Ties That Bind (22 page)

Despite her desire to be cautious, they were getting bolder with their feelings and their flirting. “What are you doing here?”

“I
had
to see you.”

“Did you?” Her heart raced, and a ton of pent-up anxieties began to melt. This was an unexpected perk to their relationship.

Their happenstance meeting yesterday afternoon in the parking lot of the fabric store had increased her feelings for him exponentially. His kindness about her desire to purchase the café wasn't enough to do this to her heart. Her feelings came from who he was and who they were when together and apart.

He pulled her closer. “I would ask if you mind, but I think we've moved past that.”

“Definitely.”

His hands were strong and secure against her back, and she stopped resisting. He put his lips over hers, and she felt as if she could conquer her foe and win every battle. If this was what it meant to fall in love, she better understood the longing inside her to find a good man and build a big, beautiful family. The kiss grew deeper and more passionate by the moment.

She put her hands on his chest and pressed. He took his cue and put some distance between them.

There was a lot to be thankful for when it came to Rudy. He wasn't like Barbie and Cilla's cousin Nathaniel, and she was grateful he wasn't like the one and only Quill. He wasn't like any of the others she had dated, who were either cocky or closed off or temperamental or uninteresting.

Rudy leaned against the carriage. “I think we should get out of here for a bit.” He took her hand into his, playing with it as if distracted. “Thoughts?” The fire in his eyes was undeniable.

Feeling much the same way, she realized that Rudy had become like a drug or a strong drink as she'd heard them described—chasing away the cares that weighed on her and making her feel strong and capable. But getting away by themselves sounded dangerous. “As much as I like the idea, I think I'd better stay here and work. But if you would like to get out for a bit on your own, I'll understand.”

He shook his head, eyes closed, as if he couldn't believe how daft she was. “Suggesting that I go by myself is missing my point, ya?”

She leaned in and gazed into his eyes. “I didn't miss anything, Rudy…except, perhaps, the opportunity to cross a line.”

He released her hand. “I won't pretend I'm confused about what you're saying.” He folded his arms. “It's only going to get more difficult, isn't it?”

Since Rudy could easily cause her disquiet to flee, it was going to be tougher than she'd ever imagined. The chemistry between them, the feelings that showed up out of nowhere, elated her as much as they scared her. “Ya.”

“I have a solution.”

“Ariana!” Susie called.

Rudy ran his thumb across her lips. “You should marry me.”

Marry him? She'd been so focused on the various dramas in her life—Berta getting sick, closing on the café, Susie wanting to leave the Amish, and Quill reentering her life—that she hadn't been waiting on or expecting him to ask such a question anytime soon. But she wasn't against the idea. “Think so?”

“I know so, not one doubt.”

She did like the idea. “I promised Susie I'd get the café up and running.”

“We will. Getting married doesn't have to change any of that.”

His use of the word
we
worked its way deep into her heart, and fresh relief washed over her. “You are entirely too charming for my good.”

He laughed. “Me, charming?”

Susie's footsteps grew louder against the gravel, and Rudy put space between him and Ariana. Susie came around the boxy gray rig, looking toward the barn. “Ariana?”

Rudy chuckled. “With observant folks like Susie around, we don't need a blind spot in which to hide,” he whispered.

Ariana stepped away from the carriage. “Here.”

Susie turned, wide eyed. “What are you doing there?” Susie held up her hand. “Wait, I got it! Apparently your life isn't a ‘perfect graveyard of buried hopes.' ”

It was a line from a book they used to read as children. Fresh memories washed over Ariana, ones of boisterous giggles between sisters as they hid under the sheets with a flashlight to read past bedtime. Salome was the one who had started the tradition. As the eldest sister, she set the precedent by tucking them in bed, waiting for their parents to go to sleep, and then reading to them by flashlight when they were supposed to be asleep.

What fun they'd had as sisters growing up, all five of them, and Ariana was so grateful Susie was going to stay Amish. Ariana looped one arm through Rudy's arm and one through Susie's. “Have I told you how happy I am that you're staying Amish?”

“Sort of, ya.” Susie patted Ariana's arm. “But sometimes you say it as if I was making plans to steal away or something.”

Ariana stopped cold, pulling Rudy and Susie backward. “You didn't have plans with Quill to leave?”

“Quill?” Susie seemed confused. “Until last Saturday I hadn't seen or spoken to him since he left years ago.”

“But he walked you to your rig. It looked like you were picking up on a recent conversation.”

“That wasn't what was happening, Ari. I was scared and confused. He saw that and calmed me down. When he did, I was able to do as you'd told me.”

That was Quill's mode of operation—read a person and know just what needed to be said. She'd come to detest that about him.

If Susie wasn't the one planning to leave, who was it?

“When he meets with those who are thinking about leaving the Amish, he asks about you.”
Salome's soft voice rang an alarm in Ariana's heart.

But Salome couldn't be the sister leaving. She needed her family far more than most young women. Ariana's mind spun. Dozens of conversations she'd had with each sibling over the last few weeks hung in front of her like a word collage. Only Salome's words stood out.

“You have more judgment than grace for those who leave…and I fear we will both live to regret that.”

Ariana's heart clenched, and she ran toward the house.

S
itting in the back corner of a half-empty restaurant, Lovina fought against queasiness as smells of various foods assaulted her. How long had they been in this booth as Quill gave his updates and tried to prepare them for the next step? She sipped icy water, hoping to deter the nausea.

Quill's eyes were kind and his gestures slow and gentle as he eased into explaining a little more about Skylar. They'd ordered only drinks, and the coffee in his mug had surely grown cold. But more than an hour ago he'd handed the server a good tip and assured her she didn't need to stop by the table again. Was he as sick to his stomach over this mess as Lovina was?

He fidgeted with the cup. “I need you to brace yourself for how Skylar will look. She's very non-Amish.”

Isaac continued to open and close the blade of his pocketknife. “Meaning?”

“She likes jeans, jewelry, black nail polish, and different hair coloring. That's completely normal for how she's been raised.”

“Normal,” Lovina muttered. It certainly wasn't normal for one of her daughters. She dipped her fingertips into the cool water and dabbed it across her forehead. If she was theirs, could they undo enough of the worldliness that she could hear God's truth?

Quill held her gaze. “However stressful you find her outward appearance, especially when she's on stage, remember that you can't see the most important thing—her heart. And I…I believe she has a tender and good heart.”

It was his second reference to her heart, and he'd stumbled each time. Why? Lovina couldn't make herself ask, but worry had her feeling faint. “You've evaded my question several times, and I'll ask again. Do you think she's ours?”

No matter how unglued she or Isaac became, Quill's responses remained as smooth and calm as water in a rain barrel on a clear day. “What I think is that we need to take one step at a time. Right now, based on your decision, that next step is attending the play.”

Lovina reached across the table and grabbed his hands. “Please, Quill, answer me.”

He put his hands over hers. “Lovina, anything I say would be speculation. Your faith is strong, and you believe that everything is in God's hands and happens for a purpose. Lean on that and don't put your trust in anything I think.”

Warmth wrapped around her, and she felt as if she could breathe again. “Okay.”

“You can do this, all of it, wherever the path leads.” He squeezed her hands. “Right?”

She studied him, wondering how she could gain such solace from one who'd rebelled against the Amish. As if reading her thoughts, he offered an understanding smile before he released her hands. She turned to her husband. “Ya,”—she nodded—“we can do this.”

“I know you can.” Quill looked at his watch. “The play starts in an hour, and we're about fifteen minutes away from the college. I brought you each a change of clothes.” He set two brown grocery bags on the table. “I know you won't like the idea of changing, but I feel it's really important you not stick out. Added to that, it's possible Brandi will be there, and we don't want to raise any red flags.”

Lovina returned to rubbing the inside of her left palm with her thumb, peeling off layers of skin and making the blister worse on her thumb. Somehow the pain from the nervous gesture distracted her from the intensity of the hurt she carried inside. “I'm not changing clothes. I won't pretend to be someone I'm not. It's been twenty years. If I see Brandi, I doubt either one of us could recognize the other.”

“You may be right, but you would give her a huge advantage in triggering memories if she sees you at her daughter's school wearing the same type of clothes she saw the night her daughter was born.”

Isaac closed the knife. “I had more contact with her, and I would recognize her, but I agree with Lovina. We will not compromise the honesty of who we are during any of this.”

Staring at the table, Quill took a deep breath. “I need to make sure you understand that my role here is to help and to guide, so the decisions are yours, but I strongly disagree with you attending a college play dressed in Amish clothes.”

“It's who we are. You want us to pretend otherwise?” Heat burned Lovina's skin as hatred for the whole mess surged through her. “I won't wear Englisch clothes while seeing a girl who may be our daughter.”

Quill interlaced his fingers. “We will be on Brandi and Skylar's turf, and entering their world wearing Englisch clothes would offer them the same discretion among their peers as you've given your children. It won't cause a buzz of whispers and questions. You'll look like any other couple going to a play, and if Brandi happens to see and recognize you, it will be her information to keep as quiet as she wants…for now.”

Lovina snatched the bag closest to her. “You say the decision is ours, and then you use your gift of persuasion to convince us to do things your way.” She clutched the bag against her. “I suppose I should be grateful you didn't use that smoothness on Ariana when she was fifteen.” She looked inside the bag, seeing what appeared to be a navy-blue dress folded on top of a heavy sweater. “Fine.” Passing the other bag to Isaac, she slid out of the booth.

Lovina's heart beat so fast she had to will herself to stay upright. She barely recalled changing clothes, leaving the restaurant, or riding to the college.

Quill drove past numerous buildings of various sizes, all made from the same red brick. He pulled into a parking spot and turned off the car. Isaac opened her door, saying something she couldn't make out. He moved, and Quill crouched beside her. “Release all the air in your lungs.”

She did as he said.

“Close your mouth and take a slow, deep breath. Now pause. Good. Now exhale.”

As she followed his instructions time after time, the numbness in her hands and arms eased a bit. He continued coaching her, and she lost track of time. “Good, Lovina. Every time you feel that tightness in your chest, you breathe just as we've been doing.” He stood and held on to the door until she got out.

The parking lot was filled with cars, and the numerous windows in the building were bright with lights. They went through the double-wide doors, and just inside were three people sitting at a long table, taking money in exchange for tickets. Quill continued right past them, and Lovina and Isaac followed him. He gave the tickets to someone at the door, and then they went inside a room filled with rows of cushioned chairs. Had he come to the play last night? How else would he know this building so well?

Quill motioned for them, and they sat on the last row. Was she dreaming? Nothing felt real.

Quill leaned in. “Practice breathing. The first act will have a lot of cast members dance across the stage, but in less than a minute, she'll be center stage with only one other actor.”

Center stage?

The lights around them went out. Music began and beams of moving light hit the curtains. Young people skipped onto the stage, talking to one another. Most of them had on bright yellow outfits. Some wore feathers and dresses with entirely too little material. Was she supposed to be able to make out what was being said? Quill handed both her and Isaac a pair of what he called theater glasses. She wasn't sure she needed a closer view, and she certainly didn't want Isaac getting a better look. Why did some of the girls have on dresses that barely covered their backsides?

Ignoring her knee-jerk reactions, Lovina put the glasses to her eyes and turned the focusing knob. A little boy came on the stage carrying a striped hat. He set the hat in the center of the stage and began talking. A minute later the curtains moved, and a girl poked out her head. She spoke, and then separated the curtains and stepped onto center stage. She pranced about in a black leotard with black tights, a white vest, red scarf, and a black jacket. A long tail followed behind her. Lovina tried to focus the glasses on the girl's face, but she couldn't manage to zoom the lens properly as the girl sashayed from one spot to another, singing, “Oh the thinks you can think…”

Then the girl stood still, facing the audience while singing, and…

“Nooo.” Lovina was powerless to hold in the guttural sound. “It can't be. It just can't.” She'd been warned how much Skylar favored Salome, but being told something and witnessing it were apparently completely different.

Several people in the row ahead of them turned and frowned.

“Sorry.” Quill leaned toward the onlookers, smiling. “We completely surprised her with who's on stage.”

The onlookers grinned and nodded before turning back around in their seats.

Lovina wanted to keep her eyes focused through the glasses, but tears blurred her vision.

Isaac wrapped an arm around her, pulling her close and whispering in her ear, “All things work for the good. All things work for the good.” He breathed deeply, and she knew he was fighting tears also.

The song continued, and the girl faced the curtains while spreading her arms wide. The curtains opened, and people in all sorts of strange outfits began singing. The words to the song made little sense, but Lovina was missing more of the words than she was catching. As others in the audience watched, seemingly mesmerized, Lovina was sure she was caught in some kind of nightmare. What were they going to do? Maybe they should keep their family intact and tell no one what they suspected. What good would it do to upset the applecart? Would they change who Skylar was or only change Ariana's life for the worse?

Why would Lovina give Brandi a chance to mess up both girls?

She no longer questioned whether Skylar was hers, but the confusion over what to do was overwhelming. Lovina seemed to lift from the seat and float above the crowd, hovering in darkness for no apparent reason. She knew she was in her seat, holding on to Isaac, but she felt as if she were detached from herself. From the life she'd known. From the love of God.

God…she'd forgotten about Him for a moment.

Dear God, what are we to do? Isaac and me…about our daughter? What are we to do?

The question churned and churned. Skylar disappeared from the stage for long periods, leaving Lovina breathless…and afraid. When Skylar did return, she sang by herself as the beam of light followed her.

Quill leaned in. “This next song is the ending to the play.”

The ending? Hadn't it just begun? How much had she missed while begging God for an answer to what to do? The audience gave a standing ovation, but Lovina couldn't budge. Her legs would surely give way. A man in regular clothes came onto the stage, and people clapped harder. “Thank you. By popular demand we have an olio performance before the close of the evening. A grand finale to the finale of
Seussical.
”

The audience clapped and sat down. The lights went out, and they sat in pitch black for a few minutes.

Quill leaned in again. “The next song is ‘Mad World.' Brace yourself for it to be a little disturbing. It's only a song. No more.”

A lone white light focused on a girl's face. Skylar's. She had no expression whatsoever. It was the first time during the performance the girl hadn't been animated while talking, dancing, or singing. Where was the rest of her? Nothing showed but her face. That had to be a trick of some sort, but how did they do it?

Music filled the space. Skylar began singing, but her face remained expressionless as words slowly poured from her barely moving lips.

Lovina tried to focus on the words as Skylar sang something about it being a mad world and how alone she was.

There wasn't any way that her words were merely part of a song. Lovina could sense how lost Skylar felt.

Skylar turned, facing Lovina directly now. Could she see into the darkness? Lovina doubted it, but Skylar seemed to look right at her…at her Mamm.

“…the dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had…”

Chills ran wild over Lovina as tears filled her eyes. The song ended, and a different song began, one that was lively and had the audience clapping to the beat, but Lovina couldn't focus. When the lights came on, she couldn't budge as God Himself seemed to be whispering to her soul exactly what she needed to do next.