Tied (17 page)

Blue-Eyes smiles wide. “Hello again.”

I don’t want to be rude, but—screw it—I’ll go with rude. “What are you doing here?”

“You said this was where you were staying.”

“I also said we’d be busy.”

She responds coyly, “But I saw the look you gave me. I knew you only said that so your girlfriend wouldn’t get upset. So she wouldn’t think you were interested.”

Okay—I’m all for women who are assertive. You are sexual
beings with needs. Own it. Relish it. But coming on strong to a guy who blatantly doesn’t want you isn’t going to change his mind.

It just makes you look pathetic.

Her hand reaches out to rub my chest, but I catch her wrist before she makes contact.

“Except I’m really
not
interested.”

Like a horny ghost, Jack appears at my side. “I, on the other hand, am
very
interested.” He takes her elbow and leads her away. “Don’t mind Drew—he’s a blind fool. How about we get you a drink?”

The brunette friend fades into the crowd, but the baby face just stands there looking blank. She twirls her hair in that “dumb blonde” way that makes me suspect her IQ may actually be lower than Warren’s. But she’s hot—definitely a step above the trough he’s been feeding at lately. I nudge him with my arm and jerk my chin in the blonde’s direction.

He wipes his hands on his pants nervously. Then he speaks to her. “Hey, wanna hear a joke?”

And all my hard work goes down the fucking tubes.

“Okay,” she answers.

“What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?”

“What?”

“Oh, sheet.”

Blondie’s lips pout in confusion. “I don’t get it. Is the blanket, like, computerized?”

Warren’s face falls. “No . . . it’s . . . let me try another one. What did the duck say . . .”

I wrap my arm around his neck and squeeze, cutting off his air supply just a little. “Billy—remember what the doctor said about your voice?”

I turn to the girl, hoping to salvage Operation PPFW. That’s Premium Pussy for Warren, in case you weren’t sure.

“My friend here is a singer. Billy Warren? He has to save his voice for his next concert—doctor’s orders.”

Her eyes open wide and her tone is dim-witted. “My horoscope said I was going to meet someone famous today! Billy Warren—I didn’t recognize you. I totes loved your last single.”

Matthew calls, “Drew, come on—you gotta roll.”

“Right.” I fish a handful of quarters from my pocket and slap them into Warren’s hands. “Why don’t you kids go play the slots? You’ll be safer there.”

With a giggle, Blondie informs me, “The way the wheels go around and around is so funny! I love slot machines.”

“That makes so much sense,” I tell her.

Could you imagine the children these two would have? Maybe genetic selection isn’t evil after all.

I shove Warren away. “And remember, don’t fucking talk.
At all
.”

He smiles and gives me two thumbs up. He looks so grateful and brainless, I can’t help but laugh as they walk away.

Twenty minutes later, Matthew and I are still on fire. Unstoppable. He’s taken over rolling, and I shift our chips around, betting big because we’re up by a lot. Matthew rolls a two and the room erupts in cheers. I give him a man shake and double our bet.

Which is when a certain semi-stalker flight attendant shows up next to me. Again.

“Can I give you a blow?”

My ears immediately perk up. “Excuse me?”

She points to Matthew. “The dice. Can I blow them for you? For luck?”

How about you blow me instead?
I immediately think. Because I may be a man in a committed relationship—but I’m still a man.

That is the curse of evolution. Instincts. It’s why most guys have such a hard time with monogamy. Because our natural drive is to spread our seed around—offer it to as many willing partners as possible. We don’t have to act on it, but the impulse is always there. So the next time you think your guy is flirting with some random ho bag? Try not to get too upset. He’s waging an epic internal battle against his own body’s inclinations.

“Not needed,” I tell her. “We’re on a streak—never mess with a streak. These dice are doing fine on their own.”

My phone buzzes in my pocket. The text from Kate says the girls are finally ready and on their way down to the casino.

Flight girl leans over my shoulder and looks at my phone. “Cute kid. He yours?”

She’s referring to the picture of James on my main screen. I took it a few weeks ago, when I was trying to get James to eat a bowl of pasta. He wasn’t pleased with his meal and told me so by dumping the whole fucking thing on his head.

“Yep.”

She moves close to my ear and cuts me off. “We don’t have to play these games. I have a hotel room waiting two blocks away. I want you. It’s obvious you want me. Stop fighting it.”

I lean back. “Did we forget to take our meds this morning?”

She laughs. Sounds kind of like Norman Bates, doesn’t she? Throughout my debauched pre-Kate years, I encountered my fair share of
Fatal Attraction
, I’ll-never-fuck-you-even-if-you-
are-that-hot-because-you-obviously-have-several-screws-loose women. They’re out there and they’re not hard to spot. I was a master at avoiding, deflecting, and escaping their fanatical grasp.

But it looks as if I’m out of practice. Because before I can stop her, she swipes the phone out of my hand and moves back a few steps.

Anger flashes on my face and in my voice. “Give me back my goddamn phone.”

She smiles. “Come and get it.” She puts my phone down her frigging dress.

You have
got
to be kidding me. I turn to Matthew. “I don’t suppose you want to help me out with this?”

He looks down at the chips, then back to me. “There’s like a hundred grand here, man.”

Of course there is.

Have you ever seen
Flash Gordon
? You know that scene where Flash has to put his hand in the rock? The one with the grotesque, prickly snake thing inside it, just waiting to bite him? That’s pretty much what I’m feeling right now.

I crack my knuckles and shake my hands out. “Cover me. I’m going in.” Then I shove my hand down the front of her dress. I limit the physical contact as best I can, but the dress is tight. So upon entry, I immediately realize this chick is sporting a fake set of tits. And a nipple ring.

Don’t judge me. Do I look like I’m enjoying this, for God’s sake?

Psycho Flight Girl, on the other hand, seems to be enjoying it a whole bunch, if her moans are any indication. “Oooh, that’s nice. A little to the left.”

I roll my eyes and try to find a happy place. Then, the most improbable thing happens. Or, an absolute certainty, depending on your point of view.

“What the
hell
is this?!”

Care to guess whose voice that is?

I don’t even have to turn around, but I do. “Kate!”

I shake my head, trying my damnedest to deny that any of this is happening. “This isn’t . . . I’m not . . .” Yes, my arm is still biceps deep inside this chick’s dress.

I rip it out.

And point at her like an older sister accusing a younger one of wearing her favorite sweater. “She took my phone and won’t give it back.”

Sensing I’m in deep shit, Warren and Jack wander over to watch the show. Matthew just keeps gambling.

Kate struts forward and holds out her hand, simultaneously subjecting the woman to the thousand-watt bitch-glare.

The psycho woman rolls her eyes and takes the phone out of her dress. Kate gets an ever-ready bottle of antibacterial spray out of her purse, squirts the phone with it, wipes it with a tissue, then hands it back to me—spraying my hand for good measure.

After that, all of Kate’s pissed-off radiance turns back to the flight attendant. Her voice is low and deadly serious. “I put up with your shit on the plane because I didn’t want to spend the first hours of my vacation in the custody of federal air marshals. But we’re not on the plane now.” Kate holds up her left hand. “See this ring? It means I belong to him. And the tattoo of my name on his arm means he belongs to me.
All
of him. His dick is a compass, and I’m due north—it
only
points to me.”

Well, there’s something you don’t hear every day.

“So you are going to disappear, right now. Or I’m going to kick your ass from one end of this casino to the other. And you might want to take a look around—’cause it’s a damn big casino.”

The flight attendant’s eyes narrow into slits. As she replies,
her head does that urban-slide thing that looks incredibly fucking stupid but means she’s ready for war. “You think you can take me? You and what army, bitch?”

Erin walks up and stands next to Kate. “This one.”

Psycho laughs—and I kind of don’t blame her. Even in heels, Erin is shorter than Kate by about two inches. Together, they’re not exactly poster girls for intimidation. Until Dee-Dee comes on the scene. And although her physical stature isn’t that different from Erin’s and Kate’s, the disturbed, unbalanced look in her eyes makes up for it in a big way.

I shiver.

Psycho Woman stands her ground, but her expression is a little less sure. Then comes the icing on the cake. Which would be my sister—standing a foot above the other girls like the mighty Amazon she is.

Her smile is downright scary. “The way my hormones are raging, I would like nothing more than to rip out those cheap extensions on your head and nail them to my wall like a hunting trophy.”

Now Psycho actually looks frightened. She glances around, searching for backup. My sister does a head slide of her own. “Don’t look for your friends. They’ve moved on to fatter, stupider targets.”

Delores clenches her fists. “The cheese stands alone.” She sniffs the air. “And it’s stinky. Ever heard of feminine wipes? Might want to invest in some.”

As hilarious and . . . disturbingly sexy . . . as this whole situation is to watch, I don’t want Kate to have to deal with a wack job because of me. She’s had to do that enough already. So I take the path of least resistance and grab a security guard. “We’re guests at the main villa, and this . . . person”—I gesture to Psycho—“is
harassing me and my fiancée. I’d like her removed from the premises immediately.”

Psycho Woman doesn’t take it well. “You can’t do that!”

“I’m pretty sure I just did.”

Security Guy checks my hotel key. “Sorry about the trouble, Mr. Evans.” Then he tells her firmly, “You’re going to have to come with me, miss.”

“What? No—I know my rights! Don’t touch me!”

When more security comes on the scene, she screeches again, like a charging boar. Before they drag her out, she spits one final threat my way. “This isn’t over, asshole!”

So much for friendly skies.

Then she’s gone. But the fun’s not over yet. This—right here—is my favorite part.

Because Warren says, “You should’ve decked the bitch, Katie. I haven’t seen you throw down in years.”

His blonde companion may not have two brain cells to rub together, but she’s loyal. “Hey—that’s my friend! Bastard.”

And then—

Slap.

She gets him dead in the face. Hard enough to leave an instant crimson handprint.

Blondie stomps off dramatically. While holding his flaming cheek, Warren looks at me and says, “Ugly girls don’t hit so fucking hard.”

Once the excitement dies down, everyone pairs off to talk and continue gambling. Leaving Kate and me relatively alone. “What was Billy saying about ugly girls?” she asks.

I wave my hand. “Irrelevant. Let’s go back to the part where my dick is a compass and you’re due north.”

She covers her eyes. “I can’t believe I said that.”

I take her hands away. “Don’t be embarrassed. I’m very proud. Just out of curiosity—we’re talking about a monstrously huge compass, right?”

Kate pushes me on the shoulder. “Stop fishing for compliments. Let’s talk about the stewardess who followed you here—am I going to have to get you a bodyguard?”

Only then do I notice her outfit. Black miniskirt, black, high-heeled boots that end just below her knee, and a sparkly pink top that leaves nothing to the imagination.

Stunning.

I walk around her like a predator circling a tasty morsel. “No, but if that’s what you’re wearing, I’m thinking about hiring a whole team of bodyguards for you.” I finger the pink, sequined crown on her head. It says
BRIDE-TO-BE
. “That’s a keeper.”

She touches it too. “Like that, do you?”

I imagine turning it into a game. Seeing how long Kate can keep the crown balanced on her head while I do unspeakable things to her. “Very much.”

“Dee-Dee got it for me.”

I shrug. “Even a broken clock is right twice a day.”

The broken clock herself yells, “All right, ladies—our chariot has arrived!”

Matthew cashes out our winnings. I hold Kate’s hand as we all walk through the casino together. Matthew and Delores bicker playfully as we approach the lobby.

“I’m not apologizing,” he tells her in a teasing voice.

“Good for you. Remember that the next time you’re in the mood to play lecherous photographer and nude model—and I tell you to go screw your camera lens.”