Through the Windshield Glass (23 page)

"Well, I'm
glad you're concerned for my safety, but since it's my life on the line I would
like to be informed about all the threats to it and what I can do to
help."

Michael looked
uneasy, "I don't want you trying to convince other people to take risks on
your life."

"What say
do you have on risks for my life? If I'm comfortable with the plan then you
should be too. If I die or it doesn't work out right the blame is on me for
being willing to go through with it, not you. So I don't know why you're so
worried, I never expected to live through the whole plan anyway. For all I know
killing Daman could do the same to me, and I'm fine with that, so don't tell me
what I can and cannot do with my mortality!"

"Okay,
Alice," Michael said, "If you really feel like you're going to die
with the current plan than I'm vetoing it right now. We'll figure something
else out."

"No!"
I shouted. Maria shrieked and ran from her spot on my bed to hide in a corner
of the room.

"Alice,
you don't have to die. Stop trying to act like a martyr!" Michael said
forcefully.

"I'm not
acting like a martyr! There are casualties in war; you of all people should
know that!" I'd gone too far. Michael stood up just as Leigh came back
into the room.

"Let's go,
Leigh," Michael said, "Alice is tired and wants a rest."

Leigh didn't
look convinced and I was pretty sure she had heard everything Michael and I had
just discussed, but she didn't protest as Michael led her out of the room.

It took a while
for Maria to calm down enough to join me on the bed again. I just kept staring
at the chair where Michael had been sitting. I wished I could take back what I
had said, but at the same time I was glad
　
I
had said it, Michael had to realize this wasn't going to be a blood free
battle. Daman wasn't just going to hand himself over without a fight; he would
take down as many people with him as he could. And I was willing to be one of
those people if it meant that Leigh, Maria, and even Rebecca, Kinga, and
Michael would be safe.

Michael didn't
come back for a few days, Leigh continued to turn up but she didn't talk to me
very much. I could sense that she was angry at me for making Michael mad so I
just let her get over it herself. I didn't dare try to say anything else
because I was afraid I might offend her too. Instead, I just let her continue
to work her magic on Maria.

It was Leigh
who broke the silence after nearly another week of her only communicating with
Maria. It was just as Leigh was about to leave to go to bed one night.

"Why did
you make Michael so mad?" Leigh asked fiercely, "He was trying to
help you and you said awful things to him, I heard you!"

I gaped at
Leigh, I was surprised that such a tender hearted person could suddenly become
so aggressively outspoken and demanding of information.

“I—I was
angry,” I stuttered out.

“So?” Leigh
questioned, “He was angry too, but he didn’t say anything awful, he was just
trying to come up with a way to keep you safe and you yelled at him for it. I
don’t want you to die either!”

Leigh was
softly crying now, it was the first time I’d seen her show an emotion opposite
of ecstatic. Immediately I felt a thousand times worse than I had to begin
with.

“I’m glad everyone
is concerned about my safety, but we don’t have time to come up with another
plane, Leigh,” I said softly, “I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make this
place better for you and Maria. I am sorry for what I said to Michael though; I
didn’t mean to hurt him.”

Leigh grinned,
which surprised me more than her outburst, “I told him you’d say that! Michael,
I told you she’d say that!”

Apparently,
Leigh had told Michael to wait outside the door to hear what I would say. I
fought to hide my annoyance at being spied on and turned to see if Michael
planned on actually coming into the room. To my further surprise, he did.

“Nice of you to
show up,” I said coolly. I was automatically defensive and angry at him again.

Michael ran his
hand through his hair again, “I didn’t feel like it was the best idea to come
back if you were still angry. I didn’t ask Leigh to get an apology out of you
by the way.”

Knowing that
made me a little less annoyed with him; however, it made me more annoyed with
myself. I’d assumed Michael had been staying away because of hurt feelings, not
because he was afraid I was still mad at him. It wasn’t a pleasant feeling.

“Well, I am
sorry for what I said. I was just angry and I said things I didn’t mean.” It
wasn’t much of an apology, but it’s the most my pride would let me get away
with.

“If I had
listened to you in the first place when you said you were still okay with the
original plan it wouldn’t have happened. We were both at fault, let’s just
forget about it,” Michael said chivalrously. He offered his hand for me to
shake; I only hesitated for a second before taking it.

I felt a
similar sensation to when Michael and I had shared the memories of our deaths.
I remember thinking ‘not again’, but nothing happened. I stared at Michael’s
large hand holding my much smaller one.

“Is something
wrong?” Michael asked.

I withdrew my
hand quickly, “No, nothing. I just thought— never mind.”

It was obvious
Michael wanted to ask me what I was going to say, but Leigh interrupted. I felt
so much gratitude for her in that moment it was hard to keep myself from
visibly sighing with relief.

“I’m so glad
you guys are friends again," she exclaimed, "It's so tiring being
friends with two people who hate each other!"

"We didn't
hate each other, Leigh," Michael said, "We were just angry, but it's
all better now."

Leigh hugged
both of us in turn, "I don't care how it happened, I'm just glad it did.
Now you can still marry her!"

As if the
atmosphere in my room wasn't awkward enough, Leigh had to bring up the marriage
notion again.

I did my best
to laugh it off, "I don't think that last bit is going to happen, Leigh.
Michael has a rebellion to lead and I've got an ex-boyfriend to destroy.
There's not much room for dating there."

Leigh rolled
her eyes, "
Now
there isn't time. But when you beat Daman you'll
have nothing but time."

"Leigh,
I--" Michael began, but this time I cut him off.

"I guess
we'll have to see," I said. I eyed Michael to let him know not to speak
anymore, it would only encourage Leigh.

"Okay!"
Leigh said brightly. She went back to teaching Maria how to say 'I want to go
outside' and
　
I went back to
staring at anything but Michael.

Unfortunatley,
I happened to catch his eye as I was looking from my nightstand table to the
door. He held my gaze and mouthed, "We need to talk." Michael glanced
at Leigh which made it clear that he meant we needed to talk alone.

"Leigh,"
I said.

"What?"
Leigh asked.

"Michael
and I are going to go visit the people in the infirmary, would you mind staring
here to keep an eye on Maria?" I asked. I hoped that she wouldn't want to
tag along. Thankfully, she responded that she would love to stay with Maria and
touted that she had been a great babysitter before she died.

Chapter Thirty-one

Minutes later
Michael and I were outside, and I don't mean underground outside, I mean we
were actually
outside
. I hadn't even bothered to try to register where
Michael was taking me. The way the doors worked still made my head hurt, so
when we ended up outside without walls surrounding us I nearly squealed in
delight.

"How did
you get us here?" I asked, "I didn't think it was possible to really
go outside, does Kinga know about this?"

Michael laughed
and ran his hand through his hair again, "Do you think I'd be able to get
up here if she did? I found the way here by accident and you are the only other
person who knows about it. It's the only place I could think of where no one
would interrupt us or overhear us."

Instantly I was
struck with just how alone we were and I tensed myself, ready to run at any
moment.

"We've
solidified the plans to move forward with beating Daman," Michael said.

"What?"
I asked. I almost fell over, I was no longer ready to flee, I was more likely
to melt into a puddle. I hadn't been expecting the plans to be set so soon,
truthfully, I hadn't been expecting them to be set at all. It had seemed like
there was too much strife and conflict within Michael's group of rebels for any
kind of agreement to be reached.

"We're
going to be leaving soon, tomorrow night actually."

"Wow,"
I said. I actually sat down this time and looked up into the impossibly blue
sky. There was no sun in sight, just cloudless blue stretching endlessly away
from where we were. In fact, it almost seemed like the farther I looked down
the horizon the more there was to see.
　

Behind us was
the trapdoor we had come through after hiking up some steep stairs, a hundred
yards behind that was a thick forest. In front of us and on either side were
sprawling meadows and beyond those, tall jagged mountains, reminiscent of the
Rocky Mountains I had once visited with my family.

Michael cleared
his throat, "Now would be the time to leave if you're having any doubts
about any of it."

"Shouldn't
there be some kind of window in the ground or something? How else would we get
sunlight in that courtyard where Maria likes to go?" I asked.

"There is
no actual window, it's just like the ceiling in your room, just adapted a
little to seem more real. Did you not hear what I just said? I said you could
leave if you wanted to." Michael said. He sounded both annoyed and
confused as to why I had ignored him.

"I heard
what you said," I replied testily, "I'm still sitting for a reason,
I'm not leaving. I'm not going to look like a coward and force you to come up
with a new plan. We've already been over this so stop trying to get me to
leave!"

"I'm
sorry, I just--"

"You're
just doing exactly what I told you not to. I already told you I'm not changing
my mind, nothing you say or do is going to change that!"

I knew Michael
wanted to press it further, despite everything he had done to develop his plan
of action he was still trying to thwart himself to save me. In a way it was
endearing and nice to have someone care for me again, especially since I had
been so focused on caring for Maria and making sure Leigh had someone other
than Michael to talk to.

However, it was
also frustrating, we'd already argued about my participation in Daman's
downfall and I wasn't in the mood
　
for
another row with Michael.
　
He
seemed to sense that and let it drop with a heavy sigh that appeared to take
the strength right from his limbs. He fell to the ground next to me and
　
vigorously rubbed his face with
his hands, after which he ran both hands through his hair
　
and squinted up at the sky.

"Even
Kinga doesn't argue with me this much," Michael said with a short laugh,
"I never thought you'd be like that. When you got here you looked
　
like a
　
tiny, innocent girl while you were
　
unconscious and silent in your
bed. I guess that was just a facade hiding
　
the
truly fiery woman inside."

I laughed at
that and my face burned red, "The interesting thing is, I was never like
this when I was alive. I guess death made me more—well, like I am now."

"I guess
it did," Michael agreed, "But sometimes that's how you have to be, if
you hadn't been that way would you have been able to get away from Daman?"

I hadn't
thought about it that way. I closed my eyes and remembered the last moments in
my hallway. Daman had been crushing me against a wall, threatening me and
frightening me, it would have been easy to succumb and let him take me away
right then, but I had fought him. I don't know why he let me go, maybe he saw
someone that frightened him away, or maybe he just wanted me to lead him to his
brother. Either way, I somehow made it away with only a black circle on my palm
and poison in my lungs.

"I don't
know if it was me, or if it was just luck," I admitted.

"Most
likely a little of both," Michael said seriously, "Daman never was
one to press when someone stood up to him. He's a classic bully; he likes to
win easily and glamorously. It's possible he let you go so he could set himself
up for a more fantastic finale."

"I just
can't believe he deceived me the way he did. I believed he was some sort of
hero, then I find out he's just a murderous, power-hungry—" Michael
stopped me.

"I
know," Michael said. He pressed his palms into his eyes and breathed
heavily.
　
Of course he knew,
he had lived his whole life thinking his brother was one way, feeling sorry for
Daman, protecting him, watching out for him. Even in the last seconds of his
life, Michael's only thought was to save Daman; while Daman was only focused on
taking Michael down with him.

I could see how
conflicted Michael was feeling, he had come to terms with his death, believing
that he had died by accident while trying to save his brother. But then I had
to tell him that he'd actually been murdered by Daman, it was just another nail
in the coffin housing the body of Michael's earthly,
　
naive
　
view
of Daman.

"Do I need
to pack anything?" I asked Michael.

Michael looked
at me, it took him a moment to focus on my face again and another to process
what I had just asked him and why.