Tight Knit (16 page)

Talia leans forward and rests her forehead on mine. She giggles again.

“What?” I ask.

“Did you see Greta’s face when you said that thing about having sex with me in basements?” She giggles again and I smile. 

“I thought she was gunna explode. I don’t think I’ll be welcome back to any planning events.”

“No, probably not.” 

She kisses me quick before sliding back over to the passenger seat and my heart jumps a little.
God, I don’t want to screw this up.

“So.” I slap my hands on the steering wheel. “Enough of the always-so-serious. It’s Halloween tomorrow, and we’re going to go to a party.” 

Talia’s lip twitches and her eyes narrow.

“I’ve heard that before. Before you took me to an addictions support group. Another thing that you refuse to talk about,” she says lightly. It sounds forced. 

I laugh. “No like a real party. A high school party. They’re lame but we should go.”

“Together? A high school party?”

I poke her arm. “You embarrassed of your ex-con boyfriend.” 

I slam my mouth shut. Talia’s falls open. 

“My what?” 

For the first time in, I don’t know how long, I am completely and utterly stripped of ego. I’ve never been a boyfriend. I’ve never wanted to be a boyfriend. I’ve never stuck around long enough to even skirt the borders of boyfriend-land. 

I gulp. I’m nervous. Sweaty palms, shaking, afraid my voice will squeak, nervous. I’ve never thought about it until right this second, but what if she doesn’t want me as a boyfriend? What if I’m just some secret fling? The bad guy she fools around with in high school before she settles down and does the right thing?

“Are you officially asking me out?” Talia has the biggest and most beautiful smile I’ve seen yet.

“Depends. Are you officially saying yes?” I try to sound like this whole thing was planned.

She flings herself back across the car and presses her lips to mine. Climbing over the console again she straddles me and I’m glad for the massive space in the Granny wagon. I let my hands slide up her and try to keep up with the way she’s moving against me. 

I break away for air and grin at her. 

“So… That’s a yes?” 

“That’s a yes.” 

I lean back and take in her expression. I never understood the boyfriend/girlfriend thing, but I’m starting to. Kind of.

CHAPTER TWENTY ONE

Talia

I’m standing in front of my mirror staring at myself worried that I’m not skinny enough or pretty enough or exciting enough. I have never stared at myself like this, not when I dated Jeremy in seventh grade, or Thompson in ninth grade, or even Deacon last summer. 

I scrutinize my outfit, which is only half dress up because I don’t really do dress up. I look stupid. 

~

“Oh, darling, you look wonderful!” Nan says, but I can tell it takes her a lot of effort. She’s wearing the white hat that was juried and has the hospital blanket pulled up to her chin. I don’t like visiting her here. It doesn’t feel right.

“Nan, I’m a burglar.” I gesture down at my black leggings and tight black long-sleeved shirt. There’s really nothing to it. 

“No, no. I mean you. When did you get such a nice bum?” she smiles and I feel my skin burn from my toes to the top of my head.

“Nan!” I yell. She doesn’t know I brought Lachlan to meet her, and I hear him laugh in the hallway. 

Nan glances at the door and Lachlan steps in. She smiles an apology to me. 

“This is Lachlan.” 

He has his hands in his pockets, leaning his weight on one foot, hiding behind his super-cool persona. 

Nan holds her hand out to him and his façade falters only for a second before he reaches out to her. 

“I know who you are. Your grandmother and I have been friends for many years.” 

She pats his hand weakly. My heart breaks a little. I finally meet a guy I want Nan to know and she might not be around much longer.

Don’t say that. She might beat it. 

Lachlan waits at the door while I say good-bye. Nan kisses me on the forehead. 

“I’m so proud of you, darling. I love you.”

“Forever and always,” I say. 

~

 I pull at the sleeves of my shirt as we drive to the party. It’s too tight. I should have just worn something else. I adjust my black wool hat, and then tap my fingers on my leg. 

Lachlan reaches over and takes my hand. I haven’t been to a party since Deacon, because Deacon actually has friends. I don’t. Now that I think about it, neither does Lachlan, well, other than his drug friends. My stomach ties in knots at the thought and I jump when he lets go of my hand and opens the door. 

I can hear the bass pumping from outside, which causes my heart to speed up, as if it’s trying to keep beat. Lachlan hooks his finger under my chin and pulls my face toward him.

“It’s just a party, Tal. Just a party.” 

He’s never called me Tal before and surprisingly it calms me right down. Janna always calls me Tal.
Called
.

He’s right. It’s just a stupid high school party. 

Lachlan takes my hand and walks into the house like he lives there, pulling me in behind him. We fight through an ocean of shoes and thick hot air makes my forehead instantly sweat. Lachlan nods to some people hanging around in the hallway as we weave through. I am still amazed at how calm and collected he seems all the time. I feel like everyone is staring at me.

Wait. Everyone
is
staring at me. 

Eyes follow me, some confused, some shocked, some just mildly curious. I don’t know if it’s because I’m here with Lachlan or because I’m here at all.

“You look scared,” Lachlan shouts over the music. “Just relax. Remember we’re here to have fun.” 

He squeezes my hand and I do relax. Just a little. Then I see him. Deacon.

In the middle of the makeshift dance floor, Deacon and Janna are grinding against each other. It’s disgusting and not just because he’s my ex. They look wasted, sloppy. I don’t remember Janna being like this. Ever. My first instinct is to rip her away from him and take her home. Then I remember we aren’t friends anymore, and all the resolve to have fun is gone. I just want to be at home.

I turn to walk the other way. My arms are shaking and my legs feel weak. I make it only a couple steps before Lachlan pulls me into him. He wraps his arms around my shoulders and buries his head into my hair. He hums a few notes of our song and I count my breaths to slow everything down.

“Are you here with him, or are you here with me?” he says, his breath hot against my ear. A chill travels my spine and my arms go around him. He pulls back so he can find my lips with his and right there, in the middle of the party, he plants a kiss on me so deep my toes tingle. I’m dizzy when I pull back. 

Okay now everyone is definitely staring. Lachlan guides me to the kitchen, and I stumble a little. As soon as we step onto the hardwood floor I hear a screech. Some girl I don’t know is flying toward me, her arms outstretched. I try to step out of the way to let her pass but she follows me and slams her body into mine. She hugs me as she jumps up and down. I glance at Lachlan. I smell straight booze and my stomach turns. 

Help me
, I plead with my eyes. He does nothing, just laughs as I pry this drunk, I-don’t-know-who, off me. 

“Hat Girl!” she screeches again then turns around. “Becky, Amber! It’s Hat Girl.” 

I’m so confused and people just keep bumping into me. I can’t think straight in this gross, hot, noisy room. 

How do people find this fun? 

Two more girls come up to us. They’re calmer and probably not quite as drunk.

These were the three girls in the hall when Lachlan asked me out the first time. They weren’t ‘the’ girls but close. They look identical. Not in features, but the way their hair is straight, their lips are glossed, their jeans are tight and shirts too short. They even stand the same way. 

“So when do we get our hats?” one of the new comers asks. “We’ve been asking Lachlan, but he just won’t give it up. He says he’s not your agent.”  

The girl pouts at Lachlan and walks her fingers up his chest. I’m too confused to be at all jealous. 

“Your hats?” I stutter and the screecher laughs, pointing at my head. Lachlan steps behind me and grabs my other hand so he has both, I lean back against him and watch the girls flick their eyes between our hands and each other. His arms wrap around me and he rests his chin on my shoulder.

“You’ll get your hats soon, ladies. At that Christmas show at the arena. You can buy a hat and support the homeless.” 

Lachlan winks at them and then playfully nuzzles his nose into my neck. He’s putting on a show and these girls are eating it up. I’m not sure why he’s doing it, but he continues, “If you don’t mind, I didn’t come here to talk hats. I came to dance with my girl.” 

He spins around and I have to follow because his arms are still wrapped around my waist. I turn my head so I can see him, forgetting about those girls, and he kisses me. 

“Let’s dance. The music is terrible, so why not try for something good out of it?”

I scrunch my nose. “What can you possibly get from this music that’s good?” 

I don’t even finish when he spins me around pressing my body against his, his hands grabbing my hips.

Oh. 

I get it.

I’m super awkward and uncomfortable on a good day, and now I’m swaying to music I hate, with a guy that makes me feel things I shouldn’t, next to my ex-friend and my ex-boyfriend who look like they are full-out doing it with clothes on. Saying I feel uncomfortable is an understatement. I feel like a cardboard cut-out, stiff and plain. Bland and unexciting.

Deacon doesn’t notice me. I have a feeling Janna doesn’t even know where she is. The way she is draped over Deacon, her arm hanging limply at her side, her always perfect red curls tangled and covering her face, makes me sad. This isn’t Janna. 

Lachlan gets my attention by making fun of the song that’s playing. He’s dancing outrageously mimicking people in the music videos, that exaggerated sexy and dramatic movement. I’m half embarrassed because everyone is looking at us again, but I can’t stop laughing. This is a side of him I didn’t think existed. Brooding, moody, and mysterious–yes. Goofy, fun-loving and hilarious–not so much. I still feel it’s a show. Happy is not a go-to emotion for either of us.

Lachlan puts his hands on my hips and moves me so I sway erratically like him. I try to pull his hands away but he holds on tighter. I shriek as his fingers tickle me and fight harder. The tempo of the music makes me break a sweat. The three girls, I can’t remember their names, have joined us. We’re all dancing and laughing. 

This is fun. I’m having fun. 

Something hard slams into my back and I fall into Lachlan. Whatever hit me falls to the floor, and I spin to see what happened. 

Janna is lying on the floor. Her body is convulsing. Her hair is plastered to her face and her skirt has ridden up too far. I stare at her. My heart stops. My eyes dart up to meet Deacon’s wide stare but his gaze flickers to Lachlan. They exchange a glance, but I don’t have time to decipher it because a choking noise sounds above the music. Janna throws up. I drop to my knees and heave her onto her side. The puke spills from her mouth and blood starts oozing from her nose. I glare up at Deacon again. His eyes are still wide but distant. I don’t think he knows what’s going on.

“Help me!” I yell. Deacon just stands there so I find a beer bottle on the floor and throw it at him. It hits him in the shin and he focuses on me. 

“Deacon, what’s she on?” I ask. Someone has cut the music. Deacon doesn’t answer.

“What is she on?” I scream at him, but it’s Lachlan that answers me.

“Cocaine.” 

I shift my eyes frantically toward Lachlan when Deacon runs from the room. Lachlan’s face goes dark. Shadowed. Angry. 

He steps toward the door, and I grab his pant leg. He yanks the material from my hands without slowing down. There’s an ominous hunch to his shoulders. A vision of him punching the metal electric box on the street flashes through my mind. 

This is not good.

I can’t leave Janna. 

“Someone call an ambulance.” I scan the room and about 5 people lift their cell phones. A few people say they already have. 

I grab the person closest to me and pull them to the ground. Janna’s shaking so hard that I can’t hold her down with one arm. 

I’m trying to be focused, but everything is blurry. I don’t know who I’m looking at, but I grab their shirt.

“Keep her on her side. Don’t let her roll over. Don’t let her flail.” 

I don’t wait for an answer. I shoot up and sprint to the door, clearing the pile of shoes in one jump. 

The cold air slams into me, but I don’t stop. I’m running down the driveway. I have no idea where I’m going, I just go. I spot them just behind a big SUV. 

Deacon’s on the ground and Lachlan is on top of him. They’re both bleeding, but Lachlan keeps hitting him. 

I scream at them to stop. The shaking starts. In the distance I hear sirens. My breath is sharp and fast. I scream again just as I reach them. My vision is starting to blur. I grab Lachlan’s arm, but he’s too strong for me. He doesn’t even know I’m here. I have to let go before he drags me right into the middle.
What do I do? Nothing if you panic.
I put my hand on my chest. I have to calm down. I can’t panic. Not now. I have to stop Lachlan before he seriously hurts Deacon.

“Get out of the way,” someone yells, and I step to the side. 

Someone tackles Lachlan and knocks him off Deacon. Deacon scrambles backwards, and I go for Lachlan. He’s yelling at the guy holding him down. The words coming from his mouth are horrifying and unrepeatable. He thrashes on the ground until he throws the guy off. 

Lachlan goes for Deacon again, and three more guys are on him. I’m sinking deeper with every punch, every curse, every step. I’m drowning in his anger as if it were my own. My vision blurs and sounds become muffled as I fill with tears. My heart breaks for him because I know it’s his method. I know he can’t turn it off just like me and my panic attacks. My heart also breaks for me, because I can’t be with someone like this. I can’t handle someone like him. It’s too much. I am too screwed up on my own to deal with this. I had told Lachlan before that at least I knew I was emotional–that I had problems, but I never thought about my limits. I’d never thought what I would do if he was too much to handle.