Through His Eyes: An Institute Series Novella (The Institute Series Book 4) (2 page)

I understood why Tate was getting short with Allira. Out of everyone, she was lashing out at him the most. They were trying to have a normal relationship, the kind they used to have, but it was obvious that it was an effort for the both of them. It was just getting easier to avoid each other.

The whole situation felt helpless. Neither of them knew how to fix it, and it was killing them to see each other in so much pain. Her more so than him, but he was inside her head, and there was only so much he could block out. They were both suffering.

It surprised me that Tate was here for this at all, considering how things had been between them lately.

“You can do it, Allira,” Ebb took over.

“You’re way too energetic. I can’t deal with energetic,” Allira complained.

“Lia,” Kenna said, sounding just as exasperated as Allira. “You’re almost there.”

“You said that like twelve hours ago.”

“Well, you’ve been pregnant for nine months, so in the big scheme of things, yes, you were almost there twelve hours ago. Now, focus on your breathing, and push!”

I wanted to look away, but I couldn’t. I should’ve been there for this. Like, really been there. When I died, I thought it was meant to be, that I’d completed my purpose in life.
Then why am I still here?

Allira screamed in agony, at the same time a wailing cry came from my child. My son.

I’m a Dad.

Instantly, I was filled with an overwhelming feeling of disappointment. I had a son, but I was forced to watch from the sidelines. I couldn’t ever pick him up, hold him. My voice would not soothe him when he was upset, and he would never have the opportunity to turn to his dad for help.

Kenna placed the baby on Allira’s chest.

He was covered in some milky white powdery crap, and a whole heap of other stuff I pretended not to see. I didn’t care about any of that. He was perfect.

He nuzzled in, cuddling up to his mother. She looked exhausted. Her hair was frizzy from dried sweat, her skin was pale, and it looked like she hadn't slept in days. The only redeeming feature was a small smile playing on her lips
,
but she quickly squashed it back down.

“You’re allowed to be happy about this, Allira,” Tate said aloud. She must’ve been blocking him from getting into her head.

“What’s his name?” Kenna asked.

“William.”

“William Williams? Really?” Tate scoffed.

“William Daniels. I want him to have my last name.”

“I love it,” I said, knowing full well none of them could hear me.

CHANGES

There was a knock at the door, but Allira didn’t move from her spot on the couch where she was nursing two-day old William. Not until she heard her mum welcome Paxton and Drew inside. She lifted her head and stood slowly, making her way over to them.

Drew was carrying a pale blue plush toy. “Hey, William!” he beamed. Allira handed him over and Drew started swaying with William in his arms, looking at the kid with such adoration. It made me want to punch him in the face, but I didn’t know why – other than it was Drew. To give the guy credit, he wasn’t a total D-bag like we originally thought, but that still didn’t mean that I liked him.

Allira greeted Paxton with a hug. “Haven’t seen you for a while.”

“Sorry I couldn’t come meet the little guy sooner,” Paxton said. Yet, I couldn’t help noticing he hadn’t even looked at William.

Even though Paxton was the mastermind behind the whole takeover, and the person most responsible for my death, Allira didn’t seem to see it that way, and she’d never held a grudge against him like she did with the others. It confused me.

“What about me?” Drew said mockingly, holding out the arm that wasn’t holding William for Allira to hug him.

“I see you all time these days,” she said, with a dismissive wave of her hand.

Drew was working with Paxton at the Institute as one of the counsellors, and somehow –
gee, I can’t imagine how
– ended up being Allira’s counsellor. She was only obligated to go to counselling once a quarter, which was a stipulation Paxton had implemented when he took over as director, but she seemed to be heading out to the Institute more regularly than that just to talk to Drew.

A part of me wondered if the reason she didn’t feel hostile towards Drew and Paxton was because it was their plan that pulled off the takeover, so she knew they were dealing with the same guilt she was. Other than that, I couldn’t make sense of why she was friendly with them, but not Tate.

Drew may have been empathetic, but I didn’t see an ounce of remorse in Paxton. I wished I could’ve snapped her out of whatever was making her so blind when it came to both of them – particularly Paxton.

Paxton ran a hand through his hair. “I know it’s been a while since I’ve come to see you, but—”

“It’s okay, Paxton. I know it’s crazy right now. Especially with what I’ve been seeing on the news with the government trying to contest the law and all the regulations you put in place.”

“That’s actually why we’re here.”

“Oh?”

“Do you mind if we sit?” he asked, gesturing to the living room.

“Come, sit,” Seph said. “I’ll make tea.”

“Make mine a coffee,” Allira called out.

“Mine too,” Drew said.

Seph gave Allira a disapproving look. “You know coffee isn’t good for William, it’ll affect your milk.”

I swear I could
feel
Allira roll her eyes. “Isn’t that why there’s formula?”

Paxton and Drew shared a glance, one that said, “Awkward,” and I had to laugh at them.

Seph didn’t push and started puttering around in the kitchen.

“Where’s your dad?” Drew asked Allira.

“At work. He’s helping Aunt Kenna refurbish the shopfront they’re turning into a clinic.”

William started to become unsettled in Drew’s arms, so Allira took him back. “What did the mean Uncle Drew do to you?” she cooed. Perhaps William’s discomfort was because of the fact she just called him Uncle Drew. That was my guess anyway.

“I did nothing!” Drew said.

“Maybe my son just has good taste.” I snickered.

William’s eyes immediately became droopy as Allira rocked him. “I’ll just go put him down for a sleep,” she said, heading for her bedroom.

She was back less than a minute later; he must’ve fallen asleep pretty quickly.

“So what’s this about?” Seph asked, setting down a tray of tea, coffee, and shortbread. She placed a mug in front of Allira with a teabag sitting in it.

I’d never seen a woman stare-down challenge before, but it was damn fascinating. Seph won when Allira sighed, picking up the tea to take a sip.

“As Allira said, the government are trying to change all the laws, make them tighter so things can go back to the way things were,” Paxton started.

“There have been attacks on the streets,” Drew said. “People are still scared of Defectives.”

“We’re going to be locked up again?” Allira asked, her voice more panicky than normal.

Paxton shook his head. “Since exposing Brookfield, we’ve built a large community of Defective advocates. There have been protests against what Parliament is trying to achieve, but none of that is making the news. They’re not getting far with changing the laws that affect human rights, but…” he trailed off.

“But what?” Seph asked.

“There’s going to be an announcement within the next few days,” Drew took over. “They might not be able to imprison us again, but they’ve passed new laws. All known Defectives are going to be tracked. Our quarterly Institute sessions have been bumped up to monthly, and anyone proven to have used their ability in any way will be charged and sent to prison.”

Allira visibly deflated, rubbing her temple. “It’s going to turn into a witch hunt. The hate crimes will get worse, the—”

“We know,” Paxton said.

“So we’re all going to have some tracking device attached? Like the ones the agents used to have?” Allira asked.

“They’ve developed an injectable kind of tracker,” Paxton said.

“Like with a needle?” Allira gasped, then cringed.

Paxton nodded.

“How did you find this out? Are you sure it’s really happening?” Seph asked.

“That’s the other reason why I’m here,” Paxton said. “I’ve got some news and I wanted you guys to hear it from me before you see it on the TV. Since taking over the Institute, I’ve kind of attracted a lot of attention from political parties and high-profile people. They want me to run in this year’s presidential election.”

Allira’s eyes widened. “Really? I don’t mean to sound so shocked, but … really?”

Drew laughed but tried to hide it.

“I could do so much for this world,” Paxton said, his eyes gleaming with ambition.

“I know. And I think you’ll be great, but aren’t there steps towards doing that sort of thing? I didn’t think you could wake up one morning and say ‘Hey, I’ll think I’ll run for president this year.’”

“My career has kind of been fast-tracked. I need to strike while the iron’s hot.”

“Okay. Then who’s going to run the Institute?”

Drew lowered his head as he raised his hand.

Allira should’ve laughed. It was what I was doing. Instead, she sat stunned, her mouth opening and closing like she was trying really hard not to say what she was thinking.

“I know it’s crazy, but I finally have a chance to make up for what I did back then. I’ll be working towards a future where I can truly help.”

“Like you helped when you were an agent?” Allira asked.

“Allira,” Paxton scolded. “It was my decision to put him there. He’s worked hard to redeem himself. He saved your life—”

“I know, I know,” Allira said, throwing her hands up in defeat. “I’m sorry. I guess it’s just hard to train my brain into trusting you again. Wait … that came out wrong. I trust you, I really do. But—”

“You’re still expecting me to show you my ugly side at any given moment. I get it,” Drew said. “And I’m sorry I make you feel that way.”

“If it helps, I don’t
want
to feel that way.”

He half-smiled at her. “I know.”

“Okay, so what you’re saying is, Paxton’s running for president, Drew’s taking over the Institute, and we’ll be even bigger targets than we are now?”

Everyone looked solemn as Paxton and Drew nodded.

Allira shook her head, mumbling, “What has the world come to?”

I couldn’t figure out if she was being serious or joking. Knowing the mood she’s been in for the last year, I doubted very much that it was a joke.

WEDDING BELLS

“Where is he?” Tate was pacing the small prep room of the ceremony venue. “He should’ve been here by now.”

“He’ll be here,” Paxton tried to reassure him.

Tate and Shilah decided on an outdoor wedding, and thought the botanical gardens just outside the city would be perfect. There was a small dwelling on the premises where the reception was being held, and where they had private rooms to get ready for the day.

They’d decided to walk down the aisle together, and Shilah was meant to have arrived already.

“He’s out back with Allira.” I knew they couldn’t hear me, but the need to help Tate calm down took over my vocal cords.

“He loves you,” Paxton said.

“We had a fight last night,” Tate replied with a sigh.

“What?” Paxton pulled back, aghast. “The most perfect couple in the history of couples had a fight?”

When Tate asked Paxton to be his best man, I was a little surprised, and if I was completely honest, also hurt – which was ridiculous, considering I was dead. It wasn’t like I could’ve been there, no matter how much I wanted it. Tate and Paxton had never been overly close, but they did serve together on the council of the Resistance, Paxton saved Tate’s life when he organised the takeover, and now they’re going into politics together. So I guessed it made sense.

I always knew Tate would do great things. Unlike Allira, who was destined to stand out, Tate was groomed for it. Being raised by the Resistance, being put on the leadership council at a young age, he was trained to be a leader.

“We’re far from perfect,” Tate said.

“Nonsense! All couples fight. What happened? Did you want to … you know … talk about it?”

I laughed at Paxton’s awkwardness. He never was the kind of guy you could easily open up to.

“It started out because of how things have been with Allira since Chad died. But then it escalated into the fact that you’ve asked me to be your running mate in the campaign, and that I’ll always be on the campaign trail and I’ll never be home. Then came the big thing – that he’s only eighteen and he’s getting married.”

“It just sounds like he’s freaking out a little. It’s completely understandable given the circumstances. Hell, I was a wreck the night before my wedding.”

“And how did that turn out for you?” Tate asked sarcastically.

“She was a bitch, though. You’re not a bitch. Well … not much of one, anyway.” He smirked, making Tate crack a smile. “Have you told anyone else about running beside me for president?”

Tate shook his head. “No one. Not yet.”

“I guess there’s still time. We should probably focus on the other big thing happening in your life right now. Want me to go see if I can find Shilah?”

“Give him five more minutes.”

“I’ll go check on him,” I said. “Not that I could tell you guys if he ran off or not.” I shook my head at myself.

I made my way outside where Allira was sitting with Shilah on the back steps of the building.

“I just don’t know if I can do this. What if you and Tate never go back to how it was? I can’t spend my entire life in the middle of you two. What if …” he trailed off.

“Shilah,” Allira said, clearly exasperated, “it shouldn’t matter how Tate and I feel about each other. You only need to ask yourself this, do you love him?”

“Of course I do.”

“Do you ever see yourself with anyone else?”

“No.”

“Will you ever choose Tate over me?”

Shilah furrowed his brow.

“I’m not asking you to choose, I’m merely pointing out the fact that you would refuse to choose one of us over the other, because you’re not that person. You’re not going to lose me if you marry him. Tate and I may be going through some stuff right now, but he promised me when we all found out about William, that he’ll always be my best friend. We just have issues.”

“It’s almost been a year.”

Have I really been dead that long?

“When are you going to move on, already?” Shilah knew he’d said the wrong words as soon as they left his mouth. “I’m sorr—”

Allira held up a hand, shaking her head. “Don’t.” She stood, preparing to go inside and hide the fact her eyes were welling up. “He’s waiting for you. Go marry him.”

***

“I’m right here, Allira. Just put one foot in front of the other. Breathe. You’re almost at the end.” I truly didn’t know why I bothered anymore, but it’d become a habit – talking to everyone like they could hear me. I think it was keeping me from going insane.

We arrived at the altar, and I never left her side.

This could’ve been us.

White flowers hung from the wire canopy of the altar, a long white aisle running down the middle of completely full guest chairs. On one side, my family, on the other, Allira’s.

This should’ve been us.

My mother didn’t turn up. Her nephew was getting married, and she couldn’t put her anger aside. I wasn’t all that surprised, though. She hadn’t been by to see William, either. Not that I thought Allira would’ve let her anyway.

Allira wasn’t handling being a mother too well. Her mum and aunt kept blaming the hormones, but I knew better. She wasn’t handling being completely alone.

Allira’s eyes glistened as she watched her brother and my cousin exchange wedding vows. All I wanted to do in that moment was reach out to her, take her in my arms, and tell her everything was going to be okay.

She looked out into the crowd where her parents were holding our eight-week-old son. That was enough to cause the tears to spill over and down her cheeks.

Tate and Shilah were holding hands, unable to take their eyes off each other.

Shilah began to get teary as he choked on his words. “I never thought this was going to be me, standing in front of the person I love, giving my heart completely and fully. Before you, I never dreamed of this possibility for me. I planned to spend my entire life hiding away from the world because of who I was, but you showed me how to be proud of who I am. I fall in love with you more every day, and I promise myself to you forever.”

Married at eighteen.
I shook my head. I was happy for them, sure, but part of me couldn’t stop thinking how crazy they were being. Although, Tate was twenty-five, so there was that. I guess I shouldn’t have been too hard on them, since I had every intention of marrying the girl I was standing next to. You know, before I died.