Three Words: A Novella Collection (48 page)

Up above my
face, I notice a fly darting back and forth. I want to reach up and
swat it away but I’m afraid of the consequences. The room is
spinning and my stomach is mimicking the motion. Things could be
disastrous if I move. Geez, my head’s pounding. It’s pounding so
hard I think I may be about to burst a blood vessel. I shift my
head a millimetre on the pillow, gazing at the face of the man to
the left of me. Nicholas’ eyes are closed in sleep. I frown as
memories of last night flood through my brain.

Last
night.

What the hell
was I thinking? I should never have gone back for more. It knew it
was wrong and now I feel more conflicted than I did before.

I stare into
the dazzlingly beautiful face of Nicholas, fighting an urge to lean
across and kiss the tip of his nose. Our agreement was for fun, no
strings attached sex. Sure, I was up for that. I was coming from a
place of ‘what the hell’ ‘let’s live it up’ and ‘you don’t know if
you don’t try’ and I enjoyed it the first time. And the second and
third.

Slutty as that
sounds.

I shuffle
slightly in bed so as not to wake him. I have to get out of here, I
can’t think straight while he’s lying next to me looking all
godlike and such. But how? There’s no way I can clamber over the
top without disturbing him. Maybe I can shimmy under the covers to
the foot of the bed? I could get away before he wakes. Avoid the
embarrassment I feel building in my body.

I ponder the
idea for a minute more while staring at Nicholas’ face and I
realise I don’t really want to leave. I like him. I want there to
be more. But I can’t do it without commitment. It’s just not me.
Then I hear a groan. I know it’s not coming from Nicholas and I
certainly don’t groan like that. It’s coming from behind me. I roll
to my other side.

Shit, shit and
double shit.

Joel.

He’s
naked.

And awake.

His dark brown
eyes are blinking slowly at me and he has a smirk like he wants to
do what we did last night all over again.

How the hell
did I block him from my memory?

The act began
with Nicholas taking my hand and leading me to the big white bed
where I’m now lying. I remember him giving me the blindfold, I
remember Joel blowing out the candles and the moonlight streaming
through the window before my sense of sight was taken away from me.
I remember two identical male scents, two men inside me, loving me,
their hardness filling me to the brim. I remember two tongues
licking me forward and behind. They’re smarter than me, my boys.
They’ve done everything they can to avoid discovery. I have no idea
who is who. They know exactly how to drive me wild.

And they are
my boys now. We are in this together. For the long haul. For better
or worse.

I remember the
first orgasm. My legs were wrapped around his body, clinging to him
as he thrust into me harder and faster. His voice was in my ear,
telling me he’d never been with anyone like me, how he wanted to
hold me and love me. My hands itched to squeeze whoever it was that
was saying these things. They wanted to move from their place on
his shoulders and feel the clenching of his muscles as he took me
but I’d agreed to keep my hands where they were, to encouraging the
anonymity between the boys and me for the sake of sexual
pleasure.

But this isn’t
just sex anymore. It can never be just sex, not when someone is
whispering in my ear, telling me how beautiful I am, how much he
wants me, while another has this tongue between my legs.

During the
second orgasm, brought on as one licked me and the other fucked me,
spooning, I begged them to let me touch their faces or run my
fingers through their hair. All I wanted was to hold them. One of
them groaned, “Oh God, Sadie,” as he came and I wanted to see the
emotion I knew was there. I wanted to feel it beneath my fingers
and see the satisfaction on his face as I sucked him dry. I could
sense it meant more than they’d ever tell. I’m not just a fuck. I
mean more than that.

They mean more
than that to me. Somehow, in the space of a few days, I’ve managed
to fall for them both hard. It should be impossible but it seems to
have happened anyway.

Now, as I lay
here looking at Joel, I wish I knew which one of them it was. Who
cried out at the moment of release? Which one of them twisted my
hair in his hands as he thrust into me from behind and called my
name as he came? That body was filled with more emotion than I’ve
ever known in a man and I want to know who it was.

I want them
both. But not like this. There are too many emotions involved. It’s
too hard. I can’t be a plaything. I can’t play the game of
pretending. I crave their love.

I sit up in
bed and look sadly at the two men. Nicholas is still asleep. Joel
is regarding me questioningly. “Where are you going, love?”

“
I’m leaving.”

“
Fuck and run, eh? I never took you for that kind of
girl.”

I wish he
wouldn’t make light of me. I’m not in the mood. “I’m not.”

“
Then don’t go.” He reaches for me but I shrug him
off.

“
I have to. I can’t do this. It’s too hard.”

“
I can show you hard, if that’s what you want,” he
chuckles.

“
Can you stop joking, please? I’m being serious
here.”

I think he
gets the idea that I
am
serious because he frowns and his
face comes over all solemn like. “I thought you were having fun.
You seemed to be getting off on it last night.”

Geez, how do I
explain? It’s gone way beyond fucking and having a good time. The
sex was awesome, mind blowing. This is definitely not about
anyone’s prowess in the bedroom. It’s about feelings.

“
I was. I did. But I can’t do it. I need more. I need to feel
you, to know you. I need the intimacy of seeing your face when
you’re inside me, of knowing who’s doing what. It won’t work Joel,
it just won’t.”

I scramble
from the bed, and find my clothes on the floor. I slip into my
knickers and shorts. I shove my bra in my pocket and put on my
shirt. As I pull my hair back into a ponytail, I see Nicholas has
woken. He’s sitting up in bed, his arms slung around his knees like
on the day we met. He knows something’s up and his eyes are begging
me to share whatever it is.

“
Don’t go, Sadie. Stay. I want you to stay. I need you to
stay.”

“
I can’t Nicholas.”

“
Why?”

“
Because if I stay, we’re going to get hurt. All of us.” And I
turn and walk out the door.

TO BE
CONTINUED

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