Throwing Love #2 (Throwing Love #2) (3 page)

I looked up at Connie and decided
I was going to do it, I was going to listen to that message. Maybe it did make
me an idiot. But I was gonna do it anyways. At least I would know one way or
the other. I hated wondering – at least this way, good or bad, I would
know what really happened. I would know what he had to say. And then I could
make a conscious decision from there about what I really want to do.

“I think I'm going to hit the
ladies room for a minute, too many beers you know?”

She laughed. “No problem.”

I got up from the booth, my head
feeling a little dizzy. I maneuvered around tables and waitresses as I walked
to the bathroom. Maybe I should really cool it on the beer because things were
gain a little bit fuzzy for me. Once inside the bathroom, I went into one of
the stalls and sat down on the toilet. I had no intention of going to the bathroom,
I just needed a place to sit for now. I open up my voicemail messages and
clicked on Bennett's to take a listen to it. I couldn't believe how nervous I
was. It was just a message, after all, and I had already decided to end things.
So what was the big deal?

The moment I heard his voice, I
wanted to cry. I wasn't sure why, but maybe hearing his voice made it all that
much more real. The hopes that I had for the relationship, the fact that I
liked him so much, and now the article that I would have to deal with every day
for the rest of my life – it was all too much to bear at once. I
shouldn't have to deal with any of these things. I had done nothing wrong
– I had just been living my life, minding my own business. And now this,
I hated having to do this stuff. And I didn't want to end things with Bennett.
Our date had been marvelous, but it all got tainted because of the article, and
I felt that he was at least partially to blame.

“God, Emmi, I wish I
could have got you on the phone. My friend Brad just called me about this
ridiculous article he saw. Is that why you aren't answering my call? I just
need you to know that I had nothing to do with what they are saying; in fact I
am completely appalled by reporting so terrible as that. I cannot even believe
they printed that garbage, it's just tabloid fodder, Emmi, and it's completely
untrue. I just need you to know that, I would never do anything like that to
anyone, never mind someone like you. You're father has nothing to do with our
dating, and I would love it if we didn't let this get in the way of us seeing
each other again. I'm going to be travelling, Emmi, and then we have a game, and
so I won't be able to talk right away. But please call back and let me know
when it would be a good time for me to call you tomorrow. Good-”

The message cut him off as he was
saying goodbye. I was speechless in my drunken stupor and wasn't sure what to
think. I wasn't sure if I should even talk to him again. Was there really any
point? What was done was done and we can't change what happened. I wasn't sure
if it was a good idea to call him back. If I called him back, I might as well
give him another chance. By calling him back I would be saying essentially that
I want to continue dating him, and I wasn't sure if I did want to continue
dating him. It wasn't that I didn't believe him because I never really thought
he did anything wrong. There was no proof of it, it was just assumed because of
the article. But that didn't mean he did anything he should be ashamed of. And
I needed to remember that. So it wasn't about believing in him, it was more
about the fact that the opinions other people had about our relationship
tainted things for me before our relationship even started and I even got a
chance to recognize or feel anything for Bennett. And I know that it wasn't his
fault that it started to fall apart, but in the end, that's what happened, and
I needed to realize that maybe being apart was what was best for both of us.
Neither one of us should be in the limelight right now, neither one of us
should be dealing with bad publicity. Especially when neither of us did
anything wrong – it was just a silly thing that happened that shouldn't
have happened and now the two of us were stuck in this mess. The problem was
all I wanted to do was get out of the mess.

If I continued to date Bennett,
there was a good chance that I would continue having to deal with more articles
being printed about our continuing relationship. That was the last thing I
wanted. I want to be able to enjoy the dating part of being with Bennett
without having to deal with negative comments from everybody about our
relationship. It just wasn't fair, and I wasn't sure if I was willing to deal
with that.

Again, it wasn't that I didn't
believe him because there was a large part of me that didn't. The thing about
Bennett was that it just didn't sit well with everything that I had known and
heard about him up until this point. It was just a connotation, the perception
that everyone had now been in and it didn't seem like anybody was rooting for
us or was happy that we were together. In fact, the opposite was happening,
everyone had this perception that Bennett was using me and because of that
perception, everyone thought that I was the fool for being involved with him. Considering
I was in the same industry as he was, the last thing I want to be thought of
was a fool. I wanted people to respect me and see me as a strong female in the
industry, not some girl that caught up with a baseball player and was made a
fool of.

I wasn't sure what I was going to
do; I was drunk and alone and sitting in the bathroom on a toilet feeling
stupid once again. I decide to return back to my booth with Connie and drink
some more. Whether that was a good idea or not didn't matter. I didn't want to
be thinking about this right now. But that had been my mistake, thinking that
coming into the bathroom and listening to the message would somehow make me
feel better, when in fact it did the opposite.

I got up and left the bathroom. I
didn't bother to call him back.

Chapter Five

When my alarm went off at 6 a.m.
the next day, I woke feeling ill and lethargic. I had no interest in getting
out of bed, but I knew I had stuff to do. I rolled over and drank out of the
water glass I had beside my bed. Last night had been a mistake, but I wasn't
going to dwell on it. Today was a new day, and I had to get with the program.
It was unnecessary to wallow in misery. In fact, I had to write an article on
Bennett for the game he had last night. I hadn't talked to my editor about the
poor choice she had made on the article regarding our dating life. I wasn't
even sure yet how I was going to handle that. I couldn't just let it go –
there had to be some kind of discussion about it and I was sure that my editor expected
that. In fact, she probably didn't expect to get an article from me that day,
but I was a professional and would do what I had to do.

I rolled out of bed and went into
the bathroom to clean myself up. The room spun when I got out of the bed, but I
willed myself to ignore it. I was determined not to throw up. With that
thought, I felt a rumble in my stomach. I turned to the toilet immediately and
got on my hands and knees. I threw up everything that was in my stomach and
gagged.

Oh yes, the day would be interesting
indeed. When I was confident I wouldn't throw up again, I picked myself up off
the ground and rinsed my mouth out. I brushed my teeth and hair and made my way
into the kitchen. I put a pot of coffee on because I was going to need it. I
popped a couple of Tylenol and drank a glass of water, something I should have
done before going to bed.

I positioned my laptop on my
kitchen table and booted it up. I watched it go through the motions of turning
on and updating while I waited for my coffee. I poured myself a large cup and
added cream to it before settling into a chair and luxuriating in the smell of
coming out of the cup.

I opened up a Word document and
tried to get my mind right. All I could think about was that last night with
Bennett and then the article that ruined everything. I knew if I was going to
write this thing that I had to be professional and keep my emotions out of it.
This wasn't an article I was writing about my boyfriend or a guy I was dating.
I was writing about a baseball player with talent who wanted to go pro.

I did some quick research on the
game since I wasn't there. It was no big surprise to find out that Bennett was
the shining star that night. The team won the game, of course, and it had a lot
to do with their star pitcher.

I dug into the article and
started typing furiously. I was on a mission to write a brilliant article on
their victory. I would show all the people who had read the last article that I
was clearly so unfazed, I was willing to write my own piece on the team and
Bennett Thomas. I removed myself from the article and kept my emotions out of
it. This was about Bennett and the talent he had as a pitcher. It had nothing
to do with me or us or what would happen between us in the future. This was him
and his team and the fact that they were making a name for themselves in
baseball. He was a god when he went out onto that pitcher's mound and he stayed
that way all through his game. I wrote about his talent and where his passion
for the game came from. I wrote about what it was like for him to be on the
field and then I went through every aspect of the game and what the players did
to become victorious.

I sat back in my seat, two
coffees in, and considered getting a third. I still felt like crap, so it was a
clear win to get more. I also drank another glass of water to flush last night
out of my system. I considered food options as well at that point, as I was
getting hungry.

I sat back down with my refilled
cup and re-read the article. I made corrections as I went through, but had a
hard time focusing. I kept thinking about the night we had stayed together and
made love. I longed to be with him and wished that the article had never
happened. I wanted to be with Bennett, but I didn't see how I could be.

As I was reading the article, I
felt like something was missing from it. It was a pretty great piece, but it
needed something more. A quote...I should have a quote from Bennett in it.
Dammit! I would have to call him, after all. Would I be able to call him and
not discuss our dating situation? The last thing I wanted to do was discuss us,
especially the way I was feeling that morning. I didn't even want to talk to
him. But if I was going to submit the best article that year, then I needed to
get a quote from him.

I went to my bedroom to retrieve
my phone and dialled his number as I walked back out to the kitchen.

It rang once and to my surprise
he picked up immediately and said hello. It totally took me off guard that I
didn't say anything at first.

“Hello? Emmi?” he said again.

“Oh yes, hi, Bennett.”

“Thank God you called back, I was
considering calling you again, but I wasn't sure if you were mad at-”

“Look, Bennett, I'm just calling
because I need to get a quote from you about last night's game for an article
I'm writing for the paper.”

There was a pause and then,
“You're writing an article about me and the team?”

“Yes, it was assigned to me. I
didn't really have a choice.”

“Emmi, I wanted to say that I was
sorry about that article and that I didn't have anything to do with it.”

“Yes, I heard you say that on the
message you left me.”

“Aren't you going to let me
explain?”

“Bennett, all I want right now is
a quote. I feel terrible and I need to get this submitted. Our relationship or
lack thereof should not be discussed over the phone.”

“I understand that, Emmi. I just
don't want you to be mad at me for something I didn't do. I would never do
anything to hurt you – I hope you know that.”

“Bennett...”

“Okay, okay. I understand. I will
give you your quote under one condition.”

“And what's that?”

“You have to agree to see me so
that we can talk about this.”

“Seriously?” I sighed.

“I'm afraid so, those are my
terms. That is, if you really want a quote for your article.”

“Fantastic. I will see you then.
Text me your quote.” I hung up the phone before he could say anything else.

I waited watching my phone for a
response. Finally one came in with the quote,
“My team and I have a great
passion for what we do day in and day out. We love the game and we are going
all the way to the top!”

I took a deep breath and added
the quote to my story. I cleaned it up a bit and then sent it over to my
editor.

Once that was complete, I headed
off to the shower.

Chapter Six

I was on my way to see my editor,
who had requested a meeting with me. I wasn't sure what it could be about, but
I wasn't anticipating any trouble. It had been a week since the article on
Bennett and I had gone to print and I had already spoken with the editor about
it.

After my massive hangover day
from my night out with Connie had lifted, I had gone in to speak with my
editor. It turned out that she was outraged that the article had not been
properly researched. She apologized for having accepted it in the first place,
but had to since it was news and she couldn't hide it just because I was a
writer for the paper.