Thug in Me (6 page)

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Authors: Karen Williams

BOOK: Thug in Me
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Chapter 9
I took a deep breath and prepared myself for whatever was about to go down. I had no choice. I couldn't stop them from whatever they had planned. I kept my back to them.
“You should have just given up the oatmeal, homes, and it wouldn't have been a problem.”
The blow came from nowhere and I found myself dropping to my knees.
More blows came to my head, making me feel lightheaded. I was body-slammed and held down by one while the other continued giving me blow after blow.
The ass-kicking they were giving me was similar to the one the police had given me in my house before I had gotten arrested.
My face was in the dust in the track and I was being stomped repeatedly.
I rolled over so that I was on my back and managed to grab one of the feet stomping me and knocked one of them off their balance.
The other dropped to his knees in front of me and attempted to strangle me. I knocked his hands away then I swung with all my might, cracking another one in the jaw. He flew back from the impact.
I stood to my feet weakly, hoping they were done.
But they still came for me.
I squinted my eyes and tried to see them, which was hard 'cause they were kicking up dirt from the scuffling, which was landing right in my eyes, blinding me and making it hard for me to fight both of them back.
Before I could get to my feet, one guy held me down so the other one could fuck me up. He punched me in one of my eyes, making up for the lucky shot I was able to toss the one holding me down over my shoulders. Then I got the other one in his jaw.
Before I could move, a fist was then slammed into my neck. I flew to the ground from the impact.
They took that opportunity to both hold me down.
“Get the fuck off of me!”
My eyes got wide when one of them took out an object that was slim and sharp around the edges. I knew it had to be a shank. He clinched his teeth and aimed it toward my face. I struggled to get my arms free but couldn't. He took a slice at the side of my face under my right eye. I had never been cut before and the shit hurt like hell.
I bit my bottom lip to keep from crying out as he cut into my skin, leaving an open gash that started bleeding.
“Don't fuck with us,
mayata
,” he warned. He spit in my face. Then he pulled the shank back and aimed it toward my chest.
That's when I heard this loud sound, almost like a siren, and officers yelling for us all to get down.
My arms were released and the dude that cut me slipped away.
I remained on the ground.
I watched as they pulled the two dudes away from me but left me there.
That fight sent me on another trip to the medical unit to treat the cut and the other bruises. The doctor said it would be a permanent scar. It wasn't that big but it was big enough for people to see and in the shape of a moon.
Tyson was on the toilet. I was surprised they didn't put me in solitary again. But it was determined that I was attacked.
“Man, they got you again.”
I didn't say anything. I just got on my bunk and stared up at the ceiling, wondering if they would come for me again.
“All that shit that nigga said about
let them deal with the other shit
and none of y'all didn't do shit to help me.”
“Nigga, I couldn't. You not riding with us. I would have got fucked up if I jumped in.”
I sat up in the bed. “Who is
us
?” I demanded.
“The blacks. You turned your backs on us on the yard. When you decide to join us that's when you will get protected, but you keep walking around here like we your enemies. And word is that those southsiders are planning some shit. But then again, they always planning some shit. Remember, if you ever hear them say this sound,
sur
, it's on and you better be ready to fight, 'cause them southsiders will be coming for your black ass.”
“Have you been in a riot before?”
He pulled the sheet back, stood a little off the toilet, and pulled up his shirt to show me a long scar across his chest. “Yes, a couple times, and in the last one I almost didn't make it out.”
“Don't they try to break it up?” I was referring to the guards and the warden.
“They let us fight for a minute, then they do what they can to contain it. They throw tear gas and eventually move on to firing shots. But they are never able to contain it without calling in outside police. Just remember this: The riots are a double-edged sword. On one hand, if a man is coming for you, you have to protect yourself, but on the other hand you don't want it to look like you're a part of it. So get as far away from it as you can. ”
I frowned and placed my hands behind my head.
Tyson flushed the toilet and went to the sink to wash his hands. “Look, I hate these prison politics just as much as you do. Matter a' fact, I acted just like you did when I first got here. I was pissed off that I was even in this bitch and said fuck the world. Eventually I had to realize that I couldn't make it in here alone. I came here when I was twenty. And now I'm thirty years old. And I feel like I may be getting a year older every year, but my mentality in a sense has never caught up with how old I am because I have no real living to show for the amount of time I've been on this earth because ten years of my living has been in here. Dawg, this is a fucked-up place to be. You're in the other version of hell. That's some crazy shit. Your life is always going to be a struggle while you're in here. I mean, that's if you want to stay alive.”
Maybe dying wasn't a bad alternative to being in here, I thought.
He continued. “But following the prison politics is what kept me alive. You can't be a loner here. You're gonna have to pick a side. That's how it is. This shit is more like a game and the same common sense you use on the streets you gotta use in here. Where you from?”
“I'm no thug. I have never gangbanged but I lived in the Springdales.”
“Fuck gangbanging I never gangbanged either. I don't care if you ain't never gangbanged. I ain't talking about that. It's about having
thug
in you.”
He took a deep breath. “Put it like this. If you grew up in the projects and you made it out, you're a thug. If your mama raised you alone and you made something of yourself, you a thug. It's not about gangbanging or going around robbing people. It's about knowing how to survive with the bare minimum. It's always about having an edge to you that gets you out of bullshit. Being able to make a dollar out of fifteen cents. Making something out of nothing, man. And if you repressed that thug in you, you better let that shit come back out 'cause it's that thug in you that's going to keep you alive in here.”
Before I could say anything else a guard came to our cell with a slip of paper and told me I had a visit.
Man, nothing felt better than seeing my mama's smiling face and being able to hug and touch her hands. It gave me a type of comfort that I really needed. That was the first time I had cracked a smile since I had been in this mess. It was good seeing Calhoun too, who was sitting next to my mama.
“What's up!” He stood and hugged me. I hugged him back.
When we both pulled away he said, “I'm gonna give y'all some privacy.” He went and sat at a table over from us.
I then hugged my mother tightly and sat down across from her. “Hey Mama.”
“Hey baby. I—”
“Before you get into it, don't bother. Whatever you told me and didn't tell me. Whatever you kept from me all those years, I know you had a good reason for it. I'm not mad at you, Mama. I love you.”
Her shoulders shook and her eyes were watery. I could tell she was trying to save face and not cry in front of me. I was trying to do the same.
“How you holding up in here?”
“Good.”
But even as I said this I watched her eyes pass over all the bruises on my face and even the cut that was under my eye.
She had her hands over her mouth. She took them away from her face and asked, “Who cut you, Chance?”
I shook my head. “Mama, don't worry about it. My focus is on getting out of here if I can. Any news on the lawyer?”
“Well, I spoke to Richard Brown. He agreed to still work the case but he needs more money, Chance.”
“How much?”
“He asked for fifteen thousand up front.”
“Damn,” I mumbled. “That's a lot of money. Why so much?”
“Well, he said something 'bout this case going to take up a lot of his time because it is going to be hard to prove you are innocent, and if he is able to get you off he wants to be assured that he gets paid for his work.”
“I have six Gs in savings, that's it. I don't know of another way to get some money.” I knew my mama didn't have it. Neither did Toi. I wasn't going to even bother and ask Calhoun. In that moment I regretted always shelling out dough to Toi for her rent and bills. For the Gucci and Louis Vuitton bags, the vacations and last-minute getaways, the expensive jewelry I had bought her just because. If I hadn't done all these things I would have more money saved.
So I had to make a decision quickly to get the money.
“You can put the house up for sale.”
I shook my head. “No, Mama. Then where you gonna live? I rest a little better knowing you got a roof over your head somewhere safe.”
“Chance, if getting you out of here meant that I had to sleep in a cardboard box, I would.”
“No, Mama.”
“Listen. I can go get a room somewhere. Don't worry about me. We have to get you out of here. You don't belong in here. I already spoke to someone. And you know I don't like doing things without letting you know firsthand, but Toi agreed that selling the house was the best choice to make.”
Just the mention of her name made my heart speed up. I had so many questions to ask my mama about her. Was she okay? Did she mention me? Did she still love me? Why no contact? Instead I asked, “Toi? Mama, how is she doing?”
“She said she is a little shaken up with all of this. But she is being so helpful with the paperwork, since she is better with this stuff than me. She agreed to be your power of attorney. You should be getting the papers in the mail soon. Just sign them and mail them back. She told me to give you her love and apologized for not coming to court and to visit you. But that girl has really been handling business.”
Relief flooded through me. I gave a half smile. So my baby did still love me. 'Cause I was starting to wonder if she still did because I was now locked up and couldn't be much of a man to her and couldn't do much for her like I used to do. I mean, I was her superman before I got locked up. And I didn't have a problem with it because she was my woman. But to know the she was out there fighting for her man restored so much faith in me.
“She said she can't see you in here, that it would break her. But she is on a mission like me, baby, to get you out of here.”
My smile got wider.
“As soon as we find the buyer and we get the money, Chance, we are going to get it to the lawyer.”
Despite what I felt about my mother not having guaranteed housing, I accepted what Toi and my mom were putting in place for me. “Thank you, Mama.”
“Now give me some love.”
We both stood and I pulled my mother in my arms. I didn't want to let her go. But I knew that I had to.
She pulled away, pecked my cheek, and walked to the other table where Calhoun was at.
Calhoun walked over and gave me a bear hug. I hugged him just as tight before us both sat down.
He stared at me, smiled, and shook his head. “Man, this shit is killing me.”
“What?”

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