THROTTLE: (A Stepbrother Romance) (3 page)

7

The
point for round one was definitely hers. Emma smiled to herself as she made the
short walk back to her office.
 
Jared had
looked at that sandwich like a starving man in the desert, and she had no doubt
he’d be finishing the whole thing.
 
Before she died, her mama had always commented that men were driven by
their stomachs.
 
It was a cliché but true,
and she didn’t feel bad for using Jared’s weakness to her advantage.
 
He was a stubborn man, and she was going to
teach him a thing or two about who got to make the decisions.
 

There
were only two appointments in her diary for the afternoon, which would give her
some time to plan round two.
 
Maybe she’d
have to enlist Seth’s help in getting Jared to change his mind.
 
Despite being frustrated as hell, she was
actually starting to enjoy the challenge.
 
Of course, it helped that she knew Jared loved her.
 
There would be absolutely no point in
flogging a dead horse. What was between them was as alive now as in the days
before
he…
she didn’t want to think about that
night.
 
Not when her one o’ clock would
be arriving at any minute.
 

What
she could remember was his sweet tenderness, the way he’d held her hand and
listened to her share her hopes and dreams.
 
Those moments seemed to have soft edges in her mind, so different from
what had come after that they almost seemed to belong to someone else.
 

She
was typing up the details for a new listing when Nicky came through the door.

“Hey,”
she said, slumping into the chair in front of Emma’s desk.
 
“Have you had lunch yet?”

“Yeah.
 
I had a sandwich.
 
Why, are you heading over to Barney’s?”

“I
was
gonna
if you had time to come with me.”

“I’ve
got a one o’ clock.”
 
Emma glanced at the
time.
 
She had fifteen minutes and an
idea.
 
“You know, you might be able to
help me with something.”

Nicky
sat up straighter with interest. “Is this something to do with Jared?”

“
Kinda
,” Emma said.
 
It was going to be difficult to explain why she’d kept her and Jared’s letter-writing
a secret, but if she wanted him back she was prepared to bare her soul.
 
It had never been about a lack of trust.
 
Nicky was her best friend.
 
It was just that sometimes, sharing things
that are really important is hard.
 
Emma
knew if she’d told Nicky about that first letter she’d have been asking for
updates every time they met, and that would have made Emma
miss
Jared more.
If that was possible.
 
It had been nice to keep him to
herself
and protect their fragile bond from outside
influence, even if that influence was well intentioned.
 
“I know you already know this, but I’m in
love with Jared.
 
I have been for
years.
 
There’s never been anyone else
for me and there won’t be.”

Nicky’s
eyes widened at the announcement, but then she smiled and nodded.
 
“I suspected you were writing him all this
time?”

“Yeah.”
 
Emma shook her head regretfully.
 
“I wanted to tell you but I couldn’t find a
way without making it more dramatic than it was.
 
We were kids in the beginning, still trying
to deal with the fallout of something so horrible, I couldn’t bear to talk
about it. You remember how I was.”
 
Nicky
nodded.
 
“And then, after a year or so
had passed, it seemed normal for me to keep my contact with Jared private.
 
 
No one
asked me about him because they were scared of making me cry, so he became this
person that existed just for me.”

“And
now he’s out?”

“He
left me a note telling me I was better off without him and that I should move
on.”

“Oh!”
 
Nicky looked shocked, and Emma sighed.
 

“And
then I left him a note telling him I wasn’t going to do that.”

“You
go girl,” Nicky said with an approving grin.

“And
then he came over last night and told me he wasn’t changing his mind even
though he loves me.”

“He
loves you!”
 
Nicky’s grin got so broad
that Emma wanted to give her best friend a hug.
 
It felt so good to share this with her after keeping it a secret for so
long.

“Yeah,
he does.
 
Now I’ve just got to show him
what a pig-headed idiot he’s being.”

“Why
does he think you’re better off without him?”

Emma
frowned, pondering on what Jared had said in his note.
 
“He thinks he’s going to be a burden and that
I should find a man who won’t be blighted by a criminal record for the rest of
his life.”

“Poor
Jared,” Nicky said.
 
“It’s not like he
did what he did in cold blood. Everyone in the town knows what happened and
they all think he’s a hero.
 
Nolan was
desperate to hire him back.”

“I
know.
 
I can’t help thinking that there’s
more to it than what he’s saying.”

“Like
what?”

“I
don’t know.” The more Emma thought about it the more she suspected that she was
right about something else going on with Jared.
 
Her heart sunk as she considered that maybe, after seeing what he saw,
he couldn’t bear to touch her.
 
They’d
never talked directly about what happened that night, but the nurses told her
how Jared had carried her into the ER, wrapped in a blanket with tears
streaming down his face.
 
By the time
Emma came around from the drugs, Jared had handed himself over to police. Maybe
dealing with her half-naked body had caused him trauma that he couldn’t get
over.
 
He was telling her that his
unwillingness for them to get together was for her benefit, but maybe it was
for his.
 
Could it be that he wanted to
find someone whose body didn’t bring back negative memories? Maybe he couldn’t
face the idea of having sex with her.

“What?”
Nicky asked, obviously seeing the realization pass across Emma’s face.

“Maybe
he doesn’t
want
me in
that
way.
 
What if this is all because he can’t get past
the memories of that night?”

“Oh, Emma.”
 
Nicky’s expression was filled with sympathy
that only made Emma feel worse.

“Whatever,”
Emma said, pulling herself together.
 
“He
can think whatever he wants, but I’m still
gonna
try
to get him to see sense.”

“Good
for you.
 
So what’s the plan?”

“I
need to see him in a social situation.
 
Maybe if we spend time together it’ll help him see that the past is in
the past.
 
I’m not the girl he knew and
he’s not the boy that he was.
 
It’s time
for us to get to know each other as man and woman.
 
What do you think?”

“I
think I know just the thing,” Nicky said with a twinkle in her eye.

8

Jared
wasn’t in the mood for a night out, but Seth had insisted.
 
It was time for Jared to show his face around
town, apparently, although he wasn’t sure why.
 
Everyone knew he was out; the gossip would have travelled like wildfire,
especially as Seth lived next door to the town’s resident busybody.
 
He’d seen plenty of people coming and going
from the garage.
  
He didn’t need to head
to the busiest bar in town to stand around with a bottle of beer.
 
If anything he was embarrassed at the
responses he’d been getting; the women had been too smiley and at least two of
the men who had daughters roughly the same age as Emma had patted him on the
back as though he’d achieved some kind of sporting record, not done time for
throttling someone to death.
 

Maybe
he should be more grateful.
 
It was
better to be respected than reviled, but life wasn’t so black and white.
 

“You
ready?” Seth shouted from the hall.
 

“Yeah,”
Jared replied, pulling on his jacket.
 
He’d had to invest in new clothes when he was released.
 
None of his old things were in fashion
anymore, or fit his frame, more to the point.
 
His thighs were thicker, his chest broader and arms bigger.
 
Standing in the changing room of the most
popular men’s clothes shop in town, he’d really noticed how much he’d
changed.
 

“Come
on then.
 
I need a beer.”

They
walked into town, hands in pockets because the fall air had a chill in it.
 
Sam’s Bar was buzzing as usual, but the background
chatter seemed to quiet somewhat when Jared walked through the door.
 
That was exactly why he hadn’t been keen to
come out.
 
It was as though he were a
curiosity, a circus freak.
 
Twenty-six
years
old but with all the life experiences of a teenager.
 
He didn’t recognize the music playing, and
the women were dressed in fashions that seemed strange.
 
No one looked the same; even those he
recognized were different enough that he wanted to stare.
 
But he couldn’t because all eyes were on him.

Then
he saw her, standing at the bar with her friend Nicky.

Emma.

She
looked amazing in jeans and some kind of
floaty
top
that skimmed her curves and slipped off her shoulder, revealing golden skin
that had bits of him stirring below the waist.
 
And her hair looked so soft.
 
He
remembered how it used to smell: sweet, like some kind of fruit.
 
What he wouldn’t give to breathe her in, but
he couldn’t.
 

He
wouldn’t.
 

He’d
stay strong, be polite.
 
Nothing more.

Seth
looked over his shoulder, catching Jared’s eyes.
 
“Are you okay to go over and say hi?” he asked,
nodding his head to where the girls were standing.

“I
guess.” Jared knew they were going to run into each other in town.
 
It was inevitable.
 
And he couldn’t leave for a while, at least
not until his parole was over.
 
He’d just
have to get used to it.

Seth
led the way and leaned in to kiss Emma and Nicky on the cheeks in such a
relaxed and familiar way that Jared was suddenly filled with jealousy.
 
They’d had years of adulthood to develop
their friendships, and he’d been stuck passing the time trying to avoid getting
beaten up or worse.

“Jared,”
Emma said softly.
 
She must have noticed
him zoning out.

He
nodded at her formally, and then at Nicky, who was smiling at him
cautiously.
 
Why was everyone looking at
him like he was on the brink of having a breakdown or doing something bad?

“I’ll
get some drinks,” he said.
 
“What do
y’all want?”

“We’ve
got some,” Emma said.
 
“Don’t worry about
us.”

“Beer,”
Seth said, then turned to chat to Nicky about something that had happened in
town that day.
 
Emma followed Jared to
the bar and he cursed under his breath.

“Two
beers,” he said to the bartender, who nodded.

Jared
turned and found Emma looking at him expectantly.

“I’m
glad you’re here,” she said.

“I
didn’t want to come.”

Emma
seemed to deflate before his eyes.
 
“It’s
good.
 
You need to get out.”

“Why?
 
So everyone’s got someone to whisper about?”

“That
isn’t what they’re doing.”

“No?
 
Sure feels that way,” Jared said, handing
over the money for his order.

“They’re
just curious,” Emma said softly in the way she used to talk to him when they
were teenagers, with all the gentleness that had made him fall in love with her
so easily.

Her
pretty, grey eyes were soft too, as though she wanted to wrap him up in a warm
blanket, away from the prying eyes that surrounded them.

“I’m
not going to stay long.”

“That’s
okay,” she said.
 
“Did you like the
sandwich?”

Jared
shook his head, exasperated.
 
“You know I
did. What kind of man wouldn’t like a homemade meatball sandwich?”

Emma
laughed, which Jared thought was the sweetest sound he’d ever heard.
 
“I was kind of banking on that.”

“You’re
not playing fair,” he said, finding it impossible to be mad with her.

“Neither
are you,” she said, suddenly serious.
 
“You’re making decisions for us that I don’t agree with.
 
You’re telling me it’s for the best, but it
isn’t what I want.”

“Emma,”
he said with an undertone of warning.

She
leaned in close to his ear.
 
“I’m okay,
you know, Jared.
 
I’m not broken, I’m not
ruined, and neither are you.” She reached down and grasped his empty hand,
holding it tightly.
 
“These hands are
gentle hands.”
 
Jared shook his head, not
wanting to hear anymore.
 
He could smell
the apples in her hair and it almost took him back to a time when he wasn’t
tainted by his actions, when he had so much warm feeling inside him he felt as
though he might burst.
 
“They are,” she
continued.
 
“They’re the hands of a good
man, a man who’d do anything to protect a person he loves.”
 

Jared
pulled his hand from her grasp, feeling stung by her words.
 
He had murderer’s hands, and they had no
place touching her sweet, innocent body.
 
He rested his beer on the bar, turned away and started towards the door
and she followed, catching up to him when he was through the door, slipping her
arms around his waist, pressing her cheek against his spine.

“Stop,
okay?
 
I love you.
 
I have for so many years I don’t even
remember a time when I didn’t.
 
Don’t do
this, Jared.
 
Whatever’s going on with
you we can deal with
together.
 
We have all the time in the world to fix
things.
 
Please.”

He
closed his eyes, breathing deeply as he relished the feel of her arms around
him and her sweet curves pressed against him.
 
In all the ways he’d changed, she had too. Gone
was
her skinny frame and the roundedness of her cheeks.
 
Emma was all
woman
now, and he couldn’t reconcile how it should change how he felt.
 
Would she still want him so badly if she knew
the truth?

At
his trial, she'd stood her ground and defended him to the world. It was her
testimony that led to the less severe charge of voluntary manslaughter. The
prosecution had tried hard to twist things against him with accusations that he’d
had an inappropriate relationship with Emma before the attack, and that he’d
been fuelled by jealousy.
 
He’d shaken
with rage when their chaste relationship had been made into something so sordid
in court.
 
They’d been two teens holding
hands and talking about their futures; it had been so innocent.
 
The court had to drop the statutory rape
charges against Jared altogether when Emma had demanded a medical exam to prove
he'd never touched her inappropriately.

And
he hadn't, it was true—but not for a lack of desire.

"I’m
not good enough for you,” he said.
 
“You
made them believe that I was some kind of hero with a noble heart, and goddamn
if I don't want to believe it too. Maybe in the grander scheme of things, it's
true. But it's not the truth about that night. I didn't kill him because I'm a
good guy who wanted to protect an innocent girl, Emma."

"Then
why did you?" she challenged him.

He
grasped her hands that held him around his stomach and drew them apart.
 
"I did it because I wanted you for
myself—pure, untouched. And I'd do it again for the same reason."

"And
you think I care about that?" she asked, sounding totally baffled by his
evident feeling of conflict. "Dear lord. Did you actually
read
the letters I sent you?"

"Of
course I did; but that's not the point." It was hard to remove her hands from
him when he wanted to pull her close and hold her tight, when thinking about
their bodies so near to one another made him want to get under her clothes off,
to claim her as his own. But he forced himself to step away.
 
Emma pulled him by the back of his jacket,
pressing their bodies purposefully together again.

"Then
you know how long I've wanted you," she said softly, leaning close against
him as she wound her arms around his body. "I don’t understand what the
problem is."

"The
problem is that you were fifteen years old," he growled. "And you
remained looking fifteen years old, in my head, for the last eight years—but
that didn't stop me from lusting after you, fantasizing about you, imagining in
every detail how and when and where I would finally have my way with you."

"And
that disturbs you?" she asked, sounding baffled.

"Fucking
hell, of course it disturbs me. I was and am a grown man, so infatuated with a
girl that I killed my own father to keep her for myself," he snarled
softly. "Tell me how I'm not a monster."

Memories
of their last night together flashed through his mind, an amalgamation of scent
and sound. The vacant look in her eyes that day had fueled eight years of
nightmares. What if something happened to her while he was locked up? His
father may have been gone, but the world was full of predators.

"Jared,
you’ve got it all wrong in your head.
 
What you thought about me isn’t a bad thing.
 
It was natural for us to feel lust for each
other.
 
The difference is that you would
never have followed through on any of your thoughts before it was the right
time.
 
You were waiting for me to be
grown.
 
And I’m grown now, baby.
 
I’m not a girl anymore, and any thoughts
you’re having aren’t wrong.
 
There’s
nothing sordid about this thing between us," she released her hold on him
and turned him until they were face to face.
 
The adoration in her eyes was almost more than he could bear. Reaching
up, she trailed her fingertips over his cheek so gently he closed his eyes at
the sensation.

"Then
what would you call it?" he asked.

"Jared,"
she sighed, leaning up until her lips nearly touched his. "It's true love,
of course. What else could it be?"