Time After Time (27 page)

One night she came home from work to find Rick sitting at the kitchen table in front of his laptop.

‘What are you up to?’

‘Taking your advice about starting my own company. I’m designing a website for a local printing store,’ he said with a broad smile. ‘Mark knows them. He told me they need a website and they gave me the contract. I’m in business.’

‘That’s great, Rick,’ Hayley said. ‘Wow, good for you. I’m really proud of –’

‘You don’t need to patronise me,’ Rick said, barely looking up from the screen.

‘I … I wasn’t … I –’

He shut the laptop cover with a bang and got up. ‘We can’t all be hotshot lawyers you know.’

That night he slept on the sofa for the first time.

Hayley encouraged him to grow the business, but she soon realised it meant that she regularly came home after a long day at work only to have to catch up on the household chores. She wanted to be supportive but she felt stressed and worn out. Their sex life dwindled and Hayley sometimes wondered if he’d met someone else.

A tiny glimmer of hope was snuffed out when Ronald died. It was two days after he’d told Hayley that he would inform the board at their next meeting of his plans to make her partner. But his body decided otherwise and his intentions died with him when his heart gave out and he collapsed in a bunker playing a round of golf.

His death left Hayley feeling as if she was standing at the edge of a precipice, staring down into a deep, black, all-consuming hole. She only needed the tiniest of nudges to go spiralling out of control. Sometimes she wished someone would get it over with and push her.

And so, that chilly, foggy night at the end of October, Hayley found herself arguing with Rick over work, Halloween costumes, the washing and the emergency plumber. The massive mountain of crap she’d been trying to ignore, but which had continued to grow, finally erupted.

When Hayley said ‘Don’t wait up’ and bolted to Ellen’s, she wondered if the last shreds of her marriage had finally, almost mercifully, slipped through her fingers.

Hayley’s legs pounded the street as she ran, faster and faster.

‘Wait, Hayley, wait.’ Rick caught up to her before she’d even turned the corner.

‘
Wait
,’ he said again, grabbing her arm. ‘You show up on my doorstep after more than a decade and then run away. What’s going on?’

She stopped, panting, her heart pounding, still unable to utter even the beginning of a sentence.

He looked at her. ‘What’s going on?’

The softness in his voice made her cry even harder and when he took her into his arms and held her tight, she felt her heart shatter into a million pieces.

‘You’re married,’ she said as she clung to him. ‘That was your wife. Your girls.’

‘Yes. Linda, Sophia and Sabrina.’ Holding her arms he gently pushed her away from him, and looked at her face.

‘But … but
why
?’

‘What do you mean, why?’

‘Why
her
?’

‘I met Linda two years after I arrived in London, you know, when I …’ He stopped.

‘When you asked me to marry you?’

Rick nodded.

‘What happened?’ Hayley said. ‘What happened to us?’

Rick exhaled. ‘I asked myself that so many times. If I’d known you’d get so spooked I’d have waited.’

‘No!’ Hayley shouted, the intensity of her voice earning some concerned looks from a harried passer-by. ‘I said
yes
. You asked me to marry you and I said
yes.
’ She pointed up the street. ‘It’s supposed to be you and me in that house, with
our
children. It’s supposed to be
us.
’ She put her hands to her temples and grabbed her hair. ‘We’re supposed to be together.’ She banged her chest with her fist. ‘We’re soulmates. I lost sight of it for a while but now I know. I
know
.’

‘Oh Hayley. I wish you’d said that instead of pushing me away. You wouldn’t return my calls.’ He looked away. ‘It took me ages to get over you. I couldn’t leave London in case you changed your mind. But you didn’t and … well … I moved on.’ He sighed. ‘I met Linda and –’

Hayley grabbed his hands. ‘But is she your soulmate? Look me in the eyes and tell me you feel for her what you felt for me.’

‘I can’t do that, Hayley,’ Rick said softly as he pulled his hands away. ‘I loved you so much. I’ve never met anybody like you.’

‘Then leave her,’ Hayley said. ‘Leave her for me. We’re meant to be together, we
belong
together. Don’t settle, Rick, don’t settle for her.’

He shook his head. ‘I’m married and we have our girls. I love them, I’m very happy.’ He stuck his hands in his pockets. ‘I don’t know why you came here or what you were hoping for. But it’s too late for us. It’s quite simply too late.’

Hayley tore herself away from him and ran, and this time she knew he wouldn’t follow her. Tears blinded her and the agony that tore through her heart almost made it impossible to breathe. Stumbling, she managed to steady herself and kept on running, thinking over and over that she’d lost him. She’d lost it all. Rick, Millie and Danny. They were all
gone
.

When she reached the tube station, she rushed down the stairs and swiped her travel card.

This is what it was all about. It’s not a glimpse. This is my new life … It’s … forever.

When she reached the platform she stopped running. A busker played a harp somewhere in the distance and the gentle music enveloped Hayley. Slowly she made her way closer to the front of the platform. Her feet were getting nearer and nearer to the edge, but her legs didn’t stop carrying her forward. She thought about her new life. Everything lost. Disappeared.

Another step and it would all be over. The nightmare would end – she’d find peace and comfort at last. She lifted up her foot …

When the horn of the tube blasted it made her flinch, and she gasped when she looked down at the track, only inches away.

What am I doing? I have to go back. I can’t give up. I have to fight for him – for us!

She took a few quick steps back and bumped into a couple of teenagers, losing her balance. By the time she noticed the skateboard on the ground it was too late, her foot was already on top of it. As her legs flew up from beneath her and she toppled backwards, she vaguely registered the screams. Whether they were hers or those of other passengers, she couldn’t tell. Her head hit the ground with a dull thud and when the horn blasted again, the last images of Rick faded away to wisps of nothing.

And then everything went black …

Hayley winced as she tried to open her eyes. She let her head sink back into her pillow and waited for a few seconds. She put a hand to her throbbing head, winced again, and let out a small groan. The memories of Rick and Linda, the tube station and the skateboard came back in rapid succession. Hayley’s pulse quickened. She had to get back to Rick.

As she prepared herself to move her aching body, she became aware of a familiar ticking noise. She carefully turned to one side. Her eyes started to focus as she slowly recognised the outline of her old Mickey Mouse alarm clock. His glow-in-the-dark, white-gloved hands were showing five minutes to nine.

Am I …? I can’t be …? Can I …? Is it …?

Unwilling to be slowed down by what felt like fifty jackhammers pounding her brain, Hayley jumped out of bed and pulled open the curtains. The light hurt her eyes and she put a hand up to shield them from the sun that spilled in through the windows. She felt the cool, hard surface underneath her feet and looked down. It was hardwood. Not carpet …
hardwood
.

She turned around, moving an inch at a time, balling her hands at her sides and clenching her teeth … hoping.

As she took in her surroundings – the bed, the red chair in the corner with the clothes slung over the back of it, the picture of Lake Louise – her hands flew to her face and she let out a laugh. The bedroom door was slightly ajar and voices drifted up the stairs.

‘More milk, Daddy. Mummy says it makes them fluffy.’

‘Can I stir Daddy, ple-
ease
?’

‘Shhhh,’ she heard Rick say. ‘Mummy’s still sleeping. We don’t want to ruin your surprise, do we? Here you go, Millie, stir that. Danny, do you want to add more maple syrup?’

Hayley ran down the stairs, trying to take them two at a time, holding the bannister so she didn’t trip. She stopped in the kitchen doorway and covered her mouth with her hand. Rick and the kids were making pancakes at the kitchen table, surrounded by bowls, egg shells and milk. A dusting of flour had given the tip of Rick’s nose and his Best Chef in the World apron a white sheen. Millie and Danny were in their pyjamas and their messy hair stuck up all over the place.

Hayley fell to her knees and flung her arms around the kids. She pulled them close and buried her face in their hair. ‘I’ve missed you,’ she said as she breathed in the familiar scent of fruity shampoo and Lenor. She kissed them and her tears moistened their cheeks. ‘I’ve missed you so much.’

‘Why are you crying, Mummy?’ Millie said as she put her hands on Hayley’s cheeks and stared at her with her big, deep-blue eyes, her thick, long eyelashes fluttering like tiny butterfly wings. Her small fingers wiped away the tears but it made Hayley cry harder.

She looked up at Rick and tried a crumpled smile as she got to her feet.

‘Late night, eh?’ he said, without smiling back. ‘I went to bed at one and didn’t hear you come in. The kids wanted to make you pancakes so I cancelled my run.’ He gestured to the mess on the table. ‘And before you say anything, I’ll clear up.’

She reached for his hand and saw a frown cross his face. ‘I don’t care about the mess.’

Rick’s brow furrowed further. ‘Okay then … must’ve been a late
and
heavy night.’

Hayley held her arms out. ‘Don’t. Just … just … hug me.’ She let herself sink against his chest and rested her head on his shoulder. She felt him hesitate so she wrapped her arms around him tightly. ‘I thought I’d lost you,’ she whispered.

‘Lost me?’ Rick said and gave her a quick squeeze before taking a step back again. ‘I wasn’t the one who left last night.’

‘I know.’ She touched his arm. ‘I’m sorry. I meant I thought I’d lost you because of our fight. The way I’ve been. Us …’

He looked at her and raised his eyebrows. ‘Us?’

She nodded and felt another tear slide out of her eye and down her cheek.

Rick smiled and stroked her hair. ‘We’ll talk, okay? Just not now. Not with the kids around.’ She saw him hesitate before he leaned in and kissed her softly.

‘Ewwww, you kissed on the lips,’ Danny squealed.

Hayley stuck her finger into the pancake mix and dabbed a blob on Danny’s forehead.

‘Me too, me too,’ Millie said as she clapped her hands together. Hayley painted a smiley face on her cheek and laughed as Millie jumped around and giggled.

When Hayley looked up she caught Rick staring at her, a smile playing on his lips. A few days ago she would have muttered a grumpy ‘
What?’
but instead she beamed back.

‘Alright, kids,’ Rick said as he reached for Hayley’s hand, his fingers entwining with hers. ‘Let’s make pancakes. Mummy needs food for absorption purposes. And no, you don’t need to know what that means yet. So, who wants to help me flip?’

After breakfast, when Millie and Danny were settled in front of the Saturday morning cartoons, Hayley and Rick sat at the kitchen table.

‘Look,’ he said, ‘about last night …’ Hayley noticed the tentativeness in his voice, and the way he rubbed the stubble on his chin when nerves got the better of him. ‘We’ve got stuff to sort out.’

‘Stuff?’ Hayley swallowed. ‘What do you mean?’

‘I don’t want another fight, Hayley. I really don’t.’ He rubbed his chin again.

‘Rick,’ she said as she grabbed his arm, ‘I don’t want to fight either. I’ve realised … these past few days when I … I mean, I was … well …’ Her voice trailed off as she wondered how she could explain anything without him wanting her committed.

She exhaled deeply and rubbed her face, then smiled at Rick. ‘I dreamt we were married to other people,’ she said slowly. ‘And it scared the shit out of me.’

‘Well that’s never going to happen,’ Rick said. ‘Not unless we divorce first.’

‘Divorce? You want a –’

‘No, no. Sorry,’ Rick said and waved both hands around in front of him. ‘Bad time for a joke.’

‘It’s not funny,’ Hayley said. ‘Believe me.’

‘Don’t worry. You can’t get rid of me that easily. For better or worse, remember?’

‘Yes, I remember.’

‘Have you … ever thought about it?’ he said quietly.

Hayley shook her head and grinned. ‘No, but Ellen’s grandma said she never thought about divorce but she often thought about murder.’

‘Fantastic,’ he said with a laugh, and Hayley noticed how his shoulders had relaxed. ‘So I should sleep with one eye open. Look,’ his smile disappeared, ‘I’ve been a bit of a crap husband, I know that.’

‘Well I haven’t been the model wife either,’ Hayley said and pulled a face. ‘We’ve both been on edge. My job. You starting a business. Ronald dying, my dad …’ She felt her eyes well up again. ‘Oh Rick, I miss Dad so much. I know he’s still with us but I miss talking to him, I miss it so much.’

‘I know, sweetheart. I understand. I wish I could fix it.’ He fell silent for a moment and then grinned. ‘Remember when we used to talk? A lot? You used to tell me everything. In fact,’ his eyes twinkled, ‘I couldn’t get you to shut up unless I kissed you.’

Hayley sighed. ‘Good times.’

‘Very.’

‘Do you think we can get that back?’

Rick looked at her. ‘It can’t be that hard, can it?’ He smiled. ‘Look at what we’re doing right now.’

Hayley squeezed his hand. ‘I have an idea. Maybe … oh, hang on. Don’t you have work to do today?’

Rick tapped his index finger on the table. ‘This is more important. The website can wait.’

‘Let’s make time for both,’ Hayley said. She reached for the phone and dialled Ellen’s number.

‘Hayley,’ Ellen said. ‘How’s your head?’

Hayley snorted. ‘Sore,’ she said, then quickly added, ‘how are Mark and Morgan?’

Ellen groaned. ‘Up far too bloody early. Mark took her to get some breakfast treats.’

Treats? Oh no. Not again …

‘On a lead?’ Hayley said, and held her breath.

‘Eh? I don’t think the RSPCC would approve.’

Hayley exhaled and let her shoulders drop. ‘Thank god.’ She laughed. ‘Ellen, can you help me?’

‘Help you?’ Hayley heard the surprise in Ellen’s voice. ‘Sure. Whatever you need.’

‘Can you take the kids for a bit today? Rick and I need to spend some time together.’ She looked at Rick and he winked at her.

‘Oh I’m pleased,’ Ellen said. ‘Tell you what, why don’t we have them overnight and drop them off after lunch tomorrow? How’s that? Morgan will be chuffed to bits.’

Hayley hesitated. She hadn’t seen the kids for days – but the opportunity of talking to Rick, spending time with him alone … ‘That’s perfect, thanks Ellen. See you later.’ She put the phone down and smiled at Rick. ‘Ellen and Mark will have the kids overnight.’ She leaned over and kissed him. ‘You go and get that website done, okay? Knock ‘em dead.’

Rick tapped his lip with his fingers and then folded his arms across his chest. ‘Who are you and what have you done with my wife?’ he said. ‘And what about the Halloween costumes? And your mum and dad? And the plumber?’

‘Don’t worry,’ Hayley said as she waved a hand. ‘I’ll spend the day with the kids. I want to, I haven’t seen them for … well it feels like it’s been days.’

‘Are you sure?’

‘Yes. I’ll take them shopping when the plumber’s been. And I’ll see Mum and Dad next week. I might even take a day off. You know what?’ She grinned. ‘If they don’t fire me on Monday, maybe I’ll tell Charles to shove it after all.’

‘That’s my girl,’ Rick said and winked at her.

‘Millie, Danny,’ Hayley called out. ‘Who wants to play hide-and-seek?’

*

Hayley stood in the kitchen and looked around the room. She smiled as her eyes stopped on her Union Jack teapot. Everything was back in its right place. She counted on her fingers.

Halloween costumes. Check.

Washing done. Check.

Upstairs loo problem sorted. Check.

Millie and Danny at Ellen and Mark’s. Check.

Takeaway curry and Kingfisher on the table. Check.

‘What’s all this?’ Rick said as he walked into the kitchen. ‘I could smell it from upstairs and my stomach’s grumbling like a warthog’s.’ He slipped his arms around Hayley’s waist and looked at the table. ‘Aaah, three of my favourite things. Curry, beer and my wife. Not in that order, of course. Unless you got me a vindaloo.’

Hayley zapped his legs with a dishcloth. ‘Dad once told me relationships are like houses.’ She smiled as she remembered the conversation. ‘They constantly need maintenance. So here’s me … maintaining.’

‘I always said your father’s a wise man,’ Rick said, as he took the dishcloth out of her hands and looped it around the back of her neck. He gently brought her closer, his lips searching for hers.

‘Wow,’ Hayley breathed when they finally pulled away.

‘Wow indeed,’ Rick answered, as he stroked her face. He let her go, pulled out her chair and gestured for her to sit. ‘Madame.’

Hayley noticed how his eyes sparkled when he sat down opposite her and wondered if he’d always looked at her like that, or if she’d simply stopped noticing.

‘You seem … different,’ he said as he leaned forwards. ‘Good different.’

She smiled at him. ‘I think I’ve figured some things out.’

‘What kind of things?’

‘Us.’ She smiled again.

‘Listen …’ he said, ‘you … you know I love you, right? But, uh … I haven’t been sure if you … we … Christ.’ He shook his head, rubbed the back of his neck. ‘Why is this so awkward? I feel like we’re on a first date or something.’

Hayley reached over the table and put her hand on his. ‘I felt lost, Rick. But not anymore. Things have been hard. For both of us.’

‘I know, I know. I’ve been so absorbed by work. We both have.’ He sighed.

Hayley took a sip of her beer and ran her finger along the ring of condensation the bottle left on the table.

‘Look,’ Rick said, ‘I promise I’ll make sure I get stuff done around here. It’s not fair on you and it’ll mean you can see your parents more.’

‘I’d appreciate that, Rick, I really would.’

‘And work … well … just … just keep looking. Something else will turn up.’

‘I –’

Rick put a hand up. ‘But no pressure, okay? I know you worry about the money more than I do, so I don’t want to make it worse.’

Hayley smiled. ‘Thank you,’ she whispered. ‘I love you, honey. I really do.’

He cleared his throat. ‘I’ve decided I’m not going to quote that big project.’

‘What? Why?’

‘I don’t want to do it if it’ll cause friction. Actually, I’m going to look for a real job, to take the pressure off you, you know?’

‘Absolutely not,’ Hayley said immediately. ‘Growing your own company
is
a real job and you have to do the quote.’

‘Hayley –’

‘No, you must. You’ll be great. You can build this business, I know you can. And who knows,’ she smiled at him, ‘you may even win an award or two.’

He looked at her with a puzzled expression. ‘An award, huh? Okay. How about this then? If I win the project we’ll get a cleaner. Then we don’t have to worry about it. How’s that?’

Hayley reached out her hand and slipped it into Rick’s. ‘Deal,’ she said, ‘but only if we have more fun too. Enough of the work, home, work routine, okay?’

‘You bet. I’m in. What did you have in mind?’

‘How do you feel about kick-boxing? Or skydiving?’ Hayley asked with a grin.

Rick spluttered on his beer. ‘What? Seriously? Okay, well, put it on that new to-do list you started.’

‘What list?’ Hayley shook her head. ‘I don’t have a list.’

He gave her a folded up piece of paper. ‘Found this on the floor in our bedroom. Number five’s my favourite.’

She smoothed out the note – it was the list she’d made in Matthew’s apartment and she read the fifth item out loud. ‘Tell Millie and Danny I love them far more often. And Rick too.’ She looked at Rick and they both smiled.

‘I’ve missed this, princess,’ he said with a tenderness that Hayley hadn’t heard for a long time.

‘I’ve missed this too.’

The phone rang. ‘Don’t,’ Hayley said as Rick started to get up. ‘They’ll leave a message if it’s urgent.’