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Authors: Mary Calmes

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Tied Up in Knots (33 page)

BOOK: Tied Up in Knots
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Chapter 18

 

 

I DIDN’T
go to the hospital with Barrett. I went with Chickie because he needed me. The guy who tried to kill me had his own voice. My dog did not.

My phone rang as Dr. Alchureiqi came out of his surgery room, so I let it go to voice mail and stood to talk to him instead. “I’m so sorry to call you with an emergency on Thanksgiving eve.”

“But this is the very definition of an emergency, is it not?”

I was too tired to think. “I just appreciate it so much.”

“Of course,” he replied, his voice gentle like it always was, even when he was criticizing me for not brushing Chickie’s teeth or trimming his nails.

I girded myself for bad news. “So is he—”

“Mr. Wolf is resting comfortably at the moment, and I’m quite confident that he will make a full and speedy recovery.”

I finally breathed. “And will he need a metal plate in his head?”

He squinted at me. “No, no. The bullet wedged in his skull, yes, but it was a simple extraction and we were able to remove it, mend the hairline fractures and smooth the edges easily. We’ve completed all necessary procedures.”

“So he’s all closed up and bandaged and stuff?”

“Yes.”

“And he’ll just wake up when the anesthesia wears off?”

“Precisely.”

My knees were wobbly, so I sat back down hard.

“The tourniquet saved him from bleeding to death—that was very good of you—and Chickie is a powerful dog with a strong heart, so really, stop worrying. He’ll recover well.”

I nodded.

“You can see him first thing in the morning. He’s sleeping now, and we’ll be with him for the rest of the night and then tomorrow as well. You should go home and go to bed.”

“Yeah.”

“You look terrible,” he added.

I grinned. “Thanks, Doc.”

“No, I’m serious. I think you need a sedative too.”

He wasn’t wrong.

“And put on a shirt and coat, for goodness sakes. It’s freezing outside.”

 

 

I’D DRIVEN
Chickie to the vet in my truck, laid him in the front seat with his head in my lap, so I had blood on my jeans. I didn’t take the time to put on a shirt when I left the house, too caught up in the swarm of people there. They tried to argue with me about going to the hospital, wanting to take a statement, but I shouted about my dog and they made a hole for me to get through.

Of course, I’d stopped to kiss Hartley, so maybe Chickie wasn’t such a priority for me if I wasn’t concerned for him then.

But Hartley was a doctor, a real one, was one of the best in the United States before he got caught killing people, so when he told me Chickie would live, I believed him.

Yes, he needed to see the vet, but I wasn’t scared until Dr. Alchureiqi was. When he saw Chickie, his face fell, and fear and remorse slammed into me. I’d held my breath, waiting, panicking in the hallway, terrified that Ian’s werewolf would die after all.

But then he was okay and the adrenaline drained out of me all at once. Now, in the front seat of my truck with blood- and rain-soaked jeans, shivering, zapped of energy, I wasn’t really sure what to do.

Leaning back in the seat, I finally answered my phone.

“Miro.”

He never called me by my first name. “Eli,” I sighed, using Kohn’s. “How ya doin’?”

“Where the fuck are you?” he shouted.

“I’m outside the vet’s,” I murmured. “Where are you?”

“I’m at your place because the Feds alerted us when two of their agents didn’t report in.”

“Eamon Lochlyn killed them.”

“I see. And how do you know that?”

“He told me.”

“Okay.”

“So you’re at my house?”

“I am.”

“Kowalski too?”

“Of course.”

“Is Ian home yet?”

“No. I’ve been trying to call him, but he’s not picking up.”

“Okay.”

“Your place is covered in bullets and blood, and the crime scene guys just pulled Hartley’s prints from in here.”

“Yeah, I know he was there. I just saw him.”

“You saw him?”

“Well, we talked, yeah. He killed Lochlyn. He’s got a new gun he’s sort of loving.”

“Miro!”

He was shrieking, which was weird. “What?”

“Miro!”

Again with my name. “Jesus, what?”

“Are you hurt?”

“No.”

“You sound hurt.”

“Huh.”

“Miro?”

“I’m not hurt.”

“Out of it, then.”

“Maybe.”

“No maybe about it.”

“It’s raining.”

“Yes, it is. Are you in the rain?”

“No.”

“Are you cold?”

“Yeah,” I agreed fast.

“You might be in shock.”

“From what?”

“Oh, I dunno? Your friend trying to kill you, Hartley, take your pick.”

“That makes me sound kinda weak, huh?”


No
. You’ve been through more than most people I know.”

“Really?”

“Do you know that most people don’t get kidnapped in their lifetimes?”

“That’s probably true.”

“Where are you?”

“I told you, at the vet.”

“Why?”

“Barrett shot my dog.”

“He shot Chickie?”

“Didn’t anybody at my house tell you that?”

“I just got here! Ryan and Dorsey went to the hospital because that’s where we thought you were going to be.”

“Oh.” That made sense.

“Miro!”

“God, stop yelling,” I groaned, lying down sideways across the seat. “Fuck, it’s cold. I think I need a shirt.”

“Why don’t you have a shirt?”

“I had to use it to help save Barrett.”

“And you forgot to put on another one?”

“Chickie had to go to the vet.”

“Okay.”

“I don’t think the truck’s on.”

“Fuck,” he moaned. “Tell me the address of the vet.”

I told him, and then I hung up and closed my eyes. When my phone rang a few minutes later, I answered but didn’t open them.

“Hey,” he said softly, gently, just the sound of him utterly thrilling. I’d miss him when he was gone.

“Ian,” I almost moaned.

“What’d you do, fall asleep?”

“No.”

“You sound like you’re in bed.”

I exhaled. “We need to break up.”

Silence. It went on for so long I almost drifted off.


What
?” He sounded angry and frantic.

I took a breath so I wouldn’t need to take another for a bit. “I miss you too much, and I know it’s shitty and needy and whiney and everything ’cause hundreds and thousands of people wait on soldiers every year, and they’re so strong and awesome, and I’m weak. So weak. You deserve better. You deserve the kind of person who can be strong for years on end if need be, and that ain’t me.”

“Love—”

“And I don’t just wantcha ’cause you keep the demons away, because I don’t need you to do that anymore. I mean, if I can kiss Hartley, I think the fear factor is kinda gone, right?”

“I’m not—I don’t—
what
?”

“And you were jealous of Barrett, but you shouldn’t have been, because he was never my friend. He was in love with Kerry Lochlyn, and his brother Eamon—Kerry’s brother—he was the one who killed the other guys on your team. He’s dead now, though. Eamon. And Barrett’s in the hospital. So you don’t have to worry anymore, and you should tell the other guys so they can leave Fort Bragg.”


What
?” he asked breathlessly.

“Call Kohn. I gotta take a quick nap,” I said and hung up because I really needed the rest.

The rain bouncing off the truck’s roof was soothing, and I tried to imagine my life without Ian. It would be hard to stay in Chicago, and maybe this was a signal to move. Ian could get the Greystone and Drake and Cabot, and now Josue too. I wondered if he’d let me have Chickie. I couldn’t lose everything all at once. It would be too much.

I was having a dream that I was fishing with an alarm clock, which made no sense until I woke up enough to answer my phone.

“Miro.”

“You have the best-sounding voice,” I told him. “Has anybody ever told you that?”

“Yeah, you. All the time,” Ian assured me, and it occurred to me he was breathing strangely, fast, and I could hear the crackling in his tone.

“So Barrett shot Chickie, but Hartley saved me, and he had a gun and I kissed him, and when I was kissing him, I thought—Ian would be pissed ’cause if you kissed anybody else, I’d fuckin’ kill you, and then I thought that’s sorta hypocritical of me since I went all needy on Hartley, and even though that was bad, I realized that I’m not being fair to you. I’m lying and saying that it’s okay that you’re gone, but it’s not. I’d rather be by myself than miss you all the time, and if I kiss anybody else, then I won’t have to feel guilty about it.”

“You’re at the vet, you said?”

“Are you listening to me?”

“Every word, yes.”

“It’s not fair of me to ask you to change,” I said, opening my eyes and watching the rain pelt my window. “And it’s not fair of you to ask me to need you less.”

“Neither of those is fair, I agree.”

“I’ll sell the Greystone and give you half.”

“Just wait.”

“We gotta clean it though, since there’s blood in the kitchen right now.”

“We’ll clean it.”

“Chickie tried to save me.”

“But he got hurt and you got hurt, and Craig Hartley had to save you both from a man who wanted to kill me.”

“Yeah, that’s true,” I said, my eyes fluttering shut. “How funny.”

“Miro—”

“I didn’t get hurt,” I corrected.

“Oh, I think you did.”

“I’ll never be clean again, you know.”

“What?”

“I kissed Hartley. I’ll never get that off.”

He hung up then, which was a little rude since we were breaking up and everything, but I understood. Maybe it wasn’t that important to him.

When my phone rang again, I answered.

“Miro, honey, is the heater on in the truck?”

Ian calling me honey made me sigh like an ingenue in a really bad movie on the Lifetime channel. “What?”

“The truck. Is the heater on in the truck?”

“Nuh-uh.”

“Could you turn it on for me?”

“But the truck’s not on.”

“Miro—”

“I’m so sorry, Ian.” I gulped down a sob. “You deserve someone who—”

“Shut up!” he yelled. “You’re the one who deserves fuckin’ better, but fuck you, M, that ain’t gonna happen! You’re stuck with me, and that’s it, that’s the end of it, do you understand? Do you get it? You don’t get to make a decision alone. Neither do I. We’re in this together, and we’re staying together. Period.”

“I can’t,” I said hoarsely. “I break when you go.”

“So do I, you stupid shit!”

He did? “You do?”

“Fuck, Miro, yes.”

“Then why do you go?” I asked, trying not to sound as forlorn as I felt.

“Because I think I had an idea in my head about being a man and what a man does and how a man is, and because I’m with you, I felt like I had to do even more, be even more.”

“You didn’t want anyone to think that being with me made you soft.”

“Yes,” he rasped.

“But that’s really stupid. Being gay, or bi, or whatever doesn’t make you weak.”

“Yes, I know.”

“Then?”

“It’s one thing to know it and one thing to think it about yourself sometimes.”

“Yeah, I get that.” I did. Logically you knew things but it didn’t always help, and it didn’t always translate to the real world.

“Not only do I leave the man I love when I go, but I leave my work partner, too, and you get hurt when I go because there’s no one here to watch your back.”

“That’s not true,” I said in deference to my friends. “The guys watch out for me just like they would for you.”

“But you’re not a priority for anyone but me.”

“’Cause you love me,” I whispered, wanting him so bad that my skin ached with the need. “Right? Ian? You love me?”

“I’ve never loved anyone more. Ever.”

My breath hitched. “I’m sorry I kissed Hartley.”

“I forgive you since he had a gun.”

“Yeah, but it wasn’t just the threat of death.”

“No, it could be the loneliness and gratitude, and probably a healthy dose of shock.”

“Shock?”

“Barrett shot Chickie. He told you he was going to kill you, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Didn’t expect that, didja?”

“No,” I said, my teeth chattering.

“Oh God, love, please turn on the truck and get the heater going.”

“I will.”

“Never mind, I’ll do it. I see you.”

“What?” But I understood when there was pounding on the window and I checked and found Ian standing in the pouring rain.

“Open the door!” he yelled, but it was muffled through glass and sheets of water.

Sitting up, I unlocked and shoved over quickly so he didn’t drown.

He immediately snatched the keys from me and started the truck. Once hot air was blowing through the cab, he turned to me. “So even though the timing is shitty because you’re completely out of it right now, I’m still going to tell you that I made the decision to go ahead and leave the military.”

I was hallucinating.

“Miro?”

“I think I might be in a coma or something.”

“I assure you you’re not.”

“I’m in shock.”

“That I will agree with.”

“You’re really quitting?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Because it doesn’t make sense anymore,” he said flatly.

“What do you mean?”

“It used to be right for me—it’s who I was—but now I’m more invested here, at home, with you.”

I was afraid to let his words sink into me because they were exactly what I’d been hoping for and really, seemed too good to be true.

“I think if I wasn’t a marshal that I’d have trouble walking away from the military because the service—military or law enforcement—defines me.”

It did, I would agree. Ian was the guy who volunteered to put his life second to someone else, for someone else, because it was how he was made, how his heart was made. “It’s because you’re a good man, Ian Doyle.”

He shook his head. I knew there were things he’d done in his life that he knew were the opposite of good, and those haunted him. “I’m not leaving the military because I think I can’t be an asset to them anymore, I’m leaving because I think I can do better things here with you, at home, being a marshal, and being your partner both at work and at home.”

BOOK: Tied Up in Knots
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