Thurston House (63 page)

She's happy enough.

No, she's not. She's lonely and sad and she probably knows that you don't care about her any more than you care for the shoes on your feet. He looked down and then up at Sabrina again. There wasn't much he could say.

What do you want me to do? Pretend? She knew what I was when she married me.

And she was a fool. But she's paying a high price for it.

That's life, Mom. He grinned lopsidedly at her and stood up, and she noticed again how handsome he was. But that wasn't enough, and she pitied Arden now even more than she had before. She held her tight for a long moment when she took them to the train.

Call if you need me' . She looked her in the eye. Remember that. I'm right here, and you can always come out. She had been pushing for them to come out for Christmas that year, ever since her talk with Jon. But he wanted to go to Palm Beach, it was more fun for him, and Bill would be there for him to carouse with. San Francisco was beginning to bore him to tears. It was too provincial for him, after Boston, and Paris and Palm Beach and New York. But Arden, who came from all that, was happier in Napa with Sabrina and Andr+!, and Dominique.

We'll see. Arden clung to her and there were tears rolling down her cheeks as the train pulled away, and Sabrina felt a thousand-pound weight on her chest for weeks remembering what he had said to her. It took her that long to admit it to Andr+! and he was horrified.

Antoine was right.

I thought he would be. He should have fought for her.

Maybe he was right about that too. Maybe he couldn't have won. She was so crazy about Jon.

She was dead wrong. He'll ruin her life. It was a terrible thing for a mother to say, but that was how she felt. I just hope she doesn't get pregnant again. That's all she needs. This way, if she sees the light one day, she'll be alone and free to start again. It was an awful thing to wish, for one's daughter-in-law to divorce one's son, but she did. Although she didn't say it to Antoine when he came home on leave again. This time he missed Dominique's birthday, but not by much. He came at the end of November and stayed for a week, and they were on the way to the train station, with the radio on in the car, when news of Pearl Harbor hit.

Oh my God. She stopped the car and stared at him. They were alone.andr+!never came to see him leave anymore, it was too painful for him. My God ' Antoine ' what does that mean? But she already knew what it meant. It meant war ' and for her it meant Jon' . Antoine looked at her with sad eyes.

I'm sorry, Maman. ' She nodded, choked with tears, and started the car again, she didn't want him to miss his train, although actually she wanted that more than anything. What was the world coming to? The whole damn world was at war, and they had two sons to worry about, one in North Africa with De Gaulle and God only knew where they'd send Jon. But within a few days she knew. He had enlisted with Bill Blake after they got drunk the day they heard the news, and Jon was mad as fire. Bill was being shipped a few miles away to Fort Dix, and Jon was being sent to San Francisco, and after that, he'd ship out. He was bringing Arden out with him, and she could stay with Sabrina and Andr+! while he lived at the base.

At least we'll get Christmas together this year. But the prospect didn't please him very much. He was in a hideous mood when he arrived, annoyed at everything, lonely without Bill, and taking it all out on his wife, even on Christmas Eve, which they spent at Thurston House, and eventually Arden left the table in tears as he threw his napkin on the floor. She makes me sick. But not for long. Four days after that, he got his orders, the following day he was shipping out.

Sabrina and Arden and Andr+! and Dominique went to the pier to see him off and there was a flood of humanity everywhere, crying, sobbing, waving handkerchiefs and flags, there was a band playing music from the wharf, and there was a kind of unreality to it all, as though it were a game of Let's pretend, but there was no pretense as they kissed him good-bye, and Sabrina grabbed his arm.

I love you, Jon. She hadn't said it in a long time, and he wasn't an easy person to say things like that to, but in spite of everything she wanted him to know that now.

I love you too, Mom. There were tears in his eyes and then he looked at his wife with his irresistible lopsided smile. Take care of yourself, kid. I'll write to you once in a while.

She smiled through her tears and held tight to him. It seemed unbelievable that he was going now, but after they had said their good-byes, they watched the ship pull out and Arden was convulsed with sobs as Sabrina put an arm around her and held her tight, and Andr+!looked down at them, with Dominique in his arms, and thought of his son so far away. They were terrible times, for everyone, and he only prayed that both boys would come home safe.

Come on, let's go home. Arden had decided to stay with them for a while, and when they went back to Thurston House, it felt like a tomb to all of them, and they left for Napa that afternoon. Somehow life was easier to endure there, there was the gentleness of the countryside, the fresh grass, the blue sky, it was hard to imagine that all wasn't right with the world up there.

And it was here that the telegram came, five weeks after he left. The man in the uniform came one day, knocked at their front door and handed it to Andr+!. He felt his heart stop and tore it open for her, but the tears blurred his eyes before he could see which name was there ' it was Jonathan Thurston Harte ' we regret to inform you that your son is dead ' the sound she made was an animal scream, the same sound she had made when he was born twenty-seven years before. He left the world as he had entered it, through his mother's heart, with a piercing scream as she reached out to Andr+!, and Arden stood by in shock, and then Sabrina went to her, and the three of them clung to each other late into the night. Even Dominique cried. She understood now. Her brother had died. He was never coming back.

Which one? she kept asking Andr+!, confused about who it was.

Jon, sweetheart ' your brother, Jon. And then he held her close to him, cradling her on his lap, feeling guilty that it was Jon and not Antoine, and at the same time relieved that it was not. He couldn't look at Sabrina all day, so great was the guilt he felt, but she saw it there, she knew him too well.

Don't look at me like that. Her face was almost unrecognizable she had cried so hard. You didn't make the choice. God did. And with those words, he came to her arms and sobbed and prayed that God would not make that choice again. He couldn't have borne to lose Antoine. Maybe it had happened to Jon because Sabrina was stronger than he was, he thought. But however he turned, whichever way he looked, it made no sense anyway. God gave and He took, and He gave and then He took again until it made no sense at all.

WHAT are you doing today? Sabrina looked over her shoulder at her daughter-in-law playing with Dominique. Arden had decided to stay on, without ever actually deciding that. She had just never gone home. And she had been in Napa with them for five months now. It was June 1942, and Antoine was due home on leave in July this year. He had been hit in the left arm a few months before, but it had been no major wound. The only benefit of it was that he was working in De Gaulle's office now, and they were grateful for that. Do you want to come into town with me, or stay here?

Arden mused and then smiled at the woman she loved so much. I'll come into town. What are you going to do?

Just some things at the house ' She didn't want to upset her now. She had recovered very well. They had discovered after Jon's death that she was pregnant again, but she had lost it almost immediately this time. Maybe it just wasn't meant to be. But they had been difficult words to hear, and to say when Sabrina said them to her. She would have loved to know Jon's child ' her only grandchild ' but it was too late to cry about that now, and they were all recovering slowly from the blow. The sun still rose every day, and the hills were green, and the grapes were beautiful, and each day it all began again, and somehow life didn't seem so painful after a while. She had felt as though she were stumbling along the ground for a long time, but Andr+! had helped her up, and she had Dominique to bring her joy and give her love to, and Arden as well.

Any news from Antoine? Arden sounded casual as they drove into town. She was holding Dominique on her lap, and the child was asleep. She loved riding with them in the car, and especially loved her Aunt Arden, as she called her.

Nothing much. He's all right. Some funny stuff about De Gaulle, she knit her brows, but I showed you that. He's still coming in when he said he was. Arden looked at the passing countryside and then down at the sleeping child on her lap.

He's a very special man. It was the first time she had really talked about him since Jon died, and Sabrina had wondered if she had guilt feelings about that. Jon had been so rotten to her, there was no denying that. Maybe she had even wished him dead once or twice. That would have made it harder when he died. ' I almost fell in love with Antoine a long time ago.

Sabrina smiled as she drove. I knew that. And then, she moved on to more delicate ground. I think he was in love with you then too.

Arden nodded. I know. But I was so crazy about Jon.

Antoine understood. He said you'd marry him long, long before you did.

He did? She looked stunned. How did he know?

Sabrina laughed this time. You said it yourself. He's a very special man. The two women exchanged a smile and crossed the new bridge into town. Sabrina liked the Golden Gate. It had a majestic quality to it, much more so than the Bay Bridge. She remembered the days of steamers and trains ' how swiftly time passed ' it was hard to believe that she was fifty-four years old, hardest for her to believe it. She didn't feel that old. Where did it all go? And why so fast? Why didn't one have more time? ' but thoughts like that reminded her of Jon. And that was why she had come into town. She had come to watch them install the plaque.

On the side of the house, where they had begun it long ago, was the little niche her father had had put in, and he had told her what he had wanted done, and she had done it for him ' and John Harte ' and now Jon ' all those who had lived in Thurston House, so that one day no one would forget ' so that they were all there.

The men were waiting for her when she arrived, and it was a small handsome piece of bronze, and she showed it to Arden now, and they went out to the garden that was so small now, but had once been so large. And Sabrina glanced at her plants, at the bright flowers, as the men drilled and then attached the plaque. There were three of them now ' Jeremiah Arbuckle Thurston ' John Williamson Harte ' Jonathan Thurston Harte ' it was sad seeing their names there, with the dates that framed their lives.

Why did you do that? Arden looked at her with big sad eyes.

So no one forgets.

Til never forget you. The men were gone, and Arden looked at her. You will always be part of this house for me.

Sabrina smiled and gently touched her cheek and then glanced at the plaque with the names of the men she had loved. As they are for me ' my father ' John ' Jonathan. ' The words brought their faces to mind ' almost seemed to bring them to life again, and then Sabrina looked at her. My name will be there one day ' Andr+!'s ' yours' Antoine's' . The only one who had disappeared was Camilie. There was no plaque for her. She had chosen to abdicate, and she was erased from all memory. The past is an important thing. It is to me, it has been to this house ' how it came to be here she thought of her father then who loved it, who brought it along from then into now. But the present is important too. That part belongs to you, she dared to say the words she hoped for them, and perhaps Antoine, perhaps you, will live here one day. ' And then she looked at Dominique cavorting in the flower beds, and suddenly she stopped, as though she knew her mother was talking about her. And the future is hers. Thurston House will be hers one day. I hope it means as much to her as it has to us. She was born in this house.' Sabrina smiled, remembering her birth with Andr+! at her side, my father died in this house' . She looked back up at it, at the rooms she loved and knew so well, and then she smiled at Dominique again. It was a legacy she was leaving her, or would leave one day, of people who had come before, leaving their mark, and their heart, and their love.

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Copyright -! 1983 by Benitreto Productions, Ltd.

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ISBN: 978-0-307-56700-0