Time Shall Reap (23 page)

Her hesitation lasted for only a fraction of a second. She couldn’t expect to love anyone as intensely as she had loved John Forrest, but her love for David was different. ‘Aye,’ she said, seriously. ‘Aye, David, I will.’

His haggard face lit up as he grasped her hand tightly, and on the tram he sat with his arm round her, both of them so wrapped up in their love that they were quite oblivious of the smiles of the other passengers. When they burst in on Helen, she was delighted to see David home safely and didn’t need to ask why they were so happy. They decided on a quiet wedding as soon as possible, and were still discussing it when Jimmy came home, so he joined in the jubilation, while wee John moved from one to the other, wondering what all the excitement was about.

When it was time for David to leave, Elspeth said that she would go to the end of the lane with him, and as soon as they had gone out, Helen sighed, ‘Oh, I’m that pleased for her, though it’s going to break my heart when she leaves us, but she deserves some happiness, the poor lassie, and David’s a good man for her.’

Jimmy had stretched over to pick up the
Press and Journal
from the table, but his wife’s words made him retract his hand. ‘Aye,’ he said, slowly, ‘he’s a good man, and he’ll understand about John.’

His wife looked puzzled. ‘What’s John got to do wi’ it?’

‘Oh, Helen,’ he said, sadly, ‘John’s got everything to do wi’ it. Elspeth’ll want to take him wi’ her when she gets wed, and you’ll have to give him up.’

‘But why would she want to take our John?’

Shaking his head, Jimmy said, carefully, and very gently, ‘I should have said something long before this, but ... I ken’t you werena yourself. You’ll have to face up to it now, though. John’s Elspeth’s son, lass, not ours.’

Her perplexity deepening, she said, ‘I don’t know what you’re speaking about. What funny idea have you got in your head now?’

‘I wish to God it was just a funny idea, for it’s been eating at my very soul for years. John belongs to Elspeth.’

‘No, no!’ she burst out, her whole face crinkling. ‘How can you say that, when you ken what a hard time I had when he was born?’

‘Aye, you’d a terrible time, but it wasna wi’ John.’

‘It was, oh Jimmy, it was wi’ John. He’s not Elspeth’s.’

‘Aye, lass, he is. There’s no getting away from it.’

‘But, I ... Doctor Robb was here when I had him, Jimmy, you ken that. He’ll tell you himself, if you ask him.’ His heart aching for her, her husband had risen from his own chair to kneel beside her, and now he took her hand gently in his. ‘I don’t need to ask him, Helen. He was here attending to you, but ... you lost your bairnie. Do you not mind, she was dead born?’

Her lips quivered. ‘D ... dead born? No, it’s not true. What are you trying to do to me?’

‘I’m trying to make you face the truth, lass.’

Her eyes wild now, her fingers tore at her hair. ‘You’re trying to drive me mad, that’s what it is. How can you say things like that to me?’

He gripped the hand he was holding, even tighter. ‘Helen, lass, I’d do anything not to have to say them, but they’ve got to be said now.’

‘I’ll not listen!’ she screamed.

‘You’ll have to listen.’ He let go her hand and put his arms round her. ‘You were sleeping after Doctor Robb went away, and when you woke up and saw Elspeth wi’ John, you thought he was your baby.’

Her chest heaving now, she shook her head as if she were a dog worrying a rabbit. ‘John was my baby!’ It was a wail, a pathetic wail that tore at her husband’s heart. ‘He came out of my womb, and I suckled him ...’

‘The infant that came out of your womb was dead, Helen. It had been dead for weeks, that’s what Elspeth told me the doctor said, and it was after Elspeth had John. I ken you suckled him, but I should never have let that go on, and neither should Elspeth, but maybe she didna want to hurt you either, seeing it was you took wee John into the world when the midwife couldna come. And you nursed her back to health, the same as she did for you. Do you not remember?’

The sudden anguish on his wife’s face made him increase the pressure of his embrace. ‘I don’t blame you, Helen, for you were out o’ your mind at the time. You’d lost your own infant, and you couldna accept it ... maybe you couldna even take it in, but I’ve been heart-sorry for Elspeth sometimes, and when Donald was here, I near tell’t him myself that John wasna his brother.’

After a long silence, Helen said, ‘There was aye some-thing at the back o’ my mind that bothered me, but ...’ She broke off, tears edging down her now chalk white cheeks. ‘Oh God, Jimmy, what have I done?’

‘You couldna help it, lass. You’d had a big shock, and you couldna believe you’d lost your own bairnie when wee John was there in front o’ your eyes.’

‘You say I attended to Elspeth? Was it not her bairn that was dead born?’

The hope rising again in her eyes made her husband’s throat tighten. ‘No, Helen, it was ours.’

Her hands were fidgeting now, as she tried to picture the sequence of events. ‘I could sometimes see that poor, wee purple infant in my mind, but I kept telling myself it was Elspeth’s, and that was why I had to bind her to stop her milk coming. I can mind on that.’

‘She was too weak to feed John, that was why you’d to stop her milk coming. Oh, Helen, lass, I’m sorry for bringing it all back to you, but I had to sort things out for Elspeth, though I wish to God I’d done it years ago.’

The tremor in his voice made her stroke his stubbly cheek. ‘And I wish you’d done it years ago, and all, but I can see why you held back.’

Relieved that it was over, Jimmy stood up and rubbed his knees. ‘That hasna helped my rheumatics,’ he observed, ruefully, knowing, as he sat down, that Helen was agonizing over the terrible thing she had done.

They were sitting silently when Elspeth came back. ‘I can’t believe it yet,’ she said, blissfully, surprised that they didn’t seem eager to carry on the discussion about her forthcoming wedding.

Jimmy cleared his throat. ‘Me and Helen was ... have you tell’t David about young John?’

It was like a kick in the teeth to her, and her radiance vanished as if it had been turned off at a tap, her face crumpling. She had forgotten that David didn’t know the truth about John’s parentage, she had almost forgotten herself that John was not Helen’s son. Helen? Elspeth turned to the woman, whose tortured face told her all she needed to know. ‘You’ve minded?’ she whispered.

‘It was Jimmy tell’t me, but I’ve minded now. Oh, Elspeth, I’m sorry. It must have been awful for you to stand by and watch me ...’

Afraid that his wife would become too emotional, Jimmy interrupted her. ‘Have you tell’t David?’ he asked Elspeth again.

‘No, I havena. I thought ... I ken’t Helen thought John was hers, and I ... I havena had time to think ...’

‘You’ll need to think about it, though,’ Jimmy stated, firmly. ‘John’s your son, and if you want to take him wi’ you when you wed David ... it’s up to you, for Helen kens where her duty lies now.’

Looking distracted, Elspeth moaned, ‘Oh, Helen, what should I do?’ She was pleading for her mind to be made up for her, but her landlady shook her head.

‘I’m saying nothing. I’ve caused you enough trouble, and I’m willing to give John up if you want to take him, but you’ll have to work this out for yourself.’

‘David thinks John’s your son, and I don’t want to hurt him – he’s suffered enough already.’

‘You’ll have to make your mind up, one way or the other.’ Helen looked as miserable as the girl.

‘If I tell him John’s mine, and he’s illegitimate, he might change his mind about marrying me, and I ...’

Jimmy got to his feet and came over to pat Elspeth’s head awkwardly. ‘I’m sorry we’ve spoiled it for you, lass, but it had to be sorted out before the wedding. Sleep on it, and see what you think in the morning.’

The two women eyed each other uncertainly as they listened to him taking the lavatory key off its hook in the lobby and going down the stairs, then Helen said, slowly, ‘It’s all my fault you’re in this predicament now, lass, and I’ll never forgive myself for it, but Jimmy’s right. Things’ll not look so bad once you’ve had a good night’s sleep.’

In her little room, Elspeth wrestled with her thoughts. The Watsons would be heartbroken if she took her child away from them, but they would respect her wishes, if that was what she decided. But what about John himself? Was it fair to spring it on him, at four years old, that Helen and Jimmy were not his real parents and to catapult him into a situation that could only confuse him? David would be a good father – if he accepted the boy. On the other hand, he might be hurt and angry with her for not telling him the truth before, and John’s presence would be a permanent reminder to him of her love for another man – two pointers to his future resentment of the child.

Her torment lasted for hours, and she wept silently before she came to her decision, with the prayer that John Forrest would understand why she was giving up their son. She would be surrendering all hope of ever claiming the boy again, but it was the only thing to do in the circumstances and she would be leaving him in good hands. Helen was a fine woman, a caring woman, and, apart from the mix-up over John – which had only come about through her own tragedy – she had been a true friend, the best there could ever be.

When she told Helen in the morning what she had decided, her landlady, having also spent a night of agony, knew exactly how much it would cost Elspeth to leave her son behind, for she would have felt the same if the decision had gone the other way. ‘Thank you, lassie, for what you’re doing for us,’ she breathed, ‘and you can come to see John as often as you like. Mind now.’

That afternoon, after Elspeth finished work, David took her to meet his father and step-mother, who were both very pleased – for different reasons – that he was going to be married. His father was pleased for his son’s sake, and Isabel because David would be leaving the house. She objected to having to share her husband’s attention, and had begun to hate his son for upsetting her cosy little world.

David introduced his future wife proudly. ‘Father, Isabel, this is Elspeth.’

The man – an older edition of David himself, with the same fair hair and fresh complexion – stepped forward and shook her hand warmly. ‘I’m very pleased to meet you, Elspeth. We got a right stammiegaster last night when David said he was getting married, for he’d never said he’d a lass, but you’ll do fine.’

‘How do you do.’ Isabel Fullerton – her silver hair styled so perfectly that it looked like a wig, and her face showing little warmth – extended a limp hand. Elspeth felt quite at ease with David’s father, but his wife’s aloof manner made her feel most uncomfortable. ‘David said you’re a waitress in the People’s Cafe?’ the woman carried on, haughtily. ‘Before that, I believe you were just in service.’ She made it sound the most menial job anyone could have.

Her patronizing tone stung Elspeth into asking, ‘What did you work at yourself before you married David’s father?’

‘I haven’t had to work since I married my first husband, but when I was single I was a typewriter in a solicitor’s office.’

Stuck-up besom, Elspeth thought, vindictively, fighting back a sarcastic retort, but luckily David stepped in. ‘Elspeth’ll stop working when we’re wed, of course.’

‘Of course.’ Isabel nodded condescendingly.

‘You’re invited to the wedding, Father ... and you, Isabel. It’s at Craigiebuckler Kirk, three weeks the day, and Elspeth’s landlady’s going to lay on a bit o’ a spread for us after.’

His father beamed. ‘We’ll be there, lad.’

Isabel laid her hand on his sleeve. ‘No, that’s the day you promised to take me to see my friend in Banchory, remember?’

His face grim, her husband said, ‘The first I’ve heard of it. Anyway I want to see my son being married, and you’re coming with me.’

Her eyes narrowed, but she put up no further argument. Her resentment at being ordered to do something she didn’t want to, however, was so obvious that they stayed for only half an hour, and once they were outside, Elspeth said, ‘I see what you mean about not feeling welcome in that house. Your father’s wife didn’t want to be friendly.’

David tucked her arm through his. ‘We’ll likely not see much of them after we’re wed, but we’ll be happier on our own, any road, wi’ no relations interfering.’

Elspeth put thoughts of her own parents out of her head, and her nearest relative, after all, was young John, but she was giving up that relationship, too.

Two days before the wedding, she went down to King’s Gate, where her ex-employer was delighted to hear her good news. ‘David must be a very decent fellow if he’s willing to take on another man’s child.’

The girl looked uncomfortable. ‘He doesn’t know about John, Mrs Robb, and I’m leaving him wi’ the Watsons.’

‘Oh, Elspeth! You should have told him.’ Ann sounded rather disapproving. ‘I’m sure he would have accepted John.’

‘I couldn’t take the chance, for he might have been angry at me for not telling him from the start.’

‘Why didn’t you tell him from the start?’

Elspeth sighed. ‘One o’ the neighbours thought he was Helen’s and it just went on till they took it for granted.’

‘But why didn’t either of you correct them?’

The girl could pretend no longer. ‘Helen thought he was hers, that was the whole trouble. She lost her own baby, remember, and ... I suppose some women go funny after a thing like that, and I didn’t want to hurt her.’

‘But you could have come and told my husband. He would have dealt with it. Oh, Elspeth, you’ve gone through years of misery when it could have been avoided.’

‘I suppose so, but she knows the truth now, for Jimmy had to tell her in case I wanted to take John.’

‘I still think you should have told David and given him the chance to make up his own mind. He has the right to know, and don’t forget, facts can’t always be hidden. Something could happen to bring it to light some day, and it would be worse for you then. Have you thought of that?’

‘I can’t see what could happen, Mrs Robb, for nobody knows except the Watsons and you and the doctor.’

Ann regarded her steadily for a moment. ‘It’s your life, my dear, and I’ll say no more about it. Has David got a job yet, and have you found somewhere to live?’