Tied Together (11 page)

I couldn’t believe I let Brandon blow his load on my face. Scratch that; I could believe it because it had been a huge fantasy of mine. I wasn’t sure if he would go through with it since it was his first time getting a blow job. Then something occurred to me. Had Brandon ever been with… anyone? He went on that date with that girl from the bar and it didn’t go as planned, but that didn’t mean he hadn’t experimented sexually with her. Shit.

I patted the floor around my knees blindly for my discarded shirt. Jizz in your eyes stung like a bitch. Not that I knew from personal experience. All right, maybe I did. There was this one time I watched some kind of frat boy porn and shot a load so far skyward it smacked me right in the eye. I swore I was blind for two days after that. I considered wearing an eye patch, but then I would have had to explain to people that I shot a load into my eye. Instead of the eye patch, I was better off putting cold compresses on it and avoiding frat boy porn in the future.

“Here.” Brandon handed me my T-shirt.

“Thanks.”

After my face was in decent shape, I looked at Brandon sprawled out on my bed. That was a picture I wanted burned into my memory forever. He had his arms behind his head—relaxed and utterly content. There was a soft smile spread across his face, but what I noticed most was that he just seemed… comfortable. I didn’t quite know what to say. “
How was it for you? Thanks for the spooge facial; my skin feels so renewed.”

“You look like you just got caught stealing a kid’s candy and leaving rocks in the bag instead.” His smile grew large.

“Well, I did steal something. Didn’t I?”

Brandon’s eyebrows furrowed, and he titled his head. “What do you mean?”

I wasn’t sure how to go about this, so I went the only way I was comfortable with… direct. “I know you haven’t been with anyone since I’ve met you. I don’t know about your sexual past before that point, you never seemed comfortable talking about it. Have you ever gotten a blow job before? Did you try anything with a girl before we met? I sort of feel silly asking; you’re my best friend. It’s probably something I should know.”

Brandon covered his eyes with his hands, and then spread a couple of his fingers apart to look at me. “No.” He covered his eyes back up.

“Hey,” I said, reaching over and yanking his hands from his face. “There’s nothing to be embarrassed about. I just thought maybe with that girl you went out with—Nicole?”

Brandon’s face turned beet red. “Umm, yeah. That didn’t go over so well.”

“Not that I’m thrilled it didn’t go well, but what happened? You seemed so smooth at the bar; I thought for sure you had it in the bag.” The thought of Brandon being with this chick made me want to go trap her in a basement and pull a
Silence of the Lambs
on her ass.

“I couldn’t because of you,” he said, lifting his knees to his chest and locking his hands around them. That gave me a clear view of his ass and half-mast cock, which in turn, made my very throbbing cock hurt.

“What do you mean me?”

“Every time she made a move on me, I kept thinking of you.”

It was my turn to blush furiously. Brandon continued. “I tried getting into it, testing myself to see if I could be interested in girls and maybe the thoughts of being gay were all in my head.”

“And?”

“The only way I was able to get a boner was when I closed my eyes and thought it was you stroking me, not her.”

Well, fuck me.
“I would say that what happened with her pretty much solidified things for you?”

“You can say that.” He gave me a wry smile.

“I have an idea. I’m going to shower, we can swing by your place for a change of clothes, and then let’s go out on a date.”

“A date?”

“Yeah, you know, when two people like each other and want to get to know what the other person’s like—”

“Ryan Keller, are you asking me out?” he said, adding a fake southern drawl for effect.

“Shut it, asshole. You should be so honored I’m gracing you with my presence.”

“Cocky son of a bitch.”

“Is that a yes tied around an insult?

“Yes, I would love to go out with you.”

My smile brightened, and I stood from the bed, my cock jutting out straight in front of me. I looked at Brandon, whose gaze was transfixed on my dick. I had to give him credit; he didn’t look away when I caught him staring.

“Umm, Ryan?”

“Yeah, Bran?”

“You… well… you. And I didn’t, uh—” He waved his hands around his cock and then at mine.

I walked over to where he lay on the bed and bent down to kiss him. I hovered over him. “You don’t have to return the favor. This wasn’t about tit for tat. I wanted to make you feel good and, to me, that’s satisfying enough. Not to mention a massive turn on. It made me feel fantastic knowing I was the one giving you that pleasure, that it was my mouth on you.”

“But what happens if I want to?”

I paused, taken aback. I didn’t mean to push Brandon too far since this was so new to him.

“You could always join me in the shower.” I put the bait out there and waited to see if he would take it.

“It would save us some time and conserve water,” he said, returning my kiss.

He got out of bed and took my hand in his. My heart leapt at this gesture, and I wanted to break out in a jig from pride. This was a huge step for Brandon to take the lead. The shy boy I once knew had all but disappeared. He took my hand and led me to my bathroom. He opened the shower door and turned on the knob to get the water going. I immediately felt the loss when he took his hand away. It was if his hand in mine was always meant to be. Oh God, I was starting to sound like such a pussy. Next thing I knew, I’d be reciting Shakespeare to Brandon while feeding him grapes.
Fairest Brandon, wherefore art thou penis? Thou shall stroke it until thy milky white substance runneth.

“Ready?” Brandon broke the Shakespearean play I had crafted in my head and pulled me under the warm water stream.

“I’m typically not into watersports.” I chuckled. Oh shit, the post-intimacy word vomit was approaching.

“ ‘Watersports’?” Brandon quirked his eyebrow in the delicious way he did when he was curious.

“When people piss on each other for sexual pleasure. It’s called watersports.”
Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Brandon’s jaw dropped. “Umm, okay. And what made you think of that?”

I watched the water rain down on Brandon’s head, his back, legs, and then swirl down the drain. Beads of water glistened over his skin. I wanted to lick them away. I admired the beginnings of a six-pack on his abdomen. Brandon had started working out more in the past year; I could see the difference in his body. Especially now, since I was up close and personal with it.

“Ryan?”

“Hmm?” I was lost admiring all things Brandon’s body. Especially his dick, which was returning to a full erection. I guess the recovery time for Brandon was less than zero.

“Ryan,” he said again, lifting my head to look at him.

“Sorry, but looking at you makes me lose myself.”

“How about I give you turn by turn directions to bring you back?” Using the hand he had on my chin, he drew it down my chest, across my stomach, and grabbed his desired mark. I gasped as my eyes rolled into the back of my head.

“If you wanted my attention, you have it completely,” I said, putting my hands on the shower wall to try to steady myself.

“Good, because I need you to show me exactly what you like.”

“Brandon, gah!” My hips jerked, and he ran his fingers over the head of my cock, which was extremely sensitive. “I told you that you don’t—” Before I could finish, his lips crashed down on mine. Brandon’s tongue darted out, seeking entrance. He stroked my cock faster, but I broke the kiss and grabbed his hand. “Wait.”

His hand broke free of mine and took a step back. He slumped and slammed his eyes shut. “Sorry. Am I doing it wrong? God, I’m such an idiot.”

“What?” I blurted. “Oh, fuck no.” I pulled Brandon back to me. “Open your eyes,” I said, no, pleaded. He obliged, but insecurity plagued his downcast eyes. “Brandon, I stopped you because it felt too good. I was almost ready to bust a nut and make an ass out of myself,” I added with a small chuckle.

His eyes lifted; a hesitant smile graced his lips. “Really?”

“Uh, yeah. I’m pretty sure I know when I’m about to blow a load.” The small smile then turned into a large brighter one. If I wasn’t mistaken, I detected a hint of cockiness there, too. “I also want to try something with you that will make us both feel good.”

I took his hand and brought it to my lips for a kiss. He hummed in appreciation, and that small noise made me feel like I could reach for the moon. I palmed his very strong erection in my free hand. His hum of approval turned into a dirty, sexy moan as I stroked his length. Moving closer to him, I took my cock and paired it with his in my hand, stroking them together in a slow rhythm.

“Fuuuck,” Brandon growled. He rested his forehead against mine.

“This is what I want. Holding us together is what feels right for me—for both of us.”

Brandon didn’t respond, but his eyes spoke volumes. His eyes were bright and filled with lust. His breathing became more labored, and he whimpered when I twisted my grip.

“Here,” I said, putting his other hand on top of the one I was using to jack us off. “I want you to take over, okay?” He nodded when I released my hand from under his. He initially followed the same pace that I had been using but increased the tempo, searching for more friction.

“God… feels… so… good,” he said between pants.

“That’s right, baby, keep stoking us together.” I kissed the side of his face until I got to his ear. I licked the shell and then said, “I love feeling your dick slide against mine. I can’t wait for you put it inside of me and fuck me until I can’t see straight.”

“Oh Jesus Christ, Ryan!”

He stroked even faster, making me lose my concentration. I had all intentions of walking him through this, but he was a natural. He had me bucking my hips toward him, fucking his big hand.

“I can’t hold it, I’m coming!” Brandon came hard and fast all over his hand and his cock. I looked down where we were joined and completely lost it when I saw his cum all over my dick. I roared out my release, gripping Brandon’s biceps so hard I’m sure I left marks. We both went still, coming down from the high and letting the water dance on our skin and wipe away the evidence of our pleasure.

“Brandon?”

“Yeah?”

“Can I just tie myself to you, and you can jerk me off at your convenience?”

He let out a deep, husky laugh. “Sure. But only if I can tie myself to you, in case you ever feel the need to give someone a blow job.”

“Not anyone. Just you, always you.” I pressed gentle kisses on his cheek and then his lips.

“So that’s it, then. We’re tied together.”

There were some momentous occasions in life that would be burned in my brain for as long as I lived. This day was one of those occasions. My feelings for Ryan were out in the open, and I’d told him about what fuck-ups my parents were. Reflecting on that, I wished I’d told him about my parents sooner. Hell, I wished I’d told him
everything
sooner, but I was too scared. Scared about what would happen if someone else knew about all the horrible things my dad did to me and anxious to come to terms with my feelings for Ryan. I should have known he’d be supportive, and I cursed myself for thinking otherwise.

There was the feeling of him touching me, having his mouth on me, and me getting us both off didn’t compare to anything I’d ever felt up to that point. Not even the jubilation I felt at my high school graduation when I knew I was finally leaving the trailer park. I couldn’t even compare it to the feeling of being accepted into one of the top medical programs in the country. Being with Ryan had its own kind of high, one that I could quickly become addicted to.

After finishing up in the shower, Ryan got ready to take me home. I desperately needed to get some schoolwork done as finals were quickly approaching. I was putting my shoes on when Ryan came up behind me and started kissing my neck.

“Mmm,” I hummed. “If you keep that up, we’ll never get out of here.”

“Maybe that’s my diabolical plan. I also rent out space in the basement of the complex so I can keep my sex slaves in there. I think you would make an excellent addition to my collection.” Ryan chuckled in my ear.

“That’s very disturbing and will never be talked about again.” I got up and headed toward the door.

“Well, damn. What am I going to do with Fernando, Ken, and PiPi in the basement?” He put his hands on his hips.

“ ‘PiPi’?” I raised my brows.

“Actually it’s pronounced
PiePie
.”

“You do know that you’re not ten anymore, right?”

He walked over toward me, took his car keys from the table by the door, gave me a chaste kiss on the lips, and put on his aviator glasses. “You love me,” he said, opening the door and walking into the hallway.

I froze at those words.
You love me.
Knowing Ryan, he probably didn’t realize what he’d said. Or if he did realize what he said, I was sure it was in jest. Those three words held so much meaning and promise for me when it came to my feelings for Ryan. I’ve wanted to be with him for so long, I couldn’t remember a time in my life when those feelings didn’t even exist. A reply sat on the tip of my tongue, but this wasn’t the time or the place to express my love for him. I let the words roll off my shoulders and kept quiet while we walked down to his car.

I got into Ryan’s Honda, feeling a little off balance. My head swirled like a tornado from everything that had happened between us. It was all so much to process; I didn’t even know where to start. Ryan must have sensed my unease because after he had pulled out of his parking space, he grasped my hand. I threaded our fingers together and gave him a quick squeeze. I needed him to ground me in all of this.

“So I think we should have a party at my place to celebrate your big coming out,” Ryan said, not taking his eyes off the road.

“Excuse me?” I said, taken aback.

“Yeah, we can invite all your premed friends and our friends and have a get together. I want everyone to know we’re officially a couple. Plus, I want to show off your beautiful ass to the ladies and show them they can’t have you. But then again, once they find out you’re gay, they’re going to want you even more. Women have this weird thing about going after gay guys even when they know we’ve exiled the pussy—”

“Ryan!” I snapped. My hands started turning clammy, and I felt the collar of my shirt getting tight around my neck.

“What? Hetero guys call it pussy. Was a law passed that gay guys can’t say the word pussy? I mean it’s a lot better than saying cun—”

“Ryan!” I pulled my hand out of his. The small space in the car felt like it was closing in.

“Brandon, what’s wrong?”

“Pull over.” I braced my hand on the door and the center console.

Ryan looked at me and back to the road and then back to me again. “Now?”

“Pull over!” I screamed, trying to gasp for air. I rolled down the window for air.

Ryan swerved the steering wheel. Car horns honked at us as Ryan switched lanes until he got to the shoulder. He put the car in park, tore off his seatbelt, and faced me. I closed my eyes, trying to count my breaths until I could calm down. I swallowed around the dryness in my throat. My hands shook and my vision blurred.

“What the fuck just happened?” Ryan asked, putting his hand on my shoulder.

“I don’t know.” That was a lie. I knew full well what just happened. The thought of letting everyone in on the secret that I had buried for so long petrified the living shit out of me. It was one thing to come out to Ryan; I trusted him. The thought of coming out to a whole group all at once was daunting. I wasn’t ready to answer people’s questions about coming out or how long I’ve known I was in love with Ryan. How could I possibly explain to others how I felt about being a gay man if I was just coming to grips with in myself?

“We don’t have to have a huge party. I was only thinking of twenty or so.”

“I can’t do it,” I said softly and buried my face in my hands.

Ryan sat in his seat and looked at me, trying to comprehend what I was saying.

“Can’t do what? Brandon, I need you to talk to me.”

“I can’t do a party.” I took my hands away from my face, but I couldn’t look at him.

“So we won’t have a party. That’s cool, I guess. We’ll just tell people one at a time.”

“No.” I shook my head adamantly.

“Brandon, what the hell? Can you tell me what’s going on in your head because even though I’m awesome at a lot of things, I’m not a mind reader.”

I wrung my hands, knowing the words that were about to come out were going to hurt him. “I can’t tell people I’m gay.”

The silence that enveloped the car was deafening. I looked at Ryan from the corner of my eye; he was as still as a statue. His eyes burned into my skin like the lashings I’d gotten from my dad. It hurt just as much as the switch did.

Finally, Ryan broke the silence. “I’m sorry. I could have sworn it was your dick I was sucking upstairs and your hand jerking us off. Because if it wasn’t, tell me where I can find that guy so I can fuck him instead of the asshole sitting in front of me.”

“You don’t have to be so crass.” I finally looked at him. His jaw was tight, and he narrowed his eyes at me.

“Really?” His raised his voice. “It wasn’t even a few hours ago that these
crass
words had you coming so fucking hard in my mouth.”

His tone made me flinch, and shame washed over me like a tidal wave.

“So how was this going to work for you, Brandon? Were you just going to go on your merry way, doing what you normally do, and then secretly come over and use my mouth to get off? Where you just going to introduce me as a friend to everyone, but at night let me fuck you until you’re too sore to walk?”

“Stop it!” I screamed, breaking Ryan’s tirade. The degradation melted into pure anger. “You have no room to say anything. You always had it so easy, Ryan. You had a family and friends who supported you one hundred percent, the perfect life that every gay guy dreams of. Everything was handed to you on a silver platter, and not once did you stop and realize that not everyone is as fortunate as you.”

I couldn’t stop the tears from rolling down my face, each drop filled with frustrations I had harbored for so long. “You didn’t have to suffer years of abuse at the hands of your father. The bullies at school didn’t tease you endlessly. How do you expect me to put all that behind me in one day to satisfy your need show me off as your boyfriend?”

“So you don’t want to be my boyfriend?” Ryan’s eyes narrowed, and the muscles in his jaw tensed. “I want to show everyone that you belong to me.”

“Are you listening to yourself?” I asked incredulously. “Is that all you’re doing? Parading me around as your arm candy?”

“No.” His face went soft, and he put his hand on my knee. “Brandon, those years are behind you now. You have me; I’ll take care of you. I’ll protect you.”

“I can’t!” I yelled. “I told you before; it’s not your fucking job to protect me. I need to learn how to do this myself.” I took a deep breath and looked out the passenger side window, hoping the answers I sought were lying on the side of the road.

Ryan tugged my hand. “Hey, I think we need to calm down.”

I didn’t respond, and he removed his hand. He started the car and turned back into traffic.

We remained silent all the way back to my apartment. My tears had stopped, but my mind still reeled with the complexity of what I had just done to Ryan. I was pushing him away. Anxiety engulfed me at the prospect of losing him, but I need him to understand how difficult it was for me to take a step this huge. It seemed so simple when we were lying in bed, sated in a postorgasm high. But in the light of day, my demons were still very much alive and revving to destroy any prospect of happiness.

Ryan didn’t turn the engine off when he stopped in front of my building. “You’re right. I can’t imagine what you’ve gone through.”

I looked at him; his eyes still held anger and rejection.

“I’ve wanted you for so long that I can’t even remember a time I didn’t fantasize about the two of us together.”

I nodded.

“But I can’t do it anymore. Brandon. I can’t wait while you hide in the closet. Especially knowing how good you taste on my lips and how perfect our bodies feel against each other, or how I know I would lose any rational thought when I buried myself inside of you.”

My breath hitched. I’d dreamt and jerked off thinking about it more times than I could count.

“Ryan, I just need some time.” My words sounded so weak and hollow.

Ryan shook his head. “I need you just like you need me. But I won’t be someone’s secret, especially yours. I love you, and I would do anything to make sure you were safe. But it’s pretty obvious that you don’t trust me.”

He loves me.
My heart wanted to spring out of my chest and scream,
“I love you back, please understand.”

“Ryan, I do trust you—”

“Then prove it. Prove to me that you’re willing to take this next step together and let me be the one to help you battle the demons. Help me show the world who you are.”

I sighed and looked at my knotted hands, trying to find the right words to say.

“If you’re ready to be with me, meet me tonight at Club Pearl. Otherwise, I don’t know if we can continue.”

I shot my gaze to his. “Are you saying if I don’t come, then that’s it? No relationship, no friendship? Don’t you think that’s a bit extreme?”

Again he shook his head. “Brandon, I won’t be able to see you knowing what we could have had. It would tear me apart.” He fought a sob as a tear fell from his eye onto his shirt. I leaned in to kiss his cheek, but he pulled himself away, not allowing the physical contact. My head rested on the headrest, and I closed my eyes and released and long sigh.

“The choice is yours, Brandon. Meet me or continue lying to yourself and everyone else.”

I opened my eyes and nodded to myself. I opened the car door, got out, and took one last look at Ryan. I wanted to sear his image into my head; it might be the last time I ever was going to see him.