven’t thought properly about Mum and Dad’s reactions.’

‘I remember a long time ago when I was about your age I was caught up in something too – pretty self-obsessed about
it
,’ he said as the pudding was served. ‘I decided the time had come to tell my parents about being gay. Your dad and my sister Caroline and a few close friends had already guessed, but I don’t think they genuinely realized. My father – your grandfather Gerald – was a very old-fashioned type of man with very strong moral values. I still remember the absolute denial in his eyes when I told him. No son of his was going to be a homosexual! That’s all he kept saying. My poor mum didn’t say a word because she was too busy weeping. Nothing was the same after that – I had changed everything between us in my quest to come out and be honest with them. I was focusing so much on what my agenda was that, in hindsight, I had very little regard for their feelings.’

‘And what happened then?’ asked Erin.

‘Well, I suppose they both tried to make the best of it. My dad and I were never really as close afterwards. I always felt that I had let him down as a son. We met, we were polite, but something had disappeared between us.’

‘What about Granny?’

‘Your granny was a marvellous woman. Once she got over the shock of it, I think she felt tremendously sad for me that I wasn’t going to have the same as the rest of the family in terms of marriage and children.’

‘But you had us!’

‘Some people are destined to be uncles!’ he laughed loudly. ‘Though she did like Charles. She got very fond of him in those last few years before she died.’

Erin remembered her Granny Nancy, with her white hair and pretty face and beautiful singing voice, who used to come and mind them and play with them all the time. She’d died when Erin was twelve and she still missed her.

‘I’m telling you all this just to remind you to have a little care for Nina and Tom, please,’ he said gently. ‘Your dad – he’s under a lot of pressure at the moment, and this extra worry about you and this meeting with your mother can’t be helping.’

‘Uncle Bill, thanks for telling me,’ she said, genuinely relieved that he had made her aware of the effect it was having on her parents. ‘I promise I’ll try to tread carefully. I wouldn’t hurt Mum and Dad for the world!’

‘I know,’ he said, patting her hand.

She thanked him for the lunch and, after paying the bill, her uncle walked her down to the door of the club, he turning in one direction while Erin headed back to work.