'Til Death (6 page)

              I never told Ciara or Tosh about what was behind the disagreement between me and my mother. I didn’t tell them about my abortion either. I don’t know why I didn’t; it was just one of those things I felt I should keep to myself.

              I looked in my rearview mirror again, and Culprit and I made eye contact. He didn’t look away, so I broke the contact. I felt chills running through my body just thinking about the things he could with those lips. I took a deep breath, and I felt Tosh look at me. They didn’t know. Nobody knew. I pulled up in front of Culprit's house and parked. I didn’t look at him or the house.

              "All right, thank you, and y’all get home safely."

              "All right, Culprit, we’ll catch you later," Tosh said. I didn’t say anything. As soon as I heard my car door close, I sped off. A long moment passed before Tosh said anything.

              "You’re a bitch," Tosh said while shaking her head.

              "Your point?" I probed.

              "You don’t have to treat Culprit like that."

              "Tosh, you don’t know shit."

              "And if I don’t, that’s your fault. You don’t tell anybody anything. Plus, I thought you stopped cussing."

              "I’m trying to, but you’re getting on my nerves."

I made my way down Jefferson to drop Tosh off at her apartment. I pulled into the parking garage because I was too tired to drive home. For some reason, I felt emotionally drained. I followed Tosh into her apartment building and we rode the elevator in silence. I knew this conversation wasn’t over. She just wanted to get more comfortable for a long-ass talk. We walked into her big-ass apartment, and we immediately took off our heels. Tosh walked around in her panties and bra; she didn’t care if I was there or not. I changed into the same pajamas that I had left at her house earlier that day. Tosh poured us both a glass of wine. I hated wine, or any kind of liquor, but lately I'd been needing a drink.

              "So, Culprit looked sexy tonight didn’t he?" Tosh said, smiling. I just stared at her.

              "I mean, y’all haven’t talked in five years. We’re all twenty-seven; I’m sure whatever feelings you had are over. Why let a good man go to waste? Send him my way," Tosh kidded.

              "Tosh, do you really want me to beat your ass tonight?" Lo said.

              "Why Lo, so what if he cheated just one time? Ciara and Boan cheat on each other
all
the time."

              "I’m neither Ciara nor Boan, and what do you know? You have never even been in love," I commented.

              "Why would I want to be in love? Look at y’all. You guys are the poster children of love gone bad." I just took a sip of my drink. "You and Culprit aren’t over."

              "Yes we are."

              "Culprit looks at you like you're going to sprout wings at any fucking moment. If I had a man look at me like that, then maybe I wouldn’t be drifting from guy to guy."

              "Maybe if you felt what I felt, then you wouldn’t be saying this shit. Until you’ve been in love or feel what I’ve felt, then talk to me Toshi. Until then, I don’t give a flying fuck about your feelings, Ciara’s feelings, and definitely not Culprit’s feeling about
our
breakup," I said.

              "Ok." I felt bad. Tosh sipped her wine and had this sad, puppy-dog look on her face. It was not gonna work. She started it.

              "Ok, I’m sorry for snapping on you. It’s just . . ." I couldn’t finish my sentence. I felt my heart beating fast and tears welling up in my eyes. I had to take a deep breath. I didn’t want to think about the pain. I didn’t want to feel how my heart was shattered into a million pieces, yet every piece still loved him. I felt everything. I still felt him, as though he had never left.

              "I know he hurt you. We all know that. You're always so strong for us, so let us be strong for you, Lo," Tosh said.

              "The only strong thing I need is something other than this nasty-ass wine."

              "Sorry, but this is all I got,” Tosh laughed.

              "Well, I’ll talk to you in the morning. I’m going to bed." I walked into the spare bedroom, closed and locked the door, then buried my head in the pillow. I didn’t want Tosh to hear my sobs. I wasn’t crying, my heart was, and it bled all over the pillow. It bled because it was still in my chest. It longed for Culprit, and I know he longed for me. Where did we go wrong?

Ciara

Waking up stretching, I haven't felt this refresh in a long time and I couldn't help think about Boan. Reaching out for him, anticipating his touch my hands came up empty, and when I opened up my eyes and looked around the room I noticed the difference. His clothes were gone even though they were scattered about hours ago. Jumping out of my bed, I threw on my robe to search the house for him but no one would've known he was ever here because every trace of him was gone. I was almost convinced that his black ass never stepped foot in here but the throbbing between my legs told me different.

Pissed I grabbed my cell phone and got even more upset when I remember I didn't have his number so I called Culprit. Instead of answering the phone, he let it ring a few times. and then sent me to voicemail. Fucking assholes.
I can’t believe him
!
Ain’t this ‘bout a bitch
. Somebody knocked on my door, and I smiled. I knew it was Boan. I knew he would come back. He loved me. I opened up my door and my smiled deflated.

              "Were you expecting somebody else?" Tez said, while pushing his way into my house.

              "What are you doing here?" I asked.

              "Damn, can’t I come visit an old friend? What you got on under that robe?" Tez asked, reaching for my robe. 

              I slapped his hand. "I don’t fuck with you like that anymore, so what do you want?"

              "Years of friendship, and you just gone let that go to waste?"

              "The only thing we had in common was egotism and money. I’m not about either of those things now."

              "Yea, heard the big bad Ciara done changed her ways. All this just to get Boan back, huh?"

              "Boan is my husband."

              "He was also your husband when I had my dick in you," he said, while looking at me.

              "You're right, but he is still my husband, and your dick is never going anywhere near me," I said.

              "Don’t speak to soon," Tez boasted. "And speaking of Boan, I heard he was back in town. Did you fuck him yet?"

              "That’s none of your business."

              "You know I’m gone kill him, right?" Tez said.

I looked Tez over. He was dressed in all black. His goatee was freshly cut and his hair was full of curls. Tez was sexy as hell, always had been, but he wasn’t sexy to me anymore. He was just annoying Tez.

              "And I’ll kill you," I said.

              "This should be an interesting summer then," he acknowledged, as he opened up my front door and blew me a kiss.

Fuck this! I needed to do some shopping. I looked at the clock and saw it was passed noon, and it was a Saturday. I called Tosh and Lo and asked them if they wanted to hit up the mall with me. Of course they said, "Yea." I took a shower and put on some clothes. I had on all black of course, with some high heels: red-bottoms. I got into my new Lexus GX 460 and made my way to Tosh’s house.

              "What?" I asked, when she got in the car shaking her head.

              "Y’all fucked didn’t y’all?" Tosh asked me while I was pulling off.

              "Who did I fuck, Tosh?" I asked.

              "Boan." She replied.

I just shrugged my shoulders. We were driving down Jefferson on our way to pick up Lo. Tosh didn't say anything for a while and just looked out the window. She didn't say anything until we got closer to Lo's place.

"I need some new friends, because you and Lo are emotionally fucked up." Tosh declared.

I laughed at her. "That could be true, Tosh."

              "I know it’s true, because Lo almost tried to bite my head off last night when I tried to talk about Culprit."

              "You know that’s a no-go. That subject is off all types of limits," I said.

              Tosh shrugged her shoulders. "Well she can’t keep shit bottled up."

I pulled up in front of Lo’s condo downtown off Mack. She got in and looked at me, then at Tosh, then back at me.

              "You had sex with him," Lo said.

              I just laughed at her. "I love you guys," I said. I plugged up my iPhone and we sang every song that it played, all the way to the mall. We all got out and were prepared to do damage. I didn’t want to tell them how I felt about Boan leaving me this morning. I didn’t want to tell them that I was all wrapped up in him; I didn’t even want to tell myself. As soon as we walked into the mall, Boan and Culprit were the first people I spotted; they each carried tons of shopping bags. Culprit had his hat off, and his curly hair was showing.

              "Fuck me," I heard Lo mumble.

              "Hold my shit," I tossed my stuff to Tosh feeling my angry boil all over again.

              "Oh hell no, Ciara," Lo said.

I ignored her and walked up to Boan. He saw me coming, and his whole facial expression changed. I smacked the shit out of him. His hat fell off his head and he dropped all of his bags.

              "Ciara!" I heard Lo and Tosh yell my name. I was seeing red. Boan grabbed me by my arms.

              "Don’t you ever in your fucking life treat me like some off-brand pussy!" I screamed at him. People were looking at us, but I didn’t care. He grabbed me by my neck and snatched me up. Boan dragged me towards the bathroom and I tried to fight him off. He threw me into the ladies’ bathroom. Women were staring at us like we were crazy.

              "Yo! Everybody get the fuck out!" Boan yelled. They scattered out of there, and Boan closed and locked the door. I swung on him again, and he caught my arm. He grabbed my hair and pushed me on the sink.

              "Get off of me, Boan!" I yelled at him.

              "Shut the fuck up. What the fuck is wrong with you? Put your hands on me again and watch what the fuck I’m gone do." Boan threaten.

              "You not gone do shit."

              "Yea, ok." He stared at me, ready to prove a point at any moment.

He let me go, and I sat on the sink. I ran my fingers through my hair, and he just continued to stare at me. "What the fuck you looking at?" I asked finally getting irritated by his gaze.

              "That is so sexy when you do that," Boan said.

I admired him from where I stood and couldn't help but to appreciate how fine he was. I didn't what anybody else though, Boan was mine. He had on some black cargo shorts with a red V-neck and some black Gucci boots. I’m sure Culprit picked up his black Gucci hat. His ears were blinged-out with some big-ass diamond studs. He was so fucking sexy. Boan walked over to me and stood between my legs. He put his hands on my thighs, which were covered by my leggings.

              "I love you, Boan. Is that what you’re trying to prove? Because I do," I said. I looked at him, and he leaned down and kissed me. I sucked his bottom lip into my mouth and my hands went up his shirt. I felt his six-pack beneath my fingers. I pulled away and began to suck on his neck.

              "Ciara, don’t do that," Boan whispered against my ear causing me to shiver.

              I felt chills go down my spine and I pulled him closer to me, "Or what?"

              "I’m gon’ have to give you this dick," Boan pressed against letting me feel how hard he was.

I smiled and grabbed his erection. "Then give it to me," I said.

He grabbed my leggings and pulled them off. I undid his pants and pulled out my favorite thick-and-full-ten-inches of chocolate. He rubbed it against my wetness, and I shuddered in anticipation. Boan kissed me again, and it was slow and gentle.
God, I love this man
. He entered me slowly. Boan trailed kisses from my mouth to my neck. I wrapped my arms and legs around him. I felt him deep inside me, and I let out a loud moan.

              "Does that feel good?" Boan whispered to me. He grabbed one of my legs and put it on his shoulder.

              "Yeesss . . ." I moaned.

He began to go faster, and I pushed into him harder. Boan dropped my leg and picked me up off of the sink. My back hit the wall. Boan began to pound me without mercy. I wanted to scream, but instead I bit his shoulder.

              "You see . . . how wet I am for you?" I asked him, hearing the sound of him moving in and out of me.

              "Hell yea," Boan groaned, squeezing my ass and pumping harder into me.

I felt my orgasm coming, and I clenched my pussy on Boan. I felt his knees buckle. "Cum with me please." I moaned in his ear.